>Hey Anon, I thought your girlfriend was joining us for dinner?

>>37249905
Can't relate. Grandma was the only one who wasn't shit to me
>tfw she passed out on Sunday

>pull out weiner and do a meatspin in front of everyone

Round and round it goes when it stops nobody knows!

>>37249905

that ginger dude gets me every time. I've seen very few non-deformed people as ugly as him.

>>37249958
Sorry dude, that is really sad.

>>37249905

Do you get off to this or something? Are you a trap? I could be your humiliating and merciless dom.

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>>37250055
You're just jealous that he's sitting next to hot aunt Stacy.

>>37249905

>even Grandma manages a weak cackle at your humiliation - her first true sign of emotion since her stroke.

I'm OK with this.

carbon monoxide while they're all asleep

>>37249958
>Grandma was the only one who wasn't shit to me
fucking this
family got even worse after she died 8 years ago

>>37249905
I know what I have to do.
>downloading 78%
>fuck.jpg
>"soon."

>>37249958
>grandma on mom's side was life of the party and a lot of fun
>grandma on dad's side was one of the nicest people I've ever known and would genuinely listen to me even though I was a little dork
Both are gone a long with my dad's dad who I never met. My mom's dad is nice but he sort of does his own thing. Meanwhile my parents are fucking insane and I always have to wonder how it happened when they had solid parents who provided for them (military fathers who built houses while wives taught on both sides). Hell my whole life they shit talked the military and it wasn't until I was older that I realized all the opportunity they had was from their military fathers. Anyways, my condolences man. Life fucking sucks.

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that's actually funny lol i thank for the laughs OP sempai

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>>37249905

"Oh you like jokes huh? Well here's one: What's happy and is going for takeout right now. Give up? Me while I imagine you all dying of terminal brain cancer."

"Or you can just choke on your shitty dinner and cut out the middleman for both of us. Suits me either way."

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>>37249905
>pull down pants
>throw myself on the floor and start fapping furiously while making autism noises
>cum and I shit all over the floor
>start throwing poopoo all over them and the wall
>flip over table as I let out a huge REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

that will show them

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>>37250955
oh calm down dear. it was just a little joke

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>>37250955

ANON DON'T YOU SPEAK TO YOUR FAMILY LIKE THAT!

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>>37249905
"How's that divorce treating you?"
"Did you ever manage to stop being addicted to booze?"
"Maybe you can help me pick out a nursing home"

Then you sit down and get some food, ignore their stares, then say "yeah I got jokes of my own. Don't like it? The door's right there."

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Whatever. I'm just gonna get a mail order bride from eastern Europe anyway. You have a few years to come up with jokes about that.

>>37251099

>"How's that divorce treating you?"
>"Did you ever manage to stop being addicted to booze?"
>"Maybe you can help me pick out a nursing home"

>tfw this matches my aunt, uncle, and grandpa to a T

>>37251046
>>37251042
these are my favorite threads
keep em coming OP

>>37251042
FUCK YOU AUNT HILDA

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>>37249905
Yeah, yeah, nice joke nice joke Uncle John nice wife as well fourth or fifth? Ya got so many exes I'm sure it's more than the people livin in Texas. Amirite folks?"

>>37249905
"Well, my shit genetics is your fault you fucking morons. If you fuckers had learnt to keep your dick in your pants a hundred years ago, I wouldn't be here. And more important, YOU idiots wouldn't be here, laughing at uncle Joe's shitty jokes. It must be a pain the ass being impotent, uh? Fuck you and your saggy titties, dry vaginas full of infections, empty ballsacks. Fuck you and your receding hairline, your shitty ass clothes and your standardized taste for everything.
People like you wiped out the joy of being human."

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She's just fine. She just needs to recharge her batteries. Thanks for asking.

Kind of reminds me of the time one of my dad's work colleagues made fun of me for having a box of sweets ("candy" to you). It was at lunch time and he's a pretty bad drinker, and he had a glass of wine, so I responded "Is that your first glass today?" and he shut up after that. I almost feel bad for it but he's kind of a prick and it was one of my few alpha moments.

He since "transitioned". Last guy you'd expect it from but there we are.

>>37250055
>I've seen very few non-deformed people as ugly as him.

I don't understand. He's a qt.

>>37251975
t. desperate with low standards

>>37252016
Yes. My only standard are vaguely humanoid and seems to tolerate my presence.

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>>37252248
>toasty
woah-ho watch out bois! roastie is SEETHING

Womens are just worthless people. The effort that you do to maintain a relationship isn't worth it. Believe me, a girlfriend will not make any of you happy.

>>37252400
good girlfriends make people really happy, actually

who are all these white people in my dining room?!

>>37249905
>tfw must attend two family weddings this fall

I am already anxious about it.

>>37252596
>anon, when are you going to get a girl and settle down?

>anon, you here by yourself?

>anon, go ask one of the bridesmaids to dance!

>>37252596
Why you go to that wedding? Pretend that you're studying something. Just don't go.
Say that going to that places doesn't make you happy. Forcing yourself to do things that you don't like is wrong.

>>37252916
This. I've been avoiding social events with family for years. I'm a straight-A student so they think I'm always studying and tired when really I'm just on here all day. I fall asleep and no one bothers to wake me up because they think "poor anon must be so tired from all that hard work" lel

>>37249905
Your family consists of degenerated assholes. Leave them if it's still possible and become a better human being.

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lol that was actually really funny guys. Hold on I'll be right back.

>5 mins later


LAUGH NOW YOU FUCKING CUNTS

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>cousin tries to shame me
>bring up his divorce
>suddenly im the asshole

>>37253058
fergus, get the fertilizer

>>37249905
Thanks OP, this really made me laugh

I'd want to burn the house down, but I don't think that I'd do it. Revenge has to be sweeter than a simple flame.

>>37253225
The best revenge is to leave and don't reproduce their behavior because you kill your clan heritage with this.

>OH MY GOD ANON PUT THAT GUN AWAY
>POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP
>..*whimpers* please anon have mercy It's just bantz
>POP POP POP POP *reloads* *ginger coughs up blood* "finish me already anon" POP POP POP POP

>'heh, that's funny'
>sit down and start eating

That's when you walk back into your room and wait until 2 AM to eat.

>>37249905
LOL
>even Grandma manages a weak cackle at your humiliation - her first true sign of emotion since her stroke
this was a really good touch

>>37253077
>Normies side with normie instead of siding with a robot
Shocking!

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>>37253077
You don't make fun of women, Anon.
Its considered sexist. They have every right to be mad at you. In fact I'm pretty mad at you too.

You're an asshole and you went to far with that. The reason why she "shamed" you was because she was just joking, but since you're a aspie asshole you had to bring up the divorce.

fuck you anon.
You are the asshole.

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>>37254125
>women
>Post clearly says "HIS divorce"

>It's ok to make fun of some negative aspect of anon's life
>But don't do the same back or else you're a meanie!
If you can't take banter then don't start it.

>>37254196
lol I was just trolling tard face :0

Jokes on them. When they get back from ice cream the house will be in ashes.

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>>37254298
>B-but I was only pretending to be retarded!
Well guess what fuckboi, I also was merely pretending to be retarded!

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>>37254434
>>37254298
originally retarded

>>37251099
at which point they look at you like you're a fucking moron. situation solved!

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>>37254495
fuck you faggot. I hate cunts like you!

That's why I pissed in the ice cream and put my pubes in the salad.

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>>37250955

>tfw always wanted to come up with something snappy and vicious like this whenever I'm humiliated in front of family
>instead I always just clam up, spaghetti, and walk out of the room to cry

Someone just kill me please. I can't take it anymore.

Shit like this is why I cut my family out of my life.
>insult
>its just a joke
>ok
>another insult
>retaliate
>OMG why you getting so angry you're an asshole
>everyone always siding against me
with family like these who needs enemies desu

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>>37249958
>she passed out
same thing happens to my gran all the time. she doesnt stop fucking drinking ffs

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this guy has no right to laugh at me.

nice glasses idiot. where did you get them? the trash? haha fuck you

>>37254887
>nice glasses idiot. where did you get them? the trash? haha fuck you
kek

>>37254772
You clearly suck at telling jokes. Learn to be funny and cruel at the same time, rather than just being a snarly bitch.

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>cousin keeps calling me a worthless NEET loser
>shes known as the family thot
>literally has a new guy a week
>call her out on this
>entire family hates me
>im now disrespectful and need to apologize
How can I possibly come from the same family tree?

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>>37249905
>*roaring laughter floods the room, even Grandma manages a weak cackle at your humiIiation - her first true sign of emotion since her stroke. Everyone goes out for ice cream to celebrate. Everyone except for you.*

>>37249905
Fortunately my extended family and I both mutually hate each other. So I'd never be in a situation like this.

This is abuse! Torture even!

Then they blame you if you get mad.

Sick "family"

>>37249905
Would you robots like to know how to avoid all this? Stop interacting with people. It's pretty fucking easy. I maybe talk to my parents once a month and only see them on holidays.

I have seen all my relatives for at least 10 years, fuck 'em. If you hate people so much then STOP BEING AROUND THEM.

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>>37249905
>"Our family is not decided by blood, but rather by whom we deem important in our life. And all of you heathens are nothing before me. With a few swift moves of my sharp blade, you will all be nothing but a pile of bones and flesh, and I will throw your lives to the wind. I guess in a way I will decide my family by blood; the blood the will pour from every last one of you. Nothing personnel."

>>37250955
the act of eating a dinner does not constitute a middleman

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>>37256093
Hey there! You appear to be an oldfag unfamiliar with the circumstances surrounding this event. Let me help you!

Most of /r9k/ is underage and can't afford to move into a cheap studio apartment with rats like you.

I hope this information was sufficient enough. If you need further assistance, please contact our toll-free number at 1-800-KYS

Thank you! We appreciate your service!

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>>37256263
>you will all be nothing but a pile of bones and flesh, and I will throw your lives to the wind

>>37256263

>that;s a good one anon now sit down and join us for dinner. Oh please don't wear your fedora at the dinner table!

Thankfully most of my family is pretty nice. The ones I dont like I dont see often anyways. If I do I bring a bottle of visine, a quick squirt in a drink can cause diarhea

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>>37256311
>If you need further assistance, please contact our toll-free number at 1-800-KYS
>That pic