I've been crying for two days straight now, I think I've

>>37181869
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5_5Bq-BZTc
CLEAN
YOUR
ROOM

>>37181869
So what are your problems?

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767KB, 399x1152px

>>37181869
SORT
YOURSELF
OUT
You have been muted for 4 seconds

>>37181869
every week I get low every day, multiple times a day and think about blowing my brains out, then I spend the weekend jerking off and worrying and then go back to the same shitty job where everyone knows I'm a loser.

mustering the will to die is difficult on the weekend and when you're neet

I also tried to get religious but realized many months into it I'll never know if god is real or the bible true and so I'll never really have faith it's just brain washing to put it simply. There's a lot of phenom we will never understand in our lives or lifetimes.

I'm thinking of not going into work, calling the local therapist and getting tagged with schitzo, depression and whatever else so I finally have an explanation for why I am so shit, maybe even neetbux to keep me alive till I kill myself knowing I'm incompetent.

who really cares, my family basically gave up on me yet it's easy to just tell people to get their shit together again and again since you can't legally kill them in disgust since morality is basically dead in the modern world.

>>37182054
Do what I did. I cleaned my room, got diagnosed, and got medicated. I'm weening off the add meds at the moment so I can take the summer off to reset my happy circuits, but the mood stabilizer was a godsend. Bipolar II is a bitch.

>>37182141
watching jordan peterson, stefan molynux and other outlets helped me a bit over the years.

I really dug myself into the grave mentally though.

then you just get older and it's harder to have any sense of confidence with years of piled on failures.

plus the porn i've been watching got really degenerate over the years and then I swung into religious extremism and I think my brain broke with demons telling me to get a sex change hahaha it laughs at me in my head whenever I mess something up or do something weak

>>37182196
Religion is a spook, you're a schizo

t. guy that lost his faith because he actually tried to become educated in theology well enough to become the preacher/missionary that everyone around him pressured him to be

>>37182141
a few weeks ago I didn't sleep for three days and was doing 10 hour shifts and it just killed me emotionally and spiritually and I work 3rd shift and can't sleep most of the time for a long time.

I feel like I'm barely limping through life at this point and can't think straight.

idk what to do, I hate myself and can't look in the mirror anymore. I recently payed off my college loan though where I failed miserably, but now I have barely any money saved, it's just all shit

>>37182235
I know but I'll really never know.

have to be separate from the world after all

I grew up in a cult and it messed me up

>>37182244
When I don't sleep well my bipolar II acts up. I either hit a depressed or hypomanic (the difference between what you think is bipolar and what bipolar II means) phase. Add sleep to what I said previously.

Don't know enough to give any advice with the hope of it being useful

here's what helps me out though: walking at night with music in a calm part of town, with a glass or two before/after - I've underestimated fresh air and walking for a while for so long - it's an interesting way of sulking - tell me what you think of that

Btw, I'd like to know what music accompanies your sadness if you don't mind
Also that picture is lit where can I find more?

>>37182310
I can't sleep when I want.

I just can't, I've been really worried about time and death since I just had a birthday and know i'm wasting my life in a life I never wanted.

the voice just said "Oracle"

it always means something by what it says I think

we're just going to die and we're being replaced like dead cells by girl's mate selections.

Seek professional help. There are free services you can chat to or call to and they will talk to you.

>>37182493
but I have pages to refresh

>>37182384
I can't sleep either. Ambien never really knocked me out since I'm on a lot of amphetamine during the day, but whenever I didn't dose it worked very well. Restoril is a good script, but my doc only gave me half of what he prescribed, and I need 1.5 times the dose he gave to begin with. I'd recommend it as a sleep aid. Diphenhydramine hydrochloride and doxylamine succinate are my gotos for over the counter sleep aids. Diphenhydramine will make you "trip" a bit, doxylamine is very new to me, but both work fine for sleep in the 75-150mg/50mg-75mg range for me, respectively. Take melatonin 3 hours before you want your new bedtime to be every day as well. Shit's all natural, if you're dumb enough to think "all natural" means anything significant.

Quit being a little bitch. Man the fuck up and just be yourself!

>>37182575
i'll try to find some sort of help and see where it goes

>>37182493
yes. do feel shame to go to a professional. they are made to help people like you.