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>tfw you're 21 and you realize you might be doomed to be a total outcast for all of your life
always say to myself that im "introverted" and don't need company.
but I remember a single moment like it was yesterday:
playing some fucking card game on a school "trip" (like a week long thing, don't know how to call it in english) around a table in the evening. playing with people of my class I've never talked to. can't even remember how I got to that point.
but I remember the feeling. feeling of real company, being part of this group, being happy within it... only time I have ever felt this feeling.
I was "part" of other large (lets say more than 3 people) group of people before and after that of course but I have never really felt like I was actually part of it. Also had "friends" (mostly one person at any time), but I didn't feel it with them
"I don't need company"... how the fuck would I know. I just never had it so I don't know what I'm missing. I only had this small taste of it and it burned itself into my memory.
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>>36779137
you think you miss it becasue you only had a small taste
honey moon stage of a sort
i was the same
decided to make friends at uni
fun for few weeks then got bored
turns out i have more fun alone
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I remember in kindergarten i would eat breakfast on the other side of the lunchroom completely alone.
I would ask the janitor to open up my milk carten if he was around
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Who here actually enjoys crying?
It feels alot better than being completely devoid of emotion
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>>36779231
>I would ask the janitor to open up my milk carten if he was around
Holy shit anon. Here's a Pepe to help brighten up your day a smidgen.
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>>36779180
yeah, but I also had friends (currently at uni btw) that moment was something special and I don't know why
>>36779231
... ok. That sucks.
I think I always was a bit of an outcast, but actually had more friends in kindergarten and before. It got less with time.
>>36779285
That's also a thing that seems to be wrong with me. I don't feel a need to cry at all. I also heard people talk about how apparently "everyone thinks about suicide at some point durin puberty"... not me. Bullying and everything. No matter how bad it got, killing myself never even came to my mind. So i'm probably not depressed, but I also don't really feel much positive emotions
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>>36779137
Last time I belonged was in Middle School. It's been so many years, I'm forgetting what it's like. No gf's, no friends, no nothing.
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