Fuck it /r9k/, I'm gonna ask it... When was the exact moment

There was not "one" moment. I was born and I never fitted in anywhere. Getting bullied in elementary and all.

As long as I can remember did I feel like I was different.

>implying we're all social outcasts

I tried to explain this once to my mum and she thought I was trying to tell her I was gay. Looking back on it, that was pretty funny.

>>36216055
Some of us are, some of us aren't. I'm not trying to generalize here, I just want to hear stories from anyone who can relate.

Mine's pretty simple.
>be 15
>early summer, last day of school
>go home and play vidya with one of my few friends, neither of us had anything better to do
>next day, talk to another friend
>he tells me about some awesome party where apparently my whole class was, except for me and my other friend
>"Where were you yesterday?"
And that's it.

>>36215968
>be 13
>always went out to play with my friends from the neighbourhood
>didn't like them that much
>discovered world of warcraft
>wasted a whole summer playing just that
>liked being alone
>never talked to anybody ever since

>>36216175
I know that feel. Like you're the only one who seems to be missing out while everyone else seems to be arranging stuff and being invited to big events.

OP, being this type of outcast offers you a strange advantage. You become more of an observer, as opposed to an actual part of the herd. Observe people's habits in detail. Take notes on general behavior. Use these notes to your advantage. It's really easy to exploit the normals when you put your mind to it.

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>>36215968
>14
>decide to try going to church to meet friends and girls
>couple weeks in, made no friends
>couple girls approach me. tell me that i probably have no friends.
>youth pastor gives speech later that it is unbecoming of Christians to gossip and talk shit
>know hes talking about the girls talking shit about me
>never come back
>pastor called 3-4 times asking why i suddenly left. cant be honest..but..we both know.

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>>36215968
I can fit in pretty well these days and I'm not a social outcast so long as I put in effort, but I can't be bothered to. Socialization is a pain in the ass and most people are a bother. I've always been kind of like this, but it's gotten worse as I grew up. Never put in any real effort into any "friendships" as a child or young teen and let all of them just taper off, until everyone dropped contact. Don't want anyone to really know me, being remembered from somewhere is yet another bother and I'd really just prefer to exist independently from society, if I could.
Wasn't really at any specific point when I realised I'm "different" as you put it.

I used to be that, but then I got tired of it.

So now I'm cool.

>>36216251
How did you change?

No matter what I do, I just can't seem to "connect", if that makes sense. Everyone who knows me would call me normal and I seem to be able to socialize with whoever, but when it comes to anything more meaningful, I'm totally clueless.

How do people do it?

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>>36216282
>No matter what I do, I just can't seem to "connect", if that makes sense.
And you never will.

>trying to fit in
That makes you a poser. No one likes posers.

I'm a loner by preference rather than an outcast but my real moment of revelation was halfway through my fresher year,some girls I didn't like too much invited all of us out for a drink, I was the only one who declined but I realised when I thought about it that I just don't tend to like people. No sadfrog, no feels and I even do well with the girls, I just tend to prefer being alone.

>>36216282
I just built up my confidence, really. I pictured myself exactly as I'd wanna be, and then I started working towards it. I still am. It feels great to wake up every day knowing you're better than you were yesterday, even if it's only in a small way. It's less about being who you are and more about doing what makes you happy. Don't change to impress people, you'll end up being more of a loser. Change to impress yourself, and from there things just fall into place.

>>36216303
I didn't change to fit in, I just changed to stop being a pussy. Then people come to you.

>>36216282
Not the guy you responded to, but what do you mean by "anything more meaningful"? I'm not sure if I understand your post.

I was a former social being, went out did drugs/parties whatever.

Became bored of the idea every weekend going to somebody's house and drinking.

>>36216398
I think what he means is he can make small talk just fine, but he can't build deeper connections.
The answer to that is to just not worry about it. Talk and be open, if you guys really hit it off then there you go. If not, whatever. That, and people love to talk about themselves.

15-years-old: I think I'll always remember this Friday night because it must have been that moment. I downloaded Firefox for the first time, watched a new killer7 trailer, went into the living room, watched some Read or Die on G4, started counting the coins I had, and then just kinda broke down. No real sobbing, but tears started welling up because I thought about the cheerleader chick I had a crush on and how she's probably out with her boyfriend whilst I'm inside counting coins and watching anime. That's gonna be her life, and this would be mine.

Going to senior prom alone kinda truly awakened all these feels and really fucked me up just in time for college.

>>36215968
>>36215968

It has happened before, but this is the most recent example, being today.

>So I speak to one of my mates about hanging out this weekend
>We are unsure of the plans, we will think of something
>"Ohh, I totally forgot about this party" he said
>"Cool, do you think they would mind if I was your plus one" I said
>"I don't see why not" he said. "I'll text you the details"
>He is about to start band practice for 2 hours then head over straight from it, and I don't know what is happening.
>Ohh, maybe some other time.
... maybe ;_;

>>36216484
>Going to senior prom alone
Why would you do this? It'd be much better to just stay home.

>>36216449
Yeah, this is what I meant. Like, going beyond casual chit-chat and actually meaning something more to people. For instance, having a really great friend who knows you well and shares many great memories with you. That sort of stuff.

>report card day
>i bump into some friends
>we pick up our cards, then one friend has to go
>just 3 of us walking
>friend 2 and 3 completely forget I am there and make no effort to include me in the conversation
>I realize what's going on, speed up my pace a little, they don't notice, start to walk away, they don't notice
>go home, and lie in bed questioning a lot of my "friendships"
>realize a great deal of people I considered friends were really more like acquaintances
>time goes on, I shrink the number of people I classify as friends to avoid future heartache

I used to think that I'm awkward but still fit in, now I think I'm just weird and not meant to have many friends. It sucks a lot but at the same time this keeps my expectations from people low so real displays of friendship are like Christmas and feel wonderful
The other day friend 2 from the incident messaged me out of the blue and invited me to her house for a small get together with a few other people which really confused me. I really thought she didn't see me as more as an acquaintance to sometimes shoot the shit when we bumped into each other but apparently I'm important enough to be invited to her small close friends only thingy.
People and relationships are so fucking hard to read sometimes

>>36215968
i was always like this, and the people like your friends on the bed would always talk about how cool i was and all of the awesome things i must do when i am not around them.

but i was just sitting at home playing runescape or warhammer 40k...

i think it mostly has to do with a social need that you either have or you dont have. when some people are alone, they have a real need for human interaction. since they NEED it, they will do things that someone like me, who may just be somewhat interested in human interaction, would be more squeemish about. the biggest difference though, in my opinion, is that each type of individual acts consistently in the above manner, forming very different patterns of behavior.

it is not enough to try to be outgoing one single time, and either face rejection or experience a singular success. the apparent ease of social interaction you see and may try unsuccessfully to emulate comes from long-term, persistent behavior and hundreds of choices made in benefit of that behavior.

you can't make 90/100 choices that you currently make, and expect 10/100 choices to be as effective as the consistent 100/100 choices made for years by outgoing people.

I moved out of my native country in my teens, but when I was 16, during the summer, I got to fly back there and see my friends again, in one year, they had all gotten girlfriends, and here I was, doing the same shit as I had done for years.

>>36216515
This is the sort of stuff that helped enforce that feeling. When asking your friends what they're up to today, and all you get is "I dunno, text ya later" and never get a reply.

It would actually be better if I knew they didn't like me because then I'd have an explanation, but they act like best buddies to me when we do meet up.

>>36215968
I guess in kindergarten.
>The teacher liked me better than the other kids
>other kids were fucking disgusting nose pickers with speech impediments.
>teacher basically let me do what I wanted
>when teacher has trouble with spelling she asks me
>when teacher steps out of the room I watch the other kids
>first grade
>teacher thinks I'm weird and tells me so
>I start getting insecure
>throw up every day at school

Also never having friends was a red flag for me. Eventually I got put in a special class by myself because my mom wouldn't sign the permission form they sent home for me to go to a special school.

To this day my self esteem has suffered.

>>36216617
Not OP, but I appreciated your post.
Thanks.

>18
>out at a party
>too late to go home
>girl asks me to stay at hers
>"you can sleep in my bed"
>i reply "but where will you sleep?!"

6 months later i realized im retarded

4th grade. I didn't notice it well, but I got picked on and made fun a lot. 5th grade is where it definetely hit. I transferred to a new school and waited to get new friends to talk to. A few weeks in and I still didn't make any friends. It fully sunk in when I realized that I'd been standing in the middle of a field during recess everyday.

When I was 6 or 7 and my brother and his friends kept running from me and shouting to go home and that they didn't want me around them.

I'm sure there are earlier moments but it sticks out in my head more than most of my early memories.

Well I'm introvert so its mainly "my fault" too (because extroverts are too tired trying to understand whole thing without labeling as depressed or stupid, in my case)

>Be in any school level
>Lots of friend groups, thinking I have friends
>Friends always feeling awkward when i go to their house to vidya or smth
>Same with group things in school
>Realise, in puberty, that you are just "silent person in group who tags a long" and never gets invited to anything after school

>>36216224
What do you mean exactly? Can you give an example of how you could manipulate normals in such a way?

>>36216784
Ouch man

Original

>>36216811
He's actually just a retarded "le manipulator master puppeteer gentleman"

But he'll argue tooth and nail to "prove" he isn't

>>36216683
>>36216683
>>36216683
why? that happened everytime. fuck.

>throughout childhood, always hated that I had no friends
>didn't comprehend most emotions, didn't see the point to most social behaviors
>gets worse in high school when I see others start hooking up
>be 16, one night at 3am alone thinking in bed
>realize that I never cared for friends, just hated myself that I didn't have any

So I let it all go, it's almost ten years later, and I couldn't be happier. Still no friends, just "acquaintences." Schizoid has its ups and downs.

>>36216175
Basically a variant of this. Every year of school I hatched a plan to be social, get in shape and literally none of it mattered. Never got invited to shit. Girls who ended up liking me abruptly stopped liking me, probably learning of my unpopularity.

>>36216617
this guy again,

one thing i have seen here on 4chan is that a large majority of the chanpopulation consists of people who could be called loners. but different boards have different ideas about how to deal with this- boards like /jp/ might accept it, or try to come together in a subculture separate from the culture surrounding their offline identities. this board takes an approach of attempts at making normal social decisions, which might be considered humorously awkward in a large number of cases. /fit/ seems to place stock in cocoon-mode, where they try and change, illustratively, 40/100 choices they make consistently that have only a tangential bearing on their social life, in order to eventually experience ease when emerging from the cocoon and only having to change a smaller amount of habits in order to achieve the social success they desire. however, an overwelming majority of /fit/ is currently inside the cocoon, and thus is getting none of the experience in the right department that /r9k/ might reap... or not.

>>36215968

Nah never, I'm normie as fuck.

I just come here to feel better about myself.

>>36216594
Oh, okay. I don't really know how that stuff happens. It usually starts with people having similar interests and being regular friends. Then you gotta actually stay friends for a while and do lots of stuff together. It's hard to explain. I have one friend I consider really close. We met each other at university. He was my neighbour too, and studied the same subject as I did as well. A lot of coincidences led to us becoming such good friends, really.

That said, we're both spaghetti-tier at socializing, so maybe that's why we got along. I wouldn't be surprised if he read this, I suspect he lurks here sometimes.

>>36216944
OP here, I'm reading.

Glad this thread has been so civil thus far. I was expecting a ton of WAAH! MAN THE FUCK UP OP!

>>36215968
WAAH! MAN THE FUCK UP OP!

>>36216887
Same poster. In hindsight, I don't think that I actually belong on this board. Most of you losers suck at interacting yet still want to be in social situations. I mostly just come here for the funny greentext stories.

>>36215968
>have crush on qt shy weeb everyone else makes fun of
>try to get his attention but always ignored
>hits on all my friends
>one day meets me by chance and suddenly invites me to the movies
>"are u free anon? cause i asked <insert all the other girls in our course here> and they turned me down kek
>tfw that was the only time a guy has shown interest in spending time with me and i was literally the last option even for the loneliest of weebs

Not the worse, but it was here that i just decided to stop trying.

whatever.
>be 15/16 at the time
>last day of middleschool
>grad party in school
>just sit in corner watch everybody having fun, drinking vodka in toilet and smoking joints outside
>go home and play videogames then cry myself to sleep

next day

>call a buddy, wanted to hang out
>he tells me about some big ass party a girl is throwing for every grad class
>no one told me shit
>cry myself to sleep

That's it.

well ive always thought i was special in a superior way.

it hasnt fully hit me that im different in an inferior way. ill give it a few years just to see if i dont turn out a complete loser.

also that guy looks like such a fag. if you guys imagine yourself like the guy in that pic then you deserve to be a social outcast. fucking lol.

>>36215968
>"Hey, anon, i'm having a BBQ this weekend if you want to come." (he was talking about it with someone there
>"Sure. Where do you live?"
>"Just give me your number and I'll text the address to you. BTW you should play Ark, I run a server."
>"I heard that game is really grindy and requires a good computer..."

Got uninvited for not wanting to waste my time on a shitty game.

>>36215968
>high school
>no friends
>eat lunch on edge of school grounds
>everyone knows "that kid" who wears a jacket during the summer goes there
>bullies or people who want to see a loner sometimes go there and laugh at me
>teacher tells me I'm anti-social
>teacher tells me I need to change
>get in argument with teacher
>everyone on campus now knows me as "that kid" who wears a jacket all the time and argues with teachers
>everyone looks at me when lunch is over as I arrive back on the main campus
>everyone half-jokes about me committing suicide or being a school shooter
I'm just glad my highschool years are over and that I'll never experience something like that ever again

>>36216617
>i was always like this, and the people like your friends on the bed would always talk about how cool i was and all of the awesome things i must do when i am not around them.

I am like this, It's like everyone has a cool image of me when in fact I'm just a lonely virgin who's thinking of killing himself

>Junior prom
>couldn't get date, every girl turned me down
>gave my extra ticket to a senior acquaintance
>drove my friend and his date to the dance
>just went home afterwards since no one invited me to any after parties

The next day my only real friend told me about some after party he went to after I dropped him off. I don't know why but the feeling of being excluded overwhelmed me.

And that was the moment I realized there was something different about me that others didn't care for.

As early as I can remember, so there's no clear moment.

>in nursery would always run outside to get away from the other kids for a minute
>Age...8? "anon why do you always ask what subject we want to talk about next? It's weird"
>"anon why do you never laugh when you watch cartoons? It's weird"
>"lmao anon you don't think I'd actually fancy you? That's hilarious" Age 10

And it's never stopped

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>>36215968
When I was diagnosed with autism.
Not even baiting.

When I realized that I loathed all forms of authority and that I didn't care about societal standards.

>>36216683
>tfw you secretly hate a few of your friends because they pull this shit on you.

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>>36215968
>Be 15
>I always sought solitude and talked to myself
>One faithful school sports day, have to join in on team sport
>As they're picking teammates I hear them discuss among themselves
>"Isn't he that weird kid who talks to himself"
>mfw I realize I'm the weird kid

I've been even more of an outcast since, but I try to layer it under confidence and mystery so that people at least don't mess with me.
They never did, I've been called scary and weird but no-one ever has the guts to bully me.

I wrote a thousand word 'My Twisted World' style essay in a bout of depression once. This extract is that moment for me.

It was perhaps here that I had my first taste of outsiderness in my primary school (about age 10 or so). I noticed that girls would chase my friends around the playground, even engaging in primative 'relationships' with them, but not me. One occasion that sticks in my mind vividly is from a break time, in which two of my freinds were being chased round the field by a group of five or six girls. I joined them for a lap, only to be told afterward by a freind of mine "they aren't chasing you". The way the natural order seemed so clear to me as I watched my two friends run another lap round the field with those girls, as I looked to the left to see the other kids playing football is one of my most vivid childhood memories. I was simply non like other childeren. Not in a proud, snowfalke like way, but in a miserable one.

>>36217091
since is there a procentage of my post?
hurr durr post more...

>>36216683
Should I feel bad if I act like this towards on one of my friends?

I like the guy, but he's not liked by some due to his weight and personality so when I'd already been invited to a party I'd feel bad if I showed up with him

>>36216617
This motherfucker be getting all technical up in this bitch.

>>36217312
perhaps not bad, but you are an asshole normie.

>be 16 years old
>new highschool
>most like-able guy in my class was some douchbag with peanut brain
>that guy started to hate on me because i didn't try to fit in
>then my own friends started to act differently around me and giving me weird looks
>then it finally clicked.
>realized that people are forcing themselves to dislike like me because someone set the notion that im a piece of shit
>why have friends if the world is so fucked
>stick with people from other school who actually listened to me based on what i have to say

>>36217312
You shouldn't feel bad, but you should also realize that you're not a real friend.

Was a complete loner for most of my life, and now I feel that I'm socially competent. Not many close friends (2-3, only 2 that I contact outside of school/work), but I rarely have trouble communicating with people I know. Protip: You're an outlier. Abuse that privilege. You don't have to conform to make friends, you simply have to socialize. Everyone has that one wacky friend who loves puns and hard-to-get references, so be that person. You can see how others act from the lens of an outsider, so you will always be able to adjust how you act to fit different situations.
tldr stop being a fucking sperg, make yourself memorable and you will make friends.

>>36216944
i think the main point i am reaching is that the people who hang around here consistently for years are all not really committed to being anything other than what they really are.

and that can be a really good thing, especially if they have a good support circle and are happy. but the people who are able to change themselves so dramatically that they truly change and become successful in all the ways they dreamed of are not going to be found hanging around in the same old places, especially every day.

so if you are really trying to change in some way, you need to inventory all of the choices you make every day and compare them to the ideal that you see in your head. it could be that you find some of what you do more comfortable or better than what you imagine people that are different from you do. that is where a lot of people get stuck- how are you supposed to choose to let go of the things you love in order to become an unfamiliar ideal?

maybe you should try and compromise in some way. maybe you should try to change your behavior for only 2 weeks, and then change it for 2 more weeks, etc. maybe you should change your ideal. this is where almost everyone is different, so someone without consistency, motivation, and guidance can easily get lost.

>7th grade
>Study hall
>Sitting with three other girls I made friends with
>Three popular girls, all African American, sitting in the opposite side of the room
>They decide to rate all the girls in the room by attractiveness
>When they're done rating themselves, they get to my friends
>They rate my hispanic friend as the prettiest among us
>They then rate my two obese friends
>Then they just look at me and start laughing

I was bullied a lot because I cried very easily and it was easy to get a reaction out of me. Strangely, I didn't cry during this moment. I just felt really empty. Despite being bullied and beat up by other students, this was the moment that made me realize I was more than just a bullied kid. I was an outcast.

My friends, if I could call them that, started ignoring me after that day. Before they had always stuck up for me, but only out of pity.

>>36216954
You're still a piece of trash

>>36216762
>Adding more stories

Middle school started and I still didn't make any new friends. "Luckily" my best (and only friend) transferred. I got unhealthily attached to him since he was the only person I could talk to. He was smarter than me, more talkative than me, and more popular than me, which made me wonder why he even hung out with me. Then it happened. People congregated to him because he was a genius. Girls basically stalked him. He transferred to my school one year after me and already had all of this going for him.
To get to the point, he started getting invited out with people that I'd known for years, the same people who told me to my face that nobody liked me (I I didn't do anything wrong). He started acting like them and stopped associating with me altogether. A few months later when is mom begged my mom to bring me to their house I heard him tell her just as I walked in the door "I don't want to see him."

This is just one of my bad experiences. I feel like I'm exaggerating how bad it was, but he was literally the only person I talked to for the majority of my life other than my mom.

>>36217025
They're just loud, so they stand out. Not all of us feel that way.

I've come to this conclusion relatively early

>be in kindergarten
>no friends
>just bounce around one of the social circles
>said group gets sick of me
>hop onto the next circle ad infinitum

When this continued in primary school too I've started to think about it and fell into the first depression with many to come

>tfw the 3 of your "good" friends are with together and they act all weird and make fun of you
>tfw you are alone with one of them, he act cool and like a true friend

>>36217540
I feel you bro.

Thispostisoriginal

>>36216683
Yeah. I would appreciate it if they told me they didn't want to hang out, but they just prolong it.

When we do meet up, as you have said about you, we act like best mates.

>>36217262
nah its not a 2deep4u feeling. that implies that i try to push other people away. in reality no one wants to be around me because everything about me says "loser" and i dont have the social skills to compensate for that. i also dont care to change that right now.

>tfw you dug yourself deep into a hole of apathetic isolation after hs and you dont care

>>36217674
>tfw one of those friends is always an arrogant cunt to everyone.
>tfw he's still an arrogant cunt when he's alone with you.
>tfw he's probably the most honest person you've ever known.

I honestly can't remember. Some time during high school I realised people really didn't appreciate my sarcastic remarks every five minutes. I was trying too hard, and people knew it. I was a tag along know-it-all.

I then shut the fuck up and here I am.

>>36215968
Wasn't really a single moment, more of a slowly dawning realization throughout middle school as I noticed none of my 'friends' ever really wanted to hang out after school.

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>>36215968
It s normal for other people to not acknowledge your existence if u aren t vocal
>being social isn t much better
>I tell a same gossip/story/opinion/question to like 35 people that I talk to and all that to get 7/10 girls (cuz girls love popular guys) but I m to much of an asshole to girls so if they are interested they don t want to admit it

Probably some time in middle school. Got bullied a ton of course. But the worst was in 8th grade, towards the last day, a popular girl in my class held an end of year party at her house for the whole class. Me plus a few other geeks were not invited. None of my friends noticed I wasn't at the party. High school wasn't any better, as you can probably infer by now

>>36216188
>>always went out to play with my friends from the neighbourhood
>>didn't like them that much
>>discovered world of warcraft
>>wasted a whole summer playing just that
>>liked being alone
sage

Me and some highschool friends started practicing in a band, i played bass. Went round for practice one day and they had another guy there playing bass, and they didnt acknowledge my presence at all.

Like i would have been ok with it if they had said, look you suck at bass (true) this guys the new bassist. But the complete lack of even acknowledging i exist really hurt, and sitting there in the corner with my gear like a fucking mong made me realise they never really gave a crap about me in the way real friends would.

I did have a lot of 'friends' i would chat to at school but never got invited to parties or events. To the extent where now i realise they must have actively got together and said look, dont tell him about it.

Some good advice i got was that you have to understand that you are not in other peoples thoughts half as much as they are in yours.

Also i think its important to realise people dont owe you anything - why should they make an effort to hang out with you if youre not very nice or interesting. I wouldnt make that effort either.

Despite all this i get a shitload of pussy so ymmv

>be in hospital more than school
>hate being so ill and feeble
>hate hospital horrible to all family apart from favourite aunty
>hate being stuck in hospital bed
>when in school wish I was back in hsopital

>>36216201
Jesus Christ, you people ask like you're subjected to this shit against your will.

YOU MAKE YOURSELF AN OUTCAST. Holy fuck. It doesn't just 'happen'. It's not 'bad luck' or 'getting dealt a bad hand at life'. It's not 'God's fault' or 'everyone hates you'.

IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT. FIX IT!

When did I realize I was "that guy"? Fucked if I know; it just kinda happened. I did laugh when I was in the same position as this guy: >>36216784 No-one apart from our social group knew I was like this; they always assumed I did things with them and was socially active with my clique. Funny thing though: I never, ever, was.

I can't blame them though: I was an uptight elitist jerk who barely passed all his exams and thought he was a genius due to some good year 7/8 marks.

Funny thing is though; it's "changing" simply because I've found completely different people so I can act differently around them (To avoid "revertigo"). Even then I'm always hesitant to go out (And feel a strong urge to isolate myself after awhile).

How come you guys don't have friends?
Like... I'm 'beta' and all. Never had a gf and still a virgin, but I always had a couple of beta friends with me too.

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>>36218037
>How come you guys don't have friends?
Like... I'm 'beta' and all. Never had a gf and still a virgin, but I always had a couple of beta friends with me too.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

Around 12 I just noted that I do not like being seen and hate being in groups bigger than 3-4 people max. Left more than I was outcast.

>Meet up with girl who I used to have a thing for in highschool, we were really good friends, she was my only friend
>after highschool the suffering of life changed me and dragged me down.
>Meet up with her at a coffee shop.
>During our conversation I can feel that tempo of the conversation is different than it used to be with her.
>I'm saying things to her that make her give me a weird look.
>Walking with her to her car.
>"We should do this again!"
>I'm not retarded I know she had a shitty time and was just trying to spare my feelings
>Call her out on this because it kind of irritated me.
>She starts to cry and I suddenly feel like shit
>I go to say sorry but I'm cut off by her slapping me across the face harder than anyone's slapped me before
>Screams at me asking why I'm like this
>Say I don't know
>Last time I saw her

Why am I like this guys? I want to know too.

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>>36216175
>>36216201
>>36216239
>>36216282
>>36216484
>>36217898
just know that being social when your brain lacks feelings is more boring than doing something alone but I must cuz I have a primal urge to fuck pretty girls and have big influence over people>>36217880
if u arn t naturally social it s not worth it to change
>I m just a dumbass who can t ignore primal urge

>>36217540
What do niggers know about attractiveness? They look like apes.

>>36215968

This same kind of thing would have happened me and in fact has happened in slightly different situations. Unlike you though, I probably wouldn't have returned from the errand after feeling edged out. Then later they would all act so perplexed as to why I didn't stick around. I've also had the similar situation where I sit down first at a table then a bunch of people come afterward and sit at the next table and ask me why I'm sitting there all alone. That shit really tells you where you stand. But you want to be liked so you go sit with your "friends" like a good little dog.

>>36217117
Do you ever think they're mocking you with your compliments?
I think that about such statements irt myself. I have a hard time not reframing every event in my past in a negative light right now but that doesn't mean I don't remember it accurately either.

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>be a normal-ish kid
>make only a couple of friends in primary school, but i'm relatively happy so I don't really pay attention to shit like that
>go to secondary school
>in a private school which costs 15,000 a year
>have to pass difficult entry exams to get in
>none of my prior friends manage to get in
>in my first year trying to make friends with new people
>not very self-aware and very naive
>still rather innocent and kiddy and obsessed with autistic shit like the Star Wars expanded universe and things like that
>nobody appreciates it apart from one guy who is kind to me briefly before setting my friendship aside to chase after the popular kids
>still mostly oblivious to everything
>the second year starts
>three kids I believe i'm friends with
>one of them throws my bag down a three storey stairwell
>punch him in the temple knocking him out
>spend the rest of the week acutely aware that I have no actual friends
>everything from the past year suddenly comes into focus
>sitting in the bathroom stall at lunchtime
>girls starting to tease me and being excluded in sports events
>last to be picked
>nobody wants to be grouped up with me, and they outright complain when they are
>over the following few months I morph from a happy innocent youngster into a hardened, bitter teenager
>i'm never really happy again

I'm from a wealthy background and well on my way to becoming a highly educated lawyer. It doesn't mean shit though. I'll still forever feel like an outsider.

No man should ever feel excluded. It is worse than anything else in this world. We are meant to be kind to each other.

>>36215968
Some point in middle school. There were multiple instances where I realized that me and my autist friends (I still can't believe there was such a high concentration of them in one school) were vastly different from the rest of the normalfags.

>>36217256
Oh good lord.
I can relate.

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>>36218037
I didn't understand either until it happened to me
>had 2 beta friends throughout public school
>went away to a school you live at for a year
>realized i was never really that close with my childhood friends
>only had them because we'd always lived a few doors down from each other
>quickly lost contact with them, never missed them
>got 2 new even more beta friends
>realized early on i had no real connection with 1 of them, only hung out with him when it was all 3 of us
>realized later on our "friendship trio" was centered around playing video games and smoking weed and doing nothing year after year
>early 20s fell out with the main friend, who was becoming impossible to be around due to literal insanity (diagnosed schizophrenic)
>stopped seeing them
>realized after a while alone that i am now in my mid-20s and haven't made new friends since age 16
>realized i now have absolutely no idea how to do it
>only got those friends because i lived with them at that school
>spend all my time at home on the internet
>no rational reason to expect friendship situation to ever change
>finally realized what "forever alone" means

>>36218915
>finally realized what "forever alone" means

Honestly you guys are now the closest things I have to friends. And we will always be at arm's length due to the nature of this place.

>>36218259
wtf had you said to get that reaction at the end?
sounds way out of the ordinary
you can't have just been odd or awkward, you must have done something to really creep her out or offend her during the conversation

>>36219017

I think it was a mixture of things, from me just not being the same person I used to be. I told her it was just cruel to be nice to be even when I know she had a shitty time and she should just skip to the part where she never calls me again and that really irritated her.

>>36215968
For me it was the fact that when girls had the chance to take group pictures they'd always find a way to not include me but in a very implicit manner or the general displeasant looks or sighs when I was trying to be funny in class during my teenage years, being a nigger that only hang out with white people did'nt help either (but I'm actually thankful for that because at least even if I look like a nigger I'm fucking not)
My general autism when it comes to social situations etc

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>high school starts
>free lunch seating
>don't know who to sit with
>sit with my neighbors, become friends
>they move next year
>10th grade, don't know who to sit with
>go to library, become mute

THE END

Didn't really care, I was playing vanilla WoW the whole time that I just did homework instead of socializing

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>>36215968
>leave my elementary school for a better school district far away in lets say El Gundo with my dad
>dad has heart attack and has to move to different city
>move back with my mom where my original school was
>by now 3 years have passed and i am entering the middle school with all the people i knew from elementary school there
>at first when i am noticed i felt really good alot of people started following me around and talking to me and i felt better than ever
>especially since i never made any friends at my previous school so coming back to welcoming familiar faces was pretty euphoric
>i thought for once id fit in
>3 weeks later
>hanging out with the 'cool kids'
>thought i was a joker and comedian of my "friend group"
>"uuuggghh anooon, youre still....anon."
>instant regret and pain
>walk away and start spending breaks and lunch in a secluded part of school in a stairwell
>never made a friend since and spent the rest of my formative years with a bunch of mentally ill outcasts up until highschool when some one randomly pinned a rape on me
>no evidence but whoever did it wanted to destroy the rest of my social life
>dropped out that year at 16 or 17 cant remember
>tfw i raped a girl and im still a virgin

I was really always that outlier that didnt belong anywhere, i tried to conform to certain personalities but i think people saw through it and thought worse of me for it.
I only did so because i have no personality of my own.
I am boring and very nonemotional and not very energetic either.
I thought by acting a certain way would get me accepted but i just never realized it made people hate me.
Heh, and i wondered why people bullied me, im a fucking weirdo.
sorry for blogpost

>>36218655
my story is different but with key similarities
something you said made me have a thought
do you think it really is all about the social status thing, like the memes about "betas" and "alphas" imply?
>one guy who is kind to me briefly before setting my friendship aside to chase after the popular kids
the idea of "chasing after the popular kids" is so reminiscent of how "beta" chimps hang around and try to suck up to those higher in the hierarchy
and then there are some that just give up the status race entirely and drop out of it
which is exactly what i did at the moment that marked my transition from a somewhat regular kid to a bitter depressed misanthrope of a teenager, after which i was
>never really happy again

>grade 4
>teacher puts us in groups and forgets about me
>ask girl beside me why he forgot me
>she says it's because I'm a loner
>ask her what that means
>feel sad

>>36217506
>Everyone has the one wacky friend who loves puns and hard-to-get references

I was this person. Don't be this person.

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>>36219203
"uuuggghh anooin, youre still....anon."
Hits home too fucking hard

>got invited to a New Years Eve party
>was the only single person there
>everyone was hugging and kissing in the living room while i just sat in the corner drinking away
>stuck around for about an hour and made up an excuse to go home


bit of luck i didn't sticka round, was probaly the best desicison i ever made that night, because when the clock struck 12:00, my dog passed away, he might have died sooner I'm not entirely sure.

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>>36219289
I screwed myself up in middle school when I thought a loner was actually a cool thing to be. I played too much Final Fantasy and thought I should model myself after people like this bastard. It was absolutely toxic and destroyed any hope of social progress for me for a couple of years, especially when it came to the opposite sex.

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>you're annoying.
that really fucked me up, everyone said "I hate you anon" but I thought they were joking. Only when a girl (barely 5/10 and pretty much despised) said "You're Annoying". Everyone agreed with her.
fuck teenagers are cruel.

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>getting severely bullied in elementary school, have constant thoughts of suicide as a young lad because of it
>but at least I have two friends Moses and Charlie
>Moses was a Christian and Charlie was your average funny chad kid
>throughout the years thought we were best buds
>up until the end of elementary school when Moses admits that he was my friend because he felt bad for me since I was always bullied, and a good christian will try to be friends with an outcast
>Charlie told me am not even his friend and he only talked to me because he also felt bad for me, and because he was friends with Moses so I was in the group in terms of the trio.
>this in turn and constant years of bullying during elementary makes me become an emotional unstable nutcases that snapped on anyone during middle school and highschool with the constant fights and threats of bodily harm to others.


ironically enough drugs and alcohol made me relax, I still hate everyone and I wouldn't mind watching the world burn in hellfire but now am not actively hurting anyone besides myself and the objects around me.

>>36215968
I never really could fit in, when I'm speaking/communicating with others it's almost as if I'm not "there" on the same level that they are. Although it took me a decent amount of time to fully realize this, I'm not sure there was one moment. There were just a lot of little things that added up over the years.

>when I'm with two other people I'm always treated as the third wheel
>I was bullied from from a very young age until the time I stopped attending school and began isolating myself
>I remember being the only(or sometimes very close to the only) person sitting alone in the school cafeteria
>attempting to play sports was always a poor experience, I never really could understand what was supposed to be enjoyable about them, or why we need to be competitive
>I never feel as if the things I say to people are particularly inspired, only a performance of how they expect me to act, and a poor mirror of they're own behavior(the only exception is around my parents)

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>>36219203
>uuuugh anoooon, youre still....anon
Holy fuck breh
This hurts

>>36215968
7 years old in a locker room.

>>36215968

You mean the exact moment I DECIDED to be different?

Because deep down, that's what really happened when I got snubbed. I used to think it was all other people--- but it's been partially me, this whole time.

I carry a chip on my shoulder, since my teenage years. It had alot to do with false allegations of child molestation and a rape charge to top it all off. People assumed the worst and made me a pariah.

The charges were proven to be false, and afterwards... people came to apologize and make up, But I wasnt having any of it. Since then, whenever I detect a slight or misunderstand a situation, it only reinforces my belief that I don't belong-- but after years of reflection I realized I'm being irrational (I'm 35)... I'm expecting rejection, and it's a prophecy that self-fufills.

The truth is, I DO belong. Just not everywhere. I just get hurt easily, so most of the time I have my defenses up-- and people pick up on that... It makes you aloof and seemingly unfriendly, even though you desire nothing more than to be friends. I needed to swallow my fears and keep on reaching out, until people noticed I was making an effort. THAT alone will help you fit in, you don't have to be a comedian or a ultra charismatic person.

You may not wanna hear this, but 70% of it is in your head. There's undesirable things about you, but that's true for any human.

>>36215968
>>36215968
>be me
>10th grade
>no chairs in lunchroom to sit at,shitty school
>no one gives up chair me for
>stand there awkwardly
>find open chair, grab it and take to table where I normally sit
>not 2 seconds later huge nigger bitch yanks chair out from under me
>luckily I don't fall,just stand awkwardly
>too much of a pussy to even say anything
>ask a guy for his chair, he shakes his head
>no one even looks at me
>nigger girl is talking massive shit behind me, apprantly I took a chair she was saving
>I run and go hide in the girls bathroom
>realize I'm such an outcast, no guy was desperate enough to offer me a chair and no one hated me enough to laugh at me
>I'm literally of no interest to anyone,good or bad
>cry in the bathroom until a teacher finds me
>sent to office for skipping class
>after school suspension for two days

>>36215968
>Be 16.
>Get invited to a party by a girl. She's the host.
>Get tipsy, talk a bit. I discover an upright piano in the next room. I play.
>A few people move to the piano room.
>The blonde host sits next to me.
>Starts asking me questions like "What are you playing?" and "Is this your composition?"
>Keep playing as I answer.
>She starts touching and caressing my lap, arms and my face.
>Keep playing.
>She says she'll be right back.
>I finish playing 2 minutes later.
>I turn my head and look in a straight line across the room.
>I see her sitting on a popular guy's laps.
>Never came back.

Never invited again ever to any event or friend circle.
My autism was too strong.

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>be 11
>"anon that's not what cool is"
>"but how is something cool if everybody does it?"
> "that's why it's cool"

I was never ment to be normal in any timeline

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>>36219917
good story i like

>>36218655

as opposed to a not so highly educated lawyer?

I don't remember ever feeling like I fitted in like others.

>>36218655

I hear ya man.

I came from a poor family, went to public school, and now I'm a heavy equipment operator

I've been around and seen some shit, I've got plenty of wisdom and life experience--- but I've still got it stuck in my head that I don't belong. It's a constant struggle, battling that inner dialogue... it's hard to move past when I get blown off or marginalized. It hurts really bad... and people mistake my defenses for dislike.

Everytime i would force myself to go out. Once i was drunk i would end up feeling removed from the situation and rather than partying i would just see the party happening around me..no matter how i tried to mingle thats how it felt so eventually i jist stopped going anywhere unless it was with a good friend

fifth grade

>be private school christcuck through 4th grade
>parents transfer me to public school in 5th
>thought everyone would be like me
>you know, nice, love jesus and that shit
>nope
>bullied relentlessly
>don't understand
>thought the world was supposed to be full of wonder and amazement
>looking back realize I brought it all on myself
>was fat
>wore autism shoes
>picked nose
>talked about jesus too much
>only friend was the autistic kid
>tfw teachers were no help at all
That was when I learned to just keep quiet and keep my head down. That didn't really even work too well. Still got bullied through 10th grade. Books knocked out of hands, personal books and calculators held for ransom, punched, stuffed in a trashcan that one time, get food spilled on me, called every name under the sun. As you can imagine I am now one jaded fuck who sees no worth in the world anymore. All those fucking normies that made my life hell for those 6 years don't even remember it. They all forgot about it the very next day. Fuck normies.

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>>36216175
For me this was partly inverted, though with not so great results;

>Be 17
>Go to friend's gathering, one of very few parties I've been to and the only one that involved drinking
>Being very conservative (and concerned about tooth decay given that I have crowns), decide to drink next to nothing.
>People outside are either high, drunk or both.
>I have no idea what to do, what to say, all my friends are acting as if I don't exist, the few that do keep telling me to drink more or get high but I hate that stuff.
>Spend most of the occasion using the layout of the house to hide from others, eventually just give up and wait 'till my friends parents arrive.
>That's the last any of them see of me, I fail college and are forced to home-study.

Fast-forward a couple of years and there you go, not really a massive moment - I wouldn't say that I'm very different from others (though I can't conceptualize what really is that "different", so to speak), though my constant double-guessing, OCD and highly conservative mentality has more than turned a lot of people off. And to be fair that's how I prefer it, being able to study, read books etc. and Cram knowledge into my own time schedule feels much nicer than I could imagine having a girlfriend would, as much as I want a family.

>>36215968
>in my first primary school i was quite popular from ages 3-6 , dont know why , i didnt play with anyone and was always really quite
>moved countries to new Zealand , in a butt fuck rural dormitory town , make one friend at first nz school , friend betrays my trust , and i was beaten up by seniors twice , lose a lot of confidence .
>second primary school , get into fight on first day , make friends , all of my friends were older than me (conjoined year 4 and 3 class) so the ext year we were seperated , start reading obsessively , more consistent bullying
>go to highschool , more isolation and reading
>move to africa in year nine , stay for 5 years , get a severe case of racism and completely desensitized to violence (killed a bunch of animals and saw a couple of lynchings)
>move back to NZ for uni , first everything is good , am friends with dorm mates , then after a few weeks they start violating my privacy , and treating me like im trash , move out , no friends again
>take LSD , feel a lot better about who i am and what ive been through , would strongly recommend taking in the presence of a trip sitter like i did , haven't felt this way since i was in my first primary school , its been three weeks since and im getting my life back on track , one step at a time

What am I? I literally couldn't fit in with anyone growing up and I still can't.
>can't fit in with my ethnicity's culture
The moment I open my mouth they relize that I'm "fake". I'm almost universally hated by the women of my ethnicity except for my mom, grandmothers, and one aunt in law (who may be faking it)
>couldn't fit in with my family
They frequently get my name wrong. My cousin who doesn't even live in my state and visited once in years has a better relationship with them.
>couldn't fit in with my football team
I was athletic and not a terrible player. The vast majority of the team never talked to me.
>couldn't fit in with the smart kids
I took the same classes with them for years, but I'm pretty sure some didn't even know my name.
>couldn't fit in with the weird kids
I was too boring I guess. I was just that tolerated kid who sat there silently listening to them. The girl (singular) that sometimes interacted with them literally hated me.
>couldn't fit in with my marching band
Knew these kids for years. Seen as the worst player (I was mediocre) in my section and made an example of. Younger students were given better chairs (positions) and chairs never changed for my section.
Nobody ever talked with me and I sat by myself during band meets.
>can't fit in with gaming club
I don't look geeky enough. I look out of place and people know manufacture ideas about me before I even open my mouth.
>can't fit in with volunteering group
Was literally called "weird, but cute". It isn't enough to tutor kids and help clean the place for free. I have to talk them for the few minutes we're not helping kids.
The parents (of my ethnicity) manufacture ideas about me. Tutoring their children and helping them pass school isn't enough I guess. I either have to act "cultured" or they'll disrespect me.
>can't fit in with honor's club
It's a super special club for rich preppy kids. Almost all of the girls are stacies. The guys are evolved chads (they're cool).

>>36217575
Now that I think about it. I don't even remember going to more than 1 of my best friend's birthday parties.

>>36215968
When I was 8 years old and getting picked on by the other social outcasts at school.

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>15 years old
>with friend group and aquantinces
>it's a friday
>people are saying what they're doing over the weekend, where they are going, etc
>i realise that i've never been invited anyway or been with one of my "friends" outside of school
this is when i knew women wouldn't be interested in me

>still 15
>i'm with a friend and there's two girls on our table who sometimes make jokes about how my friend is attractive (never me though)
>they're flirting with him, asking him about going to prom
>one says it's a double date, both of them say they want to go with my friend to prom
>finally realise i'm the unwanted one

It would be better if they said i was ugly to my face, just be honest about it

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When my entire 5th grade class relentlessly bullied me every day, and the one day I was gone sick everybody thought I had killed myself.

>>36217998
No retard there are a lot of things in life that arent your fault. Switching schools, bullies, mental illness, bad parents. Then once you are fucked there is no "fixing" it. No one ever talks to me and if they do they make fun of me or are intentionally uncomfortable. Loneliness is self defeating because normies dont like lonely people. Also for some reason you are expected to make the moves... Shouldnt successful people help us out? I know you are a normie so you will never understand. fuck life

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>>36215968
i'm not
my solitariness is self-imposed
i was never bullied (i actually was the bully)
growing up, i've always had friends
from what i've heard, people actually enjoy hanging out with me
though i'm still alone and lonely, i see no reason to put effort into social life
i've recently been thinking, how will my life look like when/if i live to be 80+. will i die alone and bitter? will there be anyone at my funeral? i don't talk to my family. all of my cousins, aunts and uncles probably have forgotten about me by now
not sure why am i still alive

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>be around 12
>play in a violin-quatrtet with 3 more or less "friends" (1boy and 2grills, same age as me)
>be on a week where you play as an orchestra (not at home)
>male friend is in their room (was sorta like a hotel)
>comes back to our room where I lay on my bed
>"hey you wanna come over to the girls"
>"ye, why not"
>be in the girl room
>they all talk with each other normally and do stuf
>I just stand arkwardly by the entrance
>after 8 mins one girl says "u wanna sit down?"
>sit down on bed
>sit there quietly while the others are having fun
>I just sit there. Nothing else for 1 hour
>"teacher" or whatever this is called says that everyone should go to their room for showering or sth lik that
>the only thing I said while in the room was yes
>not shure if just introverted or the most socially retarded human on the planet

>>36217053
>15/16
>middle school
>vodka and joints

Where the fuck were you dude?

>>36215968

8th grade, give or take. 13 or 14 I think.

Only at 25 I realized that the situation was actually serious and that Im absolutely unable to connect with others or to even improve myself in that regard.

Mine its like that
>be 15
>study in a private highschool in Brazil
>all my "friends" are rich
>they started to do gym
>no one calls me to do with
>they started to go to partys without call me
>I just stay in home thinking why I had trusted in some of them to tell many secrets
>why do they started to do this?
>the girl who I like dont give a shit about me
>she starts to likes my "best friend"
>I realize that socialize is not for me
>I just wanna cry all day

First week of sophomore year, friends
>be 15
>messy hair, dumb hobbies, still a friendly guy
>be in bio course
>chad and stacy in front of me
>overhear them talking about plans for a party later tonight
>feel optimistic since I've never heard people making plans before
>autism engage
>ask chad if I could come too
>"No anon you'd be the weird kid that stands in the corner the whole time."
>never speaks to me the rest of the day
>slowly lose all friends
>realize how stunted I am as a person
>come here

Here's the real kicker: I made it a good college and, after having dragged myself to like 8 parties, guess what?
Chad was right.

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11 yo - some people are losing kisslessness.
12 - I like those girls, maybe I'm gonna kiss one of them!
13 - everyone is kissing, maybe I'm a late bloomer.
14 - Shit! WTF, man?!
15 - ...
16 - Yeah, I'm seeing a girl, haha.

>>36215968
I realized on the first day of school when I saw the reaction of the other kids after I spat in the face of the kid in front of me who didn't like star wars

>>36216887
This shit hit me way too hard

I was alone with my bandmate and he asked why a part didn't fit in the song. It didn't. I realized that I had my own opinion.

>>36225320
What's more i had the conviction to stand by my opinion. I realized that was called "integrity"

When i was 5yo, i noticed that i didn't played as much as the other kids, later on, when i was around 6 or 7 i realised that games didn't last long when i was playing, so i decided to stop playing so the other kids could enjoy themselves.
I never had problems with bullys or anything (because i was taught that if some kid wanted to start shit with me i had to retaliate) but i wasn't exactly part of the group.
I've always known that i'm a social outcast, i don't see why this shit is so "shocking" to you guys.

>>36225378
Why would you do that? If you didn't grow a spine, you would've still been his acquaintance.

I did have moments like that, but I wasn't really rejected, I rejected everyone instead

Always been a crazy angry fucker, now at 19 I'm starting to embrace it

I'm a bit different though, had my first kiss at like 1, my first gf at 11 and lost my virginity at 17 while being the most dark bitter fucking person to be around at that age at least

I was very lonely before, now I just go get busy with something and go outside even if i'm by myself

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>>36217256
I would intentionally get in trouble to make my teachers put me in recess detention so I wouldn't have to sit alone and watch the other kids play together

I always kind of felt different from the other kids. I'm probably genuinely autistic and its hard to explain but my voice has always kind of sounded old, even as a kid, in a kind of stilted monotone way. I remember being at a party once when I was around 8. I wasn't liked by the other kids, but invited by the parents. All the other kids there had formed a "club" and said I wasn't aloud in without the password. I approached one of the easier to fool kids alone, pretended I knew the password and said "I bet you don't even know the password, tell me what it is or I'm kicking you out the club" they told me and I tricked my way into it. Then the birthday girl started crying because I'd ruined her party apparently.

Another time an old woman we all knew had died. All the other kids were crying but I was fine, I didn't really know her well. They called me soulless, but I just said everyone expresses emotions differently.

My "best friend" in high school once said I don't have a personality and i'm like a backup friend. That hurt. Later in my first job a girl said its like I'm not really there, like I'm not a real person. Someone else said I'm the only person they've ever met they can't read. Another girl said I don't have a soul. Another at a work party laughed at me and said to the others "why is he even better, who even is he?". For people with souls they sure were heartless.

These days I don't really bother with people. Deleted my Facebook. Stopped trying to connect with people, its a waste of my time and theirs. I've completely withdrawn from the world. My hair is growing long. Months without talking to anyone is making me forget the person I pretended to be and I'm suffering from severe depersonalisation. I don't think I can come back from this. Death is now a happy thought, my only course. I guess I'm just wrapping things up.

>>36225740
Damn dude, lets just hope WW3 starts soon so we can leave this shit place

>>36215968
I've said this many times before, but this girl in 8th grade told me no one wants you here, and I realized she was right, and became aloof ever since. People ask me why I'm shy, I just smile so they can leave me alone.

>>36225740
Godspeed anon.
maybe we can all be together one day, a place just for us "soulless weirdos" and enjoy our company and date our waifus wether 2D or 3d

>>36216055
If you're not why the fuck are you here retard this is r9k not normie 9k

>>36226162
Calm down turbo-sperg. R9k is for everyone

It was all downhill after middle school, ending in 11th grade when I dropped out. In middle school I started noticing girls going for certain guys and wanting nothing to do with me. My entire adolescence was completely fucked up, partially my fault. I somehow was in the "cool" group during high school and went to a few parties, and it only fucked me up even worse. A couple of girls liked me, I had zero attraction to them. I got labeled "weird" a few times, kids would ask me "why are you so quiet?" and girls were super shitty to me. Still haven't recovered.

>>36226315
How come you had zero attraction to them?

I remember being 7 or 8 and hiding inside the bathroom stall so I could avoid physical education.

When I was 10 and moved to a new school and it took me, literally, two and a half years to make new friends.

When I was 12 the class's slutty fat girl called me cute and I sperged out and never-never talked to her again.

When I went to a new highschool and for almost a whole year didn't talk to any of my classmates and would spend the lunch break alone inside the classroom

Friend invited me over to her house for graduation party after high school was over. There's a water balloon fight about to begin, there are team leaders, they start picking one by one. Finally, there's me in the end and I just tag along one of the teams. Really made me realize a lot about the "friends" I had. I knew I was normal and was cool but some of them really disliked me which pretty much influenced how my actual friends felt about me. I'm no longer friends with any of them.

>>36226353

I did not find the girls physically attractive, and was obsessed with my crushes at the time.

>>36218259
She probably really liked you but felt bad for you because you said weird shit, if you could've handled normal conversation you'd probably still would be friends with her today, maybe even fucked by now.

>>36225448
hahahaha, i'm all good, he was a fake friend

>>36218259
if she slapped you you were supposed to kiss her
a girl who wants to brutally fuck you will do shit like that
a girl who wants nothing to do with you will extricate herself

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>15
>Overheard some girls talking in class
>"Oh I used to like anon (me) when i was younger"
>"ewwwwwwwww"
>Not even "Oh anon is ugly" or "Anon is a bad person" just a fucking eww like if i was a cockroach

That and when everyone started getting laid at 17/18 and i didn't

>>36216175
Same here. At one point I realised I was never invited to stuff. It was weird. I had school friends but no friends outside of school.

They'd come up to me and hang out with me and they wouldn't act weird because they wanted me to leave or anything or they wouldn't go off on my own and stuff without me and they'd sit next to me in classes and stuff but they never invited me out of school.

>>36215968
When the summer of 4th grade passed and kids were using words I was told was bad.

>>36221134
>tfw you didnt get high and found some stoner buddies who'd welcome everyone.

Though if it was your friends more than likely they wanted you drunk to see you make a fool of yourself.

>>36216683
They like you, their friends who aren't your friends don't.

>>36218980
>And we will always be at arm's length due to the nature of this place
For the best really

>>36215968
When I was in highschool I used to drift between groups of friends. I joked and talked with them, but they never counted me as one of them. Plus "my" group of friends, the ones who used to stick together because we were in the same clas most of the times used to leave me out on everything. Never called me to play games or football or anything.
Also I had terrible luck with crushes. Literally none of them liked me. None. My sperglord friends could get girlfriends or boyfriends if they wanted to, and I was instantly met with "lol no" even if I tried.
I don't know why, but I have this nagging suspicion that literally everyone inn school treated me like a joke. Whenver I would come there was this condescending look on their face.
I'm in college right now with two "friends", who are closer to each other than they are to me. I'm still being left out in my 2nd year of colege, but I grew up. I realized that there was no sense in being social when both parties were being half-hearted about it. So I keep them as acquaintances and it works out well enough for me and other people.

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>>36215968
>be 12/13 (not really sure which)
>science fair at my school
>team up with my friend, who's kinda popular because he's the rebel of the class
>two girls come to take pictures of our stand
>I'm trying to pose
>they ask me to stand aside because they only want my friend in the picture
>mfw

>>36219725
Nigger girls summon else.
t.asocial redguard

Well there were no exact moments, but series of small events over the years that subsconsciously - and then later consciously made me realize that damn i'm always left out.

I was really active and clever before elementary 5-6th grade, had many friends who didn't care a lot if I acted weird, still invited me for a kickball or a bike run. Then they started 'maturing', having gfs, drinking, and making fun of me, basically the whole school. After stepping to high, it just snapped in me, like opening your third eye that sees what an autist you used to be. Overreacting to jokes, crying about petty things, and be generally annoying.

High school was a lot better, I was generally liked, on an acquintance level. I even got invited to some parties and such - but it did not feel right, i just wanted out "ah no thanks, my schedule is full". Inside the school's walls, we were best buddies, but as soon as it started to be something else, I had to cancel it. Group projects: the guy who rather did it all alone, that to join a group. I was that guy, who bounces between the cliques, that silly whats-his-name guy.

Now in University, I don't live in a dormitory or whatever it's called, student housing, but take the bus from home, whenever there's a mandatory class. As you can imagine, apart from the 4-day introducing party, before the first semester started, I never attended a single event, and barely scratch the acquintance level with others. Both blessing and a curse: almost zero social life, besides the small talk I get here and there in online games and forums. On the other hand, neet life is fully enabled. And yet I can't Truly lay back, knowing that it won't last forever, and Real Life will suck hard.

And to actually reply something that's not a weird 4fags life story: I was not only the kid who walks behind two others, but that one who won't come in to play games, but rather go home and stare at the wall - regretting that he came home.

>>36221134
Holy shit I know that feel. I'm the one who's constantly distancing myself away from others when in actuality I'm lonely as fuck. Just want to let you know that I super jealous of your intellect. I wish I can get into books but at the end of the day I'm just lazy and unmotivated and would rather jut lay around and shitpost all day...there's so many smart bots here but all I can do is continue despising others while doing absolutely fuck all to improve myself

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>>36216175
All you need is one buddy to have your back

>>36226236
keep thinking that. Please get the fuck out

>>36227577
i'm only here cuz I like to shitpost and sometimes b real, but b's got those goddamn banners that I hate, not who u were talking to. I've got no confidence issues or anything, as long as i'm hooked up to an i.v. with someone else on the other side, just a loner, and r9k can be cool minus the hatred

>>36216282


If you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right

-Henry Ford

>>36227577
I don't think it. I know it. Sorry anon.

>>36216188
mine is really similar anon

I think the thing about r9k is most of us are normal people in the sense we could get along and survive in the real, NATURAL world, but society has removed us from that world, so we have to crawl and claw our way and that fills you guys with hatred
the signs of a real person are that they are a builder, creator, experimenter. they can get along with people but don't need them.

>>36227728
think about it, if people weren't such shitheads, putting shitheads first, whether privately or in government, dem babby mamas would be the homeless ones, but I've been homeless and I'm an achiever. I know what you're going to say: by what standard? by my own, to a degree most people aren't.

anyhoo, time for me to go play open mic

>First day of senior year in high school
>Do the usual class introductions and shit
>teachers asks us our name, extracurricular activities we are in, where we are from, and what we want to do after high school
>Everyone has no problem sharing this and is bright and confident
>people from all over the country 17th eventful lives
>Everyone is in some sort of extracurricular activity
>Everyone has a bright outlook on the future and know what they want to do
>Get to me
>Stuttering over my words and clearly very nervous
>Have no extracurricular activities and have live in the same house my whole life
>Have no idea what I want to do after high school
>When I mention this my teacher is like "So what are you gonna just live with your parents and work at McDonald's after high school is over?" and the class laughs
>mfw 22 and live with parents working fast food

I was "shy" before that but I never really minded and generally enjoyed my rather uneventful and carefree live playing vidya and watching anime all day. But that was when I realised I had no direction in life and that I wasnt like everyone else who had social skills and did stuff outside of their dark bedroom regularly

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>>36224549
20 - This is the way my life is. There shall be no change.

>>36216364
>It's less about being who you are and more about doing what makes you happy. Don't change to impress people, you'll end up being more of a loser.

what if i dont like the things that make me happy

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Knew i didn't fit in since the age of 7. Kids were fucking mean. My dad was gone overseas to war. My siblings left.

I resigned to play video games all day after school, i was so emotionally and mentally tired from interacting with little kids my age that i couldn't go outside again.

Everything after has been me following the rails of other outcasts to find either an escape or contentedness in my station.

Like many others here, it just happened over time. I began to realise that no one cared about me, and that I was an annoying obnoxious piece of crap. Some of my earliest memories are of me being laughed at/making myself look stupid.

There is one moment that I will remember for the rest of my life
>be 9
>valentines day
>class has to exchange valentines
>I made a special valentine for my crush
>she threw it out
>I picked it out of the trash and put it in my pocket
>she finds out, gets angry
>reaches into my pocket and pulls it out
>she touched my dick
The feeling I had at that moment was the best in my life. It was such a magical and wonderful moment. I felt wonderful. Someone I actually liked touched me somewhere private. Words cannot accurately describe that feeling. It was pure bliss. I treasure that memory now, because I know I will never get so close to someone beautiful again.

>>36227776
>achiever
>homeless
What an achievement lmfao

>>36227866
>I realised I would grow up to be a fuck up
>I didn't do anything to avert my path
You're a fucking loser anon

>>36215968
>When was the exact moment you realized you were "different", that moment when the penny dropped and it hit you that you're a social outcast, regardless of how you try to fit in?
When I lost my virginity.
I was 11.

>be 13
>want to be part of the "in crowd"
>get partnered up with some popular girl to work on a project
>too socially awkward to have an actual conversation
>girl doesn't work on the project at all, just texts on her phone the whole time
>do the entire project by myself to avoid looking like an antisocial loser
>"you're really smart anon"
>girl asks me for homework answers a few days later
>I give them to her
>soon her friends start asking for homework answers as well
>most of them I've never talked to
>think I'm popular
>try to engage in a conversation with my "homework buddies"
>get no response aside from "hey anon"
> realize months later that all they did was use me for homework answers

http://ew.com/movies/2017/04/13/star-wars-female-heroes-forces-of-destiny-stories/?xid=entertainment-weekly_socialflow_twitter

This sounds cool, but goddamn does the animation look bad

>>36228601
oops wrong thread, meant to post in /swco/

>>36215968
When everyone around me just wanted to take drugs and get drunk all the time. I didn't see the appeal in that at all. 24 now, still haven't touched neither.

>>36228382
Not him but please fuck off.
Cant we just suffer here in peace you fucking cunt.
Theres a reason why were all here and youre no better than me or any other person who goes to 4chan.

>>36227866
>mfw 22 and live with parents working fast food
In a way you're still ahead of many of your peers. Not only are they in the same situation, they also have 30k of debt.

When not a single one of my supposed "friends" bothered to keep in contact with me after high school.
I tried but they didn't care for me in the end I guess.

>>36215968
When even fighting game players (some of the biggest spergs on the planet) tried to bully me out of their group.

No exact moment but was around 15/16 when my friends all started going out socialising but I was never really invited, and I could tell they wouldn't have been comfortable with me around

At the same time they were all getting girlfriends and like always I was left out , they were actually like the last group to get them (we were the geeks) but I was still the odd one out. I lacked social skills and was the poorest

>>36215968
>white men crying about being "different"

:')

Improve your personality weirdo

>7 years old
>mom recently stopped physically abusing me
>consistently watch my parents argue and fight
>go to school, want to have fun
>really excited but also slightly autistic
>end up getting made fun of all the time
>filter through friends quickly
>teacher hated me vehemently
>move 3 states over at 8 years old
>school turns into a nightmare
>always knew even back then I was a loner and nobody would like me

life is hell

2nd grade.

>>36229688
fuck off you slut. cut yourself some more.

>>36220111
THIS SO FUCKING MUCH.

Ditched "friend" because he was starting to get into drugs and shit right before high school.

First grade, I had no friends.

>>36215968
since always but know im realizing im actually a bad person

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Well I'm a 25+ er now and its been a long painful road but that "moment" was freshman year of HS. I did okay in middle school, I was ok when it was just about hanging out and games and stuff. Girls weren't a big deal, social status wasn't real huge but that all changed in HS.

I simply didn't adapt well to that life. Some of my friends transitioned real fast, from a nerdy middle schooler into wannabe chads. I was pretty immature and also kind of a sperg. The defining moment was a lunchtime I cam later than usual, the table was kinda full( but people could move to fit me in) although all the guys stared and didn't. One of the most tryhard wannabe normies that had begun to associate with my former friends said "you don't belong here, go away lol". I could have fought back, but he was right, they were evolving into normies and I only brought them down. Slowly all my middleschool friends drifted away from me. I spent the next four years of HS alone, eating in the library, missing out on all sorts of social lessons, missing out on teen love, friendships, everything. I went to school, library, home and vidya. Many of you likely had the same experience in one variant or another.

pic; some girl from where I grew up had no chance with

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>>36215968
>Lived in one city, and went to school from Kindergarten to 5th grade.
>We had these things called "tracks" I was on gold track.

(Basically we were off from school at different times, Gold track seemed the best because we had a longer Christmas break, and generally more days off compared to the others. Though it was retarded to be in anything other than gold, but whatever.)

For me it unraveled slowly.

>Second grade, me and this blonde girl are talking about pokemon
>Her name was Corrina or some shit
>She asks if I can sing the pokemon theme to her
>she ends up getting distracted and going to some other group
>I follow her around the classroom trying to sing the theme to her, and she is ignoring me
>say to my self this is stupid, why am I trying so hard to impress her when she doesn't even care.
>Fast forward to 5th grade I'm moving to a different city
>I'm not going to go to Middle School with the kids I have known since Kindergarten.
>Get all of their numbers
>Call them a couple times
>They never called me not even once
>Apparently I valued our friendships more than they did
>Literally never got contacted by anyone from my class
>Fast forward to middle school
>Only talk to one other kid
>We were the only black kids in the class and we both recently moved here
>All of my other "friends" are just people I convinced to play runescape or maplestory
>play basketball at P.E.
>Pretty good, better than most kids
>Get fouled extremely hard, the girls have no reaction while I was obviously in pain.
>Get back into the game
>7th grade chad gets fouled, does a lebron flop tot he floor, and the 7th grade stacies rush to his aid.
>Fast forward to high school
>I have a small circle of friends
>In a weird spot, because I played sports, but wasn't popular
>Hated everyone there, and wished the school would burn down
>fast forward to college, and not a single friend has been made here.

I spend my time in my room watching anime, and playing video games mostly bymyself

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>break arm severely spring before kindergarten.
>no longer social or happy because I got bullied over having nerve damage
>next year get held back for being antisocial
>i went and hid under the slide during recess to read
>realize just how lonely i was

And that's when the suicidal thoughts started

When I realized I'm not my best friend's best friend.

>>36215968
>8th grade
>get glasses
>get braces
>get acne
never had a chance. It suited me well to be honest I've always hated talking to people.
>Asked a girl to see a movie with me in high school
>she said no
>never again

Now I'm 40, still have glasses and acne, but my teeth are pretty straight. Not too much has changed.

>>36230153
This made me kind of sad anon, anything special happen between 8th grade and now? Especially with women?

>>36226236

Kill yourseIf retard

>>36230235
Why would anything special happen? Sorry to make you sad. I'm not sad. I was abandoned as a child I have always been alone. I have complete freedom.

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>>36230074
>>36230324
>>36229780


I'm too robot for R9K. Invisible in real life, invisible in MMOs, and even invisible on Cambodian self help forums. FML

>>36230324
Didn't mean to tag you, well thanks for the update.

I was supposed to be the good kind of different, gifted and all that. But since my mother has borderline, and my father's a lazy bastard, nothing good ever came of it. It fucked me over, really. Now I'm just a depressed sperg with a lot of missed potential.

>>36230361
Think about how many posts you read here but don't respond to, same thing happens to your posts, and mine. They are very visible

>Be me. Cis femanon, at the time in high school so around 16 years old.

>Skinny. Pale. Always thought I was cute because people on the Internet complimented me.

>Have an INTENSE crush on a gamer guy who is a grade above me. (I was also a gamer.) Too shy to speak to him, though.

>One day, finally gain the courage to approach his and his friends' lunch table. Maybe this is autistic but whatever. I ask, "Can I sit here?" (I don't know how I gained the courage to do this, must have been super thirsty for this guy)

>One of the friends laugh. "Pffft, no." gives me like a disgusted/"are you retarded?" look

>I am speechless and walk away.

Head voice then: FUUUUUUUUCK

Head voice now: FUUUUUUUUCK

btw I stalk the guy on facebook still. =( his name starts with D

>>36230436
It's nice to have some type of human interaction, even if its over text.

>>36230457
Queue up the thirsty betas

>>36230482
nah I'm too old for most of them now. 25. also I got a little chubby. Sad!

anyway... back to stalking this guy on facebook

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>>36215968
I knew I was different from before I can even remember. And I do mean that.

Back to my earliest memories I could tell I didn't think or act like the other children. When I was four it manifested in being more stubborn to authority, asking more questions, and begin more interested in adult things than them.

By the time I was in my early teens I realized I was a clinical Sociopath, but I wasn't bothered by it. My family moved every single year, and from that I was able to learn to be highly charismatic. I am not sure I've ever truly loved or appreciated anyone, but by telling them what they want to hear I have gotten what I've needed. I've been a completely different person in every school I was shoved into, and blended in to fit in.

If there was any justice against me for my "chameleon" life, its that I was a poorfag who has became new money as an adult. I absolutely and thoroughly despise the men I work with on a daily basis- though they think I like them a lot. They are spoiled and had everything handed to them. They aren't as hungry or aggressive as me, and that is why I am consistently rewarded. But I hate even those who reward me. I love nothing more than to compete against someone else on our level, I want to see them fail. I want to see our competitors fail. A lot of these men I work with, their subordinates would be better than them. They disgust me so much. I smile all fucking day, then come home and relax. They're just bodies.

I have always felt "alien". I don't prescribe to any egotistical belief like I'm "better than human" or superior. I just simply don't feel human. I don't feel like a furry, or otherkin, or what. I can look at myself right in the mirror and I don't know what I expect to see, but its not myself. Its a completely instinctual feeling. That I am among these things who aren't me, that I don't belong with them. It drives me to take advantage of them, because we aren't the same.

>>36225740
I'm sorry you had to go through that, people are the worst.

>>36230074
Do you have a Discord or Skype or whatever? I'll add you and we can play video games together or something

>>36219917
Holy shit I've done this with my harmonica

one girl said "REALLY??" and I just kept tooting

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The third time someone misgendered me, then every time following that sent me further into anxiety and depression.

I'm not transgender, just ugly.

>>36215968
The first time I interacted with someone who wasn't my mom.

>>36225740
>All the other kids there had formed a "club" and said I wasn't aloud in without the password. I approached one of the easier to fool kids alone, pretended I knew the password and said "I bet you don't even know the password, tell me what it is or I'm kicking you out the club" they told me and I tricked my way into it

This is like an episode from a videogame

I realised that when I was in the 11th grade. My classmates were drinking and.partying And I was playing Deus Ex at home. I felt so lonely back then. Good God, what a waste of human life I am.

>>36215968

In 9th grade when every other guy, even the weird ones, were at the girl-ask-guy dance and I was home alone.

So I decided to change it. 10th grade, 5 girls wanted to ask me (of course, a homely one beat them to the punch). College I became president of a fraternity.

I hid my weirdness from everyone and it worked.

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>>36215968
I've always been a bit of a loner/outcast, but I managed to make a few friends in my major and acquired a taste for beer that allowed me to fit in to some degree, but

>Get invited to house party for the first time
>Never really liked the concept, but I wanted to try and get out of my shell and meet people
>Get to party with friends
>Everyone's standing around in this cramped space listening to painfully loud music
>After standing around awkwardly and making no conversation with anyone except the people who came with me, get a spot on the couch after a few people leave
>I feel awkward, terrible, out of place
>My mind starts to blindly focus on how uncomfortable I am
>Start to panic
>Short of breath
>Biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from crying
>Run outside for air
>Leave shortly after

Thought maybe I could open up to it but I have a fucking anxiety attack the first time I try to be socially open. I wasn't meant to prosper in this world.

Failed normalfag story threads are my favorite threads.

>>36216015
Same. I remember all the way back to my first day of kindergarten and I never could make friends and was always "that weird kid who nobody liked"

>>36215968

before I could remember, my mother tells me my first word was "no" because she was trying to take me to some toddler playdate I didnt want to go to since I hated playing with other kids

although I'm just anti-social, wouldnt say I was a robot since I can effortlessly get normies to like me when I have to

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>There's this cool badass kid named "Bradley" who always hung out with this gigantic black guy named "Nate"
>I didn't have many friends, always thought they were a little group of the epitome of coolness
>We start talking in class one day about some bullshit, I don't know how I managed to talk but apparently back in elementary school I was a bit of a normie
>After a few months he invites me to be a part of his friend group, him and the big black guy
>I'm sitting with them at lunch one day and they're talking and laughing and stuff
>Bradley says to me "Hey why aren't you talking and stuff, you're one of us now"
>"Oh I don't know. Hey do you guys like root beer?"
>They kind of say "Yeah I guess" then change the topic

I knew

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It came older for me. I had a lot of friend in high school even though I acted like a class clown just for people to like me. I realized I'm an outcast when I got to college and wasn't able to adjust and had no friends and started pissing in bottles to avoid going to the bathroom so I wouldn't run into anyone. I made no friends in college.

>>36215968
>Be 14.
>Losing your his friends after a move
>New school, groups, are already made since two years.
>Be ugly and poor, everyone says you are a weirdo.
>You don't have real friends, just people who will backstab you.
>Become suspicious.
>Try to be the bad guy of the class to make friends.
>Be treated like shit by professors and high school students.
>Nothing to do, remain cloistered in silence.
>Begin your life as a robot.

22, nothing changed.

>seventh grade
>english teacher asks me if I have autsim

>>36231724
fuiggggg what are you doing now?

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>seventh grade
>english teacher asks me if I have autism
>tell him that i don't have autism
>leave

>>36216749
You sound like a redditor trying too hard to have their input, which has little relevance to the OP. Go back to redd.it faggot.

All my life really. Socially I'm doing ok, and I'm working towards bettering myself, hell you might even say I'm a normie, but a lot of these stories resonate with me real hard.

I guess the latest was: friends invite some women over to my place. My friends ignore me in lieu of the women. The women try to be nice to me, but not really. We go to a club, everybody just fucks off as soon as we get in there. Walk back home a distance of about 7 km for an hour and a half, in the middle of the night, arrive at about 4 am. Cry myself to sleep.

At least we're honest with ourselves, we can sleep peacefully at night.

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>>36215968
That's your own fault though.
If you wanted acknowledgement, you should've spoken.

>>36215968
I was removed from the normal curriculum in grade 1, so around then.

I've since changed and become a normie, but up until late in highschool I was a complete loser outcast. I think I realized it very early.

>2nd or 3rd grade
>dreaded recess everyday
>at least in class I could focus on the learning
>randomly roam playground everyday during recess
>never talk to anybody
>at some point just dont even bother walking and just sit on the bench during recess
>recess monitor lady walks by and asks if I'm sitting there because I got in trouble
>"no I'm just sitting"
>Look of pity and confusion washes over her face

I think seeing an adult react to me like that made me realize I wasn't normal, I was the weird quiet kid that never talked. The only reason people would talk to me throughout school was to use me for answers to homework.

Jesus guys I fucking hate thinking about that time in my life, I've mostly blocked it out but reading all these stories really brings it back. I'm glad I was able to change

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>>36215968
When I perceived that I was a failure in college, that I couldn't study and retain the attention necessary to advance in the area that I choose, that I thought that I was capable of concluding.

Then I finally swallowed the mediocrity pill, and that scarred me for the rest of my life.

this on moment i was shuffling along with a bunch of other high school faggot kids in a crowded hallway and had a sensation of being disembodied and estranged from myself, i still can't believe i'm real

When I realized I'd been raped 4 times by my mom's friends and family members.
Still haven't put my dick in a vagina. Pretty cool right.

>>36215968
There wasn't a one single moment. It was more of a gradual realization for me.

>>36215968
>>Still enjoying film, turn round to see I'm the only one.
What was happening on the bed?

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>>36217256
>I joined them for a lap, only to be told afterward by a freind of mine "they aren't chasing you"

Had a similar sort of time growing up, nobody ever chased me except for whores pretending to like me for a joke or Chad wanting to assault me.

>>36215968
When I was 16
>in American History class
>Teacher starts to pair people up for project
>odd numbered class
>Join a group of people I sort of knew
>they start discussing and planning project
>try to engage
>say we should meet up to work on project
>they say they can't make it
>then they go on to exchange info to work together
>don't give me anything
>internally crushed
>always remember this as when I realised that I was friendless and people didn't like me even though I was always helpful and kind to people
this is why I hate people, this is the moment when I started to resent everyone

>>36221099
>>only friend was the autistic kid
I never really liked you either, fatty.

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>>36227411
I don't know if you'll read this. But to be honest you shouldn't be jealous. Its kinda embarrassing admitting it on my part though I've done the same as you - I was jealous of how intelligent all the people on /sci/ and /lit/ came across and so saw myself as inferior, especially as I had just failed my maths/science exams. So I took up reading for a while, initially it was very difficult to read through stuff properly, used to just skim it all, though over time I've got better at it and are starting to enjoy it a lot more. One of the things that I've found is that it is very useful to vary your day up as much as possible, I usually read about 10 pages or so at the beginning of each hour (when possible) though still its nothing compared to a lot of /lit/ (or so it would seem, I could never get into the Greeks).

Don't worry about the smart-bots though, I've no idea how they do it but I'm sure they're not telling the full story, ya' know?

>>36227187
This pretty much, I was paranoid as fuck of my friends and have largely perceived them as trying to undermine my integrity and prove me as a failure, especially since a couple years back I was essentially the fat friend that they had around to look pretty, since I lost weight a lot more people like me though I still feel - I don't know, forbidden, I suppose from talking to others in a way, like I'm on an inferior plane of existence and so talking to crushes and those I heavily respect violates some sort of internal code and feels horrible. I've mostly given up on making friends to be honest - I guess its kinda pathetic on my part though I don't really have much means of communication either these days, and seeing all my friends go off to university really hasn't helped, still got to feel happy for them though.

Well, I didn't intend on going on a tangent as such, sorry about that. I guess this website has that kind of effect. Hope you guys do well and stuff.

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>Kids at recess playing red rover
>Go over and ask if I can play
>They all stop
>A girl said 'We're already playing, you can play tomorrow'
>It was Friday
>Said 'Okay' and walked off

I'll never forget the way they all stared at me.

>>36232952
>Go over and ask if I can play
why would you ever do that?

>>36233003

I was stupid and hoped they were just too busy to notice I wanted to play after waiting for them to say something. I was so lonely and stupid.

>>36232556
Same thing happened to me but in chem class causing me to fail it.

why even live?

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I think the fact that my brother, who has literally been diagnosed with autism, is more confident, socially capable and outgoing than me clued me on to the fact I was different real fast.

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>>36227136
Literally me. How do i fix it?

>>36228773
>This is what trash people honestly believe
>He genuinely thinks everyone here is his equal

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>>36221538
I will carry on from here.

>>36216611
Hang in there anon

Yes let me post

>>36232952
Jesus Christ, you've just reminded me of how horrible we used to be.
>Disabled kid wants to join in a game of bulldogs.
>Make him be the bulldog.
>We all just walk around him to get to the other side.
>He ends up being an autistic homosexual furry.

To be fair I was more friendly with him than others and didn't participate in a lot of the stuff, though that's not to say that I don't still chuckle at stuff like that.

>>36233159
Haha what you even going lad? You come to a website known to be full of losers, go to the board with the highest density of losers, go to a thread especially for losers, see a comment where a guy basically says he's a loser and you call him a loser? You're a fucking genius mate. Should go the zoo next, point at the elephants and shout "ELEPHANT. ELEPHANT" haha what spaz.

>>36233443
Did I trigger you sad cunt?

>>36233615
>Goes to a website known to contain sad cunts.
>Finds the board with highest known density of sad cunts.
>Goes to a thread made specifically for sad cunts
>Calls someone a sad cunt
You're a genius mate. You should go to the zoo next, point at the giraffes and shout "GIRAFFE. GIRAFFE" haha what spaz.

>>36233647
>Being this autistic and triggered that you repost your sperg out
Learn to tie a noose and wear it around your neck lmfao

>>36216962
Well thats my problem. I have no problem talking to anyone in my school but when it comes to doing something outside of it i cant bring myself to ask a friend to do something nor i get asked to anything.

>>36233672
>Goes to noose tying forum
>tells me to tie a noose
haha what spaz.

My high school graduation ceremony. I'd always known I was a loner and a weird kid but the moment it all "clicked" and came together was watching all my classmates take pictures and talk to each other while I stood by the side. Suddenly it became super clear that this wasn't some phase and I wasn't late to the party, I was never going.

>>36233672
>Goes to a website known to contain spergs who want to hang themselves
>Finds the board with highest known density of spergs who want to hang themselves
>Goes to a thread made specifically for spergs who want to hang themselves
>Tell a sperg to hang themselves
You're a genius mate. You should go to the zoo next, point at the rhinos and shout "RHINO. RHINO" haha what spa

>>36233709
hahaha this legit made me laugh anon. you're a funny cunt

>>36233729
keked out loud

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>>36228382
>stating the obvious
i shiggydiggy

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>>36217998
leave, and then kill yourself

>>36218655
i know what you mean, i was so innocent to the true cruelness of life, I used to think i was really popular, but then I realized that i was just really popular to pick on

i noticed that when i didnt make an effort to be social no one would care to include me. on my 18th birthday i decided to stop calling people and wait for them to contact me

11 years later and no one ever called or tried to contact me .

>>36216188
wow dude, that's exactly what happened to me... i didn't spoke to a real person the whole summer, and i rly liked it. didn't see any reason why i would talk to anyone, i had a whole universe to explore and to understand in wow

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2013, I was 22
I was neet for a year; had failed senior year for the second time 2 years prior and was watching the lives unfold of everyone I 'knew' in high-school; it should have been obvious earlier as I was always the last-resort friend, never approached, never had friends or anything else they had

I almost fell for the 'late-bloomer' and you're just shy and quiet mantra

>>36234091
You have friends here anon

>>36234111
this is the first time in 2+ years I've been here
I though this shithole turned into /bbq/ until I acclimatised to the new vernacular

>>36215968
probably around the time of the onset of puberty and the other boys were getting into girls and porn and i still just wanted to play with toys.

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>>36215968
Like some robots shared here, I was bullied since the first grade until the seventh. My social circle as a kid was for the most part also pretty horrible, and was also bullied there on some occsasions. Even my family abused me physically and emotionally, and was also unsupportive when I begged them to change schools.

So, I felt like a misfit, like I don't belong anywhere since I can remember, and the consequences show with being 21 years old quite clearly because I'm tense, lack social graces, am defensive and have the inherent conviction that everyone's out there to hurt me in one way or another.

Stuck living with my torturers, and unable to get a job because of my aforementioned mental problems, which hinders me to move out. It's a vicious cycle with no end, and I tried, really tried to get a job for three years, but now I'm to 90 % for suicide if I don't get anything until this summer.

>>36216188
Same shit happened to me but with counter strike, san andreas multiplayer and runescape.

funny thing is that i was so not in tune with other ppls vibes that i never realized that they saw me as different. i was lucky that i was never excluded from social gatherings just for being different. but still, i never had any real friends during high-school. ppl would try to be-friend with me, but i just never showed any interest in their personal life. to make things even more strange, girls at my high-school found that 'in his own world' vibe to be attractive (not all girls obviously), but again, even if i would notice that they show some interest in me, it would still remain impossible for me to find anything about them even remotely interesting. every time, ppl would turn the subject of conversation to some social-gathering/their relation with other ppl... i could never remain present during those conversations.

>>36215968
Year 8, first year of high school.

The insulated & comfy bubble I'd lived in until then was popped. The school I went to had a good reputation, but it was in a very poor area, so the people were ignorant & cruel. I'm not rich, but I live in a nice area & primary school was predominantly made up of people from respectable & mannered families. Teachers were also totally unsympathetic to ass burgers so there was that. I spent all 7 years of high school as an outcast even among outcasts. Wasn't fun.

By the end of that first year if occurred to me that I'd been 'different' my whole life & just hadn't had the self awareness to understand until then. It took seeing the worst in humanity to make me realise. But hey, shit happens

>5 y.o, kindergarten
Everyone is playing among the groups, while I'm just being on myself.
Also, sometimes I liked to drag attention from the group of local Stacy's maggots, just to see their frustration and kek from it, but still mostly alone. Had one autistic bud to talk with though.
>1-7th grade
Almost completely alone in school, had some ''friends'' from neighborhood. Sometimes being bullied, although I liked to bite really hard, so soon even bullies left me.
>8-9 grade
Had crush on one girl, but after some attempts of establishing contact she still treated me like a friendzone. It hurt me really hard back in the time...
>College, 1-3 year (current)
I've got much more self-esteem, not afraid of giving speeches to a big audience. I even kind of like it, it makes me forget about my problems and just dissolve into the moment. Treated like cool, but a bit strange guy. If only they knew, that I am actually kissless, handholdless virgin...

>>36215968
Oh boy i remember in kindergarten i was just minding my own business until a group of 4 kids came to me and pulled down my pants then told the kindergartener that i was showing my dick to everyone and my mom had to take me home and beat me with a belt. Why they choose me i dont know but after that i was a mute for 3 years and i rather be alone then with people. In elementary to high school i was that one guy people liked tried to be friends with but i distanced my self from them. I just dont like peoole

>>36236303
>In kindergarten some kids played a prank on me now I'm a fuck up for life
Jesus Christ anon. I know you chose this story to justify your shitty existence but anybody who isn't a cuck will call you out on it. Grow up

>>36236522
Nah i then beat them up in elementary because i was always a big guy and then they started to act like my "friends". I was bully until high school.

>>36236561
Okay? I never said you were a beta cuck. I just told you not to use something that happened in Kindergarten as an excuse for who you are now. If what happened in Kindy defined us I'd be a turbochad sucking on the necks of sluts in front of their parents and fingering chicks in treehouses.

>>36236595
The hell do you want i did was op asked and you go bashing these questions at me man fuck you.

>>36236664
I want you to stop blaming kindy shit on your current state, take responsibility and turn shit around for yourself anon.

>>36222711
i freeze whenever i'm around girls. i dunno why desu. i'd suddenly start breathing really short breaths and hope that they can't hear me breathe

>>36216055
If you aren't a social outcast there are much better boards to go to. If you just come here to laugh at our pain at least do it silently.

>>36219416
nah you made the right choice, Squall is the number one idol

>>36217256
pastebin the essay brosef

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>>36215968
I've never really had too many friends, even in kindergarten just by virtue of being antisocial in general but I didn't realize how much of an autist I was until I actually tried to make friends in highscool
>Be 16 yo me
>Basically 10 times more aspie than your average /r9k/ user
>Randomly sit at the table w/ the lest peeople at it so I can "friend" them without embarrassing myself in front of a lot of people
>The only talk about sex, video games, and comicbooks
>Don't know shit about any of those things so I'm quiet the first day
>Go home and research everything about sex, video games, and comicbooks I can
>Continue to do that for the rest of they year
>I'm sad and basically word vomiting what I read from Wikipedia, but at least I'm talking to people
>Never talk to them again
>MFW I can only avoid being autistic If I have a script and clear talking points

>>36215968
When I went to highschool and had no actual friends for the first year, getting food hurled at me occasionally. That was when I knew I was fucked.

Had a brief opportunity to improve at 16 but never took it. If I could physically kick myself I would have done it over a thousand times by now. 21 now and it's like i've been left behind.

>>36237002
Proof read your green text posts folks.