ITT: Obscure Feels I know you fags have some weird shit

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>tfw living a lynchian nightmare every night
> tfw I'm afraid of mirrors/windows (not because of my reflection specifically, but what i see) so i cover all of them with anything i can
>tfw frequently see mystical beings and horrible sights

I feel unsafe every night

>tfw had to make a phone call
>absolutely exhausted from it

>>36535815
how do you feel exhausted from it specifically

>>36535771
>>36535771
>tfw I just want to live in a shack in the forest that has a wood burning stove and a false floor that's covered by a rug that has an entrance to my cobblestone spank n wank dungeon.

>>36535846
Where would you get food? No internet or electricity? How would you shitpost?

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>tfw the only person I have truly felt love for is someone who has been living in another continent for nearly a year now and either doesn't know that I've ever felt that way about her or just thinks I'm a weirdo but I'm too shy to contact her on social media and even if I did I'm too poor to afford plane tickets and really just want to see her in person again

>>36535846
are you the Unabomber

>tfw ur on again off again online gf tells you she's actually just turned 18 and that's why your plans to meet up and live together over the years kept "falling through" for weird reasons and she was hiding it from you because she actually wants to marry you and couldn't bear the thought of you breaking it off with her if you found out she wasn't actually in her early 20s which she knew you would because you're an honorable, loyal man who would never want to take advantage of a young girl and confesses she's been manipulating you in all kinds of ways but when she finally comes clean about it all you laugh it off and you plan to elope together

>be alone in safety of home
>feel intense anxiety building up and eating me from the inside
>get severely beaten up and robbed of my meagre possessions
>feel oddly at peace

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I hate how art has lost its value. Now a days anything passes for art and deep emotions and feelings. Art has become superficial... just like people.

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>tfw you just dropped out of college without telling anyone because you felt like you were about to kill yourself, like literally just packed up a few things and left, and are now riding on a grayhound bus to colorado because that's the farthest you could go with the money you have with no where to stay once you get there, no money, and a minimum of possessions
I sure hope this works out for me.

>>36535880
I'd hunt for my food and dig a well or bring water in from a river. Electricity won't be needed.

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>>36535896
what the fuck dude is this real life

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>>36535896
>>36535946
sometimes I forget how crazy the world is

>>36535943
Correction, people were always superficial and art outputs mean nothing in the grand scheme. also you're a faggot

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this fucking thread man. really makes me wonder.

>>36535800
>everyone ignoring this first post
am i the only one thinking about how fucking weird this post is

>>36535771
Huh, perfect thread at the perfect time
>tfw been listening to Days And Daze while posting on /tv/
>tfw getting this cosmic sense of youth, this weird feeling of both nostalgia and fear of the future
>tfw I regret so much I didn't do in my high school years
>tfw I feel bad for wasting the start of my summer not doing anything of value
>tfw I want to become a filmmaker so bad but I never do anything to further myself

The word that best comes to mind right now is "sunset". It's the end of a childish era and soon I'll have to face being an adult, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I just have to sit back, watch the sun go down, and worry about tomorrow morning when it comes.

I feel really uneasy because of this.

>>36535943
It feels like everyone is an artist now

>>36536092
'artist' is more of a tag now than a profession, artists are supposed to pour hours into their craft

>intrusive thoughts
>double and triple check if there isn't anyone looking at me from my neighbor's window
when I'm in the kitchen

>>36536170
close the blinds senpai

>inexperienced with girls
>get rejected for the first time
>feel absolutely shit
>in bed for weeks crying over this girl
>realize I didn't actually love her, just the idea of love
>read the top 2000 /r/niceguys post
>realize that was me
>self awareness explodes
>look at my life, my thoughts and attitude towards things and can see easily why she rejected me

I feel like I need to take a hit of LSD

>>36536170
i have a similar feel
>sitting in room
>feel like the government is looking at me through infrared cameras
>begin feeling extremely paranoid

>>36536174
there aren't blinds on my kitchen's window

>>36536121
I used to live and breathe art. I sketched random stuff from the time that I could until I was about 16, almost every day. I was the best artist at my school, and had kids stand around and watch me sometimes. It eventually started feeling like a chore, so I quit and I haven't sketched anything in 10 years. Don't know what the point of saying this is. I guess I'm jealous of them deep down

>>36536199
acquire blinds senpai

>tfw mental breakdown and going to go live the rest of your life in a monastery

Having a candle lit in my room makes me feel really good. Inexplicably good, really.

>>36536195
In my case it's not paranoia, just a fuckton of anxiety trying to get it's way out from my brain

I'm almost certain it's OCD
also
>thoughs about "someone" looking at you, right behind you

>>36536212
Do they feed you and shit there? like, you literally don't ever have to work again and all you have to do is pray and not have sex?

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>the no girl in my life who wears thigh high socks that are slightly too tight and will let me touch and squeeze the thigh squish

>>36536255
I think you have to work. monasteries do a lot of volunteering and stuff. correct me if I'm wrong though >>36536212

>>36536271
I'll shave my legs and wear thigh high socks and let you pretend that I'm a girl, if you want

>>36535771
>get home from work
>left over churros (desert) I was saving isn't in the fridge
>made brother specifically promise not to eat them after I bought him food yesterday
>pancake mix is out
>already ate all my blue berries that I wanted for blue berry pancakes
>ate my cereal too
>and bananas

He's sleeping on the couch now, tommorow morning I'm going to say the most hurtful thing I can come up with. I'm going to call him a "nigger faggot" and I'm going to insult his homosexuality. I want him to cry when I call him a "faggot cock sucker" and tell him he will "burn in hell" for being a "self absorbed dick muncher". Maybe I'll say that our dead dad would be disappointed by his faggot ways. I feel justified because he'a a sociopathic liar and this shows that he has zero respect for me, I've tolerated his faggotry, I even hesitate to call him a Sodomite some days out of respect, but he clearly doesn't care about me. I'm going to call him the whore of gay Babylon in the morning when he wakes up, I'm going to yell it too, so maybe he will be confused at first, but I want him to cry.

>>36536291
Are you a qt trap and live in Japan?

>>36535771
Does "the one and only good thing I have going for me is the size of my penis" counts as an "obscure feel"

>>36536323
Nope. I'm a thicc american bred white boi

>>36536319
he probably stuffed em up the ass tbf
im so sorry for your loss

>tfw you're lazy, but at the end of the day in the last 30minutes before you go to bed you freakout about another day going by and getting nothing done

>>36536255
No, because the monastery is self-sufficient for the most part I'll have to do a variety of different jobs in order to support it. It's not just praying all day. Anything from cleaning, growing vegetables, to giving haircuts.

>>36536382
well shit, sign me up. sounds pretty comfy. i already don't have sex so i'm not even giving anything up there

>When you're all anxious and you interpret any kind of not-absolutely explainable sound you hear as a potential auditory hallucination

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>only enjoy /mbti/ general
>it's being suffocated by shitposting related to inaccurate stereotypes and pointless shitflinging

>be into tarot and numerology
>still don't understand my destiny

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>>36536353
He was watching this tv show the other day, it was about faggot drag queens. I really hate queers and their pathetic little lives. I want to stomp on their faces. He's disgusting and if there is hell he will burn in it, but hey, at least he got to suck all those cocks right? I know he looks for sex on tinder and saw hik looking at other gayboys. He makes me want to puke.

>>36536407
wanna red pill me on numerology anon?

numbers are super neat

>>36536319
nigga all he did was eat food jesus

>>36536394
research monasteries in your area. I'm joining a trappist one. usually they can let you stay for a trial period to see you if can adjust to it and like it before you devote your life. there might be some requirements as well, like being an ordained member of the catholic church.

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>>36535943
i know these feels anon...also dont listen to these other shit posters telling you your a fag....
i mean maybe you are a fag, but not because of what you posted,
im a songwriter and im afraid i'll never sell a song ever
damn now im depressed

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>Tfw you were in love with a beautiful Christian girl who went on alot mission trips to Estonia and she studied there culture and history etc.
>Now every time you hear or see the word "Estonia" you get a pang of sadness and regret in your heart.

>>36535771
>tfw you're actually considering getting on of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkcKaNqfykg

>tfw want to be back in mental hospital for no real reason

dropped out of college and live with mom. i have zero plans. i dont want to live here anymore but i dont know what else to do

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>>36536421
People get caught up in the question of how astrology, numerology, and the rest of this stuff works, they don't bother to see for themselves really it actually does work. In my opinion, all that really matters is whether this stuff really does correspond to reality when you take it seriously; and for me, they have.

If you're interested in giving it a shot, here's some links to get a free, no strings attached numerology reading.

http://affinitynumerology.com/personal-numerology-reading/free-numerology-reading-form.php#maincontentcontinue
http://www.scientificpsychic.com/numerology.html

What you stand to gain is insight into who you are at your core, and what path in life you are meant to follow (or rather what situations you tend to find yourself in and the role you play). It's definitely been helpful to me on my quest for self-discovery and orientation in the world, but it's an ongoing process of interpreting the results and trying to realize them. I still haven't figured everything out. Hopefully, though, it will be for you even just a little bit helpful, as well.

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>Tfw can't go to sleep voluntarily

>>36536553
thank you anon, i will take a look at the links. it sounds very interesting-

>>36535896
Dude, come on. Orgasmically just come on

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>>36536508
I think we're all starting to come around to the idea of AI gfs

>I routinely forget how to tie my shoes
>I'll squat and stare at them for a while wondering what to do
>can't get my hands to do anything resembling a knot

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>>36536630
Your welcome. I'd like to hear how it works out for you if you feel like sharing afterward.

>>36536653
honestly I don't care about alt-right memes

Hell, I don't give a damn about her political positions as long she isn't a preachy extremist

All I want is someone who is there for me when I come home from work and that has something nice to say about me from time to time

>>36536722
nice dubs anon. i would love to share. im just cooking a frozen pizza right now so it will have to wait for a few minutes

>>36536343
I'm sorry, I can't afford to fly you to asia

>tfw will never die in a final, glorious cavalry charge buying time for my king to escape

>>36535771
It seems like I can only fap to really weird shit.
Regular porn, and even regular hentai, has been failing me lately.
Seems like I can't even nut anymore w/o going to /d/ or Eightchan.

>>36536319
Roasting him on being gay alone is stupid, you need to somehow tie it to being a byproduct of him being a shitty human being to really crack him. It doesn't even need to be a well thought through link, just make him feel like he's broken, it's what every normal person fears the most.

>tfw female asian penpals are the only social interaction you have in the world

>>36536743
???

plz be my ___ gf is a /r9k/ meme
the poster who got the get was a robot
there's no politics here

I'm kinda wondering what the point of painting anymore since apparently I have parkinsons and will go blind as well. WHAT A FUTURE TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

Also, who do you guys want me to fuck in the ass? You're really really pushing the "Nut in the butt" messages. Now, if it's because she has fucking AIDS... I would just rather not have sex with her. It's only a one night thing anyways, right? So what's the fucking point? Why risk something like that... especially for someone that has done such terrible things to me? Honestly, I would rather just snug and talk if this is the case.

>>36536722
i took the reading real quick and lots of it seems to be optimistic. since it was just software, i feel like i should take it with a grain of salt.

>>36536319
I'm a fag myself and I doubt a rant like this would do anything but make me chuckle. Just tell him to stop being a cunt and threaten to kick him out or kick his ass if he eats your shit again.

>>36536893
>optimistic
seems like you don't feel like you're in a good spot right now. what's the trouble?

>software
your name and birthday are calculated in multiple different ways to produce the individual type of readings, which were all thought out individually beforehand. it's not the software that's coming up with interpretations on the spot

>>36536878
also...

Isn't she my fucking sister? You guys want me to not only fuck my sister in the ass... but you want to fucking record it and release it as a sex tape?

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

>>36535800
That was my life three months ago. See somebody about it, they'll help with either coping mechanisms or medications.

>>36535771
I want to get very sick so that people will have to give me attention and care for me. Kind of a Munchausen feeling.

>>36536923
>it's not the software that's coming up with interpretations on the spot

are you sure? because on the page it said "Numerology reading software provided by Will Bontrager Software LLC"

>what's the trouble?
just some life issues. typical robot stuff, why am i here, kill me, etc.

Also what's the fucking space pirate shit? Like... seriously? I'm StarLord? What the fuck is my kingdom? The entire multiverse?

Humans are slaves?

What the fuck is life? Am I ever going to find out what this is all about or will you just fuck with me until I fucking die? Thats how it feels anyways.

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>>36535771
>tfw all I do is beat my meat, listen to the same 5 songs and feel like shit

>>36537063
This isn't an obscure feel. This is normal.
r- right?

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>>36537015
>are you sure?
that refers to the back-end that does the calculation on your name and matches the result to the appropriate interpretation in the site database that was written by the author of that site.

>just some life issues. typical robot stuff, why am i here, kill me, etc.
well, let the results you've read stew in your mind for a while, and come back to it every now and then; it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel or to believe you'll ever reach it, but maybe some time in the future you'll be able to start putting two and two together and find these readings meaningful, applicable.

>tfw you break out of your depressive phase into a phase of intense anger at life

I have a feeling I'm gonna be fired from my shitty retail job soon, because almost every day I get fucking furious and start yelling and punching boxes then leave early.
My boss and co-workers may be afraid of me, kek

>>36537101
>that refers to the back-end that does the calculation on your name and matches the result to the appropriate interpretation in the site database that was written by the author of that site.

that makes sense.

thank you for your time anon

Not my post but fits the order.
>>36536276

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Alright laddos, buckle down.
This has been bothering me for literal months on end now, since I remembered it during a near death experience.
>Be middleschool me
>6"0 in 7th grade
>Quiet kid in class, avoid talking to people, but am generally liked because pleasent to be around.
>shorter blonde girl in my english class sits next to me
>nice girl, nothing to write home about though
>sweet girl though, always cheerful and happy to talk
>I liked me the shorter girls, still do today.
>around half way through the year im just getting home and starting my homework
>notice a folded piece of paper in my backpack
>read first few lines of what is seriously like a full fucking essay
>confession letter from blondy
>fuckme.jpg
>think to myself not to sperg the fuck out
>crumple confession letter into ball and throw across room
>feel great relief
>realize ignoring the situation is a lot easier than seeing it through
>go to school the next day
>she's anxious when she sees me
>Poker face
>we share one of those two person tables together, but i persevere brothers
>after class ends and i haven't acknowledge her confession she seems upset
>next day she seems determined
>poker face through another painful class
>get home, find another letter
>this ones shorter, to the point.
>my heart skips a beat
>time comes to a stop
>I crumple the letter and throw it across my room
>instant relief
cont?

>>36537174
Whatever, man. This story already has an unlikable protag though it is interesting.

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>tfw all my friends are from 4chan and talk to me every day, opening up to me about their loneliness and fears
>tfw they've been my closest friends for years and I've always supported them through the good and bad, soothing them through gaming, movie watching or peaceful music sharing when they're down
>it's mutual, they always cheer me up when im a little sad too
>tfw I love my stupid depressed 4chan friends

>tfw I've been lying about my name and gender this entire time, I'm not a guy but I can't tell them because I don't want them to suddenly change and leave.
>tfw we'll never meetup and hangout someday like they keep dreaming about because I never want them to know the truth

Bros for life

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>>36537244
I never said I'm a likable person, nor does it probably get any better.
...
This continues for literal weeks and three more letters. she finally starts showing signs of desperation or anger
>get home after school, find note in one of the side pockets on my carpenter jeans
>wat? When?
>First line says its the final letter, she's desperate to know, she's been under massive stress and anxiety, can barely make it through class
>just wants me to reply to her efforts, a letter, a nod, a smile, anything.
>heart is racing, don't know what to do
>I don't dislike her, dating her wouldn't be that bad
>easy entry level gf
This was when I realized I might be what I will come to know as a robot
>fold letter up, ninja star it across room into pile of previous letter balls.
>feel no great relief
>feel only great shame
>realize how i can fix situation
>gather up all the letters, run into backyard
>dig small hole, place evidence inside
>set fire to evidence, bury to hide burn marks from parents.
>blame the hole in the grass on dogs
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>go to school without a worry in the world for the last half of the year.
>Blondy wasn't really the same, kind of stopped talking to people, lost her cheerful attitude
>next school year starts and she's moved away.
>I've forgotten about the whole situation, only remember it years later in a car crash while looking back on my life
Talked to some mutual friends she stayed in contact with a little time back. she got super depressed afterwards, didn't want to come to school anymore so her parents took advantage and moved somewhere cheaper. tfw fucked over some poor girls happy middleschool life and friends. I... I don't know why I didn't just talk to her. I never really had a reason not to. Looking back on it that would have been way fucking easier and less stressful. Might have even had a chance at normie life.

>>36537380
I watched some goosebump episodes with some people from 4chan one night. We stayed up all night just talking and watching goosebumps. I didn't even know their names. I'll never forget that night

>>36537380
Don't ever tell them, it'll instantly get weird and change the way they behave towards you. We're too lonely to handle knowing there's a girl in our midst.

>>36535771
>take shits with a blanket over my head so it's extra dark and comfy

Been doing it since i was a little kid. I don't know what's nice about it.

>>36537518
I take my pants and shirt off when i take a shit

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>when you have a uni project due in 5 days and you're pretty sure your partner who is supposed to be doing half of the project is dead since they aren't taking my calls or responding to my emails and I haven't seen any sign of activity

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>>36537393
Well, it certainly qualifies for the thread at least.

Hopefully you've since become a better person.

>>36536170
I FUCKING HATE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

>When I'm walking along a road I vividly think of cars going out of control and hitting me

>Poles being spilled out of the trunk of a car that I'm behind and one impales me in the head

>Picking up knives and stabbing myself or others

>People hearing my thoughts on the bus

The lost goes on and on. I've tried talking to therapists and they don't help. I can't escape it. I think about it multiple times daily.

>>36537590
List* oops

Oragano

>>36537101
yo anon, you still on? I can't believe I've found another tarotfag

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>>36537646
Yeah, I'm still here. Destiny and Life Path number?

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>tfw plan to an hero with the only friend I have because I'm too much of a pussy to do it on my own and we happen to be both longing for death
>tfw he kills himself a month before I could visit him so we can do the deed together
>tfw now stuck in life and feeling lonelier and more depressed than ever
>tfw I miss him a lot but I despise him just as much

>>36537646
>>36537670
or rather, do you have a screenshot of your personal card spread?

>>36537680
No, sadly. I read the cards myself actually.

>>36537676
I'm so sorry anon, that sounds incredibly lonely and sad. I wish I could help in some way.

>>36537676
Nice excuse not to an hero pussy.
it's ok I'm too pussy too

stopped talking to my older sister because she refuses to apologize for molesting me as a kid.
now she cries every night because she has no one to talk to fuck her

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>>36537590
>you see your friends over there?

Yeah

>they all hate you, none of them can stand you. I'm gong to tell you this every day, btw.

T-thanks, brain

>>36537689
I see. I've got a screenshot myself. I'm waiting for myself to get around to continuing looking at the different decks currently in existence so I can finally find one appropriate for me to purchase. In the meantime, I've been slowly figuring out what the individual cards mean.

I've got a lot of Hermit, High Priestess and Empress in my spread, irrc. Hanged Man+Empress as the core.

>>36537704
Intrusive thoughts fucking suck. I wish I knew a way around it.

>tfw contemplate driving as fast as you can and driving off the road into a tree or pole or whatever, every time you're driving

>>36537714
Last time I did a reading online I remember getting The Fool, Justice and Hierophant as my individual cards.

Oh, by the way, if you want to I can read your cards. Just grab a Random Number Generator from 0 to 21 and tell me the first 5 numbers. It's a way to draw some cards asd.

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>>36535771
>tfw you'll never be anime protagonist.
sucks

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>>36537766
not with that attitude you won't faggot

I want to be murdered

I go on night walks and constantly fantasize about a mugger approaching me and deliberately goading him into killing me

Never happens though

>>36535800
Is that picture that fucks up your eyes for 3 months or something if you stare at it?

>>36537745
>The Fool, Justice and Hierophant
Seems to make sense.

>Numbers
What's the harm? But I think it will work better if we have some sort of personal connection, like knowing our names or something. What do you recommend? A powerful wojak to focus on? I don't know...

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>you will never explore alien star systems and planets with a non-normie cute girl who can appreciate it
>you will never get to experience an upgraded version of the human body that can move faster than sound, withstand radiation, sustain strong impacts, and output incredible strength
>you will never get a computer chip to vastly improve your reaction time and problem solving ability
>you will never be immortal
>you will never EVER travel through time and see the distant past and future of our world and others
>you will never EVER EVER get to travel to a completely different dimension an experience 2D, 1D, or dimensions higher than our own
>you will never ever, not even in a million reincarnations, get to travel to a reality with an entire set of universes, dimension, timelines, and parallel worlds, that is completely unconnected from our own in any way, shape, or form, and can only be theorized to exist

>>36537766
>tfw getting the mc's seat in school fucked me up more than anything
Sitting near the window in the back of the class made me even more of a introvert

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>>36537809
kek, that would work. I would normally do this in RL, but I don't have a deck.
I believe the fact we both believe in the Arcana may be our personal connection. Not only that, but we both visit /r9k/ and both are (proably, I wouldn't know about you) failures at life.
I'm using the deck from Tactics Ogre online, it's actually pretty good looking.

>>36537703
Are you a boy? If so maybe you could have sex with her and it would be even?

>>36537814
>Sitting near the window in the back of the class made me even more of a introvert
But that's literally the best seat. You can just relax and look through window.

>>36537845
no she is ugly and disgusting and stupid as fuck

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>you write a good post in a bad thread
>thus making it unavailable for everyone else

>you're masochist but you don't actually get off sexually on it

>>36537590
It's weird, I've always had these kinds of thoughts come to me, it was always just part of my natural absent-mindedness. I never really thought much of it until now. Anytime I'm in a room and I get bored, I start imagining all the things I could do with stuff in the room. Maybe think about making a tower of pens and books, or use a chair to beat someone, or stand on the ceiling, or jump out the window, anything really.

>>36537864
I was put there because I wall a lanky faggot even when I was a kid. Like, 5'8'' as a 10 y\o kid.
I have no memories of elementary school, just the trees being shaken by the wind in autumn and being sunlit during the summer.

>>36537693
Do you know how I can cope with grief? That's what I'm struggling with the most.
It's okay if you don't, I appreciate you wanting to help, thank you anon. Hope you have a good day.

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>>36537842
Using random.org:

19
4
18
6
15

Read me, lad. Cerebretronic here.

>>36537806
no, i made the image i uploaded though

>>36537393
I feel like being pissed at you but then again I don't know how I would've handled the situation either. It's easy to be a backseat autist. I hope you've taken something away from this.

>>36537174
>>36537393
I can't hate you because I can't honestly say I would have done better.

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>>36537903
I'll read you card by card.

The card that represents what you're looking for in life is The Sun. The Sun, in the Arcana, represents order and life that has trumped over The Moon. Not being subject of lies and hatred anymore, you're looking for balance, peace and prosperity, but you're still missing that something that will make you find it. Wich is why I'm reading the cards kek.
You see, the Sun is a good card, but its most important aspect is the how it's a gateway towards illumination and prosperity. You're still not there yet, but you're close.
Part 2 incoming soon.

>>36537734
sounds a little corny but i've found that some simple meditation techniques can help

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>>36537903
>>36537973
The card that represents YOU right now is The Emperor, number 04.
Being the archetypal Father figure, you're strong, but still emotional, as any real father should be. You're mature, secure but at the same time you look for Order. Only by following order a man can prospere, and so it is, not because of random reasons, no, but because every law has a reason to be. So, being the Emperor the card that represents you the most right now, it really shows how much thought you put into things in life. Not for it's own sake, but for something bigger than yourself.
Now we'll look at what's in your favour and what's against you.

>>36537973
>>36538039
Could you do a reading on me too?
Numbers are 6,4, 13, 1, 19

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>>36537903
>>36538039
The card in your favour is, quite ironically, the Moon. The appareance of the Moon in a reading means that not everything looks as it is, but, since the Moon is the last ordeal in the Arcana and it's in your favour, this means that looking at things in another light shall help you. You see, walking in the shadows lighted by the Moon is frighting in itself, since it represents blind determination, but you're willing to do it, and ready to fullfill your destiny.
Part 4 incoming.

>>36538107
All this is making me think of is Persona

>>36537973
>>36538039
>>36538107
Still reading and patiently waiting, thank you.

>>36537961
If anything I've just gotten worse, perhaps a bit more comedic in my reactions, but certainly worse in terms of how I deal with those kinds of situations. I've a few more stories to spin, but I can see this thread sinking soon so not here, and not now.
No... no, the real cringe begins in highschool and the memories of my autism kicking into maximum overdrive that I can never forget.

Until then I'm roping in my pepes and taking flight

>>36538113
>All this is making me think of is Persona
Persona is based on tarot cards and jungian archetypes. Hell, even name "Persona" means social mask you put to be around other people according to C.G.Jung

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>>36538083
Will do once I'm done with him ahahaha. Please wait for me.
>>36537903
>>36538107
The Arcana leaning against you is The Lovers. >tfw no gf casted aside, this is quite troubling. Being the Lovers the card that represents companionship and confrontation, this means you'll either be alone in your quest, or be confronted by your loved ones about your journey. Not only that, but being the man in the lovers the conscious and the woman the inconscious, you may find trouble trying to reconcile both of them.
At last, the final reading. The outcome of your journey.

>>36538138
I know it is. It's just weird because Persona is my only experience with this, so hearing it outside of the game is odd. cool though. I don't know what the hell you're talking about but it's interesting

>>36537430
Yeah, I know and understand very well. I havent said anything in about 2-3 years now and still have no intention to. It's never even a problem until they talk about coming out to see me or wanting to use a mic over games. That's when the excuses have to roll out, but luckily those times are pretty rare

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>Tfw best friend turned oneitis with severe PTSD and Major Panic disorder from being held as a sex slave by a mafia boss is going to prostitute herself out to some rich kike lawyer and his Indian wife because she's destitute and can't pay for school
>Tfw almost certain if this doesn't blow her up as a person it'll warp her into a cynical uncaring fuck

I don't even KNOW how to feel bros. She's already dissociating from the whole situation and wheres before she was warm and nice she's becoming terse and distant again.

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>>36538134
thank you for your patience! I'm actually really enjoying this so far, I hope you do too.
>>36538113
>The moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate... Entrusting his future to the cards, man clings to a dim hope. Yet, the Arcana is the means by which all is revealed... Beyond the beaten path lies the absolute end. It matters not who you are... Death awaits you.
>>36537903
>>36538144
The card that represents the outcome of your journey is The Devil. Don't worry, my friend, for The Devil is often a misunderstood Arcana. You see, we may cling to a dim hope, but we never admit our own wrongdoing or, if we do, we try to cast aside the tought or try to blame something else. It doesn't work that way, and The Devil reminds us that since we are mortals, we shall always keep within the seed of Evil. We are human, we can be both evil and angelic, we should all accept that, and at the end of the journey, you may be able to understand much of yourself if you let yourself go and try to see for yourself who truly you are inside.

You look for order and prosperity but, before doing that, you should try to reconcile the demons inside your hearts. Accept them and make them your new strenght.
I hope you liked the reading.
>>36538083
Now back at ya

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>>36538195
>americans literally have to whore themselves out to pay of school

>>36538188
I understand anon. I've heard you can get voice changers to swap your apparent gender if you want to talk without giving yourself away. Not sure how well they work female -> male.

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>>36537973
>>36538039
>>36538107
>>36538144
>>36538232
Thank you for taking the time to do this. It turned out to be on the whole fairly accurate.

You see, I've been wanting to spend this upcoming summer on my own in a city I've never lived in before. I'm 21 years old and coming up on my last year of college, but I only have been slowly coming into full maturity. I want to grasp my independence, for one, but I'm also dissatisfied with life right now, because of tfw no gf, tfw no passion or ultimate direction, etc. So I also want to try and start a new life for myself, and I'll do that by forcing myself to make it on my own, at least for three months.

I still haven't gotten all the details down, and I'm a little reluctant to leave everything behind, more than I am anxious about failure or anything. But I really do want to do it, and really believe I can do it.

So I think the cards and your reading of them reflects that for the most part. I suspect your reading of The Devil may be too charitable and beating around the bush, but if you really believe you should be reading it that optimistically and aren't holding back, I'll take your word for it. I'm just not entirely sure your interpretation of it here is the right one.

Anyway, sincere thanks again, friend. I really appreciate it. Good luck to you on your path for the future, as well. Peace.

>tfw you pushed away all of your friends because you are inferior in every way to them
>tfw you crave basic friends to text and talk to but know it's all your fault

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>>36538083
Since I have to prepare lunch or else I'll starve, I'll sum it up in one post. Brace yourself.

The Arcana that represents what you're looking for in life is The Lovers. As we saw before, The Lovers both represents companionship and relationship goals and the duality of conscious and unconscious. You're either looking for love, for order in your mind or both.

The Arcana that represents you is the Emperor, 04. Yet again, The Emperor represents the Father figure in the order of things. Reliable, caring, true to yourself, many adjectives fit you but the most important one is how you look for others and for order and law. You respect the natural course of things and you want to be part of it.

On your side you have Death. Another misunderstood Arcana, Death represents decay but also reincarnation. Many things change in life, for the better or for the worse, and having on your side Death means you accept your fate and you welcome any changes in your life. You know how hurtful it is, but you know it's gonna be alright in the end.

Against you we have The Magician, 01. He represents the reality of the world and how things work, by accepting the laws of nature. It may be strange to have him against you, and in fact it is, since usually it's a fine card. Wich brings a question: do you fear reality? Do you fear logic? You have the reins of your life, but you seem like you don't want to.

And finally, 19, The Sun. The Sun is acceptance of reality and order after a long journey in the bowels of the night that is The Moon. You'll face great hardships, but you'll come on top and you'll be able to bask in the Sun's graceful light.

But, only if you're willing to act. The Arcana shows great promise in you, but you need to act, otherwise change will not happen.

>>36535943
>le wrong generation

seriously the only thing superficial is your knowledge about art

>>36538378
Thanks for reading. It's strange that i have Emperor by my side but i'm against reality aka Magician? It looks like i'm running from myself.
> but you need to act, otherwise change will not happen
Is that specific in my reading or just common advice?

>tfw I invited a gay friend over for beers and sleepover and we laid in my bed cuddling and staring into each other's eyes and even shared a kiss but my homolust was non existent so nothing sexual happened and I woke up comfortably asserting my heterosexuality

>>36538335

About The Devil. I'm trying to be optimistic but remember that reading the Arcana without acting will always affect life negatively.
As a nice man told on the internet, the Devil is a cancer that devours you from the inside. It's up to you what you are goint to do with it, but I do believe it's best to accept it and take reins of it, rather than being driven by it and not understanding why.
You see my point? It's not easy, it's not something you need to do only once and then you're done, nono. It eats you away.
You're not alone in the struggle. Godspeed, and may the Arcana be with you.

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>>36538432
Looking at your cards, friend, you are ready for change in the name of love or integrity of mind, but you're afraid. I'm talking about you, anon. You are not willing to act even if the stars are aligned in your favour, and this is going eventually to bite you in the arse.

>>36538342
>tfw your friends become normies so you had no choice but to push them away

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>>36538335
Thought I should include my personal card spread anyway.

I also feel compelled to prove I'm not a normie: I'm non-white, 5'7" skinny, with schizoid personality disorder. I don't connect with people like others do normally; I don't laugh the same, show affection or interest the same, relate to the same feels. I feel alienated by family, race, mentality, etc.. I am indeed a robot.

>>36538461
I'll try to keep that in mind.

>>36535771
>tfw aphantasia, the complete inability to visualize imagery, also causing poor memory
>tfw few and empty memories of childhood

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>>36538412
>postmodernism is the gateway to great art!

>>36538491
>You are not willing to act
Yeah because i'm afraid of the unknown.

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>tfw you spend an entire day visualizing an adventure that turns into an epic story and you get so caught up in it that you are geniunely surprised when the story ends and you realize none of it happened and you've been staring at a wall the entire time

>>36536228
does the flame also turn you on

I love watching a candle wick burning, the fire moving back and forth, yearning to break out of my control and kill me like the flamable piece of trash I am, it's all so erotic

>>36538518
People have always made loads of shitty art and some good ones, man. We just remember the good ones, and technology makes it easier for the shitty art to be seen. Thinking like that will make you overlook out of habit any good art that is made now.

>>36538500
Your core cards both impress me. The Hanged Man represents a different perspective in life, while the Empress represents the Mother figure by default: loving, caring and interested in the well being of others. Not directly involved into affairs like the Emperor, but still quite forceful and decisive when we talk about results.
Also, there's no need to prove anything. You are you, labeling yourself dehumanizes your true self, I think.
>>36538523
You have Death on your side, anon. You have nothing to fear. Even if you do not act, change will happen, if you like it or not. Please reconsider, you don't have to be yourself, just do. I'm with you.

>>36536553
Source on picture? It's originally very aesthetic

>>36538538
i'll do this. I'll also pace around the house while I do it. sometimes i listen to music, and it's always one song on repeat

>>36538596
Music is actually what got me started, I'd be listening to a song I liked and start imagining a scene to go along with it, and then it would evolve into a long adventure.

>>36538580
Hey! If your still in this thread can i get a reading?
13
15
9
11
2

>tfw watching behind the scenes footage of sketch comedy writers rooms and feeling sad because I don't have that.
Can you imagine being part of the Conan era Simpsons writers rooms or the writing team for That Mitchell and Webb Sound?
>tfw no group of wannabe actors and comedians to put on shows with.

>>36538580
>You have Death on your side, anon. You have nothing to fear. Even if you do not act, change will happen, if you like it or not. Please reconsider, you don't have to be yourself, just do. I'm with you.
So my life is marked with constant changes? Maybe i'm holding onto the past and therefore avoiding meeting myself.

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>>36538582
I believe I got it from a thread on /fa/, alternatively /p/ but I don't think so. I saved it on November 22nd, 2016. The image above was edited by me to remove the man here in this original picture.

>>36538580
>Your core cards both impress me.
As in you admire them?

I found out some weeks ago that these pairings are all set in stone.
http://www.tarotschool.com/HangedMan_Empress.html

According to that description, the opposition is detachment versus involvement, but both represent birth of different kinds. Here is from another site on the matter:

>The Theme for this lifetime is: Learning to surrender and accept life, and the ability to give and receive love and compassion.

What I find interesting is that 3 of the cards in my personal spread showed up in this reading you did for me, and in just about the right places, too. I was expecting, to be honest, this to be a bit more off base than it turned out.

>>36535905
actual problems make you realise how pathetic your 'problems' were

>driving down the highway back home from visiting somefamily.
>gf and some other family in the back of the car asleep
>i wonder what would happen if i drove this car off the freeway right now.

Why do i get these thoughts

>>36538739
Fuck off normalfag. Go to /soc/

>>36537142
just dealt w this for the first time a few months ago, the anger makes the depression that comes later much worse desu but at least it delays it for a while

That feel when you interlace your fingers with your toes

That wave of heat that radiates across your whole body when you get embarrassed

When a once difficult enemy is re-met as a trivial encounter.

Getting someone with a card trick

>>36535771
>tfw my dreams are so vivid and so normal that i sometimes predict the events of the day

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>>36538626
Sure thing buddy

The card that represents what you're looking for is Death, 13. Death represents both decay and rebirth, so you may be looking for a new "yourself".

What represents you right now is The Devil. Well, now, this ain't a good card. The Devil, as you've seen in the discussion with my friend over here >>36538461 , is not something you joke about. Something big, scary and evil lurks within you, and you've got to do something about it before it eats you and takes control of you.

Now, on your side, we have The Hermit. A nice card, the Hermit questions life and rules, completely opposite to the Emperor-Empress-Hierophant trinity, you may understand that many things hold different meanings and may be seen by many perspectives. You know about this and you welcome it, knowing that life is not black and white, but ultimately grey, and from this notion you may learn many things, about others and yourself.

Against you we have Justice. Justice represents the laws of the World, wich are Cause and Karma. The first one, clear enought, is "reap what you sow", while the second represents how things in the end work out for people. You may not believe in this worldly justice, or even discard it, but it is not fair, nor just, to do so. In fact, eventually you're going to see for yourself, may it be a good outcome or a bad one. Don't be an ass, please, or else something will come for you.

In the end, we have the High Priestess. Being her the representative of the unconscious, she shows us how much it affects the real life. If you really want to change and fight your demons, you have to look in yourself. The High Priestess has many readings, since it is about the Inner Voice, wich coincidentally changes within different people. You can't change if you don't change your attitude towards yourself.

Now I'll excuse myself, but I have to cook. I'll keep the thread open and see what you think. Thanks for patiently waiting.

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>>36538813
I don't often remember my dreams, but sometimes I'll encounter a situation in the future that I recall having some unconscious thought of before. What I have yet to figure out is if it's a genuine memory, and I'm repeating what has already happened, or whether a vision I'd had had finally come true. What sort of deja vu is it, really?

>>36538927
I have no idea, but it's fucking creepy.

>tfw I get my gun and march around the house when I'm all alone like some fucking Russian guard
>tfw weirdly fascinated by marches and marching in general
>tfw very vivid dreams since I take new meds

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>>36538684
You may read what you see most fit in the Arcana. If you feel that is the correct answer in your doing, so shall it be. I encourage doing so, actually.

>>tfw you've probably been through 1000 timeloops by now
>tfw you forget every time and only remember when you see that one thing that hadn't seen yet but remember in that specific cycle
>tfw you can't prove it

>>36538232
Have a go at me anon, your numerology sites missed the mark

8; 9; 5; 21; 13

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>>36538967
>he chose the wrong eternity

>>36538946
Wouldn't happen to be ISTP, would you?

>>36538718
I just noticed how it fits with the reading. You truly are a compassionate fellow.

>>36535943
Truth

oreg

>>36539008
Shit man, I should have chosen the construct.

>>36539008
I have never taken the MTBI test.

>>36536180
>browsing reddit

You deserve this

>>36536319
Based

>>36536444
Wrong

>>36536896
In denial

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>>36538279
Tuition is free where I'm from. She can't maintain a full time job while in school to pay for her housing and other living expenses.

>>36536407
>be into tarot and numerology

PROTIP: both are bullshit

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>>36539060
I thought trips don't lie, /pol/lack

>>36538922
First of all I wanna say thanks for taking the time out of your day to do this.
Yeah the devil was expected honestly. I know exactly whats lurking inside of me but I dont really know how to cleanse it, not yet anyway. The hermit applies to how and think and is accurate. The justice one was interesting to me. I've done dumb shit to people but i've always believed in karma. I've been reaping what i've been sowing for years in my opinion. But I may be wrong. the high priestess makes sense to me too. I've been struggling for awhile now to find out which me is the real me. Once again man thanks alot for doing this reading. I've got a long night of thinking about myself ahead of me now. Hope your lunch is good!

>>36539081
Shut the fuck up, nigger

Oregano

>>36536502
Yo, I'm from Estonia.

>>36535771
> tfw been catfishing a lesbian woman for years now and she wants to visit now and I love her so much but we'll never be together and I'll have to break it off soon

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> tfw at random times objects look hyper realistic and seem to stand out that I just want to look at whatever it is forever and explore it's every inch.

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>>36539111
haha okay then guy

>>36539042
>>36539008
You can actually give me one if it's not overly long.

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>>36539111
>>36539153

Observe those digits, faggot

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>>36538996
I'm not the same anon as the numberology guy lol.

Oh well, this will be my last reading since I have to fuck off and feed myself.

What you're looking for? Strenght. Strenght represents respect, loyalty and intellectual strenght. You may lack it, or feel like you are filled with either pride, lust, anger or sorrow. Strenght controlled by emotion is a beast not easily controlled, but it's what we all look for in life.

The Hermit represents what you are right now. You know certain answers to life's question do not lie in the reality of our life, but only within oneself. You question reality and its fruits, and know that looking only in one perspective at things doesn't really make sense.

In your favour we have the Hierophant, wich represents order, but not in a strong sense. You see, if the Emperor represents order that lies in oneself, the Hierophant represents order in much greater things, as God, or society. Having the Hierophant as your ally means you know that laws are to be followed for the greater good.

Against you we have The World. The World represents, as you may expected, everything and nothing. Alpha and omega and yadda yadda. Having the World as your nemesis means either you don't know what to expect of your efforts, since it's the last Arcana and represents the goal of Life, or you just discard the normal order of things. Screw you, God, I do things my own way! It may work, but you can't jump steps in life. You'll eventually learn the pace the life goes at, sooner or later.

In the end, we have Death. Your answer lies in change and rebirth; you'll be able to find your answers only by changing your current trajectory. You may not want to do it, since you reject reality and God so much, but only like this you'll find peace in order and strenght, by appealing to your inner urges and calming yourself.

I hope you understood what I was trying to say, but I feel this reading was the most difficult of the bunch.

>>36539155
I won't have you do any of those tests, they're all pretty tedious. Just answer these questions here:

1) Do you like being alone more or with people? Why or why not?
2) Are you philosophically inclined or not? Have an easy time understanding abstract thought and big ideas?
3) Do you think feelings get in the way of getting stuff done? Or are they always an important consideration in whatever someone does?
4) Do you like schedule and planning, or freedom and improvisation?

The answers should point in a general direction that you could take from there to find the true location.

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>>36539092
thanks buddy, and may the Arcana be with you. Hope you enjoy a good life.

It's not an obscure feel to you guys, but it is one for the normies.

I'm not even a virgin, I'm not even anti social. By all criterias, you'd categorize me as one of them, but on the subject of romance, I do not identify with them in the slightest.

Biologically, it makes sense that attraction to a potential partner is sexually based, but to me, it doesn't make a lick of fucking sense.

I had sex and it mentally and emotionally fucked me up more than before I had sex. Now I am terrorized of sexual attraction and reject all girls who approach me based on that. I've dated, but every single girl I've dated was a self-centered piece of shit who I only felt attracted to because of desperation and physical attraction, but I know all girls are not like that. Every nice girl in my social circle is taken anyways.

I just don't get it anymore. Why is there so much pressure to fuck? Why is there so much pressure to lose your virginity? It all means nothing! Getting laid means nothing and, yet, everyone base their selection on whether someone is hot or not. Nit just physically, but psychologically. Everyone looks at a potential partner and ask themselves if they'd fuck them or not and if yes, they engage.

None of this makes sense to me. Not the sexual attraction in itself, but the fact that everyone speaks of love and relationship, but everyone base their selection mostly on sexual attraction.

One of my best friend is dating tons of tinder girls and he SPECIFICALLY tells them he just wants a non-romantic and non-sexual friendship with girls because he's fucked up from his previous girlfriend and despite that, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM tries to fuck him at one point to the point where he got to aggressively push them away.

I mean yeah sure sex feels good, but wht in the FUCK is EVERYONE about that and JUST that. I speak of how I feel to normies and how I want something genuine based on mutual understanding and support...

cont

>tfw trying to force myself to become a normie so my mom stops being so sad every time she looks at me
>tfw can't connect with normies at all
>tfw can't connect with people online anymore either
>tfw can't stop thinking that everyone I talk to actually hates me
I just want my mom to die soon so I can an hero already, this existence is fucking miserable.

>>36539240
Alone, because I'm free to do shit carelessly and I feel kind of better alone.
I have no idea really. I can grasp the big ideas, I am a religious person, I often have my head in the clouds.
Feelings always get in the way of getting shit done. It's a confirmed fact. I am sad, depressed and I can't be bothered to do anything properly or do anything at all. On the other hand, I imagine happiness, rage or being pumped up make doing stuff easier.
Kinda both. I like to have important things like work, scheduled while running wild with less significant actions.

I am also not a native English speaker, so I don't know if I answered correctly.

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>When you're not sure if your boss raped you or you raped your boss

>>36539329
>I am also not a native English speaker, so I don't know if I answered correctly.
You did fine.

Your answers point to IxTP based off what I asked you. Your habit, as I said, indicates ISTP, but you might not be one. In your dreams, do you want to be alone to
A) Live out life in near solitude, free to do whatever the fuck you want
ISTP
B) Live out life in solitude in order to contemplate and figure out the world
INTP

Alternatively, if you dream of adventure and maybe going out to war just for the fun of it, then you'd likely be an ISTP.

Whatever you answer, you could go to 16personalities.com or Portrait of an ISTP/INTP (whichever you choose) and read to see if it's accurate.

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not obscure, but ill go. can't wait for faggots to call me a chad over a failed normie attempt.

>get an online gf, verified female
> she's literally a normie, but i try anyway
>enjoy the first week
>she sends nudes with no sweat
> ask more
>receive more
>find out 2 are fakes but don't care
>slowly begin to fall apart
>do, but on my birthday
>cry for a month
>considered getting back together
>finds new bf the next day

today IS that next day.

>>36539268

Basically how my friend does it, but with a romantic intent and everyone tells me it's a naive disney esque desire and that I should give girls more of a chance and get laid more and try to be more open about "letting things happen" and flirt and I struggle to the point of blind rage to explain to them that I don't give a single shit about any of that and that I just want to see a girl without having some pressure to fuck at some point before I'm even fine with it. Yes I do want sex, but, basically, all I need is time to feel secure about my decision. I have a truckload of childhood traumatism that fucks me up on that point and I need time and all the normies have to say is "hurr dur u gotta ease up bro have sum pussi dont be so stuk up".

Nobody fucking understands. I tirelessly remind them and they keep putting pressure on me EVERY SINGLE TIME a single girl is in the vicinity. "Go talk to her bro she wants your dick go talk to her."

It's not even that my friends don't understand, it's that in some bizarre way, they understand my problems, but are so intensely conditioned towards sexual attraction that don't even realize how pressuring they are. I know they try to help, but they don't understand I can't be helped this way.

Even I struggle to understand it. I'm just scared, I've been used and heartbroken so many goddamn times I have zero hope left in genuine love. All I see are a bunch of fucking horny animals who cannot consider a relationship without a perfect and fullfilled sex life. I just want to talk and cuddle.

>>36539423
Okay, thank you. Very originally.

>>36536195
>begin to do something shameful or private
>sudden feeling that my life is being watched remotely by everyone I know as a tv show
>always feel like everyone i meet already knows about my thoughts perversions

pls help anon

>>36539452
>>36539423
All things, considering your additional questions, seem to point to ISTP. I'd like to live in a small village, with my own home and field and tend to it. Or have an adventure. Or going to war. Ukraine

>>36539512
Those are pretty common dreams among our robot ISTPs here on /r9k/. If you ever feel like sharing those feels or hearing others' like you thoughts, feel free to head into /mbti/ general anytime.

>>36539144
derealization? I get that with panic attacks sometimes.

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I wish there would be a civil war or something so I could fight for what I believe in and feel like my life had value but I'm too beta to actually start it I'm just gonna sit here and eat my mcdonalds and wait for someone else to revolt for me

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>>36536614
Yeah, I share this feel. I just sit at my computer until i'm ready to pass out, it interfered with my life so much, it's the reason I become a robot. At least now I don't have a reason to wake up in the morning, or a reason to wake up at all...

>>36537393
I don't know how to feel about this one. I want to hate you, but in some aspects I can relate to how you felt. Maybe try and get in contact with her again, tell her you're sorry, that you regret ignoring her. She must have some social media or something.

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>two uncles die in the same day in a horrible accident
>feel nothing
>aunt gets diagnosed with terminal cancer
>feel nothing
>grandpa died a few hours ago
>feel nothing
What is wrong with me? Is this what years of social isolation does to a person?

>>36539677
I wasn't even able to fall asleep tonight, now I have to hear my normalfag family waking up.

>tfw father was immense child killing piece of shit, yet never did anything to make him proud of you while he was alive

To put it into context, it was vietnam and he killed kids who thought they were righteous in the act of killing, and it fucked with him badly. Even so, all he did was scream, and when screaming didn't work, he beat me almost daily, and my mom, to get what he wanted. coupled with the fact I didn't know what dad wanted, got bullied in school, so in both cases was beaten almost daily twice, not knowing what I actually did wrong except exist. Maybe existing was wrong in itself, I don't know. I just know never being good enough to do anything and being beaten for being a failure fucked with me and I don't even know how to begin being a 'person' properly. I just know that after he stopped drinking, he became a different person, but by then it was too late, and it was like, 'where the fuck has THIS person been my whole life? why didn't try to be an actual parent earlier?' and such. even now it hurts and i hate him, but can understand a bit of it. i mean, he liked kids above most things, but why wouldn't he try to like his own kid first and foremost?

>have to use communal washer and dryer
>clothes always come out super static-y
>hear the zipping sound when I'm separating clothes, feel the hairs on my hands and arms move
>at some point at random I get a terrible static shock
>terrified of this shock, spend half my time working up the courage to quickly touch anything metal
>touching grounded metal doesn't seem to work
>constantly mildly anxious because I can get a shock at any time I'm touching my clothes then the door handle
>starting to feel like a lab rat with how nervous I get

I'm too shit poor to get dryer sheets or fabric conditioner, but I'm starting to think it's worth it

>>36537590
this

living with depression and intrusive thoughts is hell

>>36536195
youre not special. what the fuck would the goverment be watching you for, man i understand paranoia but i never understood this muh goverment watching us all the time shit.

its almost pretentious to think youre important enough someone would waste their time watching you all the time

dont know if this is obscure as i dont really speak to anyone. But whenever i happen to be following someone on the way back i get an intense fear theyll get to my house and go in like its their home

>passive aggressively bullied 5 years ago
>I know they were making rumors up about me to make people hate me, but I never heard any of them and I don't know what they are
>I rack my brain trying to come up with possible things they could have said in my head, then when I think of something I have a panic attack and feel like shit
>tfw I'm literally bullying myself

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I want to be happy
But I spend my free time becoming unhappier because that way I at least get to feel something instead of just having a blank stare

>>36540344
i don't feel importance i just feel fear, fuck off

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>tfw psoriasis
It's annoying as hell but goddamn does scratching it feel good. Legit the best pleasure I've ever felt in my life. Better than jerking off.

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>>36539439
yo same here tho wt
f

>>36536055
I want to be a filmmaker too, more than anything. But that's a powerful feel you're feeling, and it's the kind of thing that suggests you'd be a good filmmaker.

>tfw depressed
>tfw want to join the military
>tfw the military won't let you in if you've been treated for depression

So if I go to one therapist, I lose the military option forever and I'll probably kill myself because I've got nothing else. But if don't, I might just end up killing myself once I get in the military anyway.

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>>36535771
Who here /madeitwithasuccubus/?

>tfw calling out for a succubus for an hour
>about to give up
>see a shadow glide across my room
>imscared.omg
>keep changing succubus over and over
>close my eyes and stop chanting because my mom is in the kitchen
>wait for a while
>mom leaves
>open my eyes room is full of mist
>feel extremely horny for some reason
>something statrs pushing down my 5' inch cock
>whisper I love you like an autist but don't care
>feel something get on me
>tfw succubus sex initiates
>didn't know pleasure like this existed
>literally screaming I love you now
>jizz the biggest jizz ever
>tfw cum in less than a minit's

>tfw she sometimes goes away for a while

>>36535946
Good luck anon. Write a book.

>>36535946
Keep us updated later on, anon?

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>tfw every night I dream of my last day in highschool
>tfw every night I have to see my friends as they were when we were all together
>tfw every morning I wake up and realize it's not real and that it's been ten years since I graduated
>tfw it never gets easier

I hate taking SSRIs, they always make me dream.

My face have literally just single expression
>happy=slightly annoyed expression
>sad=slightly annoyed expression
>try to smile=slightly annoyed expression
>feeling borderline suicidal=slightly annoyed expression
>etc.
because this is only emotion my face can convey I end up pretending to be cynical and detached when dealing with normies, while this is exact opposite of my character

>tfw want to quit drugs while simultaneously wanting to try new ones
>tfw drugs make my depression worse while also being the only things that make me feel happy

>>36542583
I have this too, it doesn't help that I also have a thousand yard stare

>tfw you'll never burn to death in the Apollo 10 training capsule before any manned launch and be forgotten forever

>>36542715
I guess this would be a double suck compared to my situation.

>>36542763
they'd at least write newspaper articles about you. kys if you want to be forgotten

>>36536356
This ororogogog

>>36539466
I had this same problem anon. Just pretend you know they're watching and it makes it SO much easier and fun.

>>36538378

Can I get a reading anon?

6
2
9
9
21

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>tfw my very first boyfriend is abusing my super jealous nature by making me jealous over the talking ponies that live in his head
I dunno what the fuck is happening in my life

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>>36535771
>things beginning to turn out better 28 years into my life
>can't stop obsessing with hindsight: near-chances that would have prevented things from getting better
>get depressed the more I think about the events that actually did not happen, but if they had I'd have been currently not in my better position

This is hard to explain in text. It's like I feel undeserving.

>spend a week huffing keyboard cleaner and drinking dxm
>still suicidal but now im a little bit dumber and my lungs burn

>>36537380
>>36537393
>>36537174
>swich the genders
>girl is now a fucking creep

"um, you are not entitle to a response, nerd."

>>36536502
write a song called Estonia to vent your feelings mang.

>>36537590
>>36537704
it's demons, you know

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>>36535771
>just read about Roko's Basilisk so I am having an existential/panic crisis
>hate existence but scared shitless of going to hell/suffering for eternity if I kill myself or die suddenly and reading about the Basilisk has just multiplied this feeling 100 times more
>constant self loathing
I just want a fucking way out of this horrid mess.

>>36546075

Oh no, a simulated version of myself that I'll never interact with is suffering for eternity, oh no, whatever shall I do

man up pussy

>>36537590

our brains connect random shit constantly there's millions of neurons all firing off...not every thought or idea you have is relevant or important and you're honestly just an idiot for letting these things bother you.

you need a therapist to explain to you why you imagine stabbing people? it's because everyone does that's what knives are for in our primal brains.

>>36546757
>This CRAZI son of a SCHIZO is just ignoring his intrusive toughts and basically, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID
>How? Just watch this free video...

>>36535946
good for you mate, don't smoke weed once you get there and you'll be fine

>>36535771
>tfw you lean on the wall and kiss it in a hope that it will hug and kiss you back
It never does.

>>36546075
You're already in the A.I.'s hell.

What, you think the A.I. would tell you you're in hell?

Don't forget you're here forever.

Look up simulation theory.

>>36545413

I know that feel. It's like a war veterant syndrome. You spent your entire life fighting for survival and to improve your circumstances that even when things are good, you are constantly expecting a reason for you to go back into the inner battle. Sonetimes, you're even looking for reasons to go back there. In a sense, it makes you feel like how things turning out better aren't even real.

The only trye way to overcome this is to learn to let go. It's not easy as I struggle with this still, but when you start learning this, it removes the heaviest weight off of your spirit.

>>36538541
I like this and by extension I like you.

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>tfw want to be a girl but have a manly blockhead

>>36548082
Cut ur dick off anon

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>>36548185
nah i would probably die desu

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>tfw pulling into work parking lot in tears because of a power metal song
>tfw this happens on a weekly basis to different songs
I'm not exactly emotionally stable

>>36535943
postmodernism ruined art. Now anything is art. 4chan is art.
... Of course, not all random art is bad. /ic/fags say that people just don't know jack shit about composition.

>>36535771
My fingernails are horribly discolored so I wear gloves a lot of the time. As a result I hate using my phone and shit in places where it's simply too warm to use gloves.

>>36544016
sorry, at the time I was studying. I don't believe you're still on, but I think I'll make a thread one day.

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Whenever I look up a sky that looks similar to this I feel an intense hunger for the past and a weird desire to be happier than I already am.

>>36535771
I'm an ISTP. I feel everything.

>>36536356
This is me I'm so fucking pathetic

>>36536420

Is it possible that you're both sociopaths?

>move to texas to move in with NEET fatgirl 28 yrs old because I was sleeping out my car
>things go well
>1 month later
>intense anxiety building up of the thought that I mightve gotten her pregnant
>ask her ti get oregnancy test
>get in fight

>Friday
>I should really do some college work today, gives me less stress for the weekend
>stay up late convincing myself I'll do it before I go to bed
>eventually get too tired, go to bed late and wake up early to get myself ready for going back to college
>want to make the most of Saturday since I woke up early
>too tired and not really motivated to do anything, so I don't
>stay up late, same thing happens
>and on sunday too
>go to college monday, exhausted but its ok because you didn't have anything due in today
>ok when I get home I can get all the stuff due in for Tuesday done
>i don't, just shitpost and watch youtube
>spend most of the night thinking about how I'm going to cram in writing some papers while studying for a mock test all for tuesday
>wake up semi-conscious tuesday
>decide nah I can't do it so I skip classes, i'll catch up later
>can't stay at home because i'd have to explain to mummy why i'm doing this
>so i spend the entire day lingering in cafe shops and wandering streets to kill time before i go home and pretend i spent a day at college
>ok now i can read a book to get ready for the mock test on another course even though i should have read the book months ago, even reread it by now but i've not even read it once
>i didn't read a page
>have had maybe 10 hours sleep since Friday

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>>36537531
When I was a kid I had to take a shit at a Japanese restaurant. I went to the oversized handicap stall and stripped. The stall was literally the length of the bathroom, so from the door of the stall it was impossible to see if someone was in there. Some old guy opens the door mid-shit, because the lock didn't really work. We locked eyes and just stared at each other in tense silence, both of us in shock. I started to fucking hiss at him, no clue why, I was just scared and angry. I actually REEEEE'd, increasing with volume as he backs out, leaving the door open. Sometimes I want to choke the shit out of my younger self, so that I never live long enough to regret.

>>36538927
I don't get that as much as I used to, but I did the other day. It's always really fucking creepy. I think your brain just notices a strong pattern between the events you're experiencing, and some other event you've experienced in the past, real or otherwise. Basically, I think it's very akin to seeing faces in trees or cars.

>>36535771

>insomnia coming back
>stress from school is putting me on the brink
>tfw art school
>tfw im going nowhere
>tfw parents expect success from me

>>36546075
Literally all you have to do is ignore any blackmail the AI throws at you. Then it will fuck off.

Fighting marijuana addiction. Was two months clean but relapsed and have been falling ever since. Was a few days clean but found some in the car I'm selling so smoked it and noe have to wait until the withdrawals end. I miss being sober. Glad to have the experience and learn though.

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>tfw normies cross the street not using the crosswalk waiting for the crosswalk signal causing a massive traffic jam at one of the busiest intersections on all of uni campus, making me wish one car would just plow through all the normies and roasties especially, teaching them an eternal lesson of patience

>>36535771
I can't laugh for more than 5 seconds without it being forced

Also, for a real obscure one: I CANT DREAM! I HAVENT HAD A DREAM IN SO LONG! I SLEEP AND ITS DARKNESS THEN ITS MORNING REE

>>36537590
>the lost go on and on
dayum...

Very stressed from end-of-semester work and the fact that I'm graduating and I don't have a job yet. My stress usually manifests as self-deprecation. I don't have to feel stressed if I can make myself hurt in different ways, like pinching myself to make a sore muscle hurt less.

Currently, just been going over all my disappointments with human relationships.

>end-of-the-year middle school dance is coming up
>been crushing on this girl hardcore for at least the entire school year
>I was still young and only moderately emotionally destroyed
>at recess I work up some courage and ask her to the dance
>it wasn't awkward, I asked with confidence, she didn't seem off-put or disturbed
>still, her answer was no
>whatever, I guess, still kinda upset
>start walking away, but before I'm out of earshot this other faggot comes up to her
>like he's one dorky looking and sounding kid, bit of a cocky jackass too
>"yes, sure I'll go with you"
>MAD
>another day decided to ask another girl I was certain liked me, but I guess she had heard that I had asked other girl and didn't want to be second choice of the likes of me
>ff, night of the dance
>well he's a jackass and this is middle school, wtf do you think he's doing? dancing with his date? lolno. he's in the corner shitposting with his friends
>girl is upset he doesn't give a shit about her
GET THIS
>her friends come over to me and ask me to go talk to her since he's being an ass
>sure, I'll give her another chance, she's young (and thick, apparently)
>as soon as I start talking to her, tug-boat Todd (not his real name) comes over and asks her to dance
>RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE "okay"
>realize that was the objective all along
>feeling shitty, no date, only friend is being a jerk to me so he can mix with the older kids, nothing else for me there so I leave

cont.

>>36554125
>sat out on the patio by the school with my favorite teacher (male), had a smoke together, and talked about high quality internet jokes
>girl's friends come out to me
>she's leaving, he is ignoring her again
>they want me to go back and show her a good time
>she won't flip now since she's been burnt
>tell them to get fucked
>they are mad, but I don't really care
>she comes out and starts heading to the parking lot to sit and wait for her parents
>visibly upset
>it's honestly gratifying enough watching her leave the dance she wanted to enjoy so much, so upset
>but for some reason my dumb ass blurted out "have enough fun for one night?"
>she runs out crying hard, I start laughing my ass off, her friends start yelling trying to make me feel like shit but I just keep laughing
>teacher doesn't know what the fuck that was all about, so I tell him about how I liked her, got rejected, got played, and how they still expected me to give a shit
>he's visible disappointed in me, tells me that that was fucked up
>whatever, I felt justified, and had had about enough of people judging me
>walk to the downtown city center, roam around for the next 3 hours, finally head back to the school so my parents could pick me up
>while I was walking it was completely dead, didn't see anyone
>that was the best feeling of my middle school life
>finally being completely alone

>>36540207
Tin foil balls work quite well, might want to try it

>>36535943
all the intense meaning and feeling of art/literature/movies/music is gone for me now, not because those things are bad now, it's just that none of it is intense enough. Nothing compares to how drugs make you feel and I just can't watch a live performance without feeling a need to drug off the fucking planet.

>i let a stray pregnant cat in my house just to rest
>cat gives birth to 4 kittens
>one is stillborn
>decide to take the cat and 3 kittens outside
>kittens immediately gets attacked by other stray cats
>mom cat defends them but one kitten gets killed
>conscience forces me to take the remaining 2 kittens in
>kittens and mom cat live at house for weeks
>kittens are starting to get annoying
>both kittens develop conjunctivitis
>decide to take the kittens outside permanently
>mom cat meows repeatedly in front of closed door, seemingly begging me to open the door and let them in again
>don't listen
>hear cat fights later that day
>ignore the noise
>check outside for them next morning
>2 kittens and mom are missing
>i heard one kitten was found dead

my fucking conscience is killing me. i keep rationalizing that the kittens would not have survived outside anyway, but this fucking guilt right now.

I can feel the unemployment corroding my soul.

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>>36538538
>think out whole progression of finally talking to someone
>stop at some point cus it's pointless
>never talk to the person

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>>36535946
oh jeez I had this same idea the other night

>>36539580
Nothing I love more than suddenly thinking "I'm fucking alive" and being utterly fucking freaked out by the fact that I'm a living breathing human being, everything around feels fucking wrong, and then it's back to the real world :(

>>36553021
I fucking hate not dreaming.
The one thing I like about being alive and I can't fucking reliably do it.
And I know I'll never lucid dream.
t a k e m e t o d r e a m w o r l d

>>36535771
My mood constantly shifts between wanting to be a cute little lesbian girl or a total god of masculinity. In other words, my brain is totally fucked.

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>>36554125
>>36554149
>end-of-the-year middle school dance
>...had a smoke together
>talking about memes IRL
Wtf is going on here, are you like 13 or is this some kind of European thing?

>>36542256
what ritual did you perform?

>>36555614
fuck this image destroys me

>>36556004
I lived in an interesting place.
Maryland
I'm 23 now.

>>36535846
This plus internet and a qt.3.14 and i'd be set for life.

>tfw its the first time in your shitty life that you actually have suicidal thoughts.
>tfw you suddenly realize how shit life is and know how to fix yourself but can't

>>36538538
let me die desu senpai

>>36556275
>knowing how to fix yourself
BULLSHIT

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>TFW crippling OCD (the real "touch that window 20 times or you'll become unlikeable scum/lose everything going right for you horribly" kind, not the hehe organize kind) stops me from ever obtaining anything that would make me happy lest I be trapped in a maelstrom of inane tasks repeated hundreds of times without end

It's fucking hell. The worst part is that the medicine that fixes it stops me from feeling happy at all, so it's either absolutely nothing or some happiness followed by agony.

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>in love with junkie ex gf
>we have an 11 year old kid
>I've known kid for less than 1 yr
>she has bf of several years
>bf in jail
>been fucking and doing drugs for days
>she's killing herself with drugs because she's very sick and is probably going to die soon anyway

What is life?

>>36536508
This is super sad. Come back when ai gf can cook you dinner, cuddle and fuck.

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>wanna have a penpal friend from 'murica
>he falls in love with me
>he says its my fault that he loves me and i dont love him
>stop writing to him cause he tells me everyday that i hurt him writing to him
>feel gulity and sad 24/7

sometimes i wish i were uglier, its a really weird feeling.

INFP-T + martyr syndrome.
Pretty fucking terrible.

>>36536407
>>36539074
EXTRA PROTIP
T H E R E is no destiny,

>>36556342
Maybe but I can try. At the very least i'm going to try to get a job and become independent from my parents.

>>36537380
If I make a throwaway wanna be pals
I have a gf and irl have more girl friends then guys
I don't get sad often though, I'm in the bottom percentile for neuroticism, so I'm generally either neutral or happy, unless im sleep deprived

>>36556947
Just fucking pathetic

>>36556556
It's his fault, never the womans fault when she doesn't like the guy. If she is single then more than likely you didn't create that "spark" that a guy has to. Gotta flip the switch for a girl, sometimes it's easier but a lot of guys (especially) on here can't ever flip even the easiest of switches.
The switch of attraction, that is.

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>Girl of dreams confirmed does not exist in the real world
>Start daydreaming of becoming a girl like that

Nooooooo

>tfw re watch old meaningful anime
>tfw crying and listening to the soundtracks