does anyone else feel like they just aren't meant for this

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>>36101473
i've talked to people from r9k before, because they are the only people i can sort of relate to in some ways sometimes. i still do. but i still feel disconnected. i can relate with some things and i try to be there for them, but i've never really felt a true connection with anyone. i don't know if a "true connection" can even exist in reality. i've never felt it, at least.

i feel that i'm a very empathetic person. i don't have trouble feeling for people or trying to provide them with emotional support, but sometimes it just feels like i can't understand them, and they can't understand me. it's frustrating.

sometimes i just feel like talking to someone, but then i realize i don't have anyone who i can truly "talk to". i'm stuck in my own head. the only way i really feel like i can express myself is through writing or drawing, and even then i usually just end up destroying my creations because i'm not satisfied with them.

i just don't want to exist anymore. i wish i could just leave this world without a trace, without anyone remembering me or caring about me. so i could finally be at peace without hurting anyone. the last thing i want to do is hurt someone.

i like to think that maybe there is something better after this. maybe we'll all have a personal heaven according to our deepest desires. maybe we'll go to a peaceful fantasy land where we're free to do whatever we please. maybe it'll just be nothing. i'd be fine with nothing, at this point.

i wish i could love someone who loves me as much as i do them. i wish i was important. i wish i was useful. i wish i had purpose. i wish i could go on an adventure. i wish i could do something besides sit and waste my life in front of a computer screen like how i've been doing for the past 15 or so years.

i just want to belong somewhere. i want to belong with someone. i want someone to belong with me.

(cont.)

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>>36101510
i'm so pathetic. why am i even writing this? no one cares. this is just a useless, shitty post that will be completely ignored.

there's just this tiny sliver of hope that i have left that there might be someone out there like me. i've had dreams like that. i woke up crying after every single one of them. even if we're both hopeless, at least we can be hopeless together, right?

but that will never happen. it's just a fantasy, just like everything else i've ever wanted.

just go ahead and call me a faggot or something. i doubt anyone will even read this whole post. i just needed to get this out somewhere.

>>36101525
i know what you mean
however, my favorite color is fuchsia, and yours is not
thus we can never be friends

but really, the kind of trust and camaraderie you desire isn't quick - it develops slowly with time and contact and mutual experience - that's the rub for longing outcasts

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>>36101686

>but really, the kind of trust and camaraderie you desire isn't quick - it develops slowly with time and contact and mutual experience - that's the rub for longing outcasts

i've talked to plenty of people online. maybe it's easier in real life, but no matter how long i've stayed with them, it still felt the same.

usually we just end up slowly talking to each other less and less until we completely stop interacting. after a certain point it's almost like i get bored of a person. it's like we've already done everything there is to do, told each other everything there is to know about ourselves. what are you supposed to do then? is that even supposed to happen? why does it happen? is there something wrong with me?

i just don't understand how a friendship or a relationship is supposed to last. i want it to last, i want to enjoy every moment we spend together. but it doesn't happen.

do i have to keep trying? i don't feel like trying anymore.

>>36101916
at least in real life, you don't need to be talking all the time, or at all, to still gain the relief bonus multiplier of simply being around a person you like

I've felt the same way as you. If you want some advice, leave the internet and never come back. What are some things that you think are beautiful and good? Pursue those things and you can redeem your suffering.

>>36101473
Being homeschooled and then having everything provided for you sounds like a recipe for severe social issues and stunted motivational/reward development. Are you parents religious or something? Go talk with a therapist/psychologist.

>>36102120
Basically what I'm saying is that you should try to create something beautiful. It can be anything, you choose. Good luck anon.

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>>36102120
>>36102193
why should i leave the internet? it's the only thing i have left to take up my time, if i didn't have the internet i would just stare at a wall all day. i don't have the motivation for anything else.

everything i find beautiful and good doesn't exist. the only careers i have ever considered are all art-related, but i never learned how to draw and now i'm too lazy and unmotivated to do it. i have all these ideas in my head but everything i create is garbage.

what's the point of creating things anyway? i've thought about the idea that maybe it could make someone happy, but why take the risk of doing all these things to create something just so it gives some guy a bit of pleasure for a second? it all just seems so pointless.

maybe for my own benefit? but my perfectionism makes it impossible to like anything that i do. no matter what i create, i feel like i'll always want something better. like i'll never be satisfied. so again, what's the point?

>>36102163
i am going to a therapist and i'm on antidepressants. nothing has worked so far though. it's nice talking to someone about my problems, but we haven't really done much yet and these pills just make me feel even more empty than i already do.

my parents are religious, but they always encouraged me to do or believe whatever i wanted to. they aren't without their flaws, but overall they are very kind and supportive. i feel like such a disappointment sometimes. they expected so much of me, and still do. i'm a failure.

OP, if you have a kik, please post it?

>>36102312
stop thinking so much. you have to devote yourself to one thing. create your own meaning, even if it seems silly or pointless at first. trust me on the internet thing, anything is better than using the internet, even just reading random books or going outside and drawing. think about your highest ideals, the depth of your soul and try to bring those into reality. even if it feels impossible you must still try, beauty is the path to redeem your suffering. you are right, there are better things after this world and to live means to have to go through pain and suffering no matter what you do but after we die this will all be rolled back and all that will be is a beautiful land of untold bliss.

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>>36102427
i don't have a kik anon. i do have a discord account though, but i don't want to post it because someone might recognize me. we can talk through email or something if you like i guess.

>>36102482
also i would stop taking antidepressants. thats it for now. i wish you well

>>36101473

>the feeling that i'm the only one who's "real"

I get this feeling all the time OP, it's a very powerful and disassociating feeling. I often feel like, if I kill myself, I'll wake up in "real" reality, as if this was all a trick or a game or something.

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>>36101473

I have had the same experience.

>tfw the only thing which entices me is kicking up my heels and becoming a vagabond.
>tfw even then I'll still be a depressed faggot

>>36102482
>stop thinking so much

Found the brainlet. It's funny how you tell yourself the afterlife exists so that you won't have to believe you suffer for absolutely no reason at all but because that's what life is. Suffering without a cause or reason.

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>>36102482
>>36102509
thank you for the advice friend. i'm not sure if any of that will help, but i'll keep it in mind i suppose.

>>36102542
ever since i was a small child i would have moments where i would just think about existence and it would give me that powerful feeling. it's hard to explain. it's just like you feel disconnected from the world, like you're looking outside of reality for a second, looking at everything from the outside in. how crazy and strange it all is.

i guess you could just call it sort of a mini existential crisis of some kind, i'm not sure. it's really odd when it does happen though.

>>36102544
i have thought about the same thing. or just going straight in one direction as far as you can and just seeing where you can go. in the end though, it seems just as pointless and unfulfilling as the other options i've considered.

>>36101473
I feel the same way like i dont really belong like I will eventually travel somewhere else where i can be a hero or something. I dont feel like the main character in this world i feel like Im one of those side characters that helps th hero go on or something. I dont really have anything else to do thats enjoyable to me anymore games dont excite me and the only thing i can bear to do is get lost in books Ive been reading somewhere between 3 and 5 books a week that are like 400 pages each i dont know if this thread is active anymore but i wanted to say something anything

I think that all the time.

I'm 32. I'm a cyborg, I guess. Too normie for robots, too robot for normies. I work in an office filled with normies that tolerate me because I'm good at my job. I know they think I'm weird because I don't talk much. I've never had much to talk about. I'm not close with my family. Never had a gf.I don't follow sports or take vacations. If I divulged what esoteric thing I've been reading about online, they'd think even worse of me. I've never been able to completely blend in with the crowd, but I can just do enough to be tolerated.

The normie part of me, I guess,is that I can handle a job and I'm not NEET. I also want a girlfriend, but I know what kind of person I am, and I know that I'm not compatible with the majority of women. Shit, I'm 32. All I hear is how awful virgin men are, and especially in their 30s. Is there anything that's supposed to motivate me at this point in my life?

I've come to the conclusion that most people are trash, anyway. Most people will do anything they can to satisfy their own desires or cover their own ass whenever they can. No one ever wants to admit they're wrong. At work, in this supposedly 'professional' environment, I've seen people blatantly ignore requests for things to be done, people who act like children, people that won't listen to others, people that make mistakes and won't own up to them, people that won't take responsibility for anything. I thought I would see different people when I moved from the service sector to an office, but people are just as shitty no matter where you go.

I don't know, I'm drunk and rambling. Each night I passively hope I'll die in my sleep. Maybe if I reach my 40s like this I'll finally be able to rid myself of this wretched world. I'm one big contradictory mess. I want to be accepted but I hate everyone. Maybe that really does mean I'm not meant to be here with other people.

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>>36102941
>I dont feel like the main character in this world i feel like Im one of those side characters that helps th hero go on or something.

i understand that anon. sometimes i don't even feel like a side character, i just feel like a background object. that's good that you're into reading though, i've never been much of a reader. i'm sure it's good for you.

>>36103082

thanks for sharing all of that. i'm not sure if i can relate very much, but you have some good points. a lot of people are trash. i like to think that it's not all bad, that everyone has a little bit of good in them that can come out if you just try. but sometimes it's not easy to do that, and most of the time there's nothing you can do besides try to show them kindness and go on your way.

sometimes i feel like i'm probably wrong though. but who cares really. people are still people, no matter if you think they're mostly good or mostly bad. nothing you can do about it.

good luck friend, i hope that you can find happiness somehow, even if it means just leaving this world forever. i'm considering it more and more these days too.

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>>36103248

Thanks. For the record, you seem like one of the good ones, someone that wants to understand instead of ignore.

You're right, it's not always easy to try and see the good in others, but sometimes I wonder why it takes all that effort to make people good, instead of it being natural. You're also right that there's nothing you can do about people, they are who they are, no matter how hard you want them to change.

Off topic, Gondela has been my favorite recent meme. It (though I think of it as a male) is always observing, hardly ever interacting. Have another.

>>36103082
ur me
protip


financial independence
early retirement

the divide between people are disgusting and i need approval is a thin one.

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>>36103698
i appreciate it. gondola is my favorite meme too. he's very relatable.

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same boat anon

>home school
>social anxiety
>depressed

A lot of what you guys are talking about is called depersonalization.