Me, 16 years-old: KV only interested in video games Me, yesterday,

I'd rather you fuck off and kill yourself.

There are dozens are threads exactly like this daily of you fucksticks forcefully pushing your ideals and own experiences on others. It never works as advice and never will.

>>37127413
That's got nothing to do with me, man. I understand that advice like "just be yourself" is terrible and confusing. The problem with most of those threads is they're made by Chad who does all the right things naturally. He doesn't actually know where a robot is starting from, he doesn't know how to get there. I do, because I'm not some big natural pimp. I had to change my patterns of behavior with almost no guidance over the course of 8 years, but I know what I did, from the big picture to the little adjustments, and I just want to cut the learning curve of others who are trying to do the same.

>>37127371
Ok then teach me

>>37127371
>>37127461
Alright tell us then. How did you meet this girl? Outside school / uni I hope? Good. Then next, who is she? Why did she like you? How did you meet? And convince her to have sex.

Careful, one wrong answer and we'd all know you're just a dormant normie faggot and should neck yourself.

>>37127856
I met the girl through Tinder. I don't actually have a lot of luck with Tinder. In the ~18 months I've used it, I've only met three girls from it, but they've all been attractive and nice girls that I really liked. No sluts looking to use me emotionally. So it's not great, but you take what you can get.

Who she is is a cute blonde 20 year-old who lives about 30 minutes away from me. After I conveyed a bit of confidence and attractive qualities, I invited her to meet over tea and she accepted.

She liked me because I acted "cool" (like it wasn't such a big deal a girl was giving me her time and attention) and was the leader in the interaction. Mostly the second thing. I could write a lot about how lead with women, because that's something really important, and society fails to teach men how to do it at all.

Already answered how we met.

I didn't "convince her" to have sex. I led her to sex by taking the next step at the right time and understanding that a girl who likes you will WANT to have sex with you if she trusts you. She trusted me because I genuinely liked her and worked to make her comfortable.
That's a lot of the outside stuff. That doesn't help very much. So, more in response to >>37127825, I will teach you HOW I went from being afraid of girls to being able to lead the interaction. Cause I think a lot of you robots know WHAT to do (be dominant, confident, "alpha,") but don't know how to do it smoothly and naturally because it's not in your nature.

It was a series of adjustments made over 8 years. I had to figure out what behavior women responded to, then I had to teach my brain to behave that way. I'll detail some of the ways I did that in the next post. (1/?)

>>37127371
Don't want the casual sex meme desu senpai.
It's nice that you did something you thought you had to but I think I wouldn't feel the same.

I'll wait to meet someone special.

>>37127371
Get the fuck off this board.

Patrician music taste though

>>37127825
>>37128139

First thing is you have to understand your unconscious mind better, because you need to work on your emotions as much as your logic to have success. Gain the understanding logically first, then learn how to change your emotions to reflect them.

One good understanding to work on is that rejection is OK. It's very possible to build a personality to avoid getting rejected. A lot of us do it unintentionally. You do it by always faking a smile, saying please and thank you, and never saying anything that can upset another person. What you have to realize is that rejection is a GOOD thing. Even though it hurts, it helps you find the people you can connect with. So for example, I had to learn that it's OK for me to use dark humor. Some people get really turned off and offended by it, but that's OK, because if I can't express myself around them, they are USELESS to me.

Here seems like a good part to address "being yourself." What that idea means is not literally just be in a social interaction without thinking about it, because most of you don't have your social bearings. It's about ACCEPTING AND OWNING your individual identity, and not changing it to be liked. So for a lot of you robots, it means not being ashamed that you like to spend your time here on R9K, or watching anime, or that you don't have a lot of experience with girls. I know that seems crazy. But when you "act cool," this things will seem cool to girls/other people because they're a part of what makes you interesting. As a mental exercise, imagine Chad talking to a girl and just saying with full confidence "I love anime." How is the girl going to react? She'll react well, and not because anime is cool, but because Chad is cool. If Chad stutters and tries to hide it, the girl will think that anime must be really sketchy for Chad to hide, and it won't work.
(2/?)

>>37128331
Chad here, sorry for coming to this board bots, but can confirm this.
If you like something, be confident, talk about it, make it seem cool, for real. I like anime, Vidya, parties, porn, and have plenty of sex, because they won't care if you talk about it in a cool way. Be confident.

>>37128237
It wasn't casual sex. This girl and I like each other, and we are going to continue seeing each other. It wasn't the deepest, most meaningful sex I could ever have, but if that's your requirement for sex, that's a problem in it's own. I can elaborate if you are interested.

>>37128251
Thanks.


>>37128331
So then my first call to action for those who don't have specific questions is this: Practice being confident about everything. Start easy. Tell some of your closest relationships (Even if it has to be your parents) something you are slightly embarrassed about, and focus on not just logically communicating the facts, but emotionally communicating that you aren't that embarrassed about it because you believe that you are still cool enough/worthy of their relationship. And if you ARE kind of embarrassed about it because it's something that you decided FOR YOURSELF at it should be embarrassing, (not because pop culture thinks it's embarrassing,) then just SAY that you find it a little embarrassing, but don't make a big deal out of it. This is being emotionally open, and it let's a girl know that she can trust you not to hide things from her. I'll try to create some examples here, and then I'll explain WHY you want to do these.

An easy example would be: "Mom, you probably don't know this about me, but I really prefer anime over western television. I find Western programming (bad/boring/degenerate), but really enjoy the light-hearted fun and playfulness found in anime. Anime is actually a big part of how I spend my time, and you are my mom, so I wanted you to know that about me."
(3/?)

>>37128767

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Because it will create what's called a reference experience that will prove to your emotional mind that it is OK to talk about anime. Because your mom will almost definitely react well to it (sorry to generalize, those of you that don't have good relationships with your mom), you will learn on both a logical AND AN EMOTIONAL level that it's possible to talk about what you like and not be rejected. This is important because logically, you want proof that you can do it again, and emotionally, because if you haven't even seen that your mom can be OK with it, you'll be scared to tell people even if logically you think you should.


Another example: The next time you are in an interaction with someone and the topic of sex comes up, confidently and calmly say "Oh, I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm a virgin." Again, focus not on the words, but on using your voice and body to communicate that you're not ashamed of it. Say it with the same blase you would have said "I've never been to Cancun," if that had come up. BE PREPARED FOR A SHOCKED REACTION! Most people are bought into the cultural norm that sex is for cool people and only losers who can't get any are virgins. Depending on who they are, you might get pity, patronized, or even mocked. But I promise that if you respond by saying "Hey, it's not really a big deal. I've just never had sex. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person," with a calm, deep voice that shows you really believe it, they will back off. Your confidence that being a virgin is OK, and not in any way uncool, will override their existing beliefs and make them reconsider. They will be thinking to themselves on an unconscious level "I thought that virginity was something to be ashamed of, but I must be wrong, because this guy admitted to it like it was nothing. He was so sure of it, he's probably right. There's probably plenty of cool people who are virgins, and he's probably one of them."

>>37128806
This one is important because depending on what type of guy you are, you may need to tell the girl you eventually lose your virginity with that you are in fact a virgin. So you may NEED to gain reference experiences to learn that it's OK to be a virgin. It won't lower your value in a girl's eyes unless you are embarrassed by it.

Another example of how you can practice being confident about everything: I keep a pretty messy car. I want to tidy it up better, but I never take the time to clean it. So when I have a passenger/passengers, I say "I'm kind of embarrassed, but my car is sort of messy." The reaction I usually get is simply "Oh, that's OK, I don't mind." And we leave it at that. Imagine in contrast if I knew my car was messy and was ashamed of it, but didn't want to admit it. They might get in my car and make a remark about it, and because I'm ashamed, I might get defensive. They say "Dang, you've got a lot of stuff in here," and I would blurt "I pretty much live out of my car, I don't really have a choice!" That defensive behavior would be sub-communicating that I'm not really comfortable with the situation, which is the sort of nervous behavior that might turn off a girl.

>>37129042
Sorry, forgot to number last two post. This one makes...

(5/?)

So this is why "being yourself" is currently bad advice for you. Because that means being a nervous, defensive, embarrassed, reactionary individual. Once you habituate confidence by practicing it like this, THEN it's OK to be yourself, because the types of reactions you will get will be totally different.

Ideally, there would be a sandbox where you could practice this sort of stuff, but in reality, you're probably going to have to do it in the real world. If you're one of the many robots who is a shut-in NEET, hopefully this is the motivation you need to change. You NEED reference experiences to become confident. Your brain has a part that handles social behavior. It tries to protect you from doing things that are "socially unacceptable" to keep you from getting killed thousands of years ago. You CANNOT expect to confidently talk to a girl when you unconsciously believe that you face a serious risk of rejection talking to her. That leads me to a big point.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Society didn't teach you how to interact with girls, and your unconscious learned to PROTECT YOU by making you act beta because your primitive brain doesn't know that the rules have changed. IT'S NOT THAT YOU ARE A PUSSY! Your primitive brain is screaming at you to be beta. This is normal, healthy social learning. It just fucked you over. So don't make an identity out of it. "I'm a pussy because I can't get girls." NO YOU ARE NOT, YOUR BRAIN IS SABOTAGING YOU, AND YOU ARE NOW WORKING TO REPROGRAM IT!

OP here. I liked writing those walls of text, but I realize they're the same as a lot of things out there. That's why I'd like to answer your personal questions.

The thing about advice is that without context, it's useless. "It's important to make girls feel comfortable" is just a vague and useless statement. But I can give you the full context which is like "Making girls feel comfortable is important because of 1,2,3, so you want to do it by doing A, B, C, which work because X, Y, Z." And that is obviously a lot to take in, but since a lot of you are so good at the logical frame of mind, I know you can make good use of it.

>>37129621
Been lurking and reading your advice, which most of it makes sense, but heres a few questions:

>What do you talk about on dates?
>How do you initiate a date? Where do you go?
>How do you keep the conversation flowing so you dont seem awkward as fuck?

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Can a robot with a date tommorow morning get some help over here?
I have no idea what we should do tbqhwuf
We were talking and she did the typical oh anything sounds good. Should do movie? Food? I have to be at work by 2pm that day so what ever we do can't drag on forever

>>37127371
they will without you - most people who still say stuff like oh i'll be a virgin forever are age 16-20

>>37129688

Happy you showed interest.

>What do you talk about on dates?
I can answer that, but I think what's more important is understanding where I'm coming from emotionally. For one, I do not plan any of the conversation in advanced. I just have faith that I will do well. If I "run out of things to say," I make it a point to never fill the silence. I just make a big smile and strong eye contact to communicate that I am comfortable with silence.

As far as what you talk about, the best topics are the ones which are most relevant to her. So talking about her, talking about "us" (this is important), or talking about things that are emotional to me.

So about her, I like to just ask her questions, but GOOD ones. Not biographical shit like "Where do you work?" and that normal platonic stuff. Ask about her personality, her experience of different things. If she lets on anything that might be a story, I ask her to tell it. Sometimes, if she's telling you a bit of something good or emotional, you can just say "Tell me more."

The statements of us can be casually positive or playfully negative. So, you can give compliments as long as you deliver them lightly, not seeking a reaction. So if she tells an interesting story, when she finishes, I might just say "Wow, you're pretty interesting" with a smile and eye contact. "Pretty," because I don't want to compliment too strongly. You don't want to be like "Holy shit, I am just so impressed with how interesting you are. SERIOUSLY, you're like so interesting." Because the subtext there is "I really want to make it clear how impressed I am, because I think if you know just how impressed you are, that will make you happy and you will like me." And that's so far from how it works, it just makes you look desperate, giving away your validation so easily.


(1/?)

>>37129871
Your answer is coming, stick around.

>>37129688
>>37129947

(2/?)
Playfully negative is when she says something, you openly interpret it as a red flag and make a playful joke about it. To be completely fair, this is a more "gamey"/PUA technique, so don't feel like you have to use it at all. But it's fun, so I'll explain it anyway.
So if I say I like something, and she says she doesn't really like it, I might be like "UH OH, I don't think we're going to get along! :)" Or if there's just a facet that makes "us" more difficult, like she wants to live in a big house one day and I like minimalism, I might say "This can never work out with us. We were star-crossed lovers from the moment we met." First of all, this acknowledges the fact that we are man and a woman out on a date, not two friends, and that is hugely important. Second of all, it's playful and fun, which if you ask me is always good. Third, it shows that you're not so desperate to make it work, that you CAN see the signs of a bad relationship, instead of being that guy who will ignore all of that because he's just happy to have a girl's attention and will ignore any negative feedback just to keep it.

>>37130775
>>37129688

>How do you initiate a date? Where do you go?
This is kind of a sticking point for me. The most important thing is that you made your intentions very clear very early. You want to make it clear to her that you are interested in her as a woman and not just a friend AS SOON AS THE SOCIAL SETTING ALLOWS. (At a party, you could pretty much introduce yourself and show her your intentions in the very first sentence. With a co-worker, you need to wait a little to not be a freak who just hits on every girl around him, but waits until he has seen some of her personality. With a business client, you want to wait even longer, and be more subtle, in a way that can be easily rejected without jeopardizing the relationship.) When it is not clear that you want to be more than friends, suggesting a date IS WEIRD AND CONFUSING, and is going to have a very low rate of success. If it was clear from the start that you were interested in her romantically, then if she likes you EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT, then you can just suggest a date and she is likely to say yes because IT IS NORMAL FOR MEN AND WOMEN TO BE INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER, and to go on dates to explore the chemistry between them.

>>37130799
>>37129688

How likely? That, unfortunately, depends on how attractive you are. I'm sure most of you here know this, but looks don't matter. Your attraction to a woman is roughly 10% genetic appearances, 10% grooming and dress, 30% how you carry yourself, and 50% how you behave. So you always want to work on the ones you can control. But the standard isn't that high. If you are direct and have the balls to ask a girl out, she will agree to go on a date even if she finds you only moderately attractive. Why? Because she is also looking for a partner. She wants more options for a boyfriend. So even if you're not Chad, she will give you a try if you seem like an OK guy who had the balls to ask her out. After all, if you were confident enough to do that, maybe she will see a confident side to you if she goes out with you. That would be awesome for her, because confidence is sexy. "If he was confident once, maybe he is a really confident person. I read him as like a 7/10, but maybe he is a 9/10 guy," she will be optimistically thinking.

>>37130830

Girls want to meet a guy, and she IS willing to give guys a chance IF they are direct and haven't already shown any really unattractive behavior, OK? So look, I'm not here to lie to you. Not everyone will have the same rate of success following my advice, because some men are more attractive than others in how they behave. Even so, your BEST strategy for success is to confidently put yourself out there. THIS MEANS A RISK OF REJECTION. A pretty scary one for a lot of men. And there is no easy way around it. You might find that you get rejected as much as 80% of the time, if you are going after women that you really want. And it will fucking hurt. Because your brain will ask yourself "What does it say about my worth as a man if most women won't even go on a single date with me?" It will drain you in a way nothing else can. But if you keep taking action, and working on improving your attractive behavior, YOU CAN GET BETTER. YOU CAN NEVER EVER EVER GET BETTER IF YOU DO NOT PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! That is the cold, hard reality. But as a man, you have the power to face it head-on, and FIGHT for what you want.

So tl;dr for that question: If you make it clear early on that you are interested in her, just ask her out on a date. She may say no because you weren't attractive enough, but the chances of her saying yes are better than you think because she WANTS to meet a good partner so badly, she will give you a try even if you're a 7/10. This is scary, but it's the overall best approach to having success with women.

>>37130848
>How do you keep the conversation flowing so you dont seem awkward as fuck?
Basically addressed this on the first post. Remember, feelings are far more important than words. You talk about basically anything, as long as the emotions are good. I gave three good directions for this above, but literally anything is good if the emotions are good. If you talk about the weather in a way that is animated and happy, she will feel good listening to you. I've literally done this. I've said "I'm so glad the sun is shining. I get really bummed out when it's cloudy, but a sunny day really boosts my mood. It just has that effect. I'm like Superman, I draw my power from the sun." And I say it animated. When I talk about the good feeling, I use my hands to illustrate. And then I make a sort of cocky joke at the end. So that's good emotional communication.

>>37129871
And >>37129688, Where do you go?

(1/2)

You want it to be a little bit of adventure. The more locations, the better. I would plan to go to a minimum of three places. So when I took this girl on dates, the first one like I said, we met for tea.

I told her to show up at my place and I would take us. When she got there, I had her come in for two seconds to see my place, then I grabbed my stuff and drove us. At the cafe, I picked a table and sat at the corner adjacent to her (This is just a technical tip. Directly across can feel confrontational, sitting side by side can be too fast too soon. Sitting at adjacent corners makes you face perpendicular, so it feel easier.)

About twenty minutes into the date, I mentioned there was somewhere else I MIGHT like to take her later, but I didn't ask her anything about it yet. Just "There's a bonfire later. If this date goes well, I might want to bring you with. But that's later. Anyway, *changes the subject*" Then after we'd been there for an hour, I felt like we were "all done there," so I said I"m enjoying you so far. Some acquaintances of mine are having a bon fire now. Do you want to come check it out with me?" And she said yes, so I drove us.
Now obviously, I got lucky that there was something going on at that time. If I hadn't, I would have taken her to either a park or a trail to walk for the second stop.

I try to end dates at my place (not to fuck, more on that later), but since I had the benefit of an extra location, I took her on a walk next. Worth mentioning is when I got to the trail, I kissed her. SMOOTHLY, it wasn't some big thing where I put the moves on her. Can provide details if there's interest on smooth escalation.

(1/2)

>>37131358
>>37129871
>>37129688
OK, like I said, I try to end dates at my place. Since she drove to my place and I took us, we inevitably end up back. So when we get there and she gets out of the car, I walked over to her, hug and kissed her, then said something to the effect of "No sex. Just come inside and relax for a little bit, and then we'll call it a night." Some Chads would disagree with me on the "no sex" part, that's just my personal style.
She came inside. I tried to make her comfortable by offering her some drink, telling her she could take her shoes off and relax on my couch. Then I sat down, and moved her next to me. (This is important because it's smooth, and also because it shows that I'm not afraid to go for what I want.) So I had my arm around her, and we were side to side, not quite cuddling. I put on an episode of the Office. When it ended, I turned the TV off, chatted just a little bit longer, then told her I'd like to keep talking but was getting late and I needed to get to sleep. I walked her to her car, kissed her goodnight.

This last part helps a lot because it clearly illustrates that she can come to my place, and I'm not going to be pushy. She knows that if I ask her to come over, I may want sex (Because I had communicated earlier that I didn't want to have sex yet, but would certainly like to if it "just happens."), but I'm not going to put her in an uncomfortable position by being pushy.

>>37129871
More contextualized advice for you. In the future, remember that you want to be a decisive leader, so have a place in mind. You can literally use the same few places every date, don't worry about originality. Just think about what's in your area. Movie and food are bad ideas because they make barriers to communication. My favorite places are parks and walking trails because you can focus on just you and the girl. My second favorite are tea/coffee/ice cream, any small food item that won't be a big distraction. If you are comfortable in a bar setting, "drinks" is a good one too. But I'm not comfortable in a bar, and I doubt many people here are.

Could some anons please keep this from archiving while I'm gone? I have to step away for a while now. I'd like to continue, but most of all, I'd like to see that the people I wrote thousands of words to received my advice, so I know it wasn't all wasted.

This was really good stuff. Not PUA or redpill stuff. But in a way you conveyed some of the same stuff in your text. Be confident in everything you do. And know that girls are just girls. I'd suggest reading books about talking to people or generating attraction and rapport. Alot of the basic stuff is explained in The Game by Neil Strauss. That was the book that changed my life. I went from 0 girls to 9 girls in 7 months. Of course it is required that you at least do nit look hideous. But a basoc betafaggotry looking skeleton can pick up chicks and get a pure gf if you take some time to make you even a bit more handsome and learn some basoc stuff about attraction

>>37132393
Thanks a lot, dude. In full fairness, I've studied PUA. But it didn't become me. I took what I could use, and left the rest. Honestly, that stuff seems more incomplete than it does bad. It's lacking the human aspect.

Horrible thread. Congrats on dipping your dick into an HIV ridden skank from tinder though.

>>37130830
>I'm sure most of you here know this, but looks don't matter.
fucking dropped. it's been empirically demonstrated that looks matter. OP is a good looking normie

>>37133696
Cool opinion. Contribute value or shut the fuck up.

>>37133884
Like I said, 10% at the time of the interaction. Good-looking guys also have their behavior down better because they were socialized as higher value. But being the hottest dude in the world who is insecure is worse than being the ugliest dude in the world who knows how to convey a confident and dominant personality to a woman well.
Sure, if you design an experiment to control for looks, then looks will be the determining factor. But it's not hard to look in the real world and see women quickly lose interest in hot dudes who can't keep their cool, and also see women responding powerfully to certain powerful behavior displayed by ugly manlets.

Thanks for the reception so far. Anybody else I can advise?

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hey OP

i'm talking to a girl over text who lives 100 miles away. the first few nights she was very interested and we talked until 5 AM.

the fourth night of this, she didn't text me until 3:30 AM by which time i was asleep. so i woke up and my groggy brain tries to escalate things with her- using things she's mentioned to me in the past (e.g. pierced nipples). she was receptive but didn't let me take it anywhere and went to bed an hour later, saying it was fine and that she was just tired.

the next morning she texted me asking if she could send me a pic of herself because she felt cute. i picked up the phone a few hours later and said yes but she had changed her mind.

for the past three days, our convos have been short in length and our messages scattered across the day, never continuing into the night like before. i'm still getting a lot of "haha"s which i guess are a good sign?

is she still remotely interested? how to i pick things up again?

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>>37134664
really agonizing over this

>>37134664
Not enough information here to tell. My guess would be yes. In general, don't escalate over text. It's tacky, high risk, low reward. The purpose of texting should be to secure a date. In general, I would say that texting her all night four nights in a row is a mistake, it's too available. I would bring up the topic of spending time together. If she responds positively, ask her if she'd like to, and if she accepts, have a good plan to lead. i.e., "Great. I'm available Tuesday. Come in the morning, and we'll spend the day together." Not "Great. What do you wanna do, you want me to come to you, or to come here?"

If she's a hundred miles away, you have a decision to make. Come to her, or let her come to you. Having her come would be better, so I would ask that first. But no matter what, what's important is that you decide first. If your plans don't work, you can correct them together.

>>37134664
She's using you for attention. She likes that's you're into her and wants you to compliment her, but she's not going to take it any further than that. And then she'll get bored or have a moment of clarity where she realizes her behavior is selfish and ghost you

>>37128806
>>37129042
>>37129234

if this verbal diarrhea is what "confidence" actually is, then i must actually be confident without even knowing

still dying alone, guess it really was that whole "being short, fat, and ugly" thing after all

>>37135282
Can you behave that way around women? If so, you're past step one and need to start working on step two, which is showing intent.

Steps to not dying alone:
0. Have dating prospects
1. Learn how confident people act, and start being confident
2. Interact with women confidently showing intent instead of sheltering yourself from rejection by being friendly.
3. Learn how to escalate smoothly, a.k.a., what the fuck you would actually do if a girl fell into your lap.
4. Take your time to decide if a girl is what you are looking for in a long-term relationship or not.