> people always tell me I me I'm funny > say I could

DO IT YOU BITCH

>>37078370
I'm afraid I'll just look like a retard in front of people

>>37078401
Yeah, that's, kinda the fucking point you god damn autismo.

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>>37077934
Just don't do any "What's the deal with" kind of jokes and you should be fine.

>>37078418
I'm not really sure what kind of jokes I would do, most of what I do would I guess be considered meme comedy

>>37078441
Can we have an example, OP?

>>37077934
>will it get me laid?
Only if you're Chad.

Anything else will only get you cucked.

>>37078451
You guys like leage of legends? Me and my girlfriend(fictional I don't have a girlfriend, but for the sake of the joke) play that all the time. It was my girlfiends birthday the other day, She told me to get her something outrageous. so I decided to get her some jewelry. So I got her a necklace fuil of gems stones. hmmm?

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day (fictional I don't have sex but for the sake of the joke) and she started calling me daddy. I told her I wasn't into the incest fetish shit and she said "that's ok I never knew my dad" hmmm?

I exclusively fuck asian chick (again fictional) because my dick is very similar to rice because it's small white a useless. hmmm?

I've had a lot of odd jobs over the summer (fictional I don't work but for the sake of the joke) just last week I was working as a part time gadget inspector. Hmmm?

>>37078451
guy one (played by me): Baseball players have very strange names now days, like rodrigez

guy two(also played by me): they do

guy one: like take for instance the asian player named doctor

guy two: doctor who?

guy one: allons y!

hmmm

------

better call saul? that shows so boring, more like better call stall. hmmm?

When I first heard about Fox firing Bill O Reilly over sexual harrassment I was like, he should have been called Bill O REALLY! hmmm?

don't
it's not
it won't

>>37078594
Why? If my friends think I'm funny then I'm probably funny, I'm not worried about that part, just the will it get me laid part

>>37078607
your friends are probably painfully unfunny and you're probably average

>>37078617
That's possible I guess. So what if I did it at an open mic night far enough away that no one I know would see me when I fuck up. Would it be at least worth a try then or should I just give up all together?

>>37078541
Listen if you lead with a league of legends joke you will never be successful as a comedian especially when the majority of people at comedy clubs are normies

>>37078541
>>37078590

White people are so pathetic this isn't funny at all back to Germany with you.

>>37078541
>>37078590
If you have absolutely nothing going on in your life like school or a job don't risk it, but if not go for it m8
only the incest joke was kinda funny to me, still not amazing

>>37078662
ok here's one I just came up with.

What's the difference between Sigmund Freud and Jared Fogel? Freud hated jung things. hmmm?

>>37077934
write a stand up routine post it here and let us judge that first

>>37078706
Ok but I usually do contextual comedy with my friends and while gaming. How do I write observational comedy if I never really get out of the house much

>>37078700
>Hmmm?
Would you do that after every joke?

>>37078735
That's going to be my thing so people know when to laugh.

>>37077934
I heard that the comedians that joke about sexual shit are popular with women

Don't know what that would entail, but since you're posting here I don't think you probably have any experiences to draw material from when it comes to sexual shit

>>37077934
yeah easy money imo

>>37078742
I'm convinced this thread is bait now

>>37078780
I like writing fiction so I figured I could sort of just make things like that up

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>>37078541
>>37078590
>>37078700
Please stop already. These Seinfeld tier jokes made me more depressed than I already was.

>>37077934
If you're not afraid of bombing on stage then go for it.

>>37077934
Nothing funny in the OP's post. Failed.

>>37078801
Should I leave that off I don't need it there I just think it's awkward when there's silence in between topics in stand up. I was watching norm mcdonald's special last night and transitions between subjects were weird so I thought I would add something that filled the break

>>37077934
http://vocaroo.com
Let's here your delivery OP

>>37078813
one more. tell what you think.

I have artificial intelligence, I'm smart but it's not real.

>>37078834
You might as well jus say "pls laugh" at the end of your joke, it's the same thing.

You should write jokes that have a similar theme so it feels natural to tell the next one

>>37078700
This one (while funny) is still to niche for the average comedy club. Watch some acts on youtube or netflix (i suggest John Mulaney) you'll notice that the popular style of humor now days is observational humor, or telling funny stories that have happened to you (embellish the hell or maybe even out right lie when it comes to this) also self deprecating humor is all the rage. For example I did stand up in college last year it was fun but I only was creative enough to come up with one act but a joke that really killed was about the dating scene.
>Now you may all find it hard to believe but i'm a pretty scrawny dude
>Flex muscles (or lack their of) audience giggles.
> But when i'm out at the club I can usually hide it, wear layers, sport some long pants, maybe shove a Christmas ham down my shirt.
>Audience chuckles
> The real problem arises when I take them back to my apartment and the big fat lies come off and the anorexic truth comes out. The trick though is to keep the women laughing to much she forgets what you look like.
> So I take off my shirt and the girl usually goes "OMG anon your so skinny" to which I oh so cleverly and smoothly reply "I'm just ribbed for your pleasure.
>Cloud laughs loudly
>If you think she thought that was funny you should have seen how much she laughed when I finally whipped it out.

>>37078834
Just have a certain face you make or inflection in your voice at the end of the joke that's what most comedian do

>>37078854
That just sounds like a 2deep4u tumblr quote

>>37078725
well, keep up with the news and be trendy and you will do ok. you really wont go far at all if you dont try to do only normie tier humour, but good luck. god know how much humanity needs a decent comedian

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>>37078854
>I have artificial intelligence, I'm smart but it's not real.
Jesus christ dude.

>>37078890
that was complete and utter shit

>>37077934
>stand up
>job
>will it get me laid?
It won't pay a dime and chicks will avoid you like the plague. I used to hang out with amateur comedians and they all had to do it for free because no one outside of the big comedy clubs will pay to have someone tell jokes. Takes a lot of work and ability to get regularily booked at the clubs too. This is something you would do for the love of it, not for money or pussy (of which you will most likely get neither as a direct result of this ""career"" choice)

>>37079016
That it was but normies eat it up

>>37079048
You think you'll get to do gigs at normie bars?

>>37079063
I did already quit cause I didn't like it that much and was average at best. There is dozens of amateur comedians in each college which means their are thousands of comedians in the world and only a handful become famous realized it was a number game and I wasn't exceptional enough to make it so i quit

>>37079048
no they wont, those are two shitty old jokes put together, dont give up yet if you want to do it, just practice more

>>37079084
Case in point you can't tell normie jokes then

>>37079023
So if I do this it will be more of a hobby then anything else

>>37078854
These jokes are so fucking bad they might actually be slightly funny if you said them with the right inflection and followed them up with something actually funny.

>>37079296
Neil Hamburg-esque?

>>37078541
Yeah, don't be a comedian.

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>>37078854
>>37078854
>I have artificial intelligence, I'm smart but it's not real.

Got anymore?

Goddamn, this thread is depressing as fuck. Although, considering that this is on /r9k/...

>>37079459
Yeah, I had a brief job doing interior decorating for the homeless, I'd spend 8 hours a day making dioramas on the street.