Were you ever abused? Physically, mentally, sexually, anything.

>>37842608
My father slapped my arse when I was 14. I felt violated and still hold a grudge.

>>37842608
This contains explicit sexual detail about mymolestation.

It started age 8 when me and my female cousin (a year younger than me) were being babysat by our step grand father. He was pretty good at grooming and much older than us. It always started with tickling. The tickling would turn into touching of private areas but it took me a long time to start to notice that. The thing I noticed first is when he would pick me up hold me upside down and rub my face against his hard penis through his pants. It was at that point that I knew it was sexual and I was being molested.I had suspected before. At the same time however I was also in denial plus I didn't even know where to start to actually comprehend what was happening to me since I was so naive about sex anyway. All I really knew is that it was molestation because of what I was taught in school. I also still emotionally felt like since he seemed like a good person to me that he couldn't possibly really be hurting us or something like that. He was good at grooming and always sure to tell me and my cousin that he loved us after he did it.

>>37842761
I would often be out of my body when the stuff started to happen. The things I do remember being in my body is either complete cold nervousness that made my skin turn pale and clammy or the total opposite which would be pleasure, arousal, and excitement. It seemed like for a long time it was the tickling but later moved onto him touching me in my sleep. It would often wake me up and when that did happen I was so confused I'd leave my body completely and those memories are harder to access. The times he came in the room andI wasn't yet asleep I can remember those better. I'd always sleep in a big baggy adult tee shirt and underwear. I remember specific times where he would push my underwear aside and touch my V. I remember it was these times that excited me a lot and set up exhibitionism fantasies for me that last to this day (I'm almost 30). When he looked at my V and spread it I was so incredibly embarrassed I almost left my body mentally like I did sometimes but still managed to stay in it and remember him showering me with compliments about the appearance of my V.Things I remember specifically was comments like 'It's so pretty, tight, tiny, pink, cute, etc', for a very long time and even today I masturbate to either the memories of this or trying to reenact this with guys. Just the idea of someone looking at my vagina is enough to turn me on a little. I was addicted to (still am)exhibitionism for many years.

Stuff would also happen in the shower, a lot of these memories are foggy and harder to access, they also involve my female cousin. We would always shower together and he would watch.

>>37842770
Not too long after I was 11 he got caught and persecuted. My cousin told her teacher after they learned about molestation at school. I'm not exactly sure how this all played out because after he was called out my mother completely broke contact with her family. I remember she suffered a massive mental breakdown after she heard the news. She asked me and my sister if anything had been done to us. At the time that she asked she was so scary that I said no because I was scared. Right after I said no she seemed revealed and was saying thankfully she didn't have to kill him then. She was always mentally unstable but this took her over the edge for many years.

In the years that followed when she broke contact with her family we moved houses without her family knowing, changed numbers, everything, so I no longer had any contact with my cousin who I was really close to.

Moving from middle school into high school years I was extremely depressed. In my household I didn't have tv, internet, or game consuls, even though I wanted these things and we had money for them my mom didn't want me influenced negatively. She was the kind of person who believed and often talked about how Harry Potter and Pokemon were evil.

When I was 14 I started cutting myself. Always on my breasts so that I could wear a bathing suit and still have the marks hidden. The depression was so extreme I'm actually surprised looking back that I didn't attempt suicide at that time, I thought about it almost every day. Because I was so depressed and looking for an escape I never thought about my own well being and I just wanted anything that would make me feel different. Of course I tried to do drugs, my limited access to others made it hard. I was only allowed to go to school and church so I started skipping because fuck those things.I was convinced I was evil for my sexual thoughts and desiring escape.

>>37842781
I have agoraphobia,avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety that keep me inside all day. A lot of times I'm afraid to leave the room to pee. I have a lot of trauma surrounding peeing because when I was cumming as a child I thought I was peeing or was going to pee. Since then peeing has always been traumatic for me. Most of the time I use the bathroom into a cup and pour it out the window. I'm afraid of leaving my room. I don't like interacting with people but in recent years that has gotten a little better.

I also think I've had borderline in the past, the symptoms have gotten better slightly since I've gotten older.