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>year and a half ago >be 21 >spend about 5 hours a day

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>year and a half ago
>be 21
>spend about 5 hours a day on 4chan since I was about 15
>decide to send in janitor application because why not
>get selected to janitor two boards, kind of happy af
>have a lot of fun in the janitor chat, after only a short while realise people there feel quite similar to me
>starting to spend more time daily just chatting, spending even less time "irl"
fast forward a year
>change universities for my masters degree
>used to study from home, now in a dorm with 40 other people
>for two months don't talk to anyone, just stay online talking with my janitor pals
>one day the girl in the room next to me knocks on my door to ask me something about her internet
>freeze the fuck up having to talk to an actual human being, barely get out any words at all, visibly shaking
>she's only 18 while i am 22 years old so its not only autistic but just embarrassing as fuck as well
>decide this can't go on any longer or Ill fucking kill myself
>go on to lose a ton of weight over the following months (not thin yet, but at least Im not "that fat guy" anymore)
>start awkwardly forcing myself into social events and become less autistic
>go full normie and ask my crush out on a date, on which we went (she wanted to stay friends, but still, major step for mankind and all that)
>suddenly realise I haven't janitored in like two, three months
>realize that I haven't talked to these great people who really "got" me in so long
>feel like crying because I've probably been deactivated by now, and I don't get on 4chan enough anymore to ask for my position back
>I can't make enough time to talk to people I actually connect with because I'm too busy failing at being a normalo

Seriously considering killing myself because I can't seem find friends in the real world, and can't be satisfied by just having online friends either

oh and if anyone of you guys is reading this, I really truly miss you -your MB
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>>36871019
>can't seem find friends in the real world
>beter kill self before trying to improve self & try all other options life has to offer
wew, I know you are lonely, I am too, but there are SO MANY things you can enjoy! also how can you wish for firends if you can even be your own friend?
>>
>>36871201
If you read what I wrote, I did try to improve. I was all but on the verge of normie-ness, but I just can't take the plunge. It feels like there's nothing for me there, like I have to choose between living while constantly wearing a mask, or living from behind my keyboard.
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>>36871253
you don't have to be a normie to be happy. there is somethng for you there, you just have to find it, it will probably come to you on it's own too.

I was considering suicide a year ago, was really thinking about it for a full year, I concluded it's completely retarded thing to do. I feel it's really impossible to describe my epiphany to you and talk you out of such thoughts, some things you have to realize by yourself. also I'm laughing now at how weak was I considering suicide over some shitty completely irrelevant problems.

p.s. my best friend killed himself years ago, you can't even imagine the pain he left behind. where is he now?
>>
>>36871530
but the bigger question is, why shouldn't I commit suicide? I don't have a best friend who would feel unbearable pain, I do have a few pals who would probably be shocked for a few days but wouldn't need more than a month or two to get over it. I don't really care what my parents think or feel because they both dragged me into this life, and clearly didn't prepare me adequately for it. I don't really have ambition or a clear bright future, and I couldn't care less about happiness coming "some day".

I'm 23 in two weeks, and I've thought about suicide more or less daily since I've been 19. I know I won't do it, but that's only because I'm a fucking wuss and my biggest fear is that I'd fail and just hurt myself alot without actually succeeding. God why do I fear pain this much.
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What boards did you janitor?
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>>36871642
>I'm 23
wew, you still have so much shit to experience
> I don't really care what my parents think or feel because they both dragged me into this life, and clearly didn't prepare me adequately for it
literally your anger and fears talking, you should be thankful
>my biggest fear is that I'd fail and just hurt myself alot without actually succeeding. God why do I fear pain this much
perfectly normal, we all have fears, don't worry about materialistic shit, it's all irrelevant, you should cherish the moments you have, spend more quality time with parents and try to slowly improve yourself, you don't have to be super succesful of similar shit. don't be so afraid of pain, the pain you experience is miniscule compared to what others experience and still carry on. I could write you a fucking book about this, but as I said you have to figure it on your own. good luck

yes I'm Klossposting
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>be 20
>been lurking 4chinz casually since 2006
>got frinds, we hang ot a lot so no much time for 4chinz
>unironically be liberal, believe in all the "equality" bullshit, even call myself feminist
>be 2014
>move to burgerland (nyc)
>no friends because all of them are in europe
>get faceslaped with reality in the first 2 months
>niggers everywhere, they all discusting, uneducated, violent, start becoming racist
>become a hermit because cant be relaxed around negroes
>find myself starting to read /pol/ unironically
>all they say seems to be true, swallow every redpill that exists
>become super racist
>end up drinking myself to sleep every night
>fast forward 3 years
>be 2017, mother forced ,me to go to college.
>everything is full of beaners and niggers who think they are smart, but even tho im drunk every day i still get better grades and im stmarter than them
>miss lots of classes
>only "friends" in school is a 40yo marine vet who is on 15 types of meds because ptsd
>no posibility of having a GF because everyone in nyc is leftist as fuck
>still drinking, still racist as fuck, still no real friends, not even a possibility
>be now 4:27pm, woke up 3 hours ago, already drank 4 beers, gotta go to classes in 30 mins.
tfw
>>
if you feel down just read some based Diogenes and have a laugh
http://www.naturalthinker.net/trl/texts/DiogenesofSinope/
>One day he shouted out for men, and when people collected, hit out at them with his stick, saying, "It was men I called for, not scoundrels."
fucking tip top kek
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>>36871253
Welcome to hell.

When i was 22 I thought i could become normie, quit video games, anime, lost weight, tried dating, had good paying job in IT. People wouldn't get my train of thought. I realized i will never be able to mix with other people as well as they could, i was gonna be the odd one every time

Atm 28 NEET playing WoW and watching anime all day.
I also wish i had the balls to kill myself but just idea of fucking it up or feeling too much pain is stopping me.
Thread posts: 10
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