It's amazing how I can tell how my social skills have just

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It's amazing how I can tell how my social skills have just about disappeared and my autism has become more prevalent than ever.

>be at funeral
>distant relative, only have vague memories of her
>walk in
>instantly think of memes and have to try not to crack a smile
>realize how incredibly awkward it is to have a dead body presented in front of dozens of people
>hear someone say something of how she wanted to die in her home
>think to myself "I just want to die kek"
>almost start laughing
>constantly trying to find somewhere to look and avert locking eyes with someone
>follow my mother like a mother goose
>struggle to form sentences when someone talks to me
>be tall so everyone always remarks about that
>also can't hide away since I tower over everyone
>no idea what to do with my hands
>have mass murderous fantasies
>thinking about how my funeral would be if I gunned down dozens of people before I died half of the time
>spaced out a few times
>anxiety turns into fear the longer it goes on
>mother finally says we're leaving
>speedwalk to the car

I forgot how uncomfortable funerals are in general, but this was worse than I could have imagined