>tfw 25 yo friendless KHHV diagnosed sperg >tfw schizoid

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>25 year old KHV
>not diagnosed with anything but wouldn't be surprised if I would be at this point
>extremely low self worth
>got job and it was awful
>lost job half a year ago due to inability to keep up and self worth plummeted to new depths
>now basically constantly thinking of lack of self worth
>previously never cared about relationships but now every mention of them reminds me how undesirable I am
>only two friends for five years have been two online friends both of which work full time now and either are leading more normie lives that I can't really understand or are finding success and new friends in their hobbies
>shallow enough of a cunt that I used to enjoy games as my escape but getting to the point where I simply can't get into them due to a shit mood now
>genuinely questioning why I wake up at this point

>21 yo Bipolar 2
>Avoidant
>Do not care about sex, but would do it if needed in a relationship
>Care about relationships when up or normal, but most of the time down and could care less
>Do not care for having friends, but allow it when convenient
>Do not care for social events
>Appreciate, but do not really love family
>Could care less about criticism from others, but am controlled from self criticism
>Could care less about society and social pressure
>Only really have anxiety as a side affect of medication, or doing up days that have a restless or agitated quality to them
>Live because I see it more as an obligation
>Lack fear of death and instead look forward to it
>Searching for something to make me feel passion, because I will only stand this for so long

>26
>Normal
>Army Captain, deployed
>Fit in every sense, including mentally, physically, and emotionally
>Attractive and fun enough to get a lot of girls stateside, but mature enough to know it's not defining and neither is a girl's rejection of me
>Girlfriend is waiting for me to get back, frequently play video games and watch anime together but board games are our top hobby outside normal people outdoors stuff
>Pretty successful and happy, but still ambitious and will probably have a fruitful, memorable life
>still eclipsed by the grandeur of the universe and exist negligible amount of time relative to any measure of cosmic movement

I don't know if this will help you feel any better, but that's also not my responsibility. How do you pass the time?

>>36823141
Actually I feel just fine, I'm only curious. Loneliness isn't painful to me because I don't care for people's companionship so I feel okay. I'd feel better if I could become a hermit, though. I've never understood why people crave other people's approval and affection. I've never experienced love or sexual attraction either. Some people have approached me in the past but I end up scaring them away, which feels quite good.

I play the piano, study physics, cosmology, biochemistry, watch animu, write and browse forums and anon boards. I'm curious to know as much as possible but I usually lack drive and will. I'm a NEET and former researcher.

>>36823377
What field for research? Why'd you stop?

>>36823475
Astrophysics

I only did it for a month and it wasn't even post doc research. I only have a meh master's degree completed.

I stopped because I couldn't do teamwork (sperg) and got burned out.

>>36822073

I don't love my family, never liked social gatherings, I was diagnosed as schizoid, but not being attractive to women and not being able to get sex makes me miserable.

>>36822073
Are you sure you don't care about socializing? Or have you just told yourself that to remain sane.

>25 yo sperg NEET
>diagnosed chronic MDD
>also schizoid traits
>PhD dropout because autism
>always feel alienated
>don't want to get close to most people but would like meeting like-minded introvert people who I can relate to
>only friend ever is my gf even though I never pursued a relationship, she did
>don't understand romance
>don't care about sex but do it for her
>can't stand social gatherings
>afraid of crowds
>suicidal but still have reasons to live
>can't intuit people's opinions and their hidden meanings because deffective theory of mind
>mostly immune to criticism and social pressure because don't really understand those things

>>36823695
I truly don't care and I don't even feel anxiety in social situations, only tedium. I also don't understand fear of rejection and why isolation is painful to most people or how could loneliness make someone insane. It's comfy for me and I'd like to be an actual hermit, far away from society.

I even reject people's approaches because I get no benefit from socializing. It doesn't feel good, it feels meh. I only bother with it when it's necessary and even then I'm merely an observer.

I guess I'm relatively lucky for not knowing those feels. Full blown schizoids are even more socially detached, though.

>>36823993
That's interesting, have you felt this all your life?

>>36822073
>>36823993
I'm the same. i'm 21 KHV.

>>36823695
I am sure. I don't like being around other people, I feel perfectly relaxed by myself. I don't talk to anyone or have any friends except 2 guys I occasionally play games with on Steam. I only talk to people when I need something, otherwise I keep completely to myself and never speak unless spoken to.

I hate that I'm like this though. I get nothing from socializing but I'm jealous of everyone else who does. I probably come across as a creepy dickhead because I never smile at people or laugh with them, I'm almost completely humorless in conversations. I would like a qt gf to snuggle with but it's never going to happen. Having a gf would be annoying to me anyway but I still want intimacy.

>>36824195
Yes, I've always been very aloof, even at home. I never tried to make friends at school. I was verbally bullied but I didn't care because other people's words don't have a concrete impact on me. This is why I also don't understand why other people get emotionally affected by such things. I feel very alienated but it doesn't make me feel bad. It's a strange feeling.

>>36824279
It certainly seems like socializing is something pleasurable and wonderful that I just can't even percieve or understand. For me it's only boring or draining, absolutely tasteless, but most people truly enjoy it and get satisfaction from it, to the extreme of getting depressed if they are isolated. It's very intriguing and can't fathom it.

I'm not jealous but If I admit that if I could get that emotional gratification it wouldn't be so tedious talking to people, given that I have to do it anyway in order to keep living in the city.

>>36823993

Don't you ever think it would be nice to meet people who are just like you (personality, interests, introversion and shit) and maybe being friends with them? What about an autistic schizoid qt with a very low social drive?

Anybody here actually diagnosed schizoid or schizotypy?
I am diagnosed schizophrenia and one woman thought I had autism (the idiot). I wonder why they wouldn't think of a dual diagnosis of schizoid or schizotypy.

It has also several times been suggested that I might be intellectually gifted and some of the behavioral traits apply to me (such as strong need for autonomy) but I doubt the credibility of those behavioural traits. Besides, if online IQ tests are an indicator I don't even come anywere close to 130 iq.

I wouldn't be suprised however that there are bots who do have iqs of 130 and above and who are intellectually gifted.

>>36824586

No. I have no motivation. I've actually met someone who I can very much relate to but even then it gets tedious and meh. And this is a very rare, unsocial and intelligent person whose company should be very pleasing. I'm just too much of a loner. And it's comfy.

I'm intrigued to know about more of those people, though. I hadn't realized this was so rare. It helps if the other person has a very low social drive/few emotional needs but I still would end up ghosting him/her and isolating myself.

I can relate to some of these feels.

>24 yo sperg
>khv by choice
>unemployed MD and physics student
>some schizoid traits
>easily drained,annoyed or even burned out by social interaction, even through text
>friendless but had some imaginary friends in high school
>sometimes want intimacy but know I wouldn't be able to stand it, never had a bf
>don't care about sex but have some sexual drive, just don't feel the need to have actual sexual intercourse
>no interest to partake in social events
>unaffected by criticism
>unaware of social pressure

People sometimes approach me but I always prefer to keep the distance. Eventually I scare them all away.

I'm mostly comfortable being alone but sometimes (very rarely) I wish to meet a very introvert qt whose company were as comfortable as solitude, building a solid friendship with him and having some physical intimacy but I know I'd be a shit friend/lover because I'd frequently get annoyed and exhausted by interacting with him, even if he understood me perfectly, even if I had feelings for him and he was the most beautiful person inside and out. He wouldn't deserve it. It can be frustrating.

>>36825934

Why would you get annoyed? Would you get annoyed even if the guy had exactly the same issues that you have?

>>36826125

Because it always comes the moment in which I have to be alone, it doesn't matter who is making me company. It's more about getting sick of socializing than getting sick of socializing with a given person.

If he had the same issues he'd probably had the same mindset and woud avoid relationships altogether just as I do.

If we both were willing to build an atypical relationship it would actually work, I think. We would just be "alone together" and wouldn't talk much, which sounds nice, but it is extremely unlikely that it could ever happen. Most introverts are more social than that, enjoy normal relationships and get lonely and sad if their social/emotional needs aren't met. I'd prefer to avoid hurting someone I deem precious.

>>36825934
>>36824279

The difference is I've never wanted intimacy. Closeness of any kind is bothersome. I understand why your situation can be frustrating, though, almost like a quandary I guess.

would you be my sperg schizoid bf?

>>36826836
No, I don't want to be your bf. Go away.

>>36825934
>I'm mostly comfortable being alone but sometimes (very rarely) I wish to meet a very introvert qt whose company were as comfortable as solitude, building a solid friendship with him and having some physical intimacy but I know I'd be a shit friend/lover because I'd frequently get annoyed and exhausted by interacting with him, even if he understood me perfectly, even if I had feelings for him and he was the most beautiful person inside and out. He wouldn't deserve it. It can be frustrating.

Fucking this.