>Fall down stairs leading to campus health center. >Qt

I bet you deserved it desu

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I disagree, I didnt't ask for this.

Anybody guy enough to write this probably actually had this happen to them

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I remember when I was first spitroasted. Reminded me of a distant time.

Maybe you shouldn't leave your room like me. I just leave for class and have food delivered from Amazon. Room mate is a qt girl(boy) by the way. Get on my level, qeerbait

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>Drop vape pen into storm drain
>Start hitting myself before my handler grabs my arms.
>QT Hot do vender says "Hey pall, tough luck, how bout a tasty dog to sort you out."
>Handler rushes me away.
>Wanted that tasty dog
>As we are waiting for the centers shuttle to pick us up from our field trim I release the biggest dump of my life.
>Handler sees the shuttle coming
>I try to push her infront of it
>Ht dog stand guy sees and comes twords me
>I rip off my snap off warm ups and use them as a sling
>deliver direct hit too his face
>hows that for a tasty dog, heh
>Police show up while I lapse into a grand maul seizure.

Vape pen, huh?

>>37277852
>hows that for a tasty dog, heh

I kek'd

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>Stumble into CVS to buy some bread and chese
>microwave cheese melts are all I eat
>Cashier asks if I have CVS card
>While I am pulling it out of my wallet I drop my Felix the cat pog I got from taco bell in 1995.
>QT cashier is giving me that look.
I pick it up and slide my cvs card.
>Getting back to my appartment, Mom is waiting outside.
>Son, Where were you
>"Sorry mom, I was just going-
>Dad walks up
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!
>A crowd forms
>They spitroast me infront of the mailman as the neighbors shake their head inside their garage

>had sex
Get off this board

>in grocery store
>Qt enters the aisle I'm in
>Forget what I was looking for and start inspecting bags of baking flour like a retard
>Look at her again and accidentally make eye contact
>Laugh and say, "yeah this is really good flour"
>Trip on my cape
>Stumble head first into shelf
>30 bottles of vinegar explode on the floor
>she asks if I'm okay
>"Yeah I meant to do that it's just what I do"
>Slip in the vinegar
>Fidget spinners erupt in an unstoppable flow from the pockets of my tactical operator vest
>Get blood all over my khaki shorts
>Janitorial staff arrive on scene and help me pick up my fidget spinners
>Stuff then in my pockets
>Realize that they got my Pokemon cards wet when I get home
>Left my fedora in the store

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>>37278128
>First day at parking garage job.
>I take the peoples tickets before they park
>Car full of chads pull up
>"Look at this one"
>Not sure what their problem is
>"I bet this queer bait can't even suck me off!"
>Wave them through

Goddamn Chads senpai

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>>37278128
>Walk into Wall mart to buy some hydro cortisone cream for my hand psoriasis.
>In medicine/pharmacy section
>Shit my pants
>Ate 2 tripple burgers from Wendys that day.
>Middle aged woman on mobility scooter drives over the mess
>Her wheels are spinning
>Need a hand Maam?
>Shes mirin
>Push her into the grocery section
>Can feel the heat radiating from her crotch as I pull her parking break
>She slips me the tougnge while I quide her to the thousand island dressing
>1 hour later, back at her(female) place
>She gives me a rim job
>Dont even need a shower today
>mfw

Not bad desu, I wish I could even look people in the eye these days

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>Walking through the park near my parents house
>Trees are just getting leaves, everything is green and beautiful
>The sun shines through the green canopy as my heelys whir in the spring air
>My expandable baton falls from my jinco jeans as I see a group of high school kids
>Lunge for it while the Chad of the group picks it up
>Tough luck pal
>"Hehe, now we might have an even fight", I quip
>Chad jumps up to perform a downward attack while I deliver a handmade shuriken straight to his heart
>"Better luck next time" I say
>Perform a tactical roll into the brush
>Can hear the sirens approaching

>handmade shuriken

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>At space station TKJ-452
>Dock in the shuttle bay
>Trip while getting out of ship
>Helmet breaks
>Have to head to space outfitter and buy new one
>Stopped at space customs at the door to the shuttle bay
>"Sorry, you need an enclosed suit to enter this station, poorfag"
>Space stacies giggle behind me
>Tentacled security officer appears behind me
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!
>A crowd forms
>They spitroast me infront of the shuttles as the stacies watch

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>>37278662
>Wake up
>Look at open blinds, open sliding door, in apartment
>hmm
>Remember I drank 12 coors lights and 4 strongbow ciders the night befor
>Must have blacked out, never leave the blinds, much less the sliding door open
>Feel like shit, work at 12:00
>Leaving apartment, lock door, neighbor is in the hall and laughs under her breath
>Get to work, manager says she needs to talk to me
>Trending on twiter is a picture my neighbor took of me slathering thousand island dressing in my thighs while saying "we will fight them in the rivers"

>in class
>"So the formula for converting farenheit to centigrade is C=5/9(F-32)"
>Who can tell me what the boiling point of water is in centigrade using this formula?
>Raise hand
>Yes Anon?
>It's 132 degrees centigrade
>Classroom erupts in laughter
>Stacie's are filming it on their iPhones for Snapchat
>Teacher walks up to my desk and crosses his arms
>Roaring laughter from entire class
>"Now now Anon, it looks like you didn't complete one of the operations according to the formula" he says, looking down at me with a smirk
>Chad gets up, as class continues laughing
>Paper airplanes zip through the air
>A wad of chewing gum hits the back of my head
>Chad stands next to the teacher
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off"
>"Do it Chad! Fuck yeah" booms Stacy from the back of the class
>More laughter as Chad and the teacher begin spit roasting me in front of the whiteboard
>All of my fidget spinners and yu gi oh cards are falling out of my pockets
>My lunch box pops open revealing a note from mom causing even more cackling from Stacy
>Break free and Sprint for the door
>Slip on my cape in the hall
>Land at the feet of qt
>Look up at her, spaghetti oozes from my pores
>Keep running, zip up my tactical vest for increased aerodynamic efficiency
>As I make it to the door Chad trips me and all of my handmade shurikens explode out of my Pikachu backpack
>Quit school but realize I have to go back in to collect my fedora
>Principal and Chad spitroast me again

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>Get off of my first shift at the local Cafe
>Really stressed from family issues
>spitroasted three times the week before
>A transient stops me on my way out
>"I just need a couple dollars to get some foo-
>My brother, please, you know the rules, once I am finished with my coffee you can talk to me, not a second before...
>"Oh, sorry my frien-
>Push him to the ground
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!" I say
>Boss is looking as I demolish the street urchin
>finish coffee

You got him good anon

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>>37279045
>Park van next to the dumpster of the local fishmonger
>Gathering fins and various detritus
>Sanitation officer walks up
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!
>A crowd forms
>Ask for his badge
>"I-I must have dropped it under the tr-
>Start spitroasting him
>His partner delivers a handmade shuriken straight to my heart
>mfw

>pallbearer at funeral for coworker
>some guy got him with a shuriken
>priest pushes me and starts spitroasting me
>not even using zip tie
>deliver spinning back fist to his chin
>"first time? " I say
>haven't seen him since

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>>37279351
>Shaking french dressing bottle over paper plate
>Nothing
>Mom hasn't bought french dressing today
>Eat cold cheese sandwich dry because she just had to go with new dad to the library
>They get back, don't say anything to me
>Go up to my room and apply another layer of lacquer to my oak shuriken collection I have been working on
>New dad comes up to my dooor
>"Anon, we are worried, you haven't gone out in months, all you do is play battlefield 1 and browse "the chins", as you say..."
>this guy
>I glance at the gbp board and see mom finaly added another point
>Excuse me, Gerry(new dad btw), but I think I have earned some french dressing, don't even need the tendie-
>He shouts to my mom "I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!
>Him and my mom spit roast me infront of the QT Korean foreign exchange student we have

>no Korean qt foreign exchange roommate

You guys joke about this but spitroasting is not something to laugh at. I used to camp with my friends before I had a breakdown while filleting some fish we caught. This jerk we always put up with convinced my good friends to spitroas me in the tent. It was awful. I called my step dad to pick me up the next day. I never heard the end of it. Him and my mom didn't think it was a big deal and never let me go out with my friends after that. Now I am stuck in a pit of despair. It happens to real people and it is not something to joke about.

>>37279764
Grow up. It's not a big deal

>>37279764
>Having friends
call me when you get spitroasted again, I wish I even had friends

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>go on camping trip
>spend entire trip saying
>"boy I sure hope no one... spiiitroasts me!"
>wear my girliest short shorts and cute pink hoodie
>wander into Chad reservation
>dance around and spill sphaghetti
>Chads start to make fun of me
>my anus is literally dripping in anticipation
>he starts shouting "i bet this queerbait..."
>yes oh my god yes
>"can't even..."
>prematurely blow my load
>"fuck Stacy over there!"
>they all force me to fuck 10/10 Stacy
>mfw

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>>37280104
Sounds like you need a toledo low five to take your mind off it, friend ;)

Camping aint what it used to be, heh

>>37280104
>clever girl
Put on my jurassic park onesie

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>Year 20567
>Stasis chamber as been secure for epochs
>Chuds have long since consumed the last of the normies
>The grand A.I of the Pleiades sector reboots for the third time
>Mist surrounds the opening to the tunnel opening
>The world leaders placed a seed back, and several other organic sample within, in a last ditch effort to survive the death of the sun.
>The A.I sends the ancient sentry into the cavern
>The Ion beam melts the seal
>Op drops out of his goo cacoon
>"Wha-what is going on, I am aliv-
>"I bet this queerbait can't even suck me off!
>The Grand A.I and the sentry run a train on OP
>mfw

>>37280343
Asaaaadfddvd yeeeyeeeyeevowvodwvowvddvwp
Into the anal
.
Into the anal
But he gets pissed off as Falcon for some reason
Succubus into anal

>Have 2 week basket ball shorts on for underwear.
>People shake their heads.

Wut

>>37280359
I know that feel desu, my friend.

>>37280368
>doesn't wear basketball shorts for underwear