feels like im on an island a lot, nobody understands thats normal

all i have is a knife
dont even know if i can do it. im so selfish I can't even do it.

I switch personalities in my head
so reality doesnt hit me
i dont know how long i can do this until i have another panic attack

gonna take a cold shower

yet the bloodbells chime
yet the bloodbells chime
yet the bloodbells chime
yet the bloodbells chime

>>36597246
Don't stab yourself. Terrible way to go.

>>36597414
at least i wouldnt be feeling the same stuff that i always do anymore
i deserve a painful death
for being annoying and creepy

>>36597461
i make threads sometimes
wondering if i really do deserve it
Am i really a bad person
thats not a question I can answer

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You seem hard to talk to, I don't think I can carry the conversation either. It's really unfortunate. I think you're a nice person and I really want to help you. I don't like seeing you act this way. It's hard though. I'm not sure I can make a difference.

You don't deserve anything bad, and you're not a bad person. Don't listen to people that tell you that kind of stuff, it's wrong.

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>>36597198
Keep your head up anon. That is all.

>>36597198
Stop making these threads, dummy

Move on

>>36597932
People always tell me that because they can do it themselves
but i dont know how to

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>>36597954
I want to hug you and tell you that everything will be okay.

>>36598081
I thought of hugging
you
I want a hug so bad
i hate my life anon i hate crying everyday
im a bad person

>>36597512
Your friends can answer it
And the answer is no, you aren't

>>36598208
I hope you have a good night. If you want to talk, I'll be online for a few more hours.

>>36598416
thanks
im sorry for not talking to you either
keep crying aya deleted me

What makes you think you're bad, anon?

>>36598882
aya said im creepy
and broken

Im annoying to people too
and always negative
And he thinks i want attention from him
all i wanted was to be his friend
but Im not a good person like people say

>>36598882
He got burned by a bad friend and took it too personally.

the longer i live the more ill just suffer
im annoying and worthless to aya

If I dont do it soon people are gonna be mad at me
just have a kitchen knife
im gonna be wasting time like telemorph said

"Telemorph"?

Well, anon, did you have bad intentions at all when you were "creepy" and "annoying"?

sick and cant get out of this illness
i remember when it happened to my relative this year
she died
>>36599146
No I did not but thats not the point I think
Im supposed to grow up
but if I have no idea how to change that means im a bad person like people say
I didnt mean to annoy or be creepy

Anon, what do you need to change? Don't you just have to be yourself?

>>36599259
I um
just dont know
sorry
i dont know
ayas never gonna be my friend again
im nothing to them
dont want to live for much longer

Why should your livelihood be dependent on what others think? Aren't your thoughts just as valuable, equal in value? We all were born here in the same manner, and there's nothing that decrees one of our minds is more important than the other. Don't infer that I'm some liberal, because I despise them, but you should follow free will, anon, and not let other people's opinions lead you to take your own life.

>>36599322
I never had a life
and was never born with a reason
everyone hated me
and now..
everyones dead
my other relatives hate me
so now that Aya, the only person who was nice to me
doesnt like me anymore
I dont see the point in anything
Im not even a person. I think of everything as if another person if saying it
its probably time I just endmy life - dont know
its going to happen soon
hes going to block me like nothing
because im creepy

>>36599454
He can't be that nice if he's saying you're creepy and all that.

I'm sure you can find better friends than just him.

>>36599531
Yeah
hes very cold to me now
it hurts my feelings
Is he trying to make me cry
not sure
just cant move on, I see right through what everyone tells me
im so sick of living
forgive me for being negative
i come here to talk about how I feel because im scared of bringing others down

>>36599579
don't worry, there will always be people that will be pleased to listen to you and offer you a shoulder to cry on, do not think you are bad, you're feeling mistreated by him and you're internalizing those feelings as self hatred, I hope it wears down and you can smile again

>>36599707
he blocked me like it was nothing today
I must be that bad of a person
i said good morning to him

Im such an idiot
chills went down my body
sick of crying every hour anon
it burns
this illness in my body
and in my head
i dont want to live anymore
im lsing grip

im sick
going to die anyways
afraid to just stab myself early before the illness catches on
aya hates me
creepy , me

>>36599775
>>36599858
You need to let go. Obsessing is only making it worse. Find someone else to think about.

Someone like me

>>36599920
it hurts
aya hates me
dont know what i did
all his friends hate me too
they made that server to hurt me as much as possible
im sorry
i cant stop

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>>36599775
I'm very sorry to read that, he really did act very irresponsably, I think he does't deserve your attention or tears at all, I can tell you really really loved him and he was very important to you, but you have to realize that the aya you knew is not the same aya you know now, you would've never grow attached to him that much if he acted at the start the same cruel way he did now, life will give you many opportunities to get to know people that will be sincere and caring to you, you shouldn't let a bad experience make you feel like you don't deserve it

>>36600121
I dont care what aya acts like
i want to be ayas friend
thats all i think
but im afraid of telling other people
it doesnt matter
when i die and im gone for long enough
aya will just delete me

was never a person
im not even real

Wasn't there a point in your life when you had worth WITHOUT Aya?

>>36600212
no,
there wasnt a point
i was abused my entire life
and was afraid of ending it many times
hurt myself as a toddler on purpose
Im, sorry for crying
just have nowhere.. to go

ive been drinking coffee all day
still feel tired
gonna throw up i think
Havent shown up to work in a long time

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>>36600309
Isolation won't help you, it'll only cause the pain to grow more and more, when there is pain, it's good to keep the mind occupied in some tasks, menial or very complex ones, trivial or recreative, all of it helps, I had a massive breakdown some years ago, and Isolating only made it way worse, going again to work made it feel less and less difficult to carry on, I know you can do it! I barely know you but I can tell you're very resilient

>>36600586
thanks
im not sure if I ca ngo out for a walk outside though
my body cant handle it
im too weak and lost a lot of weight
just want aya to be my friend
and tell me he doesnt think im annoying]
thatll never happen
and i cant stop crying
nobodys here to protect me

just want to die
it hurts so bad
i need to go away he said

i thurts

>>36600782
you're starting to remind me of some girl whining about being rejected by an asshole chad

while a dozen better guys are all trying to console her

>>36600846
aya is not an asshole

>>36600846
you have no idea how accurate that is

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You said he treats you like a dipthong, though.

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>>36600632
no one can tell what the future beholds, maybe he will realize the mistake he made by acting like he did, but what we know for sure is that you can't spend your present suffering and self harming you, it's not worth it, you should try to eat more, even if you are not hungry, believe me, self harming only grants a short term ""gratification"", but long term there may be consecuenses, consecuenses that may last a lot more time after the depression has already disappeared

>>36601202
i like starving myself though
it makes me feel really good
and I forgot about what im feeling
i'd rather starve than think about things

>>36600846
they've already admitted they are mentally ill and creepy. I don't know why you guys even try.

>>36601549
seek some real help not on r9k, actually fucking accept the help. Maybe then you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on

>>36601606
I got an appointment to go somewhere
dont know how to move on when people say that to me
I'll never get to think the same way you do
im okay with that
im glad i at least got to be Ayas friend
ill pass peacefully soon
goodbye

>>36601654
good, go to the appointment. You obviously don't think normally. Time passes, people move on. Unless it's for something extremely special like your lifelong partner passing on, that sticks. Losing a friend bc they called you creepy and annoying is something that shouldn't. Go get help

>>36601688
mm
people move on.
i cant
im never gonna get to be ayas friend
and im selfish for forcing that on him
i dont want to live anymore
so i dont have to cry

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>>36601254
but you can get the same numbing effect by occupying your mind with enjoyable activities! like videogames and tasty food, depression is not only emotional, it's also chemical, eating better and doing activities you enjoy will sure help you a lot, don't be harsh with yourself
>>36601654
I hope the appointment goes very well, wish you the best of luck

>>36601729
why do you collect so many friends? are you trying to fill the hole that aya left in your heart?

>>36601840
no, i dont talk with them a lot
and people arent a thing to collect
I can never fill a bleeding heart back unless it gets stitched

I'll replace Aya if you're capable of stimulating discussion about realistic space warfare

>>36602720
I've never thought about space warfare
I'll have to brush up
sorry

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Start off with explosions in space and the spread of the vibrations caused by them...

Start off with Kerbal Space Program or a basic knowledge of rocketry and orbital mechanics equivalent to it. That shows you how important weight and fuel are for a start. From there, Children of a Dead Earth is the most realistic (and only) simulator that focuses specifically on space warfare.

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>>36603667
>>36603841
thank you
this is something I've never thought of before

>>36603870
I'd be glad to teach you anything you want to know if you drop a throwaway email.

>>36604072
can you..
tell me where to get a throwaway email?

>>36604103
I use forward cat, it sends stuff from a fake address to your real address and deletes the fake address automatically after a week.

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Welp, I did my part. Good luck out there boyo

>>36604174
hahaah

goodbye guardian angel

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>>36604133
Do you just want to tell me about the stuff youre interested in?
I'll be here all day to read

>>36604191
:^) Shot down from the sky ded

>>36604215
Sure, do you want to hear all of my interests or just some of the basics of space warfare?

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>>36604281
Can you tell me all of your interests. Back them up with some basics so I can get immersed

>>36604307
Vidya, I prefer more autistic engineering/programming stuff. Along the lines of Factorio, Spacechem, Children of a Dead Earth, etc.
Blacksmithing, so far I've made a warhammer, spoon, and some reinforcements to hold my anvil stand together.
Finally space warfare, I practice it through the simulator I mentioned before, Children of a Dead Earth. My doctrine is capital ships with 8 km/s of delta-v, with 5 cm of main armor then a 1 meter gap followed by 1 cm of whipple shielding. Both the armor and whipple shield are made of graphite aerogel (A whipple shield is a device to break up hypervelocity projectiles such as those fired from rail/coilguns, they hit with so much energy that they turn into plasma then expand into a large ball of gas and spread their impact across too large an area to cause significant damage.). They carry 5/8ths of their total payload as point defense drones, and 3/8ths as anti-ship missiles armored against lasers with nitrile rubber.

>>36604421
i'm going to have to ask you to calm down

we all seem to go around trying to use English to try to convey to other people what we're thinking and to find out what they're thinking, when in fact deep down everybody knows it's a charade and they're just going through the motions. What goes on inside is just too fast and huge and all interconnected for words to do more than barely sketch the outlines of at most one tiny little part of it at any given instant.
>...with (You) also fully aware that the cliche that you can't ever truly know what's going on inside somebody else is hoary and insipid and yet at the same time trying very consciously to prohibit that awareness from mocking the attempt or sending the whole line of thought into the sort of inbent spiral that keeps you from ever getting anywhere, the realer, more enduring and sentimental part of him commanding that other part to be silent as if looking it levelly in the eye and saying, almost aloud, 'Not another word.'

>>36604458
I can't, I sperg out with the force of a thousand suns whenever I talk about space warfare.

>>36604421
Ooo
Coilguns
this is a lot more interesting now.
Unfortunately I haven't gotten into any simulators.

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>>36604490
Yeah, this is what the coilgun designer looks like. This is a stock module made by the developer, I don't have any coilguns because I prefer railguns.

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>>36604530
Hm its pretty easy to understand now
thanks for showing me this stuff
I should get into it

>>36604562
There's a lot of equations going on behind the scenes and a lot of materials to use, so if you get it you should check out the forums. Loads of advice there.

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Rem, come to me

>>36604562
Also since this thread seems to be dying if you want to add me somewhere take this [email protected]

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>>36605434
thank you anon, I'll keep it

>>36605465
>>>36605434
>thank you anon, I'll keep it
This

>>36607063
what does that originally mean?

add me rem I'll be nice to you I promise
r9kalt#0112

>>36607441
rem pls I'm sorry

>>36598965
>by a bad friend
Aya was on the right here you orbiter

>>36607997
please, dont argue with other people

>>36608033
people who are wrong about my friend need to learn, anon.

>>36608166
Mm
I agree
Aya is a good person

But I don't think Aya would want you paying attention these threads. OP is mentally ill and worthless

>>36607997
>Aya was on the right here you orbiter
No he wasn't
don't defend aya

>>36608844
No he's right
OP is creepy as fuck and crazy. Stop giving him attention he's a piece of shit dude

>>36608908
You are a piece of shit and I hate you
stop being mean to rem, rem doesn't deserve this

>>36608924
shut shut up ushuthup
He's crazy nobodsy likes him

>>36608924
Dumb orbiter you're talking to Rem wanting an ego boost.

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Rem-chan kawaii

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>>36608972
This Rem is an attention whore he doesnt deserve aya I hope that freak rots and stops bothering him.

You're an autistic cunt find someone else and stop bothering my friend. People like you are trash. Trash

keep fit brah, nothing ever dies brah

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do you mind not posting these threads you annoying freak?

you're a bi g dumy yay

i hate gays cause

therire gay

bloafres loafers mash greens patetines

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>>36610681
>bloafres loafers mash greens patetines
This