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>that realization you're completely defective
>that sensation when nobody cares if you die
>that feel when even if someone tried to reach out you'd screw it up and they'd hate you too
>that feel when nobody loves, likes, or wants you
>those looks of disgust they all give you for being alive
>those pitying looks some give as if you're an animal or retarded
>that feeling when too pussy for suicide
>that feeling of utter despair when you wake up
>that hideous person you see in the mirror
>the idea that a social creature born without the ability to successfully socialize is a pathetic accident
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>when you realize you're just going to keep pushing away the people who care about you the most for the rest of your life because you're an awful person
Is there any point in going on
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>>37675149
It's a strange thing. When you get out of the REEEE NORMIES state and realize you're just a horrible, wrong, aberration of nature that never should have been born.
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>>37675194
The only person who ever cared about me and wanted to see me improve and be happy I totally failed them and pushed them away, now they're gone and I'll never see them again. I got a text saying I needed to fix my shit and I said yeah sure no problem and then the very next day I go back to my old shittiness, and the look I got from them made me feel ashamed, why do I only realize I'm horrible after I do something horrible?
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>>37675086
>>that feel when even if someone tried to reach out you'd screw it up and they'd hate you too
>girl was madly in love with me.
>"anon's a weird perfect cocktail of bad habits and blue moods i need to fix. I love him" she said to a mutual fiend of us.
>She tried her hardest. For 5 years.
>She messaged me every time i logged in.
>She texted me every night to tell me goodnight.
>She tried her best to deal with my bullshit. From how I never wanted to do anything with her to how I banted on her insecurities.
>She tried the fucking hard to be liked by me. She kept her hairs long because I told her that i preferred girls with long hairs (and that wasn't even true, I didn't trusted her to know my actual tastes.)
>But I'm a horrible person.
>She was fat and pretty ugly. I didn't liked her for that reason.
>I used her for sex because i knew she was into me and i knew that would be my only chance. Just to tell her right after that I still didn't liked her. She cried.
>I treated her like shit for 5 years straight.
>one day she realizes.
>She doesn't get mad at me.
>"I truly believed you to be a different person anon. I'm so disappointed. You are unredeemable."
>In the meantime she became a psychologyst.
>I don't feel bad for any of this.
>I just feel bad because I know I'm a monster, who can't even pretend to be sorry for what I've done.
What's my problem. I don't have money for a shrink.
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>>37675086
>tfw you realize you've been deluding yourself your entire childhood and now that you're an adult you realize you're a fucking loser who was never destined for greatness like you always told yourself
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