I've been going though some shit recently and as much as

>>36279746
Jesus OP, that's some fucked up shit he fucking saved you senpai.

Too bad you might never meet him again but I'm really sure he is doing alright.

I almost fucked this one dudes wife who lives in Odessa currently. That bitch couldn't keep a secret and her husband almost flipped out on me. I'm not worried though because I know I'd kick his ass, but still, funny memories.

>>36279838
I hope so too. i just had this big rush of shit happened, and i heard something my uncle said about when we all lived there. and the guy that beat my father half to death in front of the house, and all the teeth out the woman he was whoring with and took a hammer to the bones in her face. he wanted them to remember no matter what, what they were willing to do to me for shitty stepped on H.

another thing that brought it up, was my sisters daily BOO HOO IM A WOMAN NO ONE HAD EVER HAD A WORSE LIFE THAN MY FIRST WORLD SPOILED WHORE ASS routine. she started that with me then i had a panic attack and remembered everything. from the smells, to the radio paying, to the people talking, it was sensory overload.

i let loose on her and she just shut up now. its just such a bunch of shit to deal with all at once. that i dont know how to deal with it, and ll my local therapists do is "here eat these pills, and come back in 5 weeks". with no counseling. or therapy at all.

>>36279929
Be careful tho, you never know what kind of shit that guy is into.
But you said almost so I guess you could be fine.
>>36280045
Damn, you really need something.
>"here eat these pills, and come back in 5 weeks". with no counseling. or therapy at all.
What a fucking shit therapist, I bet 10 bucks he doesn't even have a PhD

I guess you gotta find another one OP, since I'd tell you to find apsychiatrist but they are kind of similar like this but are smarter and know this very well.
Because those panic attacks might have been serious shit because you literally remembered everything.

>>36280240
the therapist and phd psych docs are all just legal dope dealers where i live now.

its an assembly line for preferred drugs that get the bonuses at the end of the year from big pharma.

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>>36280417
Hahaha oh wow.

I seriously hope they aren't fucking young because I would get pretty mad desu.
Since these days psychology is the ultimate normalfag degree now.
IMO, this will fuck up the whole country and make it worse and worse because normalfags don't have that emotional intelligence so they can be on the other man's shoes.

OK, I don't know what to say to you senpai now, it really pisses me off that one can become a therapist with some psych degree now.

I guess you could go to another city if they got a good psych, I really don't know what to tell ya but I hope you will get better and don't have those panic attacks senpai.

>>36280506
im more afraid of that zombie/numb as fuck emptiness where i go crazy and fuck shit up, including other peoples shit. I feel like this monster has a hold of me, and I just go on a rampage though the thought shit talking tough guys that try yo lay hands on me once shit reaches a peak, and people keep fucking with me. its the reason i hide in the house all the time.

I'm more scared of myself, and what i knew i can do without a thought than anything or anyone else on earth. I'm honestly scared of me. it sounds 2edgy4u, but I've felt that loss of physical control, and this disassociation where its like someone else is running my body, and im just buckled in the back watching the ride. its why i hide inside away from people, and dont have a life. it isnt like another person in the driver seat, its more of an auto pilot of KICK EVERYONES ASS mode.

I wish i would die some times. its not like im a good person, i go out looking for trouble and i come home hurt and in pain. I cant goto a hospital for it, they already told me quit being a pussy. walk it off.

psych docs dont care as long as they get to push pills, cops dont care as long as they get arrests. its like having this monster inside of me, and he is a brutal motherfucker, my body be damned. I know I'm crazy as fuck, and no one cares. what am i supposed to do? i dont want someone getting hurt.I dont want to end up in prison. or on death row from them fucking up.

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>>36280939
Alright, that's it.

You don't need a therapist or a psychologist man, this is serious shit that needs a Psychiatrist.
But try to stay calm and don't look like you're going to fucking kill him or else you're going to get in the mad house.

Go to a psychiatrist, they're the only ones that can help you at this point because simple therapy won't be enough for this.

Wished I could help you more about this, because even if I'm just kind of an /adv/isor, I don't have the training, the PhD on psych or the MD/Psychiatry for it. But wished I could.

I hope the psychiatrist will truly help you and listen to you senpai.

>>36281072
And my pics are unrelated anyway, since it could be into sage if you don't post a pic I think.

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>>36281072
i just feel sadly like the whole pic related that make me feel even more ashamed.

i just want to be liked and not this fucking rape ape escape insane joker person.

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>>36281150
But if what are you saying is true, that ain't your edgy teenager shit one does at 13-15.
Also the kids that do pic related watch too much anime as well, I confirm it because I was an edgy (gangsta) mothefucker back then.

Just do some schedule and go to your psychiatrist, since most likely you're over 20 and need that medical help.

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>>36281150
>>36281315
Okay, I think I might have an idea on what you could do in order to feel less like shit but I don't know if you could get more depressed by that.

You could start listening to good non-popular classical music like:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEi9C7rOIa0
Start watching more SoL healing anime like Non Non Biyori and avoid obvious depressing shit like Texhnolyze, EVA, etc.

Also you could try learning music either by learning an instrument or start composing since the start (and you would be amazing if you do so, because I have never seen a composer that doesn't/hadn't play/ed music).

And finally, try to find what you like and start doing research about it so you learn more, for example, if it's something like science (physics, math, chemistry) you could read /sci/'s sticky since they have everything so you become self-taught.
Or if you want to learn to program you can try a combination of /sci/'s and /g/'s sticky.

If you don't have the knowledge neccesary, you can start learning on Khan Academy by almost ANYTHING, from high school math to economics!

And if you somehow lose motivation on what are you doing, try to lurk on a motivation thread on /fit/ and ignore the nasty /r9k/ anons trying to lower /fit/'s self esteem desu.

Had a fuckton of links about self-taught shit but it's on the other laptop I don't have now.

So, really wishing you the best, OP and I will pray tonight for you specifically, since I usually don't ask God for help but I just gonna ask so you could get a better life soon.

Gotta help some other anons now so, have a good night!

>>36281315
I'm in my late 30's. I've just held my shit together because i was told to. I've basically spent my whole life brainwashed and controlled to keep me in line
>>36281499
thank you man. i started crying reading it

>>36280045
>ll my local therapists do is "here eat these pills, and come back in 5 weeks". with no counseling. or therapy at all.
they probably think those memories are bullshit.
I don't know if they are real or not, but there is reason to belive you might be schizo or something.