What's the most retarded or life changing drunk thing you've

I tried to pay a close friend of mine upwards of $3,000 to clean my apartment without pants in a particular skirt outfit I like because she needed help paying for school.

Was a real shitty moment in my life I wish I could undo, but as somebody perpetually stuck in a substance abuse hole I may as well know what train of thought brings me there and how to avoid it.

>>37073739
I have a lot but recently I accidentally burned my car to the ground and hit a streetlight with another

>>37073781
Did she accept your indecent proposal?

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>>37073811
kek'd
not that anon but obviously not
>I tried
>wish I could undo
come on 555

>>37073811
Her fiancee told her not to. Which was probably the right choice, I was really drunk and kept pressuring her unnecessarily into it.
I still feel shitty about it. It was just such a scummy fucking thing to do.

>>37073844
why would you feel bad about that?
roasties use their bodies to make money all the time, you made her an offer she declined.
stop worrying about settled shit, it's exhausting, I know.

>>37073835
>come on 555
If you're 555, then I'm 666.

>>37073871
Because she's pretty much the only friend I have and I know how easily manipulable she is when it comes to money. It was like dangling a gram of h in front of an addict and saying "if you let me degrade you entirely you can have it!"

Sure they want to, because that's their fix. But internally they'd really rather not, and putting a close friend through that leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

>>37073739
I do retarded shit all the time. I'm constantly locking myself out of my car and house. I look up takeout places online and if there are multiple locations, I somehow end up ordering from the wrong one and finding out when I show up and ask for an order that was never placed. I spilled gasoline on myself at the pump before work and the whole office had their windows open that day. When the waitress gets to me, I always forget what I want to order. I'm a walking embarrassment

>>37073898
ah, a moralfag who somehow thinks a roastie dressing in an outfit cleaning is so horribly degrading and terrible, that you were putting her in a twisted position. You're tortured by the thought you even presented her with such a dilemma, given her weakness to resist and your responsibility to protect another grown adult. I see.
proceed normie.

>>37073974
No wonder you're a virgin. Jeeeeesus

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>>37074004
found the woman
or just a faggot normie doing normie things

>>37074054
My gender is none of your business you misogynistic creep

>>37074104
actually I identify as panstless maid and therefore can't be misogynistic because it requires penisarchy

I once apparently took my then girlfriend's phone and bought $200+ of makeup from her shopping cart on the Sephora website while I was drunk. At least that's what she told me she thought had happened. It's possible she lied about this to steal money from me to buy makeup while I was drunk, but I doubt it.

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>wife just left me
>I'm only 19 years old
>friend from work bought me alcohol
>drink all night, drunk off my ass
>find girl on facebook that I trained at work long ago for clinicals
>text her "I think you're sexy as fuck"
>she texts back "I think you're sexy as fuck, too bad you're married"
>text back "I'm not actually married anymore"
>she's still at work but it's clear she wants me
>I tell her to come around after work
>She says she can't, has a cold, but she will be drinking wine when she gets home
>night goes on and we text each other back occasionally
>this could go somewhere
>eventually she's drunk
>texts me a nude on facebook
>sends me more on snapchat
>i was asleep by the time she sent them
>i wake up, see nudes, get boner
>text her saying we should totally hang out some night
>with alcohol
>she agrees
>later in the day she's at work again
>send dick pic
>all of a sudden she's barely responding
>start panicking and think to myself
>"I can fix this"
>i work night shift so I'm up all night
>still freaking out, but remember she told me she would text me when she got home
>ok good, just wait til she gets ho-
>wait a second, she just posted a snapchat and she's already home
>she's still not texting me
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>sending her texts nonstop
>she's already asleep by now
>send her well over 100 texts telling her she's beautiful and blah blah blah
>get home from work in the morning
>fall asleep
>when I wake up I can't find any of her accounts
>mfw she blocked me

>>37074372
>wife just left me
>I'm only 19 years old

I don't even need to read the rest to know you're a fucking retard with or without alcohol

Got a DUI
Suspended license for 3 months (lol still drove)
Had to have a breathalyzer installed in my car for a year after that
Also had to go to court
Probably cost me like 2-3 grand total

Only positive thing about it is that it's sealed so it doesn't show up on a background check. Never doing that shit again.

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>>37074372
but its not over yet

>get on my ex wife's facebook thinking I can salvage this
>send message to girl from my ex wife's facebook
>(I only had my ex wife's facebook cause I hacked it to see where she really was, had my suspicions when she posted Utah on her account)
>(my suspicious were correct, she wasn't really in Utah)
>message to the girl from ex wife's facebook says
>"Hey, i know we got divorced, but stay away from my man!!"
>I hoped this would start a rivalry and make her fight for me
>mfw she sends back "He was too young for me anyway"

>>37074413
hey i went through a lot of emotional pain to become that much a meme, please don't hurt me anymore than is necessary

>>37074445
>she wasn't really in Utah
are you that cuck from the other day that made the tribute video to your ex?
you should seriously consider suicide at this point, you are just never going to learn

>>37074490
are you that hater that hates women and hates men who have married women? please dont hurt me

>>37073739
Got a DUI for reversing and hitting my own mailbox while I was trying to move my car. Neighbours called the cops on me. Blew 0.239. Lost my licence for 5 years. Never ever drove on the road and had no intention of doing so.

>>37073739
I broke down and gave in to a drunk chicks flirting and found out either i'm bi or lesbians still want penetrative sex with an actual dick and now i'm not sure what to feel about certain people.

>>37074438
Was it a real DUI as in you were actually fucked up or was it a just a couple drinks and you were unlucky?

>>37073739
Made a be to drink some random horrifying liquor mixture to make a girl drink a glass of the same thing (given that she was short, she'd get royally fucked up).
I couldn't handle it, but it made me realize women also do stupid shit. Very important lesson at 15.

>>37074503
is that yes?
i dont hate you, just a mix of pity and disgust

>>37074560
It was a very emotional time for me :( I considered suicide frequently during that time and would talk to my dad about it. As disgusting as you find that video, I made it to cope with my loss; As far as I was concerned, she was dead to me.

>>37074521
I was fucked up, and it was a common occurrence. Not proud of it but it happened.

texting girls that I loved them when I havne't seen them or spoken to them in years and sometimes I onlly made out with them once.

Punched my girlfriend in the mouth and kicked her out of my house.

She told everyone I raped her so now I have no friends :)))

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>>37074916
>woman actually gets assaulted
>still lies about rape just because

i got blackout drunk and took a bunch of xanax and then i broke this girls dorm room and stole her laptop while she was in there

got a couple years probation

>>37074511
you the guy who drank 3 bottles of wine in your car? i recall that

>>37074372
Do you have a small dick?
Original

Got a DUI
Had sex with my friend's wife (she initiated it but still)
Smashed my face on concrete
Flunked out of college
86ed out half the bars in town
Broke my toes repeatedly (I do this when drunk not sure why)
DTs, hallucinating bugs, spots everywhere, shaking uncontrollably at 4 in morning wish I would die

Cut back met a nice girl and grew up

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>>37076632
>met a nice girl and grew up
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>37076197
Yep thats me. 3 bottles of wine.

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Worst thing I've done is cried into the sink about wanting to hang myself / end it all in front of my friend and his parents

I hate even thinking about it

Always been fairly stoic for all the time I've known them, until that one time I went completely over my limit

I'd never do that sober

Haven't really spoken to them since

>>37073739
Mixed benzos and booze.

>>37073739
got pulled over, thrown in jail, charged with a DUI but plead down to careless driving

It changed my life for the best desu tho

>Cleared out my money after paying a lawyer forcing me to get a job
>Forced me to do community service, the start of getting over my anxiety
>Met a qt girl in alcohol classes
>6 months sober really gave me new energy

Peed on my girlfriend in the shower. Not just down her leg, but apparently I angled my dick up so it could rain down on her tits lol. Luckily she didn't break up with me