>life is even more miserable >don't want to kill myself

>>36749412
It hurts to live but you don't want to end it because of future possibilites?

>>36749552
Hope man

It showed up out of nowhere and has tied me down

>>36749590
Do you feel better off with hope or would you rather not have it? This fucking captcha I swear to god

>>36749623
Like I said, I found comfort if having a way out.

Now I have hope and all I can do is wait till things turn for the better.

For myself physically? Sure, having hope is better and all, but on the inside? It's killing me in all kinds of way while doing the thing hope does best

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>>36749412
what you're saying is, you don't want to die anymore?

>>36749716
Hope is a fucking serial killer, I've studied stoicism a lot and I still can't control it. It's not like you can just say "well okay this can go south real quick, but I won't be affected by it because I've taken it into consideration"

>>36749810
Yeah

that was implied
>>36749844
i feel like a vegetable lying in a hospital bed and no one is pulling the plug

>>36749932
Idk bruh, my situation is a bit different so maybe that's the reason why I don't completely get you - I wanna kill myself and I'd do it a million times if it weren't for my family, but it would simply have a too much of an impact on their lives so I just have to not be selfish I guess..

>>36750068
Not here. Had no father figure and mother only broke me so no ties to my family

Hope is such a bitch man. Im like a penguin that is trying to fly and doesn't give up

>>36750164
Make dat money possibly get into drugs i mean i wouldn't recommend it but it helped me forget about being suicidal 24/7

>>36750191
But im not suicidal anymore

hope fucked me up that much

im a car that runs on hope, how fucked is that

>>36750164
Yeh but there must be someone that knows you exist right? It's not required that they're your family, you still shake their lives up a bit.

I like that you always put a metaphor at the end of your post and it always makes perfect sense and is equally disqusting and true at the same time haha fuck this planet
srsly captcha

>>36749844
Stoicism is unhealthy if taken extreme. I'm a prime example. Today, I woke up in a state of dissociation, depressed, and a couple hours ago I cried for 5 minutes. Heavy feelings of meaninglessness, loneliness, and knowing that any changes to make these better such as getting close to someone will only end up in the hedgehog dilemma and I will revert to isolation.

I then stopped crying, stopped everything I was feeling, and continued my day as normal, in its usual. In fact, I feel ok now. But im aware this probably shouldn't be the case.

>>36750246
well you'd change your mind if you woke up everyday in constant pain. Your hope starts running out real fast then.

>>36750272
Sure, some people know I exist, but I don't think anyone really cares or lets me know they do

>>36750394
No physical pain, but having a good dream every other night is pretty terrible too, I think they might have something to do with my bit of hope right now

They let me touch the thing I crave the most just to take it away over and over
teasing me like a child and I fall for it each time

>>36750316
If you TRULY become stoic it's fucking amazing. But that's probably impossible. I mean the idea to work just requires so many fucking predispositions that it's... yea..
>>36750394
yes exactly, zero hope, and all your left with is guilt and the feeling of selfishness due to the impact it would have on others (offing yourself that is)

>>36750441
Yes, I am also paranoid (and righlty so) that noone truly cares and yes it's probably true that noone "truly cares" and that they care "just because it's the human thing to do (pitty etc.) but it's not like it wouldn't have an impact. That impact is the only thing stoping me from doing it.
I hate sleeping, waking up etc. I don't understand how I don't suffer from insomnia though (I need probably like 1 hour max to fall asleep), I mean I do wake up at night and start crying sometimes but yeh, I manage to fall asleep again. Dreams suck.

>>36750578
i like sleeping even though dreams hurt, i feel atleast something that isnt raging boredom

waking up always sucks though

>>36750578
I have like a whole different life in my dreams. I'm truly happy when i find that place again and then i wake up and im sadder than ever

>>36749412
so Join a monastery, take a flight to a random african city to be a travel worker there, or join the kurds to fight isis.

Live your live in a way that gives it meaning mate. Ton't just have your clock tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick ...

>>36750626
See I don't get this - you'd rather feel something bad than nothing at all?
>>36750656
A few people had already told me that they do that, that fucking sucks, I mean I have good dreams and bad, and I'd rather I had nightmares than the good ones because they just lead to dissapointment when I wake up.

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>>36750797
>you'd rather feel something bad than nothing at all
i know its fucked, but i just want to feel something

if i feel nothing for too long i start to not notice my surroundings. I could walk a mile with a blank mind and not remember how i walked that far

>>36750839
Yea I get you but, numbness is when you're completely numb, it's when you remember that you were numb that fucks you up, but by doing that you are no longer numb you just become fucking "depressed"