Can we talk about love? The way I see it (and I'm a 23 year

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>>37082859
>Actual love
>Couldn't confess
They don't even feel the same way towards you. You don't even know them as a person.

>Actual love
>I've felt this way towards 10 girls throughout my entire life
nah dude

nah

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>>37082859

>actual love
>10 times
>23 yo

>he thinks love is simple enough to divide into two small paragraphs on a siamese snail painting board

>>37082859
The first you described is the real love. The other is just extreme desire on account of you being a lonely barnacle

>>37082859
It would be the other way around if anything.

>>37082859
I think I'm going through actual love right now

It most definitely fucked my shit up from the first day I started talking to her, and it just kept fucking my shit up for the next few weeks. But it's in a positive sort of sense, just because I'm optimistic about my chances and think I have an actual shot at this. I'm riding the wave and I guess we'll see if I wipe out or not.

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>23 y/o KHV doesn't know a single thing about love
Shocker.

>>37083029
>>37083053
It felt like it at the time, so it counts. 1 girl in kindergarden, 2 in middle school, 4 in highschool, 3 in college. I don't see what's so strange about this.
>>37082918
>They don't even feel the same way towards you.
That doesn't matter.
>You don't even know them as a person.
I knew them well enough. But I don't think that matters either, what I'm trying to describe is the way I felt, the way my own brain was reacting. Why was I reacting in such a powerful way towards these people versus the ones I described in my first point? This has to be what love is.
>>37083081
I disagree. That may be the way normies think about love, but I can't accept it. I could never imagine marrying the people in (1.) or spending the rest of my life with them regardless of how well we got along, I'd only consider that kind of action a result of desperation and I'm too proud to resort to that. Meanwhile I'd literally go out of my way to fulfill the wishes of someone I was actually in love with even if they disliked me if they'd just be willing to be together with me. It sounds retarded, but this is actually the way I feel.

>>37082859
>actual love
That's just infatuation, or passion. What surprises me is that you say it gets stronger each time. For me it's the opposite. I've become progressively more cynical as I've aged so it never strikes me quite as hard. I just experienced it again recently, but it's already worn off as I realise that I don't have a shot.

The first paragraph sounds more like real love.

>>37083149
>I don't see what's so strange about this
You're calling it "the one", and then there's 10 different "ones".

>>37083192
Yeah. People grow up, and change. What might have been "the one" for 12 year old me might seem hilarious for current me. Now that I'm more or less an adult though I imagine I'd change less, if at all. In fact I more or less consider my current personality "complete" in the sense that I'll probably still be in love with the girl I'm currently in love with in 20 or 30 years from now.
>>37083153
I've become more cynical too, that's natural. That's why it's stronger, though. Realizing I'm falling in love with someone despite my cynicism means that person must be one hell of a person.

>>37083149

>1 girl in kindergarden

jfc dude you can't even write sentences when you're that old

That's not love, that's just infatuation. You never even dated any of those girls.

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>>37083149
>1 girl in kindergarden

>>37083149
>. I could never imagine marrying the people in (1.) or spending the rest of my life with them regardless of how well we got along, I'd only consider that kind of action a result of desperation and I'm too proud to resort to that.
So you've never been in love then

>>37083149
It matters because love is not one sided, that's just a crush aka infatuation.

You never even dated them. You fell in love with an IDEA of them, not the people themselves. There was a lot of passion but no substance.

>>37083226
Do you or do you not understand the meaning and implications of "the one"?

I wanna bet you're so detached from yourself, the people around you and reality itself, you don't even have a personality.

>>37083229
I could read at 2 years old. I don't know if that's abnormal, but I was more or less completely self aware by kindergarden. Regardless, I agree that it might have been infatuation. All the times I've fallen in love since graduating high school have been more than that, though. Infatuation can't conceivably last more than 2 years.
>>37083278
Why can't love be one sided? I believe there's plenty of cases where it is just that.
>You fell in love with an IDEA of them, not the people themselves
You can never truly "know" a person the same way he or she knows themselves, so you're always bound to be in love with an idea of them regardless of how long you've been together. I realize this is a pretty autistic argument but this is literally true. People are always going to act at least a little different from their actual selves when interacting with someone else. And this is not even getting into the fact that people are bound to change who they "are" anyway once they enter a relationship.

You've got it backwards. Your #1 is actual love, but you've never experienced it because you've never been in a relationship. Your #2 is infatuation, which may be powerful in the short term but is ultimately shallow and does not last, nor can it be trusted. You should not be pursuing that feeling.

>>37083320
>Do you or do you not understand the meaning and implications of "the one"?
I don't know, explain it to me then.

>>37083330
>You should not be pursuing that feeling.
Why? It's the only thing that actually feels worth pursuing. I feel confident enough to live by myself without the emotional support and security that living with someone else is supposed to provide.

>>37083326
See >>37083134
Love requires not just passion but intimacy and commitment. The latter two require an actual relationship.
So sure, it can be one sided in that it's only passion, but that would be a very shallow form of "love".

>You can never truly "know" a person the same way he or she knows themselves, so you're always bound to be in love with an idea of them regardless of how long you've been together. I realize this is a pretty autistic argument but this is literally true.
Yes, this is true, but the more you spend time getting to know a person, the more refined your idea of them becomes. Since you weren't dating, it's safe to say you didn't have a representative image of them, especially since

>People are always going to act at least a little different from their actual selves when interacting with someone else. And this is not even getting into the fact that people are bound to change who they "are" anyway once they enter a relationship.
Exactly, so you never really knew them.

>>37083369
>. I feel confident enough to live by myself without the emotional support and security that living with someone else is supposed to provide.
You don't live with someone to provide emotional support and security m8 you live with them because you enjoy their company but you've probably never had someone enjoy your company
>sour grapes

>>37083369
>Why? It's the only thing that actually feels worth pursuing
Because:
1) It's fleeting; it will never last any appreciable amount of time when you actually get together with that person
2) It's shallow; it's based on the person's appearance and some very superficial things about them that you know, not on actual knowledge of that person
3) Actual love is more fulfilling even if it doesn't turn you into a retard like infatuation does

>people trying to tear down OP for not being a settlecuck/cynicuck like them
>he's unfazed

for once, everyone else is the faggot

>>37083404
>1) It's fleeting; it will never last any appreciable amount of time when you actually get together with that person
Why are you so certain about this? What if I told you there was a person out there you'd be so madly in love with that even if you lived your whole life with them every single day would feel like the first day you fell in love with them? And who's to say there is not?
>3) Actual love is more fulfilling even if it doesn't turn you into a retard like infatuation does
Why are you so self-certain that what you are calling "actual love" is in fact just that? Are you sure you're not trying to convince yourself instead of actually thinking fairly?

Love is when you're willing and happy to put someone else's needs above your own

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>>37083456
wrong
pic related, it's u

>>37083464
>weeb telling me im wrong about love

>>37082859
im pretty sure you have these completely reversed, anon

>>37082859
#1 happens over time and you are actually on a more intimate level with these people than the ones in #2. That "powerful" feeling that you feel right after you meet a cute girl who smiled at you isn't real love. It's your pure virgin infatuation and daydreaming fantasies. It's completely groundless. You don't actually know the girl at that point and that's why you always crash and burn and cry about your failed love that you confessed to shortly after meeting them.

Real, romantic love is a bond that you build. It's passionate and intense at times but underneath everything is a deep, deep friendship, understanding and respect for each other. It's also a mutual decision to choose the other person over everyone else and commit yourself to them. It's staying by their side when they are a wreck and totally undesirable because regardless of the lack of passion they are still your other half - your best friend and confidant. Your biggest supporter and comfort at the end of the day. And no matter how many butterflies #2 gives you when they wink at you as they walk by, they will never come close the happiness and satisfaction that years of an actual love gives you

I think love is just natures incentive to get people to pair bond, its just good feels to encourage us to fuck and raise kids together.

Infactuation is just the beginning.

>>37083428

Not really, everyone else is just being realistic. Love is a social concept, it's not some fairy tail bull shit that happens on first sight. You gotta put the work in to build a relationship.

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>>37083565
>nature
>pair bond
We're herd animals, females mate with the alpha, betas hunt and do the work.
>inb4 [citation needed]

>>37083579
>You gotta put the work in to build a relationship.

Yeah I'm sure its so hard for chad and stacey to love each other's prime fit bodies.

>>37083446
>What if I told you there was a person out there you'd be so madly in love with that even if you lived your whole life with them every single day would feel like the first day you fell in love with them?
I'd tell you you were an idiot.

>And who's to say there is not?
The depth of all human experience. Everyone who's ever been in a long-term relationship can tell you that you're wrong.

>Why are you so self-certain that what you are calling "actual love" is in fact just that?
Because I've had both and I know which one is real. I know what each one is based on; I know that real love is based on an actual knowledge of someone and infatuation is not. I know which one lasts.

>Are you sure you're not trying to convince yourself instead of actually thinking fairly?
Absolutely sure.

>>37083464
>beta thinks it's about putting the woman on a pedestal

>>37083650
>>37083511
ops a daisy

>>37083645
>chad and stacey
That's neither love nor a relationship you cunt.

>>37083554
You're making too many assumptions. I didn't confess shortly after I met them, I fell in love with them a (relatively) short time after getting to know them, the confessions came later.
In my view "real" love has nothing to do with building a bond with someone, or rather, building a bond comes after the actual love part. The part about friendship and support I agree with, but there is something fundamentally different between your best friend and someone you are actually in love with. I could spend years and years building a powerful bond with someone, I could marry them, I could have kids with them, and the love I feel for them is not something I would consider "real" love, unless I had actually fallen in love with them at the beginning. This is something I want to avoid, but I think this is what most people end up doing, because actually falling in love with someone the way I describe it is very, very rare for most people it seems.
To paraphrase the previous paragraph because I'm sure it's not easy to understand, I need to actually fall in love with someone first before becoming willing to actually pursue a relationship with them. I've known so many girls in the past who I'm sure would have made perfect life partners because they were genuinely great people, attractive, smart, and caring, and I know they would have agreed to it. I simply never pursued any of them because I wasn't in love with them and I was absolutely certain I never would be no matter what happened between us or how much time passed. I might be delusional or an asshole, but deep down I am absolutely convinced that I am right about this.

>>37083650
>>37083665
>all he can do is retort memes
It's obvious you've never been in love and have no idea how profound an emotion it is

>>37083707
no, it's because I've been in enough relationships to know that what you're saying does not work out.

>>37083649
>I'd tell you you were an idiot.
Heh.
>The depth of all human experience. Everyone who's ever been in a long-term relationship can tell you that you're wrong.
We live in an age with technology which was considered absolutely impossible less than 100 years ago. The kind of bonds and relationships we can form today, being unrestrained by geographic and cultural norms, pave the way for unprecedented experiences.

In the end we're both talking from personal experience and basing conclusions on the way we feel. It's possible that the world is exactly as you describe it, and that I'm an idiot who's going to die alone and unloved. The way things are going I'd say that's pretty probably in fact. But I'm fine with that. It's worth taking the risk in order to try and prove that my description of love is the correct one.

>>37082859

Nah 2. you described is infatuation.

There's no such thing as true love but if 2 individuals can love eachother almoust unconditionally then that is a very beneficial relationship for both of them.

And you don't need ''the one'' for it either.

>>37083676
So you need to date a girl you are infatuated with. Yes you need to have desire for them. You can desire them physically and emotionally. If you don't think you're mixing up desire, attraction and infatuation with love, then your love is very shallow. Some people don't fall in love at all in their lives and you're telling me it happened 10 times for you. When you have your first real love, you will understand it is deeper than that

>>37083728
maybe youre too young and weren't in love yet then :^)

>>37083732
>It's worth taking the risk in order to try and prove that my description of love is the correct one.
OK, just keep in mind that all human experience and anyone who's ever been in a long-term relationship are evidence against you. And your technology argument holds no water, by the way; people form their deepest bonds in person, not online, and people from different cultures are actually at a disadvantage when it comes to deep understanding.

>>37083728
Perhaps the reason I've avoided going into relationships with women I don't actually love (out of a desire to just "be with someone", as a lot of people seem to do) is to avoid getting the same mindset. That "true love" is an illusion young and inexperienced people dream about. If that illusion is capable of bringing about such powerful emotions within me and making me feel more alive than I've ever felt, then maybe it's best to keep it within me as long as possible.

>>37083746
>Some people don't fall in love at all in their lives and you're telling me it happened 10 times for you.
That's not actually saying anything. It is absolutely possible that some people never fall in love in their lives and that it happened to me 10 times.
>people form their deepest bonds in person, not online
I didn't actually have online relationships in mind when I typed that out.
>people from different cultures are actually at a disadvantage when it comes to deep understanding.
That is the traditional view of things. It is also possible that that is incorrect. The last 3 times, and the strongest times I've fallen in love, have been with girls of different cultures than mine, and part of that has been due to the fact that I hadn't even imagined there could be women out there like that before meeting them.

>>37083750
maybe for you providing is love, but not for me

>>37083769
that's fair. real love requires a lot more time and effort and is a lot more complicated

>>37083830
>maybe for you providing is love, but not for me
I'm not talking about it in a material sense

>>37082859
>the kinds of girls I'd go for if I were willing to compromise

you are just picky normie, GTFO

>>37083229
OP never said he was in kindergarten just that the girl is.

I'd say it's a combination of the two. In order to truely love some one you have to know them. Knowing some one takes time. Though there are rare exceptions.

>>37082859
>I've felt this way towards 10 girls throughout my entire life
Fuck you.
I'm 22 and I only felt like this once, and that was over 10 years ago. It struck like lighting the first time I saw her followed by a whole lot of gawking. We talking maybe twice, never told her, but I told other people, so she knew.
She was my one, and any other girl would be a compromise.
I realize I'm an adult remembering a child at this point, but mentally I never left 2006.

Robots, this isn't my future, I can't have fucked up this bad. I wanna go back.

20 years old KHHV, I'm pretty confident I've never been in love. I've been infatuated with a girl once, but I was put down pretty hard by her.

I don't know if I'm picky or just afraid of being let down

>>37082859
I've felt 1 towards a few people but it turned out they were cunts. I've felt 2 towards 3 people and never did anything about it, but I wish I had.

1fags will defend 1 because muh mediocrity and stability but 2 is where it's at. It is also more frightening because it feels like it is very important so people are less likely to follow their heart, I bet.

>>37082859
U r a lovely person :>

Real love isn't necessarily measured by the metric of whether you and another person spend your whole lives together. Common experiences and a mutual and genuine appreciation of one another's beings is real love and a real relationship. A deep friendship with somebody, full of sexual and romantic and platonic feelings all bound up together, where the two of you deeply appreciate the fact that one another exist, but where you never become boyfriend and girlfriend and where you each know that each other would do better and be happier not being together, is a truer love that meeting "the one" and never sharing anything beyond an idealized notion of a relationship before dropping your spaghetti.

I frankly think your view of human relationships is underdeveloped and unhealthy.

>>37082859

I don't know what 'actual love' is but I know it's not #2 in your post. That's an extremely strong emotion no doubt, but it's obsessive desire for something you don't have. Your animal brain is telling you your only goal in life is to go out and mate with 'the one'. Because we have rules in society you channel this into making her mixtapes and shit instead of just clubbing her and dragging her back to your cave like nature intended.

If any of those 10 girls actually reciprocated your feelings the intensity of your feelings for them would mostly go away and you'd probably end up a little embarrassed at how obsessed you were.