>Don't want to die alone. >go the extra mile to socialize

>>37728990
Iktf Anon, I am objectively somewhat attractive, have a decent style and half a dozen buddies who like me. I go to bars, to bbq parties and band meetings (trumpet).
Yet I still feel like being trapped on a alien world, or like a ghost. I am not really existent, I think.

>>37728990
>he fell for the "improve urself XD" meme
You should've just been yourself, you dumb cunt.

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>>37728990
Huh, don't tell me, anon. I was OK, once, pretty awkward, but still OK. Then it all became so fucked up and now here I am, totally alone, with almost no friends even online. I'm trying to force myself to go out and have a social life, it's slightly better, but I don't think I'll succeed. I'm doing it all only for that girl I love, otherwise I'd have probably done something stupid (you can guess it). But I have to overcome all the ghosts I've created: for example, she always has and still does believe that I'm a heartless nazi.
>ahahahah you're a madman daveee
>ahahahahah you like trump daveeee [it's not even true, not anymore]
>she calls me by surname most of the times, except when it's something almost insulting like the former examples
>"ehy we could go to the beach together some day"; "yeah yeah some day yeah..."
>TFW I realize she's totally right in wanting to have nothing to do with me but I want to improve

Same as you. Years of being alone scarred me too but it's kinda okay because I have been alone all my life, bar one or two years I had real friends.

I just accepted that I don't like people and that's how I am.

Same here OP. Pretty sure I'm autistic though. Even I'm "fitting in" it just feels like social mimicry instead of genuine. I feel like there's a barrier between me and the world. For years I hung onto the hope that I just needed to get pit my shell and I tried to immerse myself with other people. After that failed I've basically given up, the hope is gone and I feel ready to die now. Therapy won't help me, there's no fix for this. The only time I was ever happy was when I told myself false promises to keep me going, what now though eh? I can't even properly articulate what I'm trying to say because I'm a brainlet as well, so much for autism superpowers.