stupidest shit u have done i will start when i got out of the

Tries to cut off a semi on the highway and got into the worst crash of my life. I swear it came out of nowhere. Kinda disappointed I didn't die.

>>36339353
Shit forget to take off my name from my last thread I posted on

>>36339353
try harder fucktard

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>>36339270
got shitfaced drunk during school in 9th grade. I said 'muh autism' and only got a detention. Some roastie did the same thing the next year and got expelled kek

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>>36339407
>Tfw got drunk in the mornings and go to highschool and nobody said anything

Dressed up as a girl to do a blow bang with a few older guys when I was 15
Raped my virgin ass and scarred me for life

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>>36339546
greentext right meow

desu desu desu

>>36339270
I dated obviously mentally ill gril
no matter how desperate you are never do that anons
one shag and it took me whole year to cut all the ties with her

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>>36339500
>mfw got REALLY drunk 2 years ago
>decide to make myself a sandwich
>slip and break the plate it was on
>oh look there's blood
>accidentally cut my hand
>dumbass fucking idea in my head
>"I wonder what it would feel like to get stabbed"
>pickup a shard of the plate
>made 2 deep cuts on my chest
>made the second one deeper because I couldn't feel the first one
>blood everywhere
>two retarded looking scars on my chest

stay in school...

>>36339546
anon what on earth were you expecting

>>36340529
I just wanted to give blowjobs and get cummed on
I think I was watching too much gangbang porn at the time

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>>36340555
This is one of the gayest things I've ever read on /r9k/

>>36339270
>some germans come to visit the school
>be pretty stressed
>impulse_control.exe has stopped working
>start shouting sieg heil for no apparent reason
>get ostracized even worse

>>36339270
i dyed my hair the same color i already have. the woman did it on purpose because shes a bitch. i shouldnt have went to a chinese/korean salon, they HATE white women. at least she put streaks of gray and now i have some blonde. it actually looks pretty rad.

>>36340431
>Got drunk
>Want to go to bed
>Upset that bed is messy
>Try to make bed
>Grab bedsheet
>Grab it by one side and fling the other in the air to try to sprawl it across the bed evenly
>During this motion I accidentally smash the ceiling lamp with my fist
>Side of my hand is cut open
>Won't stop bleeding
>Get the bandages from the first aid kit
>Bleeds through them quickly and needs to be replaced like 3 times in the span of an hour
>Go to sleep
>Wake up
>Bandage is bled through
>Everything is a mess
I guess I'm lucky I didn't bleed to death though

Not killed myself yet

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>>36340555
Cool, now greentext what the fuck happened homeboy

sikkk trips though

>>36339270
Put a copper wire into the socket when I was like 8

>>36339270
Did the same but with my dads bike.
Best part is that instead of just letting go i screamed and waited for mom to peel my hands off of it.

>>36342395
At first I thought you meant your bicycle
Probably my stupidest moment

>>36339270
>>36339500
>>36342366
Done all of these but wouldn't call them the stupidest of the stupid shit I've done
I think that'd have to be being lazy and not doing any of my work at uni and ruining my future

>>36340555
If I met someone like you when I was younger, I'm not sure if I would never forget the memories because I was traumatized or had fun.

>>36342167
literally what the fuck are you even trying to say

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>>36342167
fuck off and die you roastie bitch

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>>36339270
>had sex with an underage kid

boy i sure do thank my rich dadder for getting me out of the shit that followed

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>>36339270
heres a good one

>be me
>straight, but virgin
>25 years old, never felt love or physical closeness with another human being
>went to a gay sauna for shits and giggles
>got really drunk
>one thing lead to another
>now I'm taking some HIV prevention medicine

just kill me already

>>36342430
Did this but twice. And pissed off my whole family so they hate me and don't respect me. Also an alcoholic.

>>36339270
I let her slip between my fingers.

>>36339546
Ayyy I'm not the only one who got raped for being confused and insecure at 15.

Kind of makes me feel better. I'm sorry it happened to you.

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>>36344209
https://youtu.be/zN6MxLYB8hM

Took a horse. Didn't go badly but could have.

>be me, 11
>think lockpicking is super cool because i played deus ex
>somehow get it into my brain that you can pick locks by straightening out a paperclip and jamming it in locks until it pops open
>straighten out a paperclip
>go outside to my parents car
>jam straightened paperclip into passenger side keyhole of a fucking honda sedan
>paperclip immediately breaks
>can't remove from keyhole
>have to explain to my parents that i got a small fragment of paperclip permanently stuck in the car door
>nobody can lock/unlock the car from that door anymore

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>>36339270
In 12th grade I tried to slide down the staircase. It's one of those ones where you go down, turn, then go down again. As I went down I ended up hitting my forehead with full speed and velocity into the cement wall in front of me.

I lost my sense of smell, couldn't talk or see, and I had no idea what happened. The softball team found me blankly walking like a zombie with a huge bump on my head, so they put 2+2 together and quickly carried me to the nurse's office while all yelling things like "WHERE'S COACH??" "SOMEONE HELP!" They told me to call my parents but I was barely conscious and couldn't remember my phone number, so they went through the contacts of my cell phone. My mom was pissed off and refused to take me to the hospital, so I went home and fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up going "wait my track meet!!! They're giving out metals today!!" So she took me there, I tried to run my race, but got dead last and blew my only chance of ever winning a metal. On the bright side I'm glad I didn't die

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>>36339270

>Be me at school
>Its lunch time baby
>See some other boys jumping over the volleyball net (It was almost falling appart, so it was possible)
>Decide to do it too
>oohhhshit.jpg
>Hit my fucking FACE on the ground
>Get up, my mouth is bleeding
>Wash it up, but nothing seems wrong other than that
>Go home
>Get a bottle of Coke
>My tooth hurts like hell

Basically my front tooth got fucked up, had to do a root canal treatment.
So yeah, because I was too dumb to jumpo correctly, I have a zombie tooth

>>36339270
>took a shit into VHS box and then gave it to my grand dad
>almost sucked my brothers dick
>ate honey in empty room alone

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>>36344742

>I'm glad I didn't die

FUCKING NORMALFAG LEAVE NOW REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I've done so many things that hurt to remember. Oh god.

They come to me at night sometimes and my heart twists in agony at the memory. Right now I cannot recall any, thank god

Deciding to become addicted to opiates :(

>>36345504
i know that feel anon. I sometime cringe so hard I die a little

Won a race to an egg.

>>36339407
I remember a girl came in class after drinking 6 or 7 bottles of Jack Danieles (I shit you not) and puked her guts out during a lesson and got expelled.

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>>36340431
>"I wonder what it would feel like to get stabbed"

>>36346024
>6 or 7 bottles of Jack Danieles
Bullshit, unless you mean miniatures. No school-age girl could drink even 6 half-pints of JD and not just fucking die

>>36344133
Jesus fuck dude Why were you drunk in a gay sauna

>>36339270
>be like 10 y/o
>old ass house I was spending winter in
>we had this big cast iron furnace
>I wanted to see the fire
>grab the doorknob of the furnace
>obviously hot as hell, like 200 C

luckily as a children you heal better & faster. If you do that as an adult you're gonna probably have lifelong consequences.

>>36339270
When i was 16 i chugged a full bottle of greygoose vodka.
Then when i was really drunk an hour later i drank another full bottle and ordered a pizza while slurring my credit information.
As you would expect after i had eaten and was playing tf2 i suddenly puked my guts out.
I couldnt make it in time to the bathroom so i puked on my hallway carpet and my bathroom floor before making it to the toilet.
Since then ive become an alcoholic kek

>>36346160
She was a tom-boy and she always aced at sports. Maybe that kept her from dying of Alcohol poisoning?

>be 19 and retarded
>on a DXM kick, sobering up from the day before and nausea at full force
>try to drink syrup but can't keep it down
>remember I have oral syringes the vet gave me for my dog a while ago
>brilliantidea.webm
>draw up four 10ml syringes with robo
>get on all fours on my bed
>lube up and inject my rectum full of cough syrup
>pull up my undies
>hold it in for ~2 minutes
>extremely painful burning sensations, anus starts to spasm
>Chernobyl-tier meltdown in my ass
>sprint for the bathroom
>can't hold anus shut, shart scalding hot shit and syrup into my pants
>leap into bathtub, release the pure concentrated hell from my bowels
>shamefully turn on the shower and wash down the revolting liquid shit, blood and syrup mess
>didn't even catch a buzz

>>36339270
Jumped out of a car going 50mph on the highway. Good times. Lmao.

Waste my life playing civ five

>>36340815
I would have been your friend anon I'm german

>>36340815
Same thing happened in my school except a girl decided to start a discussion about Adolf Hitler.
The German guest was a beta philosopher and that triggered his gas chambers.

>>36344048
Greentext that shit,faggot!
this is not original

>>36344133
>gay sauna
Do you mean a Norwegian sauna?

>>36346776
Was that girl pro-hitler anon

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>>36345389
Do you mean this Grand Dad?

>>36344742
>winning a metal.
You won a rock.

>>36346914
No,she was just a clueless idiot.

>>36347029
What did the german guy say

Ill post my drunk stories since people are posting then and i only have two

>feel like shit after learning that my enemy got into the college i wanted to go but didnt bother applying
>have nice bottle of whiskey i was saving for when i turned 21
>get smashed
>end up drunkposting all over 4chan while listening to tfw no gf
>actually had a good night and slept hard

Second story

>19th birthday
>parents gone
>only have one friend over
>playing gta and i decide to get wine for friend who likes wine
>wine smells like milk
>"eh fuck it lets drink some whiskey"
>one shot and he's smashed
>i drink at least four more than him
>i only remember crawling on the ground and puking
>slept on the ground and puked in my sleep
>my friend cleaned all it up
Thanks caleb
>puked all morning
>took a shower and puked more and went back to sleep
>mom got angry at me for not feeding the cats

I never want to drink whiskey again accept i prob will anyways
Drunkpost is best post

>>36347056
He tried to act "smart" and not say anything but his enraged face really showed how bad he wanted to strangle her.

>be me, 15 year old
>summervacation
>go to shitty "lets drink by the water wuhu party"-shit for normies at my school with my friend
>nothing happened for like 3 hours
>spots the local "pushers"""""" (keep in mind they were like 16 and were fucking faggots with big jackets and pussy manbuns)
>they go into public restroom
>i know they're getting high
>haven't been high for 4 days at this point (used to smoke a lot when holidays)
>says to my friend we should go in there
>i have had way too much alcohol
>be like "wassup, give me a drag pls"
>they pass on the joint
>inhale that shit like it was air
>whilst i was drinking pure vodka
>get high as a kite
>thinks the police are there because i see a flashlight
>run as far away as i can with my friend
>puke all over someones frontyard
>afraid i will go to jail
>brainisbrokenatthispoint.exe
>somehow get over this fear
>return to my bike
>sit on bike
>no movement in my legs
>sits on bike and it just fell down with me not doing anything
>dial my moms number
>she comes to get me
>is crying hysterically asking what happened
>me saying something along the lines of
>>"uhgm okay so these dudes threatened to rape/kill me if i didnt smoke"
>mom cries
>get home
>we never talk about it again

>>36339270
Found a cigar in long island city. A stogie really. About 3/5ths smoked.
Kept it a month
Smelled like a fucking chimney and kept forgetting why.
Stale tobbacoo all the time

Remember it a month latwr in front pocket jacket.
Walk to central park at 3 am.
Smokk like venom snake listening to opera

Get up
Woozy
Legs spagetti

Get to curb
Loose my sage chakra all over the street
Coulple gets spook at projectile bile
Vision is the reverse opposite of nominal

Take taxi for first time ever baclk to midtown.

Give guy 20 for 15 dollar ride
"Kep change my mortal friend"
Exact quote

Grt back into the walk up.
Lay on side like loss
Head on feet side of bed
Shoot chakra again but donr even move body.
Lands on floor and bed

70 yo Korean roomie comes back
Whas wronn?
Slur out ill get it later

Also ^^^^^^
read the beggining of every line
kek aint shit there.
But you looked though

>>36346024

You're a complete original fucking retard

>>36347247
Haha well memed friend x^D

>>36339270
I was like 4 years old, I shat on the ground outside, held the shit in my hand and showed it to my family. Had to wash my hands with soap

>>36347188
Lol. You made me lolerz

>>36339270
>whenever left unsupervised as a kid Id play with fire
>break a thingy off a brand new gas lighter
>it goes PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
>what happens if I spark it???
>SSSSS- FWOOOOSSSHHH
>flamethrower mode
>burn all the hair from my left hand
>panic and drop it down the window of my apartment
>it falls on wet green grass so it immidiately shuts off

And I did it next to the house's propane tank
That window brings me memories, such as throwing dead tropical fish which the wind blew again the neighbours windows

>>36346596
no thats fucking stupid and so are you

>>36348020
>>36347258
Whatever. I don't fucking remember. Maybe she drank less bottles but I'm not too sure.

>>36344048
akko's face can truly make anything okay.

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>be teenager
>have this firework stick that shoots colored lights, called a roman candle, left from new year
>somehow decide to light it and shoot it out of the window
>it shoots a bit, then I get scared, because literally about 50 people could possibly see me from their window
>so I throw it out while it's still going
>duck below window trembling with fear while it fires its last shots
>after a while, hear a crackling sound
>fucking dried up bushes next to a garage have caught fire and are slowly burning up along a wall
>hope for it to go out, but it doesn't and it gets dangerously close to some parked car
>I think it won't go out, so I grab a handheld extinguisher, walk down and extinguish the fire
>just as I am, the firefighters arrive, I quickly pick up the burnt up roman candle and gtfo
>by some miracle, nobody saw me, neither firefighters nor neighbors and I got away with it

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>6 year old with mega autism
>staying in a hotel with family, found an old key earlier that day
>playing with it constantly, sticking it into random nooks and crannies and pretending i'm unlocking secret passages
>make my way to the bathroom after someone just had a shower
>entire floor is covered in water
>see lightsocket
>mfw

>>36348809
Did u die?

>>36348809
Yo fucjer.
Exuse me.

Sid u die?

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>>36339270
I fell in love

Les originales terribles

>>36350050
Les enfants noir.
Sacre bleu.

Beretta baguette

Hooked up with my best friend. Now it'll be weird every time I see him

>>36339270
Reminds me of this

>electric stove is red hot
>mom tells me not to touch it
>i touch it

I showed her who's the boss!

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>>36346024
>6 or 7 bottles of Jack Danieles

thats 196 units of alchol. it's fucking impossible for somebody to drink that much and not die. it is possible to die from just drinking one bottle of jack daniels too quickly

have you ever drunk hard alcohol before? because if you have, you would understand how dumb 7 bottles of jack daniels sounds

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>Posted embarrassing videos of myself online as a kid

told my friends about it then it got out to the wider school populace, 7th grade and all the way through highschool was horrendous, people still have those vids even though they got taken offline

I'm still scared to go for a job interview or leave the house because I have a fear that random people will find those videos somehow or recognize me even though I know thats not possible

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thankfully i have not done too much stupid shit throughout my life so nothing stands out too much

i guess the stupidest thing i have done in recent memory was get pissed one day while i was volunteering at a charity shop. i was 18 at the time and was suffering bad anxiety and social phobia and i was just expected to go to this shop after college (bong) and talk to customers and normies. i needed the experience to make my CV stand out more. i decided that the anxiety about it was too much and decided to down a 8oz flask of pure vodka before showing up. within an hour i started fucking up bad and not really caring and the owner could smell the booze on my breath and told me to leave.

was a bit dumb but i dont blame myself too much. it's the worlds fault for being so damn scary

>>36345389
I don't get the honey part

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>>36339270
>tried to make a fertilizer bomb
>shit blew up while I was cooking it
>got second degree burns in my hands and lost my eyebrows

>>36352096
That sounds cool
Like a mad scientist bro

>>36339270
There used to be a sauna at a public pool and when I was a little kid my mom took me in there and saw a bunch of rocks in a thing in the corner and I thought "oh hey free rocks".

Of course, I didn't know that's where alll the heat of the sauna comes from. I blacked out from the pain and home some pretty bad burns on my hand.


That's probably moreso my mom's fault. Raise you fucking kid and warn them about the burning-hot things to not touch, dumbass.


I also had unprotected sex with multiple partners over the span of years and only got tested once.

>>36350437
I am SO happy that I'm old enough that the internet wasn't even around when I was a kid. I was like 20 years old by the time that youtube was a thing. I did loads of embarassing shit as a kid but that stayed underneath my roof or if it did happen at school or something there's wasn't hundreds of people filming it.

I feel sorry for young adults who were kids on youtube 10 years ago, and I'm absolutely terrified for kids today growing up on snapchat and twitter and all that shit.

>>36348246
Jack daniels is a whiskey, You must be thinking of some kind of beer, 6-7 bottles for a teenage girl sounds like enough to make her vomit.

6-7 bottles of jack would kill you with alcohol poisoning, I've seen people get their stomach pumped for less than half of that.

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>>36350282
Yeah that one's really retarded. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to drink that much. I mean just the image of some little college girl chugging that much hard liquor and even being able to get to class is laughable. Definitely grossly exaggerated. Though damn, being expelled for that shit is really heavy. But you would have to be in a state of extreme autism to even consider doing it in the first place. How could someone possibly think that's a good idea? They could've just skipped class and not gotten fucking expelled.

>be me, 18, bored af in my dad's car
>play with cigarette lighter by pressing it a bunch
>decide to take it out and touch the end of it for some reason
>I got a really bad burn on my middle finger
>it blistered for days

I am fucking 18

Having hope.

Thinking I deserved anything good.

Believing that it could ever get better.

Not killing myself sooner.

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>>36352096
>He used an open flame to cook it


rookie mistake bro

went to a public park with a friend near a school so we could shoot each other with our airsoft guns in broad daylight

I think it was 2008

>>36352120
It was cool when the normies at school stoped joking about me being a future school shooter when I showed up with my hands bandaged

>>36352812
I was only 15 and used my mom's cooker and an old pan kek

>>36347057
Who are you? I too had a caleb that I would get drunk with and similar things that happened to you happened to friends of his.

>be like nine or something
>go to grandparents house
>they have computer with camera on it
>make videos of me pulling apart my asscheeks and smushing them together to make it seem like it's talking
>grandpa finds them

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>>36354474
Then what did he do

>steal my alcoholic uncles gambling money ($20) from his chair side table
>go home
>say to my parents, just after I got home "im going to go outside for some fresh air"
>come back in saying I just found $20 in the front yard
>parents call bullshit
>Uncle calls up 5 minutes later saying he has lost money
>Damn it

>>36354574
Alright, anon, gonna make me revisit this? Fine.
>computer was in family room
>i made videos while they were having lunch
>grandpa pulls them up while everyone is in there
>i hear my voice and everyone turns to the screen
>my body, i shit you not, turns into jelly and slides off of my chair
>i quietly crawl outside and hide behind a trashcan until mommy finds me

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>>36354809
Also, I forgot to mention I have one of those really big families. Both of my aunts and uncles, all my cousins, my brother and mother, and grandparents saw this.

>>36354894
That is like. So bad I would have an hero

>last day of high school
>proud of the fact I made it a whole year and most of the time at school without doing some embarrassing shit
>last english class of the year and also last class period
>just before the last bell of the day, i shit you not
>I refer to the teacher as mum
>fuck my fucking life

>be me,15
>getting some food at Mc Donalds
>buy me nice BigMac
>oh shit.png
>surprise tummy pain.exe
>run to public toilet with burger still in Hand
>.....starting sweet relief
>oh fuck no toilet paper
>panic.exe
>5 mins later starts rubbing ass with Hamburger Bun

>>36344048
define kid and define how dadder got you out of it

>>36344133
Fake that's not lmao tier

>>36339270
>break into abandoned house and write my
full

>fucking

name
with last name and everything

under a swastika

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>Have group chat With people around country.
>Girl from said chat is visiting my city with school.
>"Let's meet anon! X day I have the afternoon free to roam around"
>"O-ok...!"
>Day comes.
>I See her
>She Doesn't know who I am.
>She is with her friends.
>Her friends.
>Ninja autism.
>Panic.
>Hide behind a dumpster to not Be seen.
>Wait some time there.
>Realize I'm stupd.
>Eventually get the courage to go and talk with her.

>>36354574
he dragged me down to the basement and had his way with me. he molested by anus. it was traumatizing because im straight and i trusted him. he was my friend. i wont even talk about this in therapy.

>be me
>school
>6 years
>try to shit on a urinal
>almost did it...
>regret at the last moment
>some asshole appear would try to say it to everyone but he is a liar and he know that nobody will ever trust him

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>>36339270
Played chicken with an F150 going 35-40 while trying to cross the street as a kid. Lost. Punted like a football

I was in a rush to get to school

>>36355621
Thats kinda cute anon.
You act like a chinese cartoon character it made smile.

Did a ton of drugs with rich white hipsters as a poor black man.

>>36356021
I did the opposite.
I am white and did a bunch of cocaine and fentanyl with a drug lord tied with the mafia.
Im lucky i didnt go to jail for the shit i did during the full year i was involved and selling drugs.
And ill admit im a robot through and through.
I couldnt sell drugs for shit.

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>>36356012
It's not a cute thing... I can't enter stores because I feel Watched by strangers.

I've roamed round and around blocks and blocks just to hit the right timing to enter into stores.
(The right time: When nobody's watching Or when I've realized I'm stupid and I should just enter and cut with the bullshit)

>>36356239
I do the same anon.
But it would be cute if we were in an anime.

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>>36339270
When I was a kid I thought it would be a good idea to test how resilient my lungs were by directly putting my mouth on my dad's old car exhaust while it was hitting.
Do you anons think that that accounts for why I'm dumber than my brothers?