>tfw your first exposure to 4chan that wasn't just general

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>tfw your first exposure to 4chan that wasn't just general mid-2000s internet culture on newgrounds or similar sites was in 2011/2012 via a combination of /r/4chan screencaps + subreddits for edgy pictures and you didn't even go to /b/ until a year later
>tfw after 4 months on /b/ you bounced around /a/, /v/, /g/, /fit/, and /jp/
>tfw you pretended to not be a completely cancerous underage newfag around people and they believed it
>tfw your only friends are anonymous posters on 4chan and if they knew who you actually were they would hate you and want you to kill yourself
>tfw you only identify and get along with the older posters even though you're years younger than them and haven't experienced any of the same things they did solely because the majority of them are just as cynical and depressed as you
>tfw you could have started browsing 4chan in 2011 if you had just spent more time on the computer instead of playing video games and saved yourself from most of this constant stress
>tfw you've pretended to be an oldfag for 2 years and have spent countless hours reading up on imageboard history and reading through archived posts as well as saving images with old filenames to make the illusion seem so real you actually believe it most of the time
>tfw even on 4chan you'll never fit in just being yourself and by the time you're the age you pretend to be all the older posters will have moved on and all the younger posters will have changed the atmosphere of imageboards into something you hate
>tfw you literally have suicidal thoughts over this and lie in bed awake at night wracked with guilt at the fact that you're just an imposter, that everyone you've ever talked to online would hate you if they knew the truth, and that there will never be a place for you among the oldfags, the newfags, or anywhere inbetween
I hope in a few years I'll look back on this and laugh because I've found a place to belong in the 2020s but my hopes aren't high. I think I have depression.