My gay dog won't get off my fucking bed. Whenever I try

>>37881634
get cuddly with him
he just wants some love bro

>>37881634
Put him back down and punish him for growling at you.

>>37881634
Start disciplining that retarded furball. He lives under your roof and you feed him, make him respect you.

>>37881634
punch him REALLY hard next time he gets on
if you hear a crunch, it was hard enough

>>37881634
he thinks that's his territory. you trained him wrong.

File: Cesar-Millan_158_DL.jpg (184KB, 1500x1009px) Image search: [Google]

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>>37881634
put him back on he floor and then piss on him to show dominance while screaming I AM PACK LEADER as loudly as possible.

Calmly put him on the floor, then pinch him. If he growls, pinch him again and again until he whines.

>>37881634
just take him out of the room and close the door rather than making a thread about it idiot

>>37881764
>until he whines
it doesnt work like that lol
you will have to use blunt force kick him in the stomach (not to hard you dont want to hurt him or mess him up)

>>37881735
I cant take this faggot seriously
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ihXq_WwiWM

Uppercut him in the neck, then power pose

All of the people advocating the abuse of the dog, I hope you suffer eternally.

>>37881792
Yeah use this if you want him to chew off your face while you sleep

>>37881634
Piss on your bed to mark your territory.

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op here is what you need to do
>take a shit
>put it in plastic bag, keep near bed
optionally:
>pick up your dogs shit, keep near bed

>next time your faggot dog decides to sleep on YOUR bed
>kick it off with both of your legs at full fore while shrieking
>REEEEEEEEEEEE
>once dog is successfully removed from your bed, acquire stored shit
>turn on your lights
>look your nigger dog straight in the eye
>yell IF YOU SLEEP ON MY BED YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO COEXIST WITH ME
>jump on ground violently to scare shit out of the dog
>throw stored shit at the dog for shitting on your floor
>shit on him to assert your dominance as you are his owner

>>37881873
This sounds like a joke but it actually works. I used to be homeless for a while and dogs kept sleeping near me. I didn't want them to because I was pretty sure they had fleas. I decided to try pissing around my sleeping area and that kept them away.

Let him stay on your bed. He's probably the only living thing that will ever love you so you may as well give him some attention.

>>37881634
Get mom's broom and violently thrust the handle up his ass to show him you're the ALPHA PACK LEADER IN THIS HOUSE.