What's on your mind? Is there anything you want to talk

My refusal to indulge my paraphilic masochism is causing me incredibly distress and I feel fucking horrible.

>>37339709

Im on a constant battle with myself on wanting to come back with my ex even tough i broke up with her and now she moved on, and wanting to move on and date a new girl i've met, but im also scared of hurting her, it has gotten to the point that i drag the bad stuff i've done in the past that i've come to see myself as the devil or a demon that wants to reedem itself but nonetheless ends up causing harm unintentionally because thats what demons do.

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I wish people that didn't think like me or did things I don't like would just disappear. Just drop dead please.
Oh and I want some friends, I've been getting lonely lately.

>>37339709
I could really use a penis in my mouth and another in my butt

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE FUCKING WOMEN ON MY FUCKING BOARD. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IT, I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH OF IT.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

My goddamn isp(Verizon) fucking keeps throttling my speed to fucking dial up levels or straight up cutting off internet randomly for 12-24 hours because of downloading shit, not even due to copyright notices or torrents(lately), but Youtube vids via Ummy. I want to make my mommy cancel the shit and get new service, but she's on vacation right now and I only just got a job so I need to save up money so I can say I'll pay for a new ISP with non Jews running it.

I just wanna get a VPN and rebuild my movie/TV show/music collection without a bunch of kikes cutting off my internet randomly.

I lost my first proper paying job last year and it made my self-worth drop from negligible to hard zero. And frankly, when I was working, it felt awful too, like I'd sold my entire life away.

I don't want to work, but I have to. So I'm looking for work. And this conundrum of not particularly wanting 'positive' things like working, losing weight, better social skills etc. but needing them or them being 'positive' applies to everything I think of.

There is no part of me I'm satisfied with but I have no desire or goal to improve them for. So I just attempt what I should for the sake of living (like mindlessly looking for work, not snacking/improving my diet) with no end goal. And this thought process is a constant among everything I think.

>>37339853
How old are you and what are your hobbies and interests?

>>37339709
It's been a year or so now since my ex told me she was cheating on me and we split
Her new bf lives in the apartment complex my friends and I moved into so I see them together all the time
I'm trying to move on by talking to other girls, some of which come from here but I still think about how much I want to kill him and rape her until she's mine again almost every day

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>>37339984
24.
The usual nerdy robot stuff I guess. It's also worth mentioning that I've been going to the beach alone to swim a lot lately. Swimming is very relaxing and fun.
I've been thinking about getting into fishing too but I don't know where to start.

i desire another mans wife. I tried sweet-talking her over facebook. but im too big of a pussy to tell her how i feel for fear her husband might see.

>>37340094
If you want an online friend I'm down. I'm a 33yo recovering NEET Chink btw.

>>37340196
You and her should die. Make a murder suicide pls

>>37340210
How's your recovery going? What made you become a NEET?

>>37339709
It seems a lot of people don't necessarily enjoy my presence here. Kind of just want to fade away into a realm of nothingness. I'm not even sad about it, more so indifferent. I take it with stride, I just need something to do.

i really wish i had someone who actually cared
i could fix it, i could talk to people, i could finally find someone, anyone, but im too scared of stepping out of my planck length comfort zone to do anything that could possibly benefit my situation.
even if i did do anything, i know i'd fuck it up, because i constantly do. every single fucking day.
i barely even have real problems and im yelling my inconsequential bullshit onto some /r9k/ thread because i cant fucking bring myself to deal with my emotions in a rational way and instead i just fucking _have_ to sit here and rot away

I have a phase again where I can't cope with being alive.

See, I am a paranoid schizophrenic. Currently I am in a 3 year apprenticeship that I will graduate in three weeks. I've struggled with that pretty hard, even though it is in a rehabilitation institution for handicapped people. So it is pretty much low stress. But I missed at least 5 months of work in the past year because I have been sick. How the fuck will I be able to handle this outside in the real working world? I will go down in flames.

The problem is that I don't want to end up a poor faggot on unemployment or disability (390e/month, 600e/month respectively). That is no life. I still want to do things with my life, however being a poorfag stops you from living good.

But I am in no way equipped to handle the normal working life.

This is driving me nuts.

I want off this ride. Do you think suicide is a good option?

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>>37340257
I finished my third day at a super shitty dishwashing job where I'm basically the store bitchboi, being paid the least and staying the latest. After every day my back, knees, and feet hurt like fuck, and OTC painkillers don't do shit. I wanna try and see if I can get my shift cut down from 8 hours to 6, or just have my days cut down so it's not as hard on my body, but idk. At least I got paid and have enough money to buy all I need to grow shrooms. My plan was to work a shitty wagecuck job while I study for IT certs by watching downloaded vids/tutorials, starting with ICND1/CCNA.

Depression, laziness, and inertia. Plus not wanting to go into debt for school when I didn't know what I wanted to do, plus seeing my parents make all these concessions and pay for my brother to go to an out of state university and live in dorms n shit while I get told to go fuck myself and go to community college, as per the common theme in my life as being treated as "lesser," which also contributed to my mental problems and NEEThood.

>>37340400
dishwashing isn't that hard of a job once you figure out where everything goes
It probably only hurts your body because you were a lazy fuck before

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god damnit im rebooting arch for fifth time

>>37340400
Sure, let's be friends. Do you have Steam? That's the only form of contact I have.

>>37340386
As a relatively fit and able bodies person, I'd love to be in an apprenticeship since it's a great pathway to learning a lucrative skill, making more money, and living well, but then again even I think I'm not cut out for the normal working life either, as I'm the recovering NEET dishbitch that just posted. And I don't know what toll it takes on you as a handicapped person.

Suicide is not the answer, but even I think of it sometimes(often).

The girl I had my first sexual experience with who's been my crush for years told me she'd be my girlfriend but the next day she said she isn't ready yet and I'm conflicted because I love her. I can't be honest with my feelings because all my past girlfriends have been abusive or left me, I just want to be with her and I'm so sad

>>37340554
The funny thing I am in IT. After reading your post you are interested in that, too.

I just don't know how to go on. My job advisor sent me a bunch of job offers I should apply to but they all say 40 hours a week this and that.

I don't think I can handle this shit.

Man, I just don't know what the fuck I can do.

I am playing the lottery in hopes of hitting the jackpot but so far no luck.

If I was financially independent none of this would be an issue.

What can I do for fun alone? id like something to do

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>>37340449
I'm a fairly muscular and fit person as I work out on a regular basis, but 8 hours of constant movement and strain is quite the toll on one's body. There's so much to do I could literally be busy the whole 8 hour shift just doing dishes and the other assorted bitchwork. A simple 5-10 minute reprieve is quite the treat, but somehow makes me feel guilty and I stubbornly push myself at my own peril I really don't think I'll get used to this or even last much longer. I might try to find an easier job like being a housekeeper or another job I saw as a delivery person using a company vehicle so I don't have to worry about wearing my own shit down.

>>37340481
I'm a poorfag and just play pirated games, and I have a steam but I forgot my password/account name and can't log in. I could try, but it might be easier for you to make a skype account. You don't have to vid chat, just text n shit. If you make one I'll post my screenname.

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>>37340652
>tfw no government assisted NEET recovery into an IT career
whatthegoddamnshit, what do you do exactly and what are your credentials/certs/training? How is the toll on your body and mind? I really want one of those cushy IT jobs with a lot of downtime where I can shitpost and such.

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>>37340723
>make a skype account
I'm afraid I'm not that desperate for social interaction. Good luck on your rehabilitation.

>>37340797
I am in Germany, so the availability of such things is great. I don't know how that is in other countries.

It's a degree of the German Chamber of Industry and Commerce (IHK) which sets the guidelines for pretty much most jobs that don't require a college/university degree. Other than that I have the Cisco IT Essentials.

But the place where I get this degree is fucking useless, we basically sit on our asses each day and learn NOTHING of worth, which is the most mind numbing thing you could imagine.

When I do get something to do it's just some bitch ass printer that doesn't work or some stupid shit like that. The actual tasks are not the problem for me, I am skilled and it doesn't take long for me to learn new things. It's just that I can not handle all this all the time.

I'd love to get a job where I can sit in the back of a computer shop and just repair computers, however I am probably overqualified for that.

The problem is that I can't keep up a schedule and I have days where I am so messed up in the head that I don't even give enough of a fuck to call in sick at work and just stay at home.

The actual tasks I have to do are simple but I can't keep up with all the shit surrounding it like commute, waking up, dealing with people. The worst part has to be to work 40 hours a week 8 hours a day. It's eating me up. Often times I am so trapped in my own brain that I can't bring myself to do anything productive.

I just want everybody to leave me alone and let me rot in my own filth until I die some day. Let me be a hermit for fucks sake.

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I can't stop stroking my big NEET cock and staining my boxers

The smell gets so intoxicating after a day or two

why do i keep coming back to this computer, why cant i just take a walk or something. this computer has caused me have this terrible bbc cuckold fetish and it hurts me everyday. i wont accept it. It hurts me so bad and i refuse to let it sexually control me because personality wise i am not submissive at all. I will not lose to it and it hurts so much that I have to fight it, i want to end the fetish so bad and just cut it off and my life will get better. I am trying to not watch porn if that helps and it just hurts. help me

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My gay fat Indian piece of shit roomate caused me to do worse in a exam because he stayed up all night drinking and fucking some random fuck of the street.

Hes now pulling the victim card about slashing his wrists just becuase he isnt a functional adult who cant manage his own medication

I want to convince him to kill himself or at least beat him the fuck up, but i doubt i could get away with either