I miss when Ayafag gave me hugs and paid attention to me it felt

Aya hates me now and he said he wont ever be my friend again
i want Aya back
i can't think of anything else

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I miss when Rem gave me hugs and paid attention to me
it felt like I had a parent sort of for once
Rem hates me now and he said he wont ever be my friend again
i want Rem back
i can't think of anything else

>>37089335
im sorry
I JUST WANT AYA BACK I WANT TO FEEL LIKE IM NOT WORTHLESS ANYMORE I DONT CARE IF AYA PUSHES ME TO KILL MYSELF I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM STILL I WANT A PARENT

>>37089417
You didn't reply to my post
can we be friends again

>>37089443
ok
my discord is
dead inside#1843
i didnt mean to delete anyone personally. i just didnt want anyone to care about me because im worthless like Aya said

i wish aya would be my friend one day
i dont want to cry anymore
ayas gonna make it all better one day he's going to protect me from being sad

Did Aya ever visit one of these threads? I actually would like to get to know him.

>>37090340
yeah but he's usually mean and scary when he visits them

>>37090385
Sounds like he's just tsundere.

>>37090462
i dont know what to think of it. how is your day btw

You have the free will to take steps to get away from worthless fixations such as this one, and when that is accepted as fact, you can begin to heal and become better. It takes a little self-control to distance yourself from worthless things and have them take up less of your thoughts.

>>37090583
i dont know how to stop thinking about it
i want Aya i want Aya. he hates me and said im useless
i want Aya to be my role model at least

>>37090812
He doesn't seem like a very good role model if he treats you poorly.

>>37091063
i read these threads every day and theres no changing his mind on anything, anon
the word stubborn was invented for op

>>37091063
I dont really know what to say
but I dont care if Ayas mean or nice
I just want Aya to be my friend again
i want hugs from Aya and to feel like i have a parent again

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If I had one wish, it would be for Aya to be friends with you again
Aya no baka

What exactly happened that caused him to go on bad terms with you?

Who is Aya? Who is Rem? Do you think either of them would like to be my friend?

>>37092109
Think of it like Fate/Stay Night with Rin and Shirou.

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>>37092109
Rem loves making new friends! I'm sure he would be happy to be yours.

>>37092128
Which one is Rin and Shirou?

>>37092128
I-I haven't played that game before.

>>37092140
Fill me in on who Rem and Aya are first, and who everyone else in this thread is, too!

>>37092142
Tohsaka - Aya
Shirou - Rem

>>37092173
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Im shirou?

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>>37092981
I hope you go for Sakura, Rem-chan/Shiro
She's definitely best girl

>>37093135
I don't know who I'd want
It's so hard to think of ahuhhhh

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>>37088895
You do have a parent. Your mom's right here!

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>>37089417
proof of aya saying you're worthless
and proof of aya pushing you to commit suicide
lying fuck

>>37093961
I dont have to prove anything to you
go away

>>37093990
you do when you stsr accusing my friend of something he never did
you're the problem, you're the "villain"
stop hurting my friend with your manipulative lies

>>37094020
its not an accusation if it happened
youre only here to start a fight too.

>>37094020
Go away you dumb idiot.

>>37094020
Rem is not the villain here. Please leave him alone.

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>>37094044
It's an accusation as long as you don't provide truth, stupid sadistic autist
>>37094054
>>37094067
look at all these poor souls you've brainwashed into falling for your crocodile tears
have you guys seen proof of aya's terrible remarks towards rem? I'd love to see them for myself

>>37094098
It's not an accusation because i never accused anyone of anything
it happened : /

>>37094098
I don't need proof because I trust my friend. Why should we listen to some random person who's just here to stir trouble?

>>37094098
>have you guys seen proof of aya's terrible remarks towards rem?

Yes, but I'm not going to spoonfeed you since I don't want to crawl through the archive to find it and I doubt you want to either, so we're at an impasse.

>>37094098
Provide proof for Aya being innocent.

fool
keep chasing after whatever you're attached to
I'm closer to aya than you'll ever be and I've known him for a less duration than you
wanna know my secret?
don't be an autistic manipulative sociopath feigning innocence
you'll never know what's true and what isn't because all you have to listen to is rem

>>37094252
I think youre just projecting onto me
you sound like a bad person

Why does Rem, Aya and his friends all write in the same manner?

>>37094288
you like that word don't you, it's almost code for admitting defeat

>>37094330
what defeat?
you sound narcissistic

>>37094310
because they're all one person. OP is talking to himself as an act of slander towards the other party

>>37094342
narcissistic, after showing consideration towards my friend?
sorry, you should really look up definitions before acting smart

>>37094354
Seven IPs, anon. Rem's writing style is completely different from mine.

>>37094385
Its not considerate if you've just openly admitted to lashing out on people you dont even know just to impress Aya. You are manipulative

>>37094427
lashing out =/= asking for proof
i want to know whether I'm vouching for the "villain" or not

>>37094445
Why should I show you anything? this is just a thread for me to feelspost and other anons to join in
go away

>>37094468
fuck it, i give up trying to negotiate with pure autism
I'll just stay seated and assume what I'm saying is correct since there seems to be no sign or proof otherwise

>>37094496
I dont care what you think. go away you sociopath

>>37094496
The proof comes from a server that Rem left a while ago. He can't access it for you now.

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>>37094515
heh
here's a clear indicator everybody
just in case you was wondering how OP reacts when confronted with questions about the truth
>>37094541
I'm in that server, aya hasn't spoken a word about rem for months, nor had he said anything horrible in the past
are you in that server, do you have evidence of your own for me?

>>37094585
>are you in that server, do you have evidence of your own for me?

I'm not, I prefer to be a recluse. And Rem's word is all the proof I need

>>37094585
please, just go away. youre making me feel sick

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>>37093930
Ok then lets go play around the house

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>>37094702
Hmm~ Let's play a special version of Hide and Seek! Be back in a second, honey.
*goes upstairs and hides a teddy bear underneath the bed of Kiritsugu's bedroom*
Go find the teddy bear, sweetie! Maybe Saber can play too, she looks bored.

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reeeeee if you worthless discord/steam/animeavatar faggots don't gtfo ill cast some fucking juju black magic and make sure your drama and friendless suffering never ends!

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>>37088895
I got a hair cut today! And finally was able to pick up my Abilify.

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>>37094804
>flashback ends
Yeah, this is me
you're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation
it's a long story

>>37094840
>haircut
What does your head look like now?
>Abilify
tell me more

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>>37094842
I-Illya! Who did this to you, honey? How did this happen? Wait for me, sweetheart, I'll get you out of there safely!

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>>37094892
It was this guy
anyways
can you get me out, please

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>>37094865
>What does your head look like now?
My hair is out of my eyes. Before I would have it combed over so it looked the shorter black haired guy in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maKok2RItxM

but now it's above my eyebrows pretty much and it looks pretty good I think.

>Abilify
Supposed to stabilize my mood and stop hallucinations and stuff. The pharmacist lady who explained it to me was Indian and she was really nice and she said out loud it was supposed to stop people from hearing voices and my mom made a weird noise like she was surprised i was getting prescribed something like that.

I don't think I need Abilify, I haven't felt psychotic since my episode passed and haven't heard voices or seen things since then either but oh well I'm not a doctor. Having a mood stabilizer will be nice for me no matter what.

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>>37094924
Mommy will save you! Nobody messes with my baby and gets away with it!
*me cuts Rem-chan's abductors to shreds*
You're safe now, baby...
*me opens arms wide so that Rem-chan can run into them*

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>>37094971
AHEHH
youre embarrassing me

>>37094929
You liked him a lot I could tell
The blonde haired persons eyes were cute

Also are your parents well informed on these medicines?

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>>37094992
You can be embarrassed after you're safe and sound in my bosom! I need to carry you home, you're too shaken up to walk home after what you just went through.

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>>37095062
Im fine thank you
just going to take some pain relievers so I can feel good again

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>>37095037
No my dad is pretty much left in the dark since I only see him once a week at most and my mom just knows what I'm taking because I go with her to pick it up from the pharmacy. Maybe she does her own research but I doubt she cares enough. I don't tell them how I feel or anything, they probably just assume I'm just depressed and that's it.

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>>37095094
WHAT THE HECK
I just saved you from kidnappers
Screw this family, I'm leaving to go be with Kariya

This is some next level shit and I've seen a lot.

>>37095122
Sorry that happens Cod. Your dad must be more reliable than your mom if she already can't say anything about it.

my dad started arguing with my mother again. I think my sisters too scared to come out of her room because of them.

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>>37095146
Blah blah
in a few minutes these pills will have me feeling pure bliss and ill be crying tears of joy

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>>37095193
Yelling parents are scary. I'd always hide and cover my head and my ears so I couldn't hear them. That's pretty much my reaction to any noise I hear that I don't like when there's no one around to see me. Can't exactly cover my ears and curl up into a ball when people are around or they'd think I was a weirdo.

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>>37095230
Why are you being mean to me Rem-chan

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>>37095268
Because im still being held hostage by retards and I can't leave

>>37095247
I'd cover my ears whenever the door opens or i hear a doorbell
it reminds me of when my grandma used to abuse my cousins when she came home. She'd used a spiked belt

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>>37095285
But I just saved you!
*saves you again*

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>>37095309
Your family sounds awful desu. My parents threatened to beat the shit out of me sometimes but my mom only hit me once and that was the extent of my punishments.

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>>37095318
You can save me by sending a gun to my house in small parts
>>37095368
Oh yeah beatings. My dad had to take an anger management class because of what he was doing to us. He still ignores me now that I'm older though. I try giving him money every now and then. He feels like it wasn't worth me having a birthday celebration if i give my money away
but I just think he deserves it more than i do
even if he hates me

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>>37095424
Weird. I don't do shit for people who are mean to me. I'd rather suffer myself than give someone who is mean to me any sort of pleasure.

>>37095483
He doesn't realize what he does though
neither my mom.
Im convinced my moms a sociopath though.
So I dont think giving her any sort of help is going to work. She's been diagnosed by my psychiatrist and after we went to the therapist she stopped going because she was diagnosed a narcissist.

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>>37095534
I hate narcissists. At least people like me only destroy ourselves and not everyone else around us too.

>>37095576
Who knows
maybe im an inverted one. that destroys themself.
Do you think we really care about ourselves?

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>>37095608
An inverted one? Do you mean that you're a narcissist?

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>>37095608
I dunno, why are we still alive? Afraid of death? I know I am. The idea of not existing anymore scares the hell out of me. I'm unable to grasp the idea of spending eternity feeling nothing.

I wish I believed in God and an afterlife so I could die without fear.

I don't care about myself much at all, it's just the black void sometimes is even less appealing than the suffering I go through alive. That's when I think logically about it, but sometimes when you're severely depressed logic goes out the window. I'd probably be dead a dozen times over in the last year if I had access to a gun.

>>37095696
Maybe we all have a reason or believe theres hope

I remember when Aya was mean to me on that day I was shaking and wanted to hang myself. But I didn't and just passed out after i gave up on hanging myself on a tree. Still crying that day but I think the next day I realized I could be Ayas friend again

feelings are weird

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>>37095734
Most suicides are made on impulse. Most people who killed themselves would have felt different about it if they would have waited 3 days.

Don't you sometimes wish for something to push you over the edge? I know I do. Either push me and let me have the courage to die or help me get my life together. Sitting in limbo is the worst.

>>37095789
Yeah, it was pretty terrible waking up and having panic attacks. I have an illness too that makes me body ache at times
and my nutrition doesn't help either.

You might want something to push you over the edge only for some sort of closure as if it has trivial meaning
but that's another self esteem issue just like I said to Casey. its always good to have high expectations!

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>>37095822
I want something to push me over the edge so I can stop hurting. That's it. I'm tired of hurting.

>>37095696
>I'm unable to grasp the idea of spending eternity feeling nothing.

You won't "feel nothing". There will be no "you".

Hope that helps ^~^

>>37095864
me too
I dont think the pain reliefs are making me feel any better.

i want to cry again
i want aya
my head is going to burn

>>37095864
I hate living like this
it feels like im supposed to cry
im always falling asleep if im not at the computer just looking at the screen
And other people scare me
i wonder if they are saying the same things Aya said about me in their head.
im scared of doing anything again

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>>37095926
>>37096002
Keep talking about it if it makes you feel better.

>>37096022
thanks
I'm scared to go out again
i wish I could go out when theres no people
want to cry
there's nowhere to go either. i can't handle these feelings its like my head is melting again i cant cry tears of joy anymore from when i took those pain relievers.
im being surveillanced with the house locked down
theres nowhere i can get to for long in only 5-6 hours
i just want to kill myself but i cant im too scared to mess it up
my head hurts i want to cry
aya hates me and shimo does too
everyone hates me around me.
i want to hide

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>>37096134
l don't hate you. You know that right? Can you acknowledge to me that you know I don't hate you?

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97 replies!
Original post

>>37096178
but you dont really mean that
Aya said im fucked in the head and useless
you dont know that im completely empty and im a bad person like he treats me as

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>>37096134
The house is being locked down? What do you mean, Rem-chan?

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>>37096206
Yes, I really do mean that. I don't hate you. If I hated you I wouldn't talk to you every single day and I wouldn't have told you that I love you either.

>>37096246
it has a security system set in it and the town i live in is small and hard to get out of.
she has cameras around the house because she thinks someone will break in and to also watch me in case i leave
she's been telling me lately that she doesn't care about me or want me anymore. and calls me a devil
so im not sure if i did go away that i would know where to go

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>>37096320
Why does she call you a devil? Rem-chan seems nice and well-behaved.

>>37096341
she says I'm being possessed a lot
and only wants to give me anti depressants
my doctor told her I didnt need them even though she still tries to give me them

its so depressing here. i just want to cry and off myself with a gun. im so lonely

>>37096341
it feels like there's no point in running anymore
i just want to kill myself
im scared of failing it
i want to stop crying and thinking of the bad things I am
im scared of being alive

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>>37096386
>>37096471
Medication can help you if you are completely honest to your psychiatrist about how you feel and make sure to bring everything up with them. I think it's the only way for you to get better at this point.

>>37096495
i'd have to wait a while then like always
i just really want my head to stop hurting
and i cant stop thinking of things
i want aya he hates me
and people arebeing mean to me
starving doesnt help me avoid panic attacks anymore
i just keep falling asleep now
wantt t someone like aya
want to be happy for once
i never knew what it was like until i took those one pills
it felt like i was in heaven
ive never been happy in my life like that before

i can feel like im being hugged
its like Cod is taking care of me now
I liked when aya posted in my threads
its like he watched over me and was a nice person i met in the park when i was abandoned

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>>37096616
I am taking care of you, sweetheart. Don't ever forget that.

>>37096643
thanks

it feels like youre my child at times though

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>>37096782
I feel like your parent a lot. What makes me feel like your child to you?

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>>37093135
>Sakura is best girl
When did this board get such good taste?

>>37096886
i dont know
im going to sleep maybe im tired
maybe ill dream of aya talking to me and we're listening to music

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>>37096953
Get some rest, babe. You've had a long day.