anyone else emotionally ruined due to being raised in an

>>37503724

Yep. Every night I'd wait on edge wondering if my dad was going to come home drunk and yell at me and my mom and then loudly have sex with her while she screamed "help!" and "ow, you're hurting me."

I remember one time my father was chasing my mom around the house trying to beat her and my grandmother had to hold my dad back to stop him.

I ended up being a shut-in because my dad would get mad and hit my mom if I went out and he never gave us any money so my mom didn't have any gas to drive me anywhere. Ended up getting fat and playing video games all day.

What hurt me the most is that my dad would call me a piece of shit daily. Even if I did good things he'd still insult me. Like score a goal playing on a soccer team. It just made me depressed.

Is it any wonder I came out a robot? Im emotionally stunted and feel like I'm always inadequate and that no woman could love me or be attracted to me. And even if I could, I have no friends or family so they'd probably think I'm a pathetic weirdo.

I am literally (You) + abuse at school.


I don't know if I will ever recover.

>>37503923
fuck that's terrible im so sorry. no one deserves that. my dad would kill a 12-er of milwaukees best ice every night and just sit in the basement talking to himself. he would scream and call my mom a bitch or a cunt for small things like leaving the window open and shit like that. never hit me because i learned from the time i was a toddler that my place was in my room away from everything. as a result im always expected to be the shoulder to cry on for my mom. im never allowed to have an opinion on anything im just the one who doesnt get upset and stays quiet. my mom was always caught up dealing wwith my brothers who were higschool dropout delinquents and this caused me to come own with severe panic disorder. never diagnosed tho i would be in my oom shaking and sweating and my mom would remind e to "calm down" but would never seek help for me. even now at 21 when we have a family dinner or something im just given a list of tasks to finish while my brothers shmooze the extended family. i shouldnt hate my life this much i should be enjoying it. i cant connect to a girl the way i should too i always have such a fear of abandonment i go overboard

>>37503923

Eventually my mom ended up drinking to cope with it. I'd come home from school and find her passed out on the couch or worse, drunk but awake and then she'd talk to me in slurred speech.

My dad would come home from work or find her drunk, call her a garbage piece of shit, and then bring her to their room where he'd fuck her.

Really hurt coming home from school to seeing my mom drunk. My first day of high school, I came home to find two police cars in front of my house. My father had stabbed my mother. He ended up going to jail for a week and my mother only had a small stab wound. They divorced after.

what a shitty way to spend adolescence and no one ever has any real sympathy for it

>>37504104

After they divorced, I ended up living with my father. He ended up mellowing out for some reason and became lenient on me. He didn't yell at me as much and he paid for everything. I guess he realizes he fucked up and is doing this as atonement. He financially takes care of me, but still occasionally calls me a piece of shit now that I'm NEET.

My mother ended up sleeping around and is dating a Muslim guy now. For some reason, she has a fetish for Muslims now. Everyone she dated was Muslim. She's white American and my father is white European.

I usually think my life isn't so bad and that I'm a loser because I was born a pathetic loser, but reading it all makes me think I kinda had a fucked up childhood and it affected me.

>>37504048

Thanks.

>>37504253
its definitely hard to realize how its affected us unless u really sit down and think about it. its made me never want to have kids and also made me so cautious of drinking. although i do have the same propensity to drink as my dad and if i stop counting my drinks will go overboard

it provided me the impetus to and practice for eliminating my emotions
i exist now in a perpetual state of unattached exaltation

>>37504304

Yeah, I never could just relax or be myself and open while home. Everything revolved around my father.

>>37504016

School wasn't so bad for me. I was bullied for awhile by both classmates and teachers, but other then that and me being a friendless KHV loser, it wasn't that bad.

>>37504394

Yeah, that's me too. I usually just fake happiness or sadness. It's always just deadpan on the inside. Only emotions I feel are depression and anger.

i always liked school cuz it was an escape. probably part of the reason i was such a good student and got so involved in my classes

>>37504425
but doing well in school was never (not even in college) about tying to help or better myself. it was always just a means to try to keep things calm and under control.

>>37504450

Yeah, I never studied or really applied myself. I just got good grades because I'm naturally smart. Even in college I never really, truly applied myself or cared. I can say that about anything. Never tried to really make friends or ever tried to get a gf. I didn't want anyone to know about my home life.

>>37504424
>depression and anger
Those are the only emotions I have, and they are extreme. If I'm angry I'm refraining from lashing out at the nearest human, I'm so fucking angry I shake and curl up into a ball of rage. When I'm depressed I'm like a sloth, don't have the energy to make food or leave my room.

>>37504637

I don't get that mad, but if I do get mad, I'll just tell or complain. But I'm always depressed and apathetic. I usually just sit in my room all day browsing 4chan, fapping, and playing video games. That's literally all I do all day. Haven't left my house in 2 years. A dysfunctional childhood led to a dysfunctional adult. Never was taught how to be normie and now I don't know and feel like I can't do it.

>>37504835

Finding 4chan was great too. Only place that made me laugh and fap. Found it in 2008 and have been coming back almost daily.