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Try to recall the moment you died inside.
>the only woman I have ever loved asking "Are you a cop?" after having spent two weeks with her
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>>36835877
story time?
unoriginal
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>>36835877
>the only woman I have ever loved asking "Are you a cop?" after having spent two weeks with her
>the moment you died inside
I mean... What?
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>>36835899
>flew across the country to spend 2 weeks with online oneitis
>multiple days spent with her and her boyfriend
>didn't want me in her room the majority of the time and would sleep all day so I would be alone in a tiny room down the hall sobbing and refreshing r9k
>would still say we loved each other daily
>when we'd hang out with her friends I went complete spergmode and couldn't muster up a sentence
>the day before I leave she says I act so "mysterious" and grills me about being a cop (I'm not)
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>>36835877
I took a piano class at uni for fun and fell in love with the girl who sat across from me.
I was new to uni and had no friends, and the very first day of class she just introduced herself and started talking to me like I was already her friend.
It was an evening class and we always used to show up early, like an hour and a half before class started, and just sit in the hallway and talk. She was so funny and full of life, I really loved being with her and I started thinking about her nonstop.
Spring break came and the thought of going a week without seeing her felt horrible. I wrote her an email asking if she wanted to hang out over the break and I couldn't believe it when she said yes. We practiced piano together and went out to eat. Once she texted me to go to a piano recital together. One time we decided to explore campus together. We ended up going into all these rooms and buildings no one would ever think to look in, we even found an old auditorium, the balcony was unlocked and we went in and sat down in the seats. Everything was pitch black except for a few lights on the stage. I remember sitting there next to her in the darkness and feeling our hands touch when she said "Quite romantic don't you think."
In class we always used to do our duets together, you'd work with a partner and since they were electric pianos we all wore headphones and the teacher paired up the keyboards so you could hear what your partner was playing. We'd play around and send little musical notes to each other, it felt like we were laughing with music.
1/2
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>>36836017
2/2
The last week of school our final for the class was individual performances. Hers was scheduled right before mine. We met up a few hours beforehand to practice together. When it was her time we walked together to the room. She went in and I heard her playing through the door. She came out with a big smile and held the door open for me. I went in and did my recital, I felt really happy, but when I was done and left the room, she was gone. She didn't even wait 5 minutes for me.
I felt devastated. Instantly I knew what it meant. I don't even remember walking home, it all seemed like a blur. When I got home I threw myself onto my bed and stared at the ceiling watching the fan rotate. I heard my phone vibrate and it was a text from her. Don't remember exactly what it said, something about how we'd have to spend time together soon. Of course it was a lie. I never saw her again.
I e-stalked her a few times after that. I remember finding her twitter and reading a post about how nothing was better to her and her friend than playing guys who thought they were all that. I realized it was probably just an innocent girl power thing but I slowly realized that I never meant anything to her and she just needed someone to use to pass the time.
I can say that I died inside that moment when I walked out into the hallway and she was gone. I instantly knew it all and I'll never let myself feel anything for anyone else ever again. Because I know that eventually they'll just do what she did.
She taught me how to hate women though so I at least owe her that.
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>>36835899
Jamals just upset that the hoodrat he was shagging assumed he had his life together and actually had a job and paid taxes.
It hurt his little heart when his two brain cells figured it out almost a year later.
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>>36835877
>not pursuing the only girl who ever liked you
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>>36836073
Whenever I hear these stories I get so sad.
All you guys had to do was make a move, she was single right? Fuck hits me right in the feels bro, to many regrets in only 24 years on the planet...
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>>36836073
I always get a little defensive when people say they hate women, but I'll say you are perfectly righted in having your opinion after that experience.
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>>36836131
I feel like only weak people hate women
It's not meant as an insult. It's incredibly easy to fall into that trap
But really, what makes us hate certain people is subjective
Objectively, you can't judge people without knowing their experiences and often, after knowing their experiences, their feelings seem more justified, even if they're irrationionalt
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My moment of dead insideness was found after I had spent every hour of every night working on a Math assignment back in high school. It was not anything particularly hard for most people but I could not understand it enough to actually complete the questions it asked to the degree I wanted.
The issue was that this was in the last year of high school for me and I was determined to ace everything 100%. I've never been that good at maths and science, but I decided I was going to change that, so I adopted a mental state that I could do absolutely anything if I applied enough hard work to it. Hence I spent upwards of maybe 20 hours just to do this one question that would ensure me getting the best mark.
It eventually came to the night before it was due and I still could not do it. I sat staring at my book for maybe 2 hours just going over it again and again and again until I think I went almost braindead. I honestly could not even put words together to tell my parents I was giving up on it because it was super late and I was spent. I decided if anyone said anything about me not being able to do it I would simply leave the room and the school for the day. I did not want that shit considering I knew only one student had actually figured out the question, and that everyone else would just ask him to explain, which he did, and I recieved the worst mark in the class for that assignment.
Later on at university I had a similar experience where I studied every spare hour of the day and slept a maximum of 5 hours every night trying to keep up with the work. In the end I barely passed. After that I met an alcoholic guy who was blitzing all of his subjects with ease and plenty of time for leizure.
It was after these 2 experiences I realised not everyone is equal.
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I met this girl through Tinder when I was on vacation a couple of years back and we kicked it off pretty fast. She lived around 400km away so we could never meet more than once/twice every two months since we were both half-broke and in college, but we naively thought we could handle it. "Don't worry, long distance relationships aren't that bad!"
I was the first one to break. Only being able to see her through a computer screen and seeing pics of her having fun without me really started to fuck me up so one day I just decided to disappear from her life for a couple of months. After I started to feel really depressed and realized I'd be better with her even from far away, I ran back to her and surprisingly she accepted me back even though I knew I didn't deserve to be with such a cool person.
We dated for another couple of months (maybe a year even) and that's where I really really really started loving her but one day she just decided she couldn't handle it and suddenly told me "I can't to this anymore" with no real reason behind it.
I definitely wasn't expecting that message, I felt my whole body twitch like I had been shocked or whatever, I guess that was the moment I died inside because I knew she wasn't like me. I knew that this really was it, as much as I tried not to believe it. Having to delete her and our mutual friends from whatever kind of social networks I had was one of the hardest things I had to do. For the longest time I replayed everything that had happened in our relationship in hopes of at least finding out what was the thing that made her leave so suddenly. Was it my fault for leaving her before this? Did she just get bored of me? Did she find someone else who lives near her?
Some years have passed after all this and I still regularly dream about her having dates with some other guys. I really don't sleep much anymore.
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>>36836220
Your last point there is very true and I agree so much. However, there are sometimes that you can never justify a person's actions, views, or statements no matter what they have experience so far. It is at that point I always think that you can sympathise with them rather than simply be bitter.
I wouldn't call it weakness unless they later found a woman they loved, in which case they just cucked themselves.
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>>36836333
>I don't sleep much anymore
Fuck that hits hard. I guess you will never know why, but who knows what the future holds, might randomly meet her one day to find out.
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>>36836220
>I feel like only weak people hate women
I'll stop hating women when I meet even one good woman
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>>36835992
i feel like you left out significant details of this story in your original post
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>>36836291
>Math assignment
>high school
fucking retard, i hope for humanity's sake u didnt go to uni for anything science or number related
>It was after these 2 experiences I realised not everyone is equal.
It takes u that long? ure truly retarded
I m the person that barely showed up for classes, went to the exam room 30mins into the exam, studied just 1 night before the test... and still managed to get near 90% upon graduation. I realized people are not equal and life is not fair at a very young age of 11 when i saw a good guy in the neighbourhood got shot in the face by some lowlife gangbangers. Looking at his brain and cranium bit with chunks of hair made me die a bit inside and at the same time, made me wanna git gud and get the fuck out of that town.
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When did I break?
I dont know, I dont know
Was it when I moved as a kid 12 years old to some country on the other side of the world struggling to understand english and fit in.
Was it when I tried to get with this girl back in uni and opened up to her and then one of her friends told me to back off
Was it the time that after 2 long years that it took to make friends my parents decide to move to the other side of the country and no one would send me a message
Was it a month ago when it was another girl who dropped me and didnt give me a second chance. The worst part of this is that it was my fault. And today I saw her, I walked by her and simply said "bye" I should have said something and I know it will be a long 3 months before I can be better.
Or will it be when I finally move out on my own and live alone in this dark bedroom
Or will it be when I turn 25 and I still have not found anyone yet
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>>36836448
Went to university for engineering and left for the exact thing you are implying here.
>It takes u that long? ure truly retarded
Hey I tried at least. I also know that there was no at that school who was equal when it came to perseverance at least.
>I m the person that barely showed up for classes, went to the exam room 30mins into the exam, studied just 1 night before the test... and still managed to get near 90% upon graduation
Good for you. I worked for hours every day and night to get about 80% in the end.
The rest of that last paragraph is just a tad edgy so I will avoid it altogether thank you.
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>>36836407
You're more likely to meet one if you stop assuming they're all bad.
For real, a lot of them are shit. So are guys too, but thats neither here nor there. But its too easy to view any flaw as an indicator that a woman is completely bad when you go into it with that mindset.
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4-5 years ago I met a girl and we immediately connected. Beautiful, loved the same music, liked the same movies and most rare of all she was genuinely funny. She was 16 I was 17, she turned 17 and I turned 18 right after. Her dad wasn't too fond of me so he took this opportunity to threaten me with prison even though the farthest we even went was holding hands. We met up one last time, exchanged notes and rushed home. I wrote that I would wait for her no matter what. She wrote we would end up together in the end. A year of ignoring other women, a year of thinking of her 24/7, rereading her note over and over again. A year later a few days from her birthday I was texting my bro and I told her to tell her I said happy almost birthday. He tells me she made a disgusted face when he mentioned my name. It felt like every emotion I had just drained out of me. I put my cigarette out on my hand, didn't even flinch because I was an edgy little fucker and burned her note.
Haven't pursued a relationship since. But it's fine, it's better this way I guess
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>>36835992
>flew across the country to spend 2 weeks with online oneitis
>multiple days spent with her and her boyfriend
You deserved it retard
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>>36836131
Are you a woman or a white knight?
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>>36835877
It wasn't a single moment, but a lifetime of disappointment.
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I don't know if this is when I "died inside", but it's the moment of my life that someone thought was worth making an image out of.
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>>36838510
You couldnt keep in contact by phone or email?
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>freshman in high school
>realize nobody will ever relate to me
>realize I can't relate to anyone else
>curled up in ball crying
>junior in high school
>think I found someone "relatable", fall in "love"
>senior in high school
>heartbreak.mov
>try destroying my brain with drugs just so i can fucking relate to the people around me
>now
>close to ending it all
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>>36836073
Right in the feels. Fuck.
Oregano.
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>>36835877
Woke up on my own in hotel room in a foreign city; I hadn't been alone when I went to bed. Great Christmas that was. Haven't heard a word from her since.
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>>36839823
I know that feel
I got really sick in high school and the rumors started that I killed myself when I came back some chad punched me in the face for making him lose his bet that I indeed had.
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>>36836073
Has the empty feeling gone yet?
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>>36835992
just when I thought this board couldn't get any more pathetic.
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I think I was 14 or so. I thought that life was shit and probably wouldn't improve. I decided to give myself time, because I realized that I might not have enough information. Now 13 years later most of the predictions ended up being true about my life. So I guess I've been dead for a while.
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>>36835992
>her and her boyfriendfrfrfrfes
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>>36836073
why the feels anon
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>>36836333
What did we learn?
Long distance relationships don't work (most of the time)
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>>36836073
I don't get it. How did you know it was over just because she left before you finished your test?
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>>36838510
get a new gf fag
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There was this hot girl in my class in 10th grade that asked me one day if I was DTF. I just stared at her for a couple seconds and asked what that meant. I knew what it means but didn't want to sound pervy, even though she's the one who basically asked if I would dick her. She kind of looks at me and turns away. This pattern continued with her until she lost interest.
I barely sleep thinking of all the fuck ups like this I've pulled in my life
God, I'm such a retarded aspie.
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>when my mom called me ugly
>when my grandpa made fun of my receding hairline
>when I realized that I'm 24 and no girl has ever shown interest in me in my life
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>get a gf and see each other a little bit at school
>her mom won't let us hang out
>cool, it will happen eventually
>she's a grade younger so I end up going to HS while she's back there. Text all day every day until she gets to HS
>Still can't hang out
>okay, we'll work it out, good things take time
>few days after the end of the school year she leaves me for one of her girl friends
>they're still together
Died then. Spending those two years texting her fucked my social skills. Was also some other qts in between I could have poked but oh well. It's a learning experience
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>>36842062
>waaahhhhh I had a gf booohoooooo
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> Met grill, instantly clicked. Goofy as hell, but i liked it. Energetic and full of life. First time i truly loved someone.
> Relationship, good times were had.
> Few months later she tells me that she's bipolar and PTSD. Never told me beforehand.
> She slips into severe depression, unable to do the most basic things, doesn't go outside and cuts off contact with everyone but me.
> I move in at her place to support her.
> Every goddamn night she cried and screamed her lungs out that she wanted to die, lots of self mutilation.
> Gave up my job and social life to be there for her 24/7, i still attended college but grades dropped immensely.
> After half a year of hell she gets better.
> Cheats on me
> Breaks up with me for a reason i still don't know to this day, other than that she said to my face she "deserved better".
> Nothing to fall back to myself, get depressed.
> Find some solace with my best friend, he's kinda riding the same boat as i was.
> He fucking hooks up with my ex.
> Devastated.
> Nothing made sense anymore, got paranoid and psychotic.
> Got help from a psychiatric institution, but didn't help much.
> Tried to kill myself, failed because i couldn't pull through. Hate myself even more for it.
> Get thrown out of college.
> Decide to end my life through hedonism. Lots of drug use and attending raves. Fun, but ultimately damaged myself beyond repair.
> Decided to quit that lifestyle, but got depressed again afterwards.
> Everything is boring, few things give gratification. No aspirations.
That was a few years ago. Never recovered from it.
On the plus side, disability benefits.
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>>36842117
There's no way the world can be that fucked towards someone. If that whole story really is true, then I hope you the absolute, friend
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>>36842162
*then I wish you the absolute best, heck
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>>36842117
Jesus Christ anon, i'm sorry.
This may not mean anything to you, but i'm thinking about you and i wish you the best in life.
I hope you find something that brings you meaning and joy in life.
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>>36842082
>waahhh, I never stepped out of my comfort zone or took any risks in life and now I'm inconsolably sad!
>you have to cater to me and be careful not to offend my fragile feelings or I'll call you a normie!
Calm yourself, NEETles. The adults will be done talking soon and then you can have your sadsack circle jerk.
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>>36835877
when my best friend and my grandpa died months after i graduated high school, and i realised that i'm gonna be old and alone forever
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>>36842203
If you are normal looking enough to to attract someone and be in a relationship, then don't even pretend to be a robot.
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>>36842117
some women have no soul, thats why i have developed a rule for myself its called... cum & go
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>be normal, social and fun-loving kid with lots of friends and interests
>enter high-school
>can sense something is wrong
>make friends but heart's never in it, can't communicate with people properly anymore
>it gets gradually worse and I feel like an outcast
>finish high school as a depressed wreck, immediately lose contact with all friends
>feel mental health degrade by the fucking day
>get fired from several jobs due to inability to function around people, feel my entire identity and existance wavering
>move out and live on NEET-bucks, lose contact with all family
>live isolated until i miraculously got accepted into an university
>fail miserably after a year
>get admitted to public college
>fail miserably after a year
>dont feel human anymore, want to die every living second
>get new job, get fired
>seek help for depression
>find out i have autism
>get put on drugs that dont work
>live on NEET-bucks in mums basement since i couldnt afford rent anymore
>do nothing every day but browse /r9k/ and sleep
things aren't terrible this way, desu. I'm not actively suffering anymore
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>>36836073
I'm missing something? She even said she wanted to hang out with you. Did you even responded that time?
Are you sure you didn't just sperged out and started to hate a friend just because she didn't wait for you one time after a final? It really sounds like that to me.
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>>36842262
> only I can be a robot
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>>36842385
>dude bro I'm like SUCH a robot lmao
>my gf left me and I was like so fuckin depressed bro
>I get nervous sometimes in social situations too mang. I'm like so awkward lol
>bruh sometimes I just want to sit at home and play video games. I'm such a nerd lmao
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friends are two faced. they both act different in public but at home they acted different at my house.
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>>36842162
Had a guy and his family living down the street, lost his wife and both his kids in a car crash. Quite awful. He moved out not long after.
Last time i saw him, a year or 2 after, he looked like a homeless guy (pretty sure he was/is) and was shouting obscenities at people passing by in the foyer of the train station, drunk as hell.
Sometimes, awful things happen. Guess that's life.
And yeah, the whole story is true. How do i back it up?
And thanks for the kind words.
>>36842189
And thank you too.
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Finding out my oneitis had a boyfriend after seeing them together hit me hard. But continuing to fall for her even more as I got to know her better over the next few months while also seeing their relationship solidify and become committed was like a slow, drawn-out internal death.
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>>36836291
Yo mad respect for actually being able to push yourself like that. Life gets significantly easier after uni, even if you find a degree in your field. Ultimately it's not talent that gets you anywhere but determination.
>>36836448
He probably has a harder high school and university than you. Also if you can get 90s from studying one night you probably go to a shitty uni... Also what is even the point of bragging on r9k?
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>>36835992
Kekked
That roastie made you toastyalso what the fuck
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> be me in sixth grade
> sitting next to qt 3.14 i really liked
> flirting with her, going super well, we are both laughing
> out of sudden she says: Eww Anon, do you even brush your teeth?
> a part of me died at that moment
> i don't think I've laughed out loud since then (this was almost 10 years ago)
Who else /bad teeth/ here?
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>>36844048
Same. It literally fucking ruins every social interactions I have.
Something funny?
Either:
>close lipped laugh like an autist while everybody is cracking up
or
>laugh and show my disgusting mouth
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>>36835877
>When someone mistook me for being a 15 year old, probably due to my height, lack of facial hair, and how skinny I am
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>>36835877
>be in 6th or 7th class
>like that one girl really much
>"friends" catfish me
>get made fun of
Not the point I died inside completely but from that point everything went downhill
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>>36844077
I feel you bro.
How bad are yours?
Have you considered a surgery?
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>>36835877
>Foolishing joined the Army to try to secretly win approval from my father who was a SEAL during his time in the service
>Mother divorced him when I was 1, never saw or heard from him until I was 13, spending that interim time getting the shit kicked out of me by an alcoholic step father while my mother turned a blind eye until she eventually divorced him too for her own reasons.
>Was basically unwanted by anyone and the whole Army thing was a last ditch effort to feel 'useful'.
>Deploy to Iraq
>A few months before deployment ends, platoon gets cut down from 32 people to 7 in a single day. Thankfully, most just injuries that got them sent home
>Unfortunately, of the ones that died, was my section chief, that took point for me that day for some reason even though I always did since I carried the SAW
>An hour later he tripped an IED in a palm grove and got blown in half
This will take multiple posts.
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>>36844215
>Watch him die as he mutters in loose vietnamese and english about his daughter he never got to meet, but was his world.
>I, a substandard soldier that was of no value to anyone or anything, was spared in exchange for a husband and father that everyone in the unit loved.
>Deployment ends, and the few of us original members of the platoon are just sort of torn up and keep to ourselves when we get back to our garrison station home.
>The girl I loved for years, and was going to propose to when I got back, told me the day of my return that she had cheated on me the whole time.
Oh but it gets better. We're not at 'dead inside' territory yet, robots.
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>>36844215
>>36844291
Keep going man, we're here.
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>>36844291
>Utterly devastated, turn to alcohol. Start getting into trouble, dangerously close to getting written up and potentially kicked out since the surge is over and they're looking to thin ranks
>A childhood friend saves me from myself, and we develop a love interest
>She was the real deal, truly loved me for who I was, and took me even at my absolute worst. Helped me escape my alcoholism
>Mere months afterwards, she dies of heart failure.
>A week later get injured badly in garrison when a howitzer muzzle lands on my legs because a jackass didn't secure the tow wheel properly.
>Army tells me to suck it up, and I end up getting treated like a shitbag after I 'recover' due to difficulty running in PT tests.
>Eventually take the honorable discharge and head home in disgrace
>At the end of this ordeal, I couldn't even be 1/10th the soldier my father was, earned no approval, almost all comrades have killed themselves, and lost two loves.
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>>36844414
Now here I am, 7 years later. I'm unemployed and have destroyed any vestige of pride my father, whom I gave up everything to win approval from, may have had because now I live with him, friendless, love-less, dealing with a VA that tells me my injuries aren't service-connected, no goals, no purpose, no future, and about to turn 29 in a couple of months with nothing to show for my life.
To answer the OP, the moment I died was when I first laid down in bed after moving in with my father after failing to reintegrate. The stark realization that my life is 110% ruined, and that even if I find marginally gainful employment, I will never wipe away the dishonor of having failed my country, the people I love, my family, my friends, and myself.
The only reason I haven't killed myself is cowardice and lack of means to do it quickly and painlessly.
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>meet girl at friend's party
>talk a lot that night, next day she texts me first
>go out on a date
>goes amazing
>go on second date
>first thing she tells me is where she wants to go on our third date
>fuckyes.jpg
>end of date
>tell her I want to be more than friends and ask her how she feels about me
>says she'll text me the next day
>le "let's just be friends xd meme"
Later found out she was only interested in me because of my psychological issues (she wanted to become a psychiatrist and wanted to practice or some shit).
Weeks later, right when I thought I forgot her, I find out she fucked a teacher and is now pregnant. That was the exact moment I died inside friends.
Life is a fucking joke.
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>>36836291
Dude, you don't SEEM fucking stupid. Your post wasn't riddled with fucking spelling errors and shit. Consider the possibility that you simply do not have a "maths brain"; Yes you may be dumb in that respect but you are probably capable of other shit.
Viz' the guy who seemed to get by despite being a fucking drunk - was he, perhaps, doing creative writing or some other bullshit? Did he go to a shitter university? Was he fucking his proffessor (not kidding man, this shit happens and people get away with it).
Kudos on being able to stick with something you found so hard.
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>>36844563
>you simply do not have a "maths brain"
That's the number one excuse brainlets tell themselves
>>
>be 13
>got some weird shit with depression and narcolepsy that eventually turned into insomnia cause my brains physically fucked for some reason
>if i'm not reading my own shit to socially withdraw and buffer myself from reality at large i'm sleeping
>i sleep and sleep but never feel better
>its pretty much figuratively and literally killing me so I don't feel great and people waking me up pisses me off and i tell them so
>english teacher is having us do this whole group reading thing
>books piss easy so i'm done with in by the end of the week but he insists we each take a turn reading a page so it lasts a damn month
>everytime i'm woken up to read a page i'm an asshole to him
>continues for most of the year
>finally get checked by a doctor
>parents get shit straightened out at school and pills make life livable
>deal is if i do my homework and actually participate they won't flunk me for the year
>get told all my teachers know this as a reassurance
>actually feel good and hopeful for the first time in a long time
>did my book report while i was out of school
>turned it in before class started
>new book which means during our outloud reading teachers grading things
>teacher pulls me aside after class
>sits me down and asks me why i turned my book report in
>like, why even try at this point he isn't going to pass me at this point
>i'm a literal waste of space
>he could have gotten a nice kid that didn't disrespect him
>he could have had ALL diligent students that didn't ruin the experience for everyone else
>no, instead he got me
>he's not even going to bother grading my paper
>rips my paper right in front of me and tells me to get out
>can actually FEEL my depression instantly come back despite the pills
>go back to having my head in my arms on my desk for the rest of the day but can't even sleep to pass time or to ignore my shit
>>
>>36845056
>next day all the teachers i have as i go through classes tell me they got the email and say they'll give me my backed up homework if i promise to do them before the end of the year
>just nod and take the papers can't muster up any words really
>english teacher is final class for the day
>doesn't even apologise justs hands me a wad of paper before class starts and says he's going to accept them but knock me a letter grade
>just go back to trying to sleep all day every day
>pills start giving me massive crippling migraines and go through the slippery slope of testing out other pills for the next 7 years to see what works only to find disappointment and more side effects
>flunk that year and have to repeat
>>
>Feelings towards oneitis unrequited.
>Every "friendship" one sided, they simply stopped responding one day
>All relationships turned out to be a trap because the girls were high on their self-diagnosed BPD and mommy issues.
>Family demanding, but giving nothing in return emotionally
>Only solace are video games and anime, but it's increasingly hard to resort to escapism when I feel like I have to take action, and fast
>Unironically I think that my best friends are my dog and my bicycle
I just want a hug.
>>
>>36845056
>>36845069
Life isn't fair, I'm sorry anon.
>>
>>36845271
I like to think it can be sometimes.
Guy got some form of cancer. Lost his prostate, dick, balls, and asshole in the deal or so i've been told.
>>
>Oh sorry anon, I've got a girlfriend!
After treating her to Ice Cream, 30 pounds to buy a backpack and some rings, supplying her with endless emotional support, hugs and smiles and taking her out to do nice things.
Why fucking bother?
>>
>high school prom
>my partner is a qt girl from my class
>there are more girls than boys in my class so every boy gets a partner
>we get along pretty well
>shes nice to me the whole time when we practiced the dance
>day of the prom is here
>our dance comes
>my partner is waiting for me before the locker rooms
>she is with with a female femily member of hers
>I walk up to them
>the other girl sees me and goes like "ewww are you going to dance with THIS, Petra?!"
>later on my partner apologised for her fat piece of shit cousine's behaviour
>"Im so sorry anon, my cousine is a unconviniently honest person"
Well, fuck you too
>>
>be 10
>open up family computer
>someones email is open
>its my mums
>start reading through cos I'm a little shit
>loads of emails from a guy I don't know
>open it up
>its lewds from one of my dads friends (I recognise him from the pictures)
>paragraphs asking when they can meet next
>saying how much he wanted to fuck her again
>her replies are just as bad
>freak the fuck out and go hide in my room
>forget to close lewd emails
>dad must have seen them
>parents screaming for hours
>crying in my room
>dad storms out the house
>mums downstairs drinking
>hear her call somebody
>about an hour later somebody opens the door
>recognise the voice
>it's dads friend from the emails
>hear fucking coming from downstairs
>in my room painting a tau battesuit pretending I cant hear
>over the next few years parents go through divorce
>dad gets divorce raped loses house, loses job at the same time
>now hes an alcoholic living in a bedsit without hot running water
>tfw ruined dads life by not closing an email
>>
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There was a thread - maybe a week ago about how women are too risky to marry. Between the complete self-absorption, gold-digging, victim mentality and mood swings - the expectation of a relationship going smoothly becomes more preposterous as you add up their faults so it's a "proceed with caution" gamble. I didn't screen cap it like I usually do (the red-pill posts about women are my favorite - very insightful) As per OP's post: the amount of times women have been a complete let downs for me is...astounding. I've been scanning my brain for THE moment but there are too many to pin it down to just one event. I'll give you one small taste though. 17 me + 17 her. She's a runaway a few states away with her 18 y/o friend (girl) who has a car. They decided to ditch shit families and meet a friend in Florida. I was 17, stationed in FL. Met her at house party with some Marine/Navy bros. We hit it off like fireworks. Crazy how much we love each other. Got each others backs. She stays with me. We help each other out. I'm basically a runaway myself at 17 but in usmc. Long story short, I'm in training, broke, have to go to next training assignment in California. No money/means to bring her (barracks life, no car, no money) so she stays in Florida. She drops me off at airport. We cry. Can't let each other go. Almost miss flight. Promise to stay in touch. Promise to reunite like star-crossed lovers do. We'll find a way. We'll wait and be together again soon. We write letters and call each other all the time. Maybe 1-2 months - a letter in the mail about her new boyfriend. Written nonchalantly, in between other sentences like it's just another thing to catch me up on. Letter continues on about other things. In envelope is her picture. She's standing - arm around a guy. I'm happy to be where I am today but the amount of bizarre female behavior I've seen makes me cringe.
>>
>>36846046
Your mum ruined your dads life through several actions and it would have blown up eventually. Nothing that happened was actually your fault.
>>
when i read this thread
>>
>>36845543
I feel you man, very similar experience
>>
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Probably when my best friend died back when we were young. That was one of the worst years of my life.
>>
When my oneitis was openly flirting with my friend right in front of me. That's when I knew to drop her
>>
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>>36836220
>I feel like only weak people hate women
>>
>>36835877
First day of elemtary school, I instantly realized that people outside from your family are monsters
>>
I was already dead but 6th grade gym class we had to change into blue shorts and red T shirt I was always bullied but that day I was held down and underwear pulled down and everyone was laughing at how small my dick was a few of them even flicked it with their fingers I never recovered and am now 27 living off NEETbux and spend all day here
>>
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>>36842262
>it's all about what's on the outside that matters
That's not true.
>>
>>36844215
I did 14 years until my medical retirement for PTSD and TBI got me, I feel for you man did 8 deployments
>>
>>36846516
So you were pretty much molested by a bunch of kids
>>
>>36846579
Ouch, I'm sorry to hear. I only did the one deployment with a 3 year contract thanks to the surge.
Well, I'm sorry to hear about all the medical bullshit, but maybe it's for the best you're not stuck dealing with the green weenie. The Army is a great job ruined by terrible people. I often wonder 'what if' in regards to having maybe stayed until they outright med-boarded me out, but I don't think the end result would have been any different.
By the end of it all I just had a soul-crushingly bad taste in my mouth. The unit screwed us all over pretty hard, and the people we lost didn't have to get mauled and killed in the first place, but did anyway because we had a OER-chasing bitch for a LTC and the same at our battery-level CO.
The iciing on the cake is the rare moments I occasionally talk to other soldiers, their first reflex is to call me a fucking POG because I was a 13B, despite knowing fuck all about the bullshit we went through being used as bargain bin infantry
>>
>>36846322
Good on you for checkin' that shit. Me and my girl ran into a male acquaintance of hers on a busy downtown bar strip. They chatted for a minute and then we went separate ways. She turned her head back after 5-10 steps to check him. That moment when she couldn't help herself from being a cunt while I'm walking right next to her. Pssh, I got you pegged now girl. Fuck it, we can play like that.
>>
>>36844494
It sounds like you don't realize that all the things that gave you no value had no value to begin with.
The thing that did give you value is the girl that died.
But becoming a globalism puppet to please an absent father because a useless mother didn't love you is just tragic.
>>
>>36844527
That should swell your heart bro
Her life is fucked, treat it as some kind of karmic justice
>>
>>36846688
Fuck her man. This was months ago and she has been hiring me up non stop the past 24 hours saying she misses me and apologizing for everything. She said shed do anything to get me back, maybe I can actually fuck her, we did fool around a bit. She's sent me like 15+ texts I've sent her like 3 in return, telling her to forget about me and shit. Kinda miss her still
>>
>>36846684
Sorry about what happened man I'm a drunk these days well prob always was stick with trying to get VA pay or benefits it takes for ever and the health care is terrible i hated my time in and enjoyed it its strange.. who cares what job ya did people always bust on branches or jobs try going VA for mental health help that area is good
>>
>>36835877
>dated girl from age 15 to 23
>complete perfect teenage love, from my perspective
>my world revolves around her, expect to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her
>she feels the same way and tells me so frequently; she was the first to mention marriage and wanting to be together forever and all that
>found out that she'd been cheating on me and tells me she's leaving me for the other guy once I confront her
>tells me he's not the first time she's cheated either
>at some point during this conversation, I ask her about all the shit she's said to me
>"How can you be telling me this now when YOU asked ME to marry you? When you told me you'd rather die than not spend the rest of your life with me?"
>she pauses for a moment and says, "That's just the kind of thing people say when they're in a relationship. You're not supposed to take it so seriously".
>mfw I've never been able to fully trust another girl since and doubt I ever will
>>
>>36846684
Life can be rough you went through lots M8
>>
>>36846694
The thing is, in regards to the whole value thing, is that you don't just up and know this stuff right off the bat. You learn it. Often the hard way. When all you want is to be 'wanted', and some level of validation for even existing, you'll do almost anything to feel a scrap of love.
That floozy mother of mine also kicked me out when I got out of highschool, and even went through the trouble of finding my APO address when I was deployed to mail me a box full of trash as a 'care package'.
having a fucked background is a good way to produce a fucked person. In the end I'm accountable and responsible for my own life decisions and there are no excuses, but I was only giving context to why I'm 'dead inside', and feel that way in a none-memeish way. I didn't just fail to pick up some girl I had oneitis for or something. I completely fucked over my own life for people that both didn't care and didn't deserve it, and it's only now that I'm alone and broke that I see.
>>
Luckily I've number my brain with alcohol enough I can't remember
>>
>>36846579
>>36846684
I was in for 10 years got a medical hang in there brothers
>>
>>36845732
Why do normies do that shit? How can they not understand that you're a person and their words are going to affect you? Do they just think about it?
>>
>>36835992
This still doesn't really explain why she thought you were a cop. I mean, are you a cop?
>>
>>36846856
>>36846774
Yeah, I've been barking up that tree for awhile, but the VA is practically engineered to try and keep you from your benefits. I live in New York City now and the VA facilities here are a fucking mad house.
I'd be willing to bet /r9k/ has quite a few veterans. We're extraordinarily good at having totally fucked lives, drinking problems, emotional and mental issues, and constantly teetering on the precipice of losing a family or home to our own bullshit.
>>
>>36846826
I agree with all you said, i just wanted to make sure you realized that you didn't fail decent people, you failed ilusions of decent people.
I'm not trying to say things aren't bad or that life is worth living.
>>
>>36846826
It's very obvious you're not a lost cause. Your life is not 110% ruined, and there is objectively no shame or dishonour in how you've lived your life so far. You said it yourself: you learn things, over time, often the hard way. Any reasonable concept of honour has to account for growing up.
I hope you find the support you need, and the happiness you deserve.
>>
>>36846923
I know there is a few of the same mitary posters from what I gather we all have severe drinking problems and are pretty fucked up in the head lot of us are alone too, ya VA is pretty much fucked and any mental health claims are a nightmare if I lost my va pay id prob kill my self
>>
>>36844590
>STEM is everything
The number one crutch of Autists who want to feel better about themselves
>>
>>36847193
Nothing is 'impossible', but it's been pretty bleak the last few years. Just getting a stable job, even a shitty one, has been an uphill battle. And the longer you go without one, the more you have to bullshit your resume with all the little shit you do to fill up that void, and the less likely someone is to pick you up.
if you don't count all the bullshit I do in craigslist or general 'gig' work I've done, I haven't had a 'real' job in 4-ish years. The internet was the worst thing to happen to low-skill labor job hunting, because that shop, factory, office, or warehouse you're applying to isn't just whoever physically showed up. I live in NYC and compete with thousands of people all trying to get one position at any particular place
It's so brutal and disheartening to feel like you can't even 'adult' right, especially when you're only a year away from hitting 30.
>>
>>36847858
I understand the difficulties you're facing. I'm a bit older than you and haven't worked much due to mental illness, and I don't look forward to going back to school or entering the job market.
Don't be so hard on yourself. The world is genuinely very unfair, and for various reasons some people try very hard to make you feel like it's your fault when you fail because of it. We all deserve a break, we deserve basic support networks, and needing them or failing without them is no kind of reflection on you at all. You are not adulting wrong.
>>
>>36848225
I appreciate the courtesy. Life is bleak, but short of jumping in front of one of these subway trains, I have no choice but to keep going. It's plain fucking miserable, though, as the thread demands. When you hear about 'broken man syndrome', they're talking about sad sacks like us that are probably only alive because we don't have the spending money or means to get a handgun.
I'd give just about anything to hear her voice and see her face again, after all. She was the only person that ever made me feel worthwhile.
>>
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>>36835992
None of this makes any sense to me at all.
It's a story constructed from cogent sentences in of themselves, but the story as a whole makes no sense to me at all. You wasted my time.
>>
>>36848329
There are other people in the world who could make you feel worthwhile. Perhaps you'll find some of them. I hope you do.
>>
>>36836448
How do you know he was good? He was prob an ass like you. Deserved it I bet.
>>
>>36842334
>>36841600
Wanna know how i knoe you two are beta males?
>>
>>36846751
I know it should, but for some reason it really fucked me up when I found out. I almost threw up. I guess this is how you feel when you really care about someone, since she was the only person to show me the slightest bit of compassion in years.
>>
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When I noticed I was a 29, single, non-kissless virgin, stuck in a dead end job, still getting help from my parents, and that life is just going to be an endless work schedule with brief breaks to sleep. No one takes a second glance at me, no woman is interested. I'm too much of a bitch to kill myself and leave another failure for my parents to clean up.
>>
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>>36835877
basically just each time i develop feelings for a girl and it ends up not working out. When I develop feelings for a girl, they're constantly on my mind, and having bad feels about whoever is on your mind just makes me die a little inside each time i think of it.
>>
>>36845143
it's okay anon i think my dog is my best friend too
>>
>>36842117
Wow. I can't imagine going through that, famalam. Good on you for quitting that shite life of partying though. Take each day a step at a time
>>
>>36846046
Anon, it was bound to happen anyway, if your mum is careless enough to leave her email up. It's not your fault. I'm sorry she did this to your family.
>>
>>36846908
I can't talk to girls so she thought I was a cop, but I'm not a cop.
>>
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>>36846816
holy fuck anon.
Feels in peace.
>>
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>>36835992
>flew across the country to spend 2 weeks with online oneitis
>multiple days spent with her and her boyfriend
My man, you did yourself no good. That was a stupid decision.
>>
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>>36846816
Sorry anon. Completely undeserved.
>>
>>36836073
My man, I'm truly sorry. Hating women is not the answer tho.
>>
>>36846046
It's your whore ass mum's fault that your Dad's life is like that.
>>
>>36846316
Shit. I'm sorry, my man.
>>
>>36835877
It was junior year in high school when she told me about her illness. Since them I haven't been the same. She's healthy now and didn't die, but that day my heart broke and life has been kinda shitty for various reasons since then.
I still think I could be happy again, or maybe not, who knows.
>>
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>>36846816
those are the same girls that say "i need feminism because i shouldn't feel bad that i broke my bf's heart after cheating"
>>
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>>36835877
>be 10
>about to leave to go to big boy school
>there's a dance at school
>people asking each other out all of a sudden
>not surprisingly I don't get asked
>luckily a few of my friends also didn't so it was fine
>just say I won't go
>night of the dance arrives
>already was ready for a comfy night at home
>parents force me to go
>pretty pissed
>show up dateless
>even retarded twin brother got a date
>once the thing starts I realised this was it
>watching everyone dance, having fun, talking
>something in my mind ticked and I knew this was my future
>decide to go to sleep on a nearby bench
All in all, 3/10
also turns out my cunt of a twin got approached by one of the cutest girls in the year asking if she should ask me or my 10yo Chad best friend to the dance and he told her he didn't know
>>
>>36842117
Shit, anon. That sounds absolutely terrible, and I'm truly sorry. Like other anons said, I wish you the absolute best.
>>
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When my father sent me back overseas to my abusive family
I ghosted him and on fathers day told him he'd abandoned me
it's eating me up
>>
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>>36846816
some of these stories have to be made up i dont want to believe that women are really this evil
>>
>happy, well adjusted child, intelligent and sporty
>love dad to bits, mum is stern but good
>mum cheats on dad multiple times with multiple people
>they try couples therapy but mum doesn't care
>mum expects to be able to bring guys to fuck at our family home while dad and us are still there
>plans on leaving our asses to go be with new guy
>turns out he was just pump and dumping her
>tries to kill herself, fails
>can't live with dad because he works, he's utterly miserable
>live years in an unhappy home, develop severe anxiety and depression
>mum keeps bringing home men I'm scared of, making me go to restaurants and shit with them
>im 13 and emotionally not ready for this shit
>finally live with dad at 15, life improves
>anxiety reducing, still a geek virgin but I'm happier
>fall for the uni meme, do a course I don't really want to do
>believe things will be different, I'm a valuable decent person and things just didn't work out last time
>socially ostracised, don't feel connected to anybody, utterly lonely, shut myself in my room and avoid all people
>finally break down in year 2 and leave
>try and get an apprenticeship, make it 3 months of constant panic attacks and migraine headaches before I GG out
>done nothing since then
I died emotionally when my parents divorced and never recovered
>>
>>36854296
Shit, I'm sorry, anon. I hope things start going better for you.
>>
>>36854395
thanks fellow anon, I don't really see things getting better for myself. I'm giving it one last try and moving in with a friend soon but if I can't sort myself out by the end of the year I'll call it GG
>>
>>36853963
Sometimes we want to believe they aren't but some people in this world really can be that evil.
>>
>>36835877
When I lost all my friends including my best friend. Haven't been the same since.
>>
>spend $900+ on engagement ring
>propose to my gf, she accepts
>learn later on that she is fucking her ex boyfriend, and taking the ring off when she goes to see him
>as this is being explained to me "Is it okay if we can just do what we want until (planned date of wedding)?"
That may be the exact moment that the original me died and was replaced by a much more hardened person
>>
>>36854725
holy shit anon
must have been a hard pill to swallow
>>
>>36854483
You're welcome. Hope that works, and if it doesn't I hope you keep trying.
>>
>>36854820
As if that wasn't bad enough, she's back with the guy now. It embarrasses me, because nobody knows what happened. So everybody in our social circles probably thinks I'm a loser or I fucked up somehow.
>>
>>36842051
Your mum called you ugly? What kind of mother does this
>>
>>36835877
>gf of 4 years telling me she didnt love me anymore
Good times
>>
>>36844215
>>36844291
>>36844414
>>36844494
Fucking hell dude. Stay strong, anon.
>>
>freshman year of high school, never had a serious crush before
>sit next to a girl in science, she's really cute and nice
>never end up talking to her much. I develop a weird crush on her anyway
>after a year of nothing, i give up. It hurts for a while, but it feels good to not devote your mind to someone you hardly know
>2 years pass
>develop depression over how I'm never going to mean anything to anyone
>In comes dream girl
>super cute, really nerdy. we hit it off instantly, and become close friends
>after a while, I realize I'm in love
>she consumes every thought I have, I want nothing but to be with her
>a dance is coming up. I don't go to dances, but with her? I'd love to
>I bear my deepest feelings to her, she turns me down, says she got together with someone just a couple days prior. I destroy myself over not confessing in time
>break down in the bathroom over lunch, cry for 20 minutes. food does nothing to help the hollowness I feel
>broil in self loathing over Christmas break
>maybe I still got this
>we're still friends, still talk and have good times together
>Valentine's comes up, I decide to ask her again. I know she's not with anyone this time
>says she already has a date
>fuck. me.
>I finish out the school year. After this, I never have to see her again
>I cut off all contact
>year later, she shows up at my work with her new boyfriend.
>I know him. We were "friends". I know for a fact that he's just a piece of shit, wearing human skin, and has a terrible dating history
I just want to forget her. Every time I think about her, I want to die. I just want to forget...
>>
>>36836468
>Or will it be when I turn 25 and I still have not found anyone yet
I am 25 and alone.Please find someone.You are not ready for this.
>>
>>36844494
Damn, anon. That's some serious shit to stomach. I wish you the best.
>>
>>36854920
Tell everyone.Tell them about her whorish ways.Lift it off your chest.
>>
>>36854725
That mustve been quite awful.
What did you do after that?
>>
>>36842334
>>36841600
The test lasted five minutes. She couldn't even wait that long.
>>
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>>36835877
>Tried talking to girl online with whom I shared a lot in common and was good friends with IRL
>she's not responding to me very frequently
>ask her
>"sorry Im watching TV and not paying attention to my computer right now"
I felt my heart freeze solid. I can take a hint, but I wouldve preferred you just told me to fuck off. next time someone confides with me they want to kill themselves Ill just let themand i did
Olivia, there's blood on your hands and Ben, I'm sorry I didn't save you when I knew I should have.
>>
>>36835877
Nice dubs, also it didn't happen at one time, at least I don't think it did, it happened gradually over a period of about a year or two, but I'm better this way.
>>
>>36842117
You're name wouldn't happen to be Brandon, would it?
>>
>>36835877
When it finally hit home that I'm a tranny and will never feel nearly as comfortable with myself as most people do. That I'll never be able to be with someone and not be reminded of the ways my body feels wrong. That I'll never find love with someone, get married, settle down in a quiet area, and have kids. That instead I'll probably spend the remaining 50-60 years of my life working somewhere I hate with nothing to look forward to but a shitty, empty apartment and relentless feelings of anxiety.
>>
>>36836073
Christ this is pathetic
>I instantly knew it all and I'll never let myself feel anything for anyone else ever again
How long did it take you to come up with that one?
>>
>>36857900
No, my name is not Brandon.
>>
>Anon, you're dad's sick, come home please.
Thankfully my dad is still with us but it completely wrecked our lives I'm still in the whole. My dad was the breadwinner for my family except me after I moved out but now I take his role since he's disabled. Now I'm stuck working a shitty job not going anywhere. I'm glad I did it though because my dad is still with us but I'm dead inside and only alcohol and food can make me feel better.
>>
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>>36836333
;^( checked
last line hits too close to home
>>
When I turned 26, I, a caterpillar died, and entered a cocoon. When I emerged, I became a butterfly who gave up on women completely.
>>
>>36836448
You're a loser. Oregano
>>
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When the last person I called a friend stopped talking to me.
>>
Think it was when one of my nieces told me I was ugly and that i'd never have a girlfriend. She was only like 6 or 7 years old. How the fuck did she know? I came to the realization that women can just smell your weakness, they have a sense we don't.
>>
>>36858748
I feel like roasties can smell the stench of /r9k whenever I see them
>>
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Being born to be honest
>Born when my mom was 40 years old
>Doctors always told her she would never have children, her eggs were infertile or something
>Dad left when I was ~5, died when I was 13
>Grew up in a ghetto trailer park full of drug addicts and scum
>Bullied and beat up a lot
>House would get broken into every summer
>Had to give away my only friend, my dog, because my mom said we couldn't afford to feed him
>It turns out she was saying that in jest, we could afford to feed him, I gave away my only friend for no reason at the time
>He died far away with the family we gave him too, never got to see him again
That still fucking hurts man
>Tornado blew through my town and ruined our measly trailer, we didn't have heat for that winter
>Drop out my 7th grade year, gained 80 lbs
>Manage to make it through High School despite getting kicked out several times
>Get a loan to go to college
>Have to drop out, while im there get harassed by niggers, have knives pulled on me and other sorts of crazy shit
I hate my life
>>
>>36858776
I'm pretty sure anyone can smell /r9k/ stench if they have a sense of smell at all
>>
>>36858669
I'll be your friend, anon.
Unless you killed them or something.
>>
>>36855746
>I just want to forget her. Every time I think about her, I want to die. I just want to forget...
Yeah...Just stop because she really wants you to leave her alone.
>>
>>36858214
Im sorry I left...I thought you cheated...Ill never believe you didnt but Im sorry for what was said.
I did go sober for awhile, but I am not using you for motivation.
I just miss you...Why didnt we communicate more in the relationship...where we too young?
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>>36858889
no I moved away and all the folks I thought would at least try and keep and touch didn't really fucked with me. One tried to but even they grew more and more distant...
>>
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>>36858792
>that feel when not one human being gives a solitary fuck about your twisted life story
feels bad man
I guess its too much to ask for sympathy from people who never receive it themselves
>>
>>36858792
damn man, honestly poverty is the worst thing to happen to children growing up. the pain that entails knowing how your life could have been different is real and i struggle with this pain as well. can't climb out of the hole without wasting the majority of your young adult life slaving away at a job that doesn't require higher education, you get thrown right into the shithole with everyone else. it'll turn around in our 30's, right? hopefully we're not jaded to oblivion and make it through the pain of growing up too fast, hopefully the harmful emotional crutches and patterns subside some day and it all turns out okay. everyone around me seems to come from privileged families, intelligent parents, but i was born with a disabled mother and a dead beat father who was more interested in hookers and spending all of his money on hookers and drugs. i went through hell and moved into the country at 14 in a far away land and lived in a trailer for 2 years, in a car for one, then finally built a literal shack with my mother after living paycheck to paycheck just to survive. i dropped out at 15 to work. now i can't seem to find anyone to love me or care about me in any way and the bitterness in my heart is too much
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