>Living in apartment for a year now >Never had a problem

it's funny how shit like this happens when something is expensive or embarrassing

some trucker is definitely filling your fake gf up with his inbred cum

Reminds me of the time I ordered some nbome and it got stolen because dumb shit mailman just left in front of my door. At least I can be happy knowing they died from thinking it was molly and snorting a fat line. I used to worry about the powder being unmarked, but now I see the benefit of it.

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>order fucking LED lights on ebay
>dad opens package before I get home
>says he thought it was for him since he ordered thing about that size
>mfw was going to order pocket pussy shit but trust destroyed

A delivery truck driver gets your ass doll, fuck it, delivers it to your house.

You fuck a non virgin ass doll, and get aids, and are also cucked by your own sex toy.

>>36380470
Man fuckin parents and their snooping.
I had bought a pocket pussy when I was living with em and hid it in my closet in a spot that was WAY out of the way. I come home one day and shit is obviously misplaced.
Why the fuck do they do it, it's like a morbid curiosity they have because if you are looking in those obscure places you HAVE to be lookin for some shit!

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>>36380715
>order onahole
>wait for it to arrive all week, ready to collect package before my parents do
>forget that the USPS, unlike UPS and FedEx, delivers on Saturdays
>come downstairs late Saturday morning
>dad tosses me a box covered in Japanese customs forms and shit
>"What's in the box, anon? Used panties?"
>"No, dad, I didn't order used panties"
>Mom: "New panties?"
>go back to my room and don't use the thing for a month because that's all I can think about when I see it

>>36380411
>nbome

That shit is evil.
garbage vasoconstrictor.

Might as well be MDPV

>>36380225
>Now I gotta fuckin get on the phone with my apartment and the shipping company to find out where the fuck this thing went.

>You have to speak to other humans to figure out where this went

This should go over well

>>36380935
I used to work in a shipping department and sometimes packages would lose their slips and we would put them to the side. At a certain time period or depending on the box we would have to open them up to figure out whats inside. I could only imagine finding some ass and pussy in a box. we'd probably put it up in the manager's office as an ornament.

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>Visit Japan
>Buy onahole because don't want to deal with shipping nightmares and parents
>Coming back through customs
>They search my bag
>Customs guy pulls out onahole
>"Nice mate"
DID YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING

>>36380910

I like it, it makes a fucking killing too. Even with the theft I profited more than 10x over. Normies are too weak to handle a proper drug like shrooms or dxm, so they take 'acid' instead. Pretty colors and huhu r u feelin it yet. Just good clean normie friendly fun.

>>36381012
>>36380935
Jesus fuck man you are giving me anxiety. And I know this is exactly how it'd go down too, somebody has to open this package and some fuckin point.

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>>36380854
Your parents sound great, Anon.

>>36380854
>>36381235
Yeah they sound like proper nip hating white folks. Good people

>>36380225
>he hasn't gotten a superior fleshlight

off yourself OP

>>36381297
Nah, they just like laughing at me.

I kept my weebishness a secret from my grandfather for years. He served in the Army Air Corps with a B-29 wing. Then one day his car broke down and he went out and bought a Toyota.
>"Wow, Grandpa, I wouldn't have thought you'd buy a Japanese car."
>"What, because of the war? That's all ancient history."

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>ordered one of those titty mouse pads due to my wrist actually starting to cramp up and was worried about carpal
>figured it was a win win, fix my wrist and get a nice pad
>order it and patiently wait
>two weeks later get a knock on my door
>"anon what the fuck is this?"
>mother and father not only ripped into the package but gave me shit for it for over a week

Last time I ordered anything until I moved out, fucking hypocritical bastards who always complained about one another opening their shit.

>>36381734
Kek.
What are you even?
Why?

I donr unner stan

>>36381446
>american designed trash
>"superior"

You really think anyone knows how to make an artificial pussy better then the Japanese buddy? Topkek lad

My Puni Ana DX I've had for like a year now is still one of the best investments I've ever made

>>36380225
Where did you order from?
What site do you guys use to order sex toys?

>>36382714
>What site do you guys use to order sex toys?
www.yourmom.com

>>36382714
toydemon.com is what i use for the japanese shit
Never had a problem with the guys until today, but it's more of Fedex's fault I'm guessing, not sure.
Either way, try not getting boner looking at their products.

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I once blew a rubber balloon to completion, it was hot.

>order package
>fall asleep when package arrives so didn't answer door
>wake up
>check package
>the package has been opened and the packaging airbags have been removed, but the thing I still ordered was there because the potential thief wasn't interested in taking it

>>36382882
I want to use them but they're in the same state as me. which means they charge sales tax.

is there anyone else that's good?

>>36381734
fuck i ordered one of those things
it's supposed to arrive friday

>>36380854
>>36381734
Feel for you guys. That is one of the reasons why I can't order any sex toys. Parents will for sure find them. I don't get why they are so nosy about things like packages?
I can't wait to move out. (if I ever will)

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>order mouth of truth onahole
>tell them to take the packaging off because loli and I'm paranoid
>waiting for package
>mom asks me to go buy groceries
>get back, the package was delivered during those 30 minutes
>she said it wasn't ours because the package had a bunch of japanese on it
>have to drive to the USPS holding center 30 minutes away to pick it up
>guy at the counter gives me a shameful look

also
>order a copy of the turner diaries (not even a nazi just wanted to read it)
>package gets delivered to next door neighbor, crazy cat lady
>think I didn't get the order so I ask for another shipment
>she doesn't tell me for a week that she got my mail, chooses the worst time to walk over and hand it to my mom, cover emblazoned with "THIS BOOK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING IT IS A NEO NAZI BOOK DO NOT READ IT" on the top

>>36380225

>It ends at the neighbors door by mistake

LOOOL

>>36380225
That's a pretty smart business strategy, steal embarrassing shit because people wont want to call to get it.

>>36384236
Why didn't you just tell her it was for a school/uni project.

>>36380225
This is the most hilarious shit I've ever read on here besides all the
>Tfw no GF
Foglets on /r9k/
Take a (You)

>>36384372
this is what pornsites do, make it so the only way to cancel is to call, they know little Timmy has autism because he paid for porn already, so why not?

>>36380225
Was probably stolen by some potbellied mail carrier.

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>be me HS
>keep condoms in a old figurine box ( i jack off in them from time to time and though i might use them one day)
>Randomly decide to move them into another box really for no reason
>about a week later my mother and father go into my room to "clean it up"
>they put all my figure,gunpla and toy boxes into the cupboard including the old box
>find new box still on self
>mfw they never found them

>>36380470
Do order the pocket pussy, when he'd inevitably open it up without your permission and confront you about it, wink and tell him if he's something of similar size, then proceed as you see fit.