I like to remember when Aya was my friend and he posted in my

please kill yourself

origamu

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>>37077001
Its good to remember the nice times you had with him.

>>37077069
Yeah!
Aya felt like a big brother it was so cool

>>37077001
Who's Aya? What's going on anon?

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And then Aya said/
nothing you idiot
Aya's dead, he's locked in my basement
haHA chicka chicka.

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>>37077088
Everyone needs someone that makes them feel special. Nice dubs btw.

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>>37077256
thanks
Aya made me happy
but then he was making fun of me to and egging me on to killing myself
I don't know why he changed all of a sudden

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>>37077299
Some people seem nice at first but change once you get to know them. Nice dubs again btw.

>>37077382
I don't know what to think of it
but the way he acted seemed really mature even though he was cold to me
He's still like a big brother!

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>>37077430
That's good that you can still think positively about him even after he hurt you. Shows you have a kind soul.

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>>37077487
I dont think anyone sees me that way

thanks
I kept sleeping today for some reason. Even when i had enough sleep. When I wasn't I was almost in panic attack. glad I didn't have that today
what was your day like k on poster? did you take some more benadryl?

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>>37077566
>I dont think anyone sees me that way
I do.
>what was your day like k on poster?
Boring. The NEET life is boring. Listened to J-pop most of the day and just talked to people on discord and steam. Getting a haircut tomorrow which is nice.

>did you take some more benadryl?
No, I can tell its taking more and more to make me feel good so I'm only gonna do it when I'm having a real rough night.

>>37077643
Haircuts feel weird, snipping is comfy because you can take your time with it

It's always like that desu
you just need less stress on you in general

>>37077864
Yeah but there's no chance of me getting any less stress any time soon. It's exhausting, you know? Just so tired of dealing with all this stuff every day. The frustration alone is enough to make me want to kill myself, as sad as that sounds.

>>37077943
What's been making you this frustrated?
you can tell me

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>>37078041
Just feeling like I'm never gonna get better. Therapy isn't helping outside of the 30 minute sessions. All I can think about is how awful I feel every day. Feel like a real downer with my friends, like I just have to put on a good face and it makes me feel all alone. Hate living with my family.

That's off the top of my head.

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>>37078115
30 minute sessions? You can do sessions with me then, if you'd want. Helping people always makes me feel at ease
Maybe you aren't the downer but something else is in front of you. Could just be the same way with your friends but it's the other way around.

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>>37078173
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

I'm just broken. My personality is broken. My friends are great, I don't deserve them. Too scared of the black void of death. I'm so worthless. I feel like everyone is better than me and I'm so pathetic and awful I deserve to die.

>>37077943
I already know you won't do it. Just hang in there bud.

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>>37078243
I have avoidant personality disorder too

not a lot of people on this site are like that I think
so it makes communicating a lot more hard and when people are distant you feel like you've made separate bubbles

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>>37078326
That's what everyone tells me. Feels like they're mocking me, telling me I'll never have the balls to do it. Hope I can prove them wrong someday.

>>37078337
I want to be close to people but just feel like an outsider to everyone even when that's not true so I just feel like I have to leave and be by myself to stop ruining everyone's fun.

>>37078389
I've been thinking about this. Most people I know say it's better to make mistakes and improve, but I was thinking if I shut myself off from the world and peek out occasionally and do good things, then I will definitely make a positive impact on the world.

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>>37078448
That's what I do kinda. Try and help people as much as I can but I still feel absolutely worthless. Sometimes I feel like abandoning all my friends.

As a matter of fact, I'm ghosting my friends right now, just for tonight at least.

>>37078389
My oneechan told me im hypersensitive yesterday
do you we're both like that?

>>37078498
Every time I've moved, I've ditched all my old friends. I've learned that friends are unreliable and true romantic love is really rare - a lot rarer than people make it out to be.

Someday, I'll spend my days volunteering at a pet shelter. If I strike it rich, I might get two or three goldfish (they can get lonely) and raise them to be each a foot long.

>>37077001
I'm sorry Rem that this happened to you and you feel so bad. I've been feeling really bad lately over someone too. It's hard to let go, isn't it? We'll both be okay one day! I just know it.

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>>37078511
Yes, absolutely I would say I'm hypersensitive. I keep it concealed decently well but I think you're more open about how certain things make you feel, online at least.

>>37078599
I just want a little studio apartment to call my own and spend my life in solitude. Interaction outside the internet makes me very uncomfortable and even some internet interaction makes me uncomfortable.

>>37077001
Who is Aya?

Who are you?

I don't understand this thread. Get better, OP.

>>37078653
I hope we are okay one day
it feels like Ayas an older sibling who hates me now
>>37078655
Yeah, I could never say those things in real life or i'd hide
why do you think we're hypersensitive?

>>37078682
subtracting you, me, and >>37077104, there are 7 posters ITT
this is some stupid permutation of discord drama where the OP roleplays as an angsty emo teenager (seriously) and everybody else tries to put on some kind of "genuine sympathy" thing but it comes off as fake and hollow since it's fucking happening in random /r9k/ threads

it took me a few tries to figure out what the fuck was happening in these as well.
turns out it's just malignant, aggressive autism

>>37078791
there is no drama though. im just talking about how i feel

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>>37078728
My mom never told me she loved me or gave me hugs or kisses or anything and I think stuff like that contributed to the AvPD and hypersensitivity. I cannot remember the last time my mom told me she loved me, and the last time she hugged me was when I was in 10th grade because I was flying on a plane for the first time with my school and MH 370 had just crashed a few days earlier. Can't remember when she kissed me last too, it would have to have been when I was really young, probably preschool. I'm sure you've experienced similar or worse neglect as well.

>>37078835
That's bad of your family
my mom felt sympathy for me sort of but it was after she physically abused me
she was crying for herself and didn't change that much after.
She threatens to hit me a lot still and throws boiling water at me sometimes.
and my dad doesn't do anything about. he's always ignored me intentionally my whole life since i was 5.
I wish she would realize how she's acting

>>37078791
>>37078821
Why is it being done on here, then, and not being done on discord?

None of this makes any sense, I'm so confused. Not even autism can explain this.

>>37078876
Because i like other anons joining in and feelsposting
i dont feel like doing it on discord

>>37078655
I was thinking it would be fairly cheap to buy a trailer home. I don't care what it looks like, as long as I have enough money for high-speed internet and basic amenities.

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>>37078870
Boiling water? Jesus, that's awful.

My dad's always been okay to me I guess but he has his own mental illnesses he has to deal with. Just never got that bond with my parents that normal people do, and never got an attachment to anyone, really. I feel more compassion and love for fictional characters than I do any of my family.

Music is the only thing I still love. It takes no real effort, you just press play and it fills you head and your mind and makes you feel happy or sad or whatever and lets me either amplify my current emotions or maybe switch to feeling something different.

>>37078995
When your parents seem more conflicted with their own problems it makes people wonder if you had a purpose. I'm not sure if that makes sense of me to say

Music helps all the time too
but when Aya was mean to me I realized I was worthless and Im trying to completely change everything about myself which includes music. if it doesnt work ill just off myself when I can buy a gun,

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>>37079331
Yeah I don't think my parents should have had me. They weren't mature enough to have a child even though I'm my dad's second kid. Finding a purpose is hard. I've thought I've found my purpose multiple times in my life but they always turned out to be something that didn't feel right.

I'm worthless too even though people tell me I'm not. I think we both feel that way, people tell us we aren't worthless but who can define our worth except ourselves? Our perception of ourself is what is real, no matter how much other people praise us what matters in the end is how we feel about ourselves.

>>37079441
true
my oneechan said its something like empathy
and it's a part of being stunted or being too mindful
Wonder how I can change that

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>>37079518
I have empathy and sympathy for others, but I have no sympathy or empathy for myself. I hate myself. I hate how I act and how I feel and everything about me. I hate how I treat myself and sometimes how I treat others. I find myself so disgusting and terrible that the only reasonable punishment is death.

What difference is there between hating someone else and hating yourself? Suicide is murdering yourself and historically has been viewed that way. Do you think hating yourself and wishing death upon yourself is any better than hating someone and wishing death upon them? Sometimes I wonder.

>>37079611
I think it's ultimately just someones own thoughts they put into their own heads to some people
which I think is unethical to have as a value
but everything around you affects you the truth is

Im sorry you feel this way
you can lay down and talk to me if you want

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>>37079773
Feels like I shouldn't be in this position, but I always knew my life would turn out this way, even as a kid. Getting a job or learning how to drive or going to college seemed insurmountable. High school was really where I flourished for the first time in my life. I was still shy and when someone came up to talk about me my brain would go dead and I could not think of words to speak, so maybe I came off as unfriendly sometimes or maybe everyone knew I was socially retarded, but everyone liked me. Some even considered me a best friend but the idea of interacting with people outside of school terrified me and I did it the least amount possible. I don't know if they were friends, I don't know how to even define what a friend is. They couldn't have been friends to me if I wanted nothing to do with them outside of the 8 hours of school, right? I had a good time in high school though, I like the regimented system of classes with defined times and breaks and stuff. I feel incapable when asked to do things independently. I still had suicidal thoughts in high school but they would happen for a few months and then I'd return to a melancholy state. After graduation it became constant suicidal depression, every waking moment was and is suffering.

I'll go lay down as you said so no more Ritsu's, don't have any on my phone but I'll see what I can scrounge up.

>>37079924
Good thing you did lay down. Growing up when you've seen an abyss is too much of a task for a child to go through. That's like growing up with love but your parents dying or something worse happening.
I couldn't get through high school when i was little. I dropped out because I kept getting panic attacks and running away from people. And it felt like I could see whats going on inside people and it hurt my mood. It hurts to think about other people stressed and the bodies were overwhelming. It's like seeing someones heart beating while they're talking to you
i get scared and want to cry for help when i have this anxiety

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>>37080035
The bodies were overwhelming? Too many people? Yes, I agree. Large numbers of people give instant anxiety, or small numbers of people in a close space like the aisle in a grocery store. More than one or two people and I will steer clear until it empties out.

What else makes you anxious?

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>>37080133
It's when it gets comfy for the few people in there it will make you comfy too

It feels like I can see what everyone is feeling and I absorb their thoughts into a cloud. I don't know how to explain it. But I wish everyone could get along

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>>37080248
That's pretty interesting. You think and feel in a way that's so different from most people, I can tell. You're special.

>>37080248
so your a pack animal is what your trying to say huh? maybe you need to stop thinking your a individual and join the flock.

>>37080333
I wonder why Im not like other people
Aya said im useless and fucked in the head
So I think it's just something wrong with me.
I hope one day everyone can hold hands and be friends wouldn't you agree?

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>>37080444
I don't think its something wrong with you, it's something unique, something charming.

But yes I do wish that but I know it will never happen. Also nice trips. You're on fire tonight.

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>>37080481
I wonder what it is
sometimes when I feel like ive conntected with something I get a feeling that almost knocks me out
it's probably just some deeply embedded memory thing.
Like I can fully be in other peoples mind when I get that feeling. its so beautiful to me

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>>37080577
I am but a lowly thinker who can't recognize facial expressions because autism.

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>>37080577
That reminds me of Ar Tonelico, where there's these people called Dive Therapist who help out others by entering their mind and interacting with their subconscious. You would make a good Dive Therapist.

>>37080731
Damn Mio is hot there

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>>37080758
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I wonder what that game is about
>>37080731
its easy to read facial expressions. it could just be that you have cute syndrome

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>>37080794
It's a pretty standard JRPG, but one of the most creative features is the Dive system. You dive into the mind of the three main heroines and try to heal their emotional scars by interacting with their subconscious.

Dive Therapists are introduced in Ar Tonelico 2, who do dive therapy as a profession. They're looking down on as harlots and prostitutes, though, because diving is considered a deeply intimate experience. One of the heroines is frequently called a slut and a whore by the other heroine for being a dive therapist.

>>37080884
A dive therapist huh and a conflict between the other heroine
sounds like power struggle insecurities
maybe ill get an emulator and play that

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>>37081185
Yes, you should! It's very INFJ. Get a PS2 emulator and check them out!

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>>37081236
I'll listen to you since you're the older one

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>>37081368
That's a good boy, Remu-chan. You should always listen to your elders.
Are you enjoying your Pokemon game?

>>37081613
I am. Playing pokemon black again
did you play any b4?

>>37081732
yes. Pokemon yellow; pika pika pikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!

>>37081757
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my grandma only played that one too
she used to always play it

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>>37081732
Yes, I've played the first five generations! My favorites are Black and White. I love the soundtracks and all the creative towns.

>>37081757
Cute!

What's with this idolization of Aya? I've seen the same thing Shlomo, but to a lesser extent, but Aya seems to be the prominent figure.

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>>37081810
Black and white were something different I agree
I remember getting victini through a code and accidentally deleting it

>>37081368
how do you know aya hasn't already killed himself because of your actions

>>37081924
What have I done to Aya and why would he kill himself?

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>>37081866
Ahhh! That sounds terrible! I wish I could get one of those and send it to you!

>>37081947
>>37081978
I'm not really part of this drama so i don't know
you could've made him believe that he's an actual bad person, i can't assume he is since I've seen no evidence, but that's just my unbiased opinion
accusation is a common cause of suicide
I was just thinking you should pay more attention to cause and effect

Aya post your cock please ty I want to finger myself thinking of it

>>37082067
i dont really know what youre talking about
who am i accusing?

>>37082075
after you
after all
I'm the real Aya and I'm still alive.

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>>37082075
Enjoy anon ;>^]]
>>37082164
Don't lie

>>37082128
what I'm trying to say is quite straightforward
if you don't understand it then that's your problem

>>37082184
its not my problem because youre being vague and walking away

>>37077643
>taking Benadryl for fun

Brooo please don't you're going to have a bad time

>>37082164
How did you and Shlomo meet Rem in the first place? Why did you start your bullying campaign against him?

>>37082179
I'm not trolling.
I could give my my discord

>>37082194
you seem to misunderstand anything you don't want to hear
I'm not being vague, you're just not using your head
conversations would be candid if you governed what was vague and what was descriptive

>>37082234
i dont even know what youre talking about dude

>>37082252
my point is proven
aya is dead get over it
this is why your lust is unrequited

>>37082279
I still dont know what youre on about

>>37082227
go ahead
we're already friends if you are the real aya

>>37082217
I didn't do it. Ask someone else. To be honest, none of the bullying was my responsibility but to be honest with you, I have a bigger problem to worry about.

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>>37082227
>>37082164
Here :p

>>37082332
>Ask someone else

What.
Are you the real Aya or not.

>>37082332
real trip or you're not aya

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i hate my life
i feel like crying again i dont want to panic again
im scared

>>37082504
*tickles you*

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>>37082504
Agh... we were having a good time until this person came up to rattle you...

>hugs Rem-chan

>>37082521
i cant calm down
aya hates me and hes never going to be my friend again
i just want to run away from here

>>37082532
i just want to run away casey i want to run away forever and live with oneechan
i hate living like this

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>>37082576
no live with me instead
I'm so sorry, Rem-chan... I wish you could escape as soon as possible... that's a terrible home life you have.

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oreganogelogioli

>>37082619
i want to die
it hurts my head feels like its burning again it hurts
i want aya aya wont hug me or be my friend again
thats all i think about whats wrong with me

i hate crying i dont want to cry ever again like that day again
im scared of aya being mean to me again and ill shake and cry

>>37082667
when was the last time you spoke together

>>37082663
It wasn't Rem who said that about Aya.

>>37082684
but it was one of his friends or followers

>>37082703
None of his friends are like that, and he doesn't have followers. It was probably just some randomer false flagging and stirring up trouble for shits and giggles.

>>37082681
few weeks ago
when he was mean to me
i want a hug so bad
sorry
i just want a hug from someone i cant calm down im scared of being alive everyday
its painful

>>37082724
but that's the underlying motive for these threads right?
to subconsciously cause hate towards aya
i don't see any other reason on why these can't happen in discord and not r9k

Dude is probably just playing around and you can't take a joke and he's using it to tease you.

>>37082765
I don't know. I started looking up to him even if I never met him.

>>37082765
i only talk about it here because i like being anonymous and talking to r9k.

FUCK this gay faggot insider circlejerk excuse of a thread, this board is goign to shit

keep this shit on discord, saged and reported

>>37082828
There's nothing weird about that. I understand how you feel

>>37082875
why are you announcing your report
and why should it be pruned?

Did Aya ever make a public statement about this whole mess?

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>>37082371
>aya said he'll post
>post mine
No reply

>>37082970
Is that really urs Rem? Youre so much smaller than Ayas. cute

>>37082987
Maybe. I want to see Ayas cock

>>37083028
w-hey
this isnt me
stop pretending to be me idiot
I'd never be that lood

>>37083042
Don't pretend to be me I'd show my cock for Aya...

>tfw rem kicked me from his server and bullied my friend

that's okay though I didn't like his server anyway

>>37083150
i never bullied anyone
please dont lie

>>37083165
yes you did you bullied my friend and spread mean things about him and said he did bad things

>>37083277
i didnt spread any mean things
i think youre petty and shallow sounding
go away

>>37083287
>calling someone petty and shallow
>with his track record
KEK!

>>37083307
that doesnt mean anything if you barely know me

>>37083316
I know you more than you think remotely the fact that you're nuts

>>37083307
What are you even talking about? Rem is very forgiving and bighearted, he isn't petty or shallow.

>>37083368
If im nuts then why are you talking to me

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>>37083373
uehhhh youre embarrassing me

>>37083385
I want to make you cry

>>37083373
he's probably the most petty person on this website, also hesfuckign annoying

>>37083419
>calling someone petty after admitting you just want to make them cry

Anyway, how is Rem petty?

>>37083450
I want to make him cry because he was mean to my friend, is fucking annoying with his shit threads, refuses to see he's the reason why aya doesn't talk to him (also because rem is nuts) and thinks he's somehow innocent.
but mainly because he was mean to my friend.

>how is he petty
read any of his threads, then look at the definition for petty and compare it to his comments/relies. His discord server comments will give better scope

>>37083521
Who is your friend and how was Rem mean to them?

>>37083521
This entire post is a projection and youre only here to start a fight. if you want to talk about it then add me on discord.

I just came here to tell you all that you're gay.

why'd you block me? ;_; i was actually going to go on rabbit with you