post anything in this thread and i will record it in a shitty

>>37818471
do the navy seal copypasta

"Lainfagging is so 2013, foolish Appleman1234"

>>37818471
Traps are gay.

oroorororiginal

Actually, futa can be made less gay than straight porn. You see, straight porn has one guy and one girl. Because you're fapping to something with one guy in it, that's 50% gay. If you watch futa fuck a girl, that's one girl and a half girl, thus only 25% gay. You could make it 0% gay with two girls but the problem is, that makes them lesbian, which wraps back to being 100% gay.
oreginallio

Record this "I just came out of the shower after shit dildoing to much"

File: Samurai-Jack-Aku’s-Trickery-660x492.jpg (61KB, 660x492px) Image search: [Google]

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Long ago in a distance land

Before us lies Europa, ahead of us lies Europa, within us lies Europa!

I saw Michael Gira's dick once. It was after an Angels of Light show in 2003 in west Texas.
I stopped at a bar after the show to grab a drink and the group stopped in. I followed him into the bathroom. He was standing at the urinal.
I said "Mr. Gira, I just want to thank you for the show tonight." He turned around and had a massive erection.
He looked me in the eyes and said "Thank you, that means a lot." Piss was dripping out of his dick.
He turned around, maintaining eye contact the whole time. He even kind of turned to the side so he could keep staring as he pissed.
He finished and left without washing his hands.

How exactly does one get pussy while living at the white house as a teenage boy? The secret service always cock blocking you. when you're trying to run game on some foreign prime ministers daughter the news media catches you smiling at her and immediately blows shit out if proportion speculating that you are somehow breaking international law with your awkward teenage flirting, so you have to testify before congress that you didn't give away any top secret documents to her and are made to admit live on C-SPAN that you've never even kissed a girl . Then you get blue balls from some hot conservative girl winking at you and flashing her panties under her skirt and making sexy faces and blow job motions to you while you were going through some airport or public event, and when you passed by and shook her hand she leans in whispering she is going to diddle her clit thinking about you tonight and how much she wants to suck your dick off, just to fuck with you. Then you try to look up some porn when you get home just to relieve the tension but you just know the CIA is monitoring and 3 other govornment agencies are watching you beat off. Then you finally break down and Jack off in the shower which sets off some fucking biohazard drain alarm and the entire place is on lock down until they can find the source of the specimen and you end up getting debriefed by the joint chiefs of staff about your masturbatory habits and how you almost created a national security issue with your dick. Then wikileaks leaks your search history showing you looked up penis enlargement techniques when it was actually just some click bait you'd accidentally clicked and TYT spends all next week talking about your supposed micro penis. So you end up squirming a little since you are so wound up and being judged constantly and now people are saying you look like a fucking mental patient and you start to think you'll never get any pussy.
[1/2]

>>37818512
i aku the shape shifting master of darkness

>>37818655
Then some foreign noble brings their family over and you start hanging out with their son for a few weeks during their stay because hes the only friend you've had in years at this god damned place the LGBT community starts making posters of you two laughing together and claims that Trumps son is a gay bottom and "there is nothing wrong with that". So uncle Pence has you sent to a "conversion therapy" camp where they electrocute the gay demon out of you night and day with car batteries, and they are pretty sure it resides somewhere in the vicinity of your ass.
A few months later you come back and finally feel like things are back to normal and some Swedish royalties niece is visiting and you two really hit it off and you have your first kiss but then she has to leave and you end up skyping all the time until one day she forgets to turn her Webcam off and you see Ahmed and four of his friends playing Swedish twister with the girl of your dreams and you blow a gasket and leak it online and soon Sweden is embroiled in scandal and you are made to go on C-SPAN in front of congress and basically admit you were cucked while some senator grills you about if you prefer taking it in the ass or in the mouth.
By this time you are 14 and still haven't gotten any pussy and your dad always gives you this (son I am disappoint) look and tells you to just stay home while he's out campaigning for his second term because he can't be seen to support your sort of degenerate behavior.
So you sit at home browsing 4chan desperately trying to defend yourself against these wild accusations and wish people would be more fucking understanding of the pressure you are under but there are nothing but aussie shit posters responding to your posts with memes of you getting butt fucked by Marco and bernie.
Idk what else to say. You get the idea.
Leave him alone. He's a good kid.
[2/2]

>>37818471
what? EXTRA THICC?!

>>37818660
unleashed an unspeakable evil
orrrrrrrrrrrrrregano

>>37818859
But a foolish Samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me

"Well yeah, you are so full of shit and your opinions are wrong you better shut up your whore mouth before I rekt you how about that"

Thanks Aku OP

>>37818471
Fuck my ass daddy please I'm desperate for some cock

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>>37818490
http://vocaroo.com/i/s04Ml6pLVcDw

>>37818501
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1PbdOeJGEXd

>>37818550
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1POoUL8VTci

>>37818879
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qSwMreldOE

>>37818568
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1uiRdObKHup

all i managed to record so far, still working on the others

Who is always on the spot? Who is? Yogi Bear.
Who keeps cool when things are hot? Who does? Yogi Bear.
Who believes a world they dream and falls for some fantastic scheme, but always winds up on the beam? Yogi Bear!

>>37818471
Remove Kebab/Serbia Strong copypasta (the original).

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>>37819150
Try to get a better micro or wrap some foam around the one you are using
>>37818873
before the final blow was struck

>>37819150
for the record op, i honestly thought you wouldnt sound anything like aku but you got a solid impersonation.

also do that "EXTRA THICC" line from when he ordered pizza

singing a song about a vending machine

dont you know that is really not my scene

trying to think of something clever with a little twist

if we do another hoedown i'll slit my fucking wrists

i will sliiit my fuuckiiing wriiiiiists

Don't shit where you eat my friend.