Share your anxiety / social anxiety / depression feels >mind

>many hours a day are spent on daydreaming

>bad actor in high school
>put in lots of effort to produce shitty poetry
>wallowing in self doubt is the process of signing Satan's contract
>But I don't want to just stand him up

>out of food
>have money to order pizza but I'm scared my neighbors will judge me because I ordered twice last week and I have nosy neighbors
>also scared pizzaman will judge because I order pizza in the afternoon like a neet faggot
>if I wait until night my mom comes home and gets mad if I order
>2 scared/tiredto go to grocery store
what do

I am alone because I am afraid to be left alone.

>Social worker
>Deal in poverty, desperation, and all flavors of human misery
>Drink.
>Visit a homeless mother at the shelter with her two kids
>See a little 3 year old girl walking around her roach infested apartment with a piece of plywood like fucking Jonny and Plank.
>Visit a slum so bad, two cops are posted inside it every night.
>Visit a woman who lost her kid because opiates got to be more important than baby food.
>Deal with paperwork. So much fucking paperwork.
>Drink more.
>Deal with victims of domestic violence.
>Lots of DV victims.
>So fucking many. Holy shit.
>Deal with DV victim so long I watch her baby grow into a toddler.
>Rosy cheeks, bright eyes, soft voice.
>I'll never forget that face.
>Her daddy beat her to death.
>Drink a lot.
>Job performance begins downward slide.
>Never recover.
>Want to quit really bad.
>Can't because family.
>get different social work job.
>Maybe it'll be better?
>It's not.
>Sit in stall at work clutching loaded gun.
>Finally talk to someone.
>They call cops. Cops commit me.
>Quit job.
>Feel like worthless, weak piece of shit.

And that's where I'm at right now.

>>37201870
Just came home from work. I've got around 2 hs before its time to start cooking something and around 2 more hs before going to sleep. I'm not sure what to keep my mind occupied with in the meantime, and I'm afraid suicidal thoughts are coming back slowly. I had'nt had any for the past 2 years or so.

>tfw socially anxious all my life
>one day realize I had poor self esteem so I felt lesser than everyone, which made me scared of interacted with them for fear of judgement

Basically I didn't want it to be confirmed that I really am lesser than others so I avoided any scenario that could prove it

Literally one day I just started loving myself and told myself I'm not lesser than anyone, now the anxiety is pretty much gone. It was that easy.

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>Exercise regularly
>Happy with how I look
>Have some interesting hobbies
>Feel proud of myself
>As soon as I'm in the presence of other people I feel like a freak
>Absolutely no confidence
>Impossible for me to approach others

>>37202487
Sorry for that. Really wish you the best man

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Just want to catch a break for once. Just give me one victory so I can keep going. Looked for something to hang myself with last night, picked a cloth belt. Seemed like the best choice.

>>37202681
Ever call a suicide hotline before?

>>37202487
>>Finally talk to someone.
>>They call cops. Cops commit me.
>>Quit job.
>>Feel like worthless, weak piece of shit.
and then they wonder why people don't ask for help

>>37202555
>Feel proud of myself
>Absolutely no confidence
how ? like confidence comes with self esteem so you aren t supposed to freak out if you thing everything with you is good

>>37203302
No, I can't see how they could help me. I'm already seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist.

>finally gets gf
>fucks it up because i'm too depressed to be normal anymore
>cucked

>numbness and then suicidal thougths and then numbness
>tfw I really feel like a robot

>>37203488
They're available 24/7, unlike your therapist.

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>going to work
>demotivated af
>make up this fantasy where i must kill a monster
>every week I succesfully finish at work is one less monster`s limb
>feel like a hero every friday

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>>37201870
> haven't had stable work in years
> constantly struggle with alcoholism
> no self esteem, no friends, family increasingly distanced and feel they hate me and are just putting up with me
>Social skills are horrible now after many years of isolation

I think quitting drinking will solve many of my problems.

>I don't interact a lot with people because of the fear of being judged and mocked because I am a fucking freak and so so weird

>>37203887
They'll just give empty platitudes and probably report me to the police if I say too much, sounds like just a joke from everything I've heard.

>lost appetite
>lost joy from various stuff like vidya, films, series, reading
>low libido
>feel extremely alone
>can't study to my exams even though they are easy
at least im losing weight hehe

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>finished another year of school
>grades dropped due to laziness and lack of motivation
>my family doesn't know
>lack motivation to do anything in general
>every morning i struggle to get up and go to school
>no willpower to take care of myself
>go days without eating
>go days without showering (somehow I don't smell)
>constantly concerned about the future and have absolutely no idea what to do with my life
>no girlfriend and all girls around me are vapid, materialistic stacy's
>fear turning into a childless, single loser and dying alone
>appear like a normalfag during the day, but at night I'm always hit by a flood of sadness
>family doesn't know any of this and still thinks I'm a diligent student, bound to do well in life, like I seemed when i was younger
>in reality, I just want to cease existing sometimes.

>>37204059
the problem of being a swollen, red, chubby, hazey-eyed cunt, maybe those problems, yes

isolation and loneliness? quitting won't change that an iota my man. but tone it down for your health, if you want to live any bit at all

>cost my family thousands
>dropped out of school
I'm thinking of saving up a few grand then killing myself. That way they won't have to pay for my funeral.

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>>37203470
I literally have exactly what he has and I can 100% confirm that what he said makes sense

>>37204369
I feel the same way. Just sapped of everything in me.

Worst part is, it doesn't feel like it will go away again.

>on bus
>person sits next to me
>her shoulder is up against mine
>I can feel her arm & her subtle movements has she inhales & exhales
>start to tense up
>get self conscious so I try to lower my breathing so that my troso would move as much
>it makes everything worse
>start sweating
>start tearing up
>feel like im drowning
>quickly get off the bus 3 stops before my destination
>gasp for air and sit down for 10 min for my breathing to get back to normal


What is wrong with me?

>get up
>eat
>only feel like sleeping some more or laying down at least but i dont want to lose even more friends by not talking to them

also

>forcibly have therapist whom i don't dare to tell how i feel because i don't want to worry him or trouble him however moronic that sounds