>tfw lived my life on autopilot and as a risk averse cuck

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>tfw lived my life on autopilot and as a risk averse cuck
>tfw care about shit too much
>tfw wish I could throw caution to the wind and just do stuff
>tfw need to feel approval for everything I do
>tfw feel like I need to read lots of boring old books before I can read enjoyable ones
>tfw feel like I need to go through SICP before doing real world programming
>tfw feel terrified when walking near women because they might think I am stalking them (even felt this way when walking between classes and I was near girls who shared every class)
>tfw never flirted with a girl ever or asked one out or had attention from one, only done stuff with escorts
>tfw I always feel guilty for not doing ten things at once
>tfw intelligent enough to see that all philosophical systems have arbitrary axioms but don't have the intellectual courage to just stop giving a shit about all the boring as fuck philosophical books and debates that are perpetuated by an academia-media-publishing industrial complex with huge financial incentives
>tfw smart enough to see that all self-help is trivial or bullshit but still read more of it to feel good due to approval and the assurance due to my fear of the ambiguous
>didn't invest in cryptocoins out of laziness
>don't give up junk food and coffee, partly due to weak will relating to pleasure, but also due to coffees appeal as some sort of "busy go-getters" drink (i.e., I'm worried people will think Im a low prestige person if I dont drink it)
>tfw whine so much on 4chan I have been recognised on multiple boards while never using a trip
>tfw ugly male and know that women live lives on extreme easy mode while getting 500 tinder matches a day and finding all non Chads disgusting
>tfw never been to a pub, club, or party or had friends since 18 and feel very bitter and hateful of the world
>tfw can't stand seeing so many attractive women everywhere who find me disgusting
>tfw can't bear to work hard because I will waste my youth that I am unable to enjoy