Mental illness feels >get yelled at by your family for washing

>>37225102
>wanna relax for a bit, clear my mind
>end up dissociating reality and thinking I'm doing things that I'm not actually doing like riding my bike and the getting hit by a bus or picking flowers that turn out to be little people who I've accidentally gravely injured
>have to actively remember how ridiculous these involuntary situations are to "come back" and remember that it's not actually happening
There is no peace or silence for me

>>37225206
dissociating from
and then getting hit by a bus
u kno what I mean sempai
I want to reboot my brain

>>37225102
I got put in a psyche ward for 10 days I had a psuchotic episode first time ever at 19 walking to work I dont remember doing it but was tolled I pulled my pants off at a bilusy intersection and began shaking my penis at cars screaming, I was lucky I didnt get charged I'm on meds now

>>37225206
You sound ljke the kind of guy who would murder his family and not even no it

>>37225307
Nah it's not like that
I think I just go into rem-like states at the drop of a hat
Whenever this happens I'm always in a sedated situation

>be me
>think i'm the antichrist
>i can read your hidden intentions
>i can predict the future
>everything that happens is related to me
>try praying allah like muslims do
>mag7 earthquake
>pray again next day
>car alarm go off outside
>akira.mkv
>another earthquake on the news
>next day pray allah asking for more of this
>isis tries to blow off kheops pyramid
>fuck i really have godly powers
>start looking for hints everywhere in my environment
>having hours long conversations with the hebrew gematria
>think im taped and mom is kgb
>i put my phone battery off and hide it
>hear mom talking over the phone one night
>"yes the phone's battery is off"
>panic.wav
>flee from home
>believe i have chip implant in my hand
>when im outside head hurts and christmas songs are looping in my head
>go back home and sleep
>no human contact for month
>went to the hospital two days ago
>they put me on meds, now waiting for the psych ward to call me back

>>37225102
that transformer thing looks like it's taking a dump

>>37225102
op same, dad tried to put me on meds cause I wash my hands alot

>lie in bed for 3 months and only go outside for food drinks and drugs
>suddenly you turn everything around and become the most social person
>people are worried because of how much drugs i do
>havent slept in 3 days
>still going ham tho
>all the energy belongs to me
>i know im manic but i just dont care im feeling fucking great
>know that deep down im a mental trainwreck and i should admit myself to a hospital
>every night i dont smoke weed i dont sleep
>get diagnosed as manic depressive (bipolar)
>fuck my shit up senpai
>this post has no coherence
>makes sense tho

Been diagnosed schizophrenic for 7 years.

Spend all day in my room drinking beer and watching buffy the vampire slayer. Don't shower or take care of myself. There is an ocean of cans on my floor. It's really difficult to get my shit together.

>be me
>go on drug use spree
>sleep 10 hours a week
>barely eat
>paranoia ruining my existance
>get gf
>she does everything for me
>she hangs up on phone after I fall asleep
>wake up 30 minutes later because voice telling me she stopped loving me
>fight
>make up
>changes insta bio
>gets paranoid
>fight
>sleep paralysis all night
>thinking about an hero all day

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When did you first realize something was wrong with you, /r9k/?

>Be 19, second year of university
>Best friend from kindergarten commits suicide
>Go to his funeral and see him in the casket
>Realize that I didn't feel a damn thing
>Yeah, he was cool and all, we had some good times, but people die, you know?
>Laying in bed later that night, thinking about it
>Envision the same funeral, but replace the deceased with other people in my life
>Other friends, family, etc.
>Nothing changes, not even stirred
>Say fuck it and roll over, sleep soundly

Looking back, my friend dying wasn't the first time I had no emotional reaction to something that I absolutely should have. I'm in my mid-late 20s, and every day becoming more and more aware of how numb I am to everything.

I guess that makes me a monster.

>>37227895
i had a similar experience
when i was 14 my grandfather died, i always absolutely adored him
but when it came to his funeral i had to force myself to cry

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>believe in magic
>know the antichrist is out there (he is a german of russian origin)
>get visions of temples in the sky and divinely lit white corridors
>feel like i have a special connection with the fourth dimension or some other transcended realm
>wonder if i have a foreign spirit inside me
>sometimes bring things i find on the ground home in case they are important artefacts
>also sometimes get non-sexually excited when imagining stabbing and torturing female classmates

>>37225102
avoidant, dp/dr, intrusive thoughts. ignore people even though they ask me to hang out, why does my brain have to be so fucked

>tfw /r9k/ and /x/ are full of insanity shills

i dissociate into a world how i want it to be