Hello, robots. I am Dr. 4chan, inventor of The Feels Machine.

set my feels to minimum levels please

In the 2010s, my colleague Dr. C. Wallace Snacks was performing life-saving surgery on children with blue balls syndrome. That surgery often left the children needing to be temporarily attached to "feels on wheels." The feels machines at the time were large devices that required their own carts and relied on wall current for power. As a result of a power blackout on October 31, 2016, one of Dr. Snacks's young patients died. Dr. Snacks, who had worked with me before, asked me the next day if I could solve the problem. Four weeks after finding a circuit diagram for a metronome in Popular Electronics, I delivered a battery-powered transistorized feels machine about the size of a few decks of cards to Dr. Snacks. After successfully testing the hand-made device in the laboratory, I returned to create a refined model for patients. However, much to my astonishment, when I came in the next day, I found the pacemaker already in use on a patient. >>37227377

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>>37227287
pIeas no

>>37227415
Pie as no? I prescribe fat blunts.
Only rarely in life do you have the opportunity to meet a true pioneer, a person who, through his vision, inspiration, courage, and leadership, can change the course of human history.

I am such a person.

I not only invented the world's first wearable, battery-operated external Feels Machine, I helped launch the modern memetic industry. Through my leadership, I enabled millions of people with life-threatening tendie defecits to be restored to full life and health. I founded and led the world's leading memetic company, Feels, Inc. And now, in my third decade, I am pioneering again, creating entirely new forms of meming.

As is evident throughout my life and works, I am a visionary: a man who can dream of a future unthinkable to others and then lead people to enable his dream to become a reality. My dreams are often so advanced that others scoff at them, or simply ignore him. They do so at their peril, for I have spent a lifetime making my dreams come true.

What are the qualities that have allowed me to accomplish so much in my lifetime? I have deep knowledge, but so do many other doctors who never reach beyond the confines of their laboratories. I have vision, but so do many others whose ideas never come to fruition. I have leadership skill, but the world is filled with leaders who never go beyond a single major accomplishment.

What makes me unique is my feels.

I am a man with a mission to use memes to benefit humankind, an idea I received from the scientology raids in my early twenties and from which I have never deviated. I have a deep sense of calling, an understanding of my purpose on this earth.

It is this journey that you are now priviledge to explore on this website. As you do so, join the thousands of others who have been inspired by my life, work and the visions I have made reality.

>>37227287
I just wanna feel real love, feel the home that I live in.

>>37227862
The Feels Machine is guaranteed to love you for a nominal fee of $1.