I've made some terrible decisions that have made myself

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I've made some terrible decisions that have made myself and people hate me. I ended up becoming a NEET and everyone I know looks at me as a disappointment. I'm trying to better myself, but no matter what I do there's always someone or something that makes things harder. I haven't given up yet, but I'm contemplating suicide. What also fucks with me is that my past tends to always come and haunt me when I least expect it..not sure what to do about that.
Friends...I don't even consider them friends anymore. They don't talk or invite me to go anywhere anymore. It's like as if they formed a circle without me. I've even introduced them to other people I'm "friends" with and yet they seem to invite/talk to them more than me..like I was replaced or something.

I feel like I've become a Nobody and I'm just here waiting until the day I die.

Should I stop being a bitch and just kill myself already?