i just cut myself again. i feel so disgusted with myself. i'm

>>36061444
>| just want her to be real

You got a waifu, anon?

>>36061483
yeah, i guess you could call it that. i just can't stop thinking about her but at the same time i'm so ashamed that i love a fictional character this much, it's not fucking healthy.
i guess nothing i do is healthy though, huh?

>>36061532
Nothing to be ashamed of desu, I too am in love with a 2D girl. It's only healthy if your love is actually an obsession, but you can say that about any relationship. My waifu saved me from suicide I feel.

You feel the worst late at night? Did something trigger you feeling like this today?

>>36061586
I meant to say it's only healthy if it's actual love and not an obsession, sorry, it's 1 am here.

>>36061586
late at night is always the worst. i don't even know why really, it just is.
usually it's the stupidest fucking shit that "triggers" me too. i accidentally did something to piss off my mother a bit earlier today and since then i've just been digging myself deeper and deeper into this pit of self-loathing and despair, like usual.
most of the time i do a good enough job of ignoring these feelings and keeping them bottled up inside but even the slightest fuckup can set me off now. it's fucking terrible.

>>36061657
There's nothing to distract you late at night maybe, and sleepiness messes with your thinking.

I understand what you mean with digging yourself deeper. Sometimes when something sets me off I will just enter a depressive spiral and it's those nights I get closer to suicide than any other.

Have you tried professional help? Therapist/psychiatrist etc.

>>36061720
yeah, it's actually an hour past midnight here but i don't feel that tired. maybe this shit is just keeping me up now, i don't know.
i have started going to a therapist but it hasn't helped much yet. it's nice talking to someone for a while though, letting everything out. the only thing i'm scared of is getting too attached to them or something since i don't have friends, or anyone else to talk to about that stuff really, besides 4chan of course.

>>36061444
rofl, a guy that cuts

>>36061806
Same desu I'm in therapy just giving it time hoping it'll help, just have patience. Meds might help you too im surprised your therapist hasn't brought it up with you.

>>36061906
i hope it helps, but at this point i don't really care if it does or not. i just feel kind of apathetic about everything.
i don't really want to take medication, it just feels like i'm giving myself a "fake" happiness, if i'm going to fix myself somehow i want it to be real. i'd rather try to stick it out until then.

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>>36061444
Why don't you change, anon? If you don't like who you are, become someone else.

Everyone has their own chemical balance, your seratonin is low, your neurons are experiencing difficulty communicating. There are natural ways to increase that seratonin production- try to get some sun, even sitting in rays comming in through the window if you can, watch an hour of funny videos on youtube/per day and again if emotions hit hard. Aim for the blocks of clips, funny movies are great but won't give you as high of a dose. It is time to evaluate and seek out your strengths, outlets and sources of pleasure. It's work, but I believe in you. I know what it's like to live at the bottom of the hole of the downward spiral of depression. I did a few years on antidepressants as a teen, they work well for some yet not for others. I'm of the percentage that it actually had me figuring suicide would be fine. I became more disconnected and emotionless on them. Watch out for this reaction if you go on meds, you're chemistry may not be a match for the meds, the reaction won't be you, fighting it naturally is best, in this case.
There are healthy alternatives to cutting. I dove deep into study of tattoo/body mod culture, one of my many obsessive distractions. If you cut to feel, you may find enjoyment in this spectrum- a clean and healthy alternative. Ex. Play piercing, suspension, scarification(beautiful artwork here)
One of the biggest things you can do to change your path is find your outlet- you have a special skill talent or ability that is meant to make a difference somewhere. Learn yourself.
For a good burst of seratonin try random acts of kindness. You'd be suprised by the mental effect it has.
Seek out as many outlets as you can- talking it out to a friend has huge impact- you really feel like a weight has been lifted. Free writing or sketching.
Listen to music you love. Avoid the gloomy shit for a while- create a playlist on youtube of your favorite music that is positive and uplifting, include music from your childhood that had a positive impact

>>36063275
You're always stuck with yourself. The scars are sharp reminders of this fact.

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>>36061444
>cuts self
>feels disgusted with himself about it
Then why did he do it?

>>36064399
>not knowing the feeling of deliberately and knowingly sabotaging yourself while you ruminate on how this is the only coping strategy for the situation you are in which was caused by your own sabotaging ways
KYS my man

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>>36061444
At least you are not acnekun level of pathetic.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRhnmi86pkE