>Work at parents liquor store >Morning shift, no customers

>>36017726
Never trust a roastie. I hope you learned a valuable lesson.

That's what you get you fucking cuck.
Save your parents the disappointment and kill yourself.

>>36017726
maybe if you tell the court you're a kissless virgin they'll take pity on you

>>36017726
Really? Man I'm sorry.
This reminds me of the prostitution scene in South Park

the judge is going to laugh his ass off

>land of the free

kek m9

>>36017726
This is not an original story.

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>>36017726
Do the world a favor and an hero. You fell for the roastie meme.

>>36017726
that's nothing, I'm sentenced to 6 months in jail for ironically posting cp

This kind of cucking will go down in history

>>36017897
>this is what 4chan actually believes

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The kind of pathetic story that ellicits mercy sympathy.

I wouldnt be terribly worried. Yesh youre in trouble, but a stint in prison will only build character!

>>36017754
Whats a roastie I don't know this terminology?

>>36017800
I planned out my court appearance several times in the mirror I think if I can touch on the judges compassionate side I'll be okay.

>>36017876
This is my original story, I am not sure what you mean.

>>36017897
Sounds like you're under the age of 18 then. If you're in the USA and distribute child pornography under 18, you still get registered as a sex offender but you don't get as severe a punishment. Either way that's wrong anon and you shouldn't be happy about it.

>>36017980
I don't think I'm going to prison, I'm not a monster!

>>36017726
Tell them you never kissed a girl and this bullshit is unfair

>thinking your h scenarios will every happen irl

Best of luck. And hire a fucking attorney.

Was the kiss good? Did you jerk off to it later?
How did the girls react to you looking at them when you were kissing the other?
what the fuck do you look like?

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>>36017726
did u cum in an original way?

>>36018087
An h scenario would be a succubus that looks barely adult but is actually hundreds of years old so it's cool

>>36017726
this post really made me laugh.
i haven't laughed in ages
thank you, anon.
good luck in court

>>36018116
>Was the kiss good?
I have nothing to compare it to. I had a lot of spit saved up in my mouth because I like to store it in my cheeks. The girl definatley swallowed it which I guess is normal.
>Did you jerk off to it later?
It's been the only thing I've jerked off to since. Except I feel extreme shame afterward.
>How did the girls react to you looking at them when you were kissing the other?
The main girl that was talking to me was the hottest. I made eye contact with her while I kissed the ugliest one (who was still pretty but not by comparison) She never broke eye contact. She didn't have a look of disgust or anything, just kind of this gleam. It's the image I jack off to the most.

>>36018116
>what the fuck do you look like?
Kind of like Wojak but tougher.

Sorry OP I don't believe you.

Kissing is not real and this scenario is not good enough.

>>36017726
This is why you dont trust women, you have only yourself to blame

>>36017897
Tell them you did it ironically, maybe they'll cut your sentence.

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You will probably just be fined a ridiculous amount of money and your parents store will shut down and you will ruin their whole lives. At least you didn't go to jail though

>>36017726
Roasties, not even once. That saying is said for a reason, Anon.

>>36018012

Ask the judge if they will let you off if you give them a kiss.

> Seemed to work on you

>>36017726

>>36017980

At most they would get fined, no one is going to jail over a bottle of wine. The shop probably wont even be closed, they usually give a couple warnings and a fine that gets progressively bigger each time until they decide to shut it down.

>>36017726
>trusting a roastie
>an UGLY roastie, at that.

Should have told them to get the fuck out of the store, anon. The reason you don't get girls at all is because of the desperation you have, as shown by what you did. I mean, fat fucks can get girls all the time, it's really not that hard. I mean, getting a lasting partner is, but just fucking some girl isn't that difficult if you're not a needy cunt.

>>36018285
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK. Underrated post

not origamywtf

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>>36018012
Trust me OP, your going to prison.

Selling alcohol to minors.
Sexual conduct with a minor.
Exchanging goods for sexual favors

Youll be lucky if you even survive with pedophilic charges like that. Youre best bet is to stay away from the bars when they put you in PC, or you may catch a knife between them while passing by regulars in lockup

>>36018356
It's not sexual conduct with a minor if she was 18 or older.

>>36018356
You've got to be at least 18 for a job like that lol stop trying to scare him.

>>36018209
you look like tough wojak? pic?

>>36018356

They werent actually minors, they just looked really young probably. OP said that the local PD hired them.

Also, kissing wouldnt fall under sexual conduct generally

>implying this whole thing isnt made up anyways

>>36018356
>muh prison niggers will protect mine lady's honor

One of these days, someone oughta put a few .45 holes through your precious nigger inmates. Then we'll see who's got shit to be scared of.

>>36018569
>Admitting the crime
> posting your face

OP, you really do deserve what's coming to you, sadly.

You will learn one day tho

That sounds like entrapment to me, try talking to a lawyer

>>36018596
No, I don't think he fucking does. You know what I think, is you're a woman- I can tell by the way you write- and you're gloating over a sexually undesirable male getting hurt. I think that you're gonna find that, eventually, doing that will start causing you some fucking problems.

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>>36018409 (You)
>you look like tough wojak? pic?
Yes I generally browse /fit/

>>36018356
I'm not going to prison I'm not stupid.

>>36018400
Exactly

>>36018422
I'll have to read up some more on that.

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>>36018654
What are you a fucking idiot? lol
>>36018569

OMG Op you're so dumb. Check my spoiler pic.

>>36018635
This is a normal thing and perfectly legal for them to do.

fake but good laugh really captures the essence of this board

>>36018643

Not a female and not a moron. OP on the other side..is really not helping his case

>>36018209
>storing saliva in cheeks
>swallowing saliva when kissing
>normal

Nobody reacts to this??

>>36018742
wait is that weird? not the storing part but the swallowing part. your gonna have someones tongue in your mouth your bound to swallow spit.
thats why they call it swapping spit anon.

>>36017726
Yikes, bro. Here in CA that's like a 30k fine. At least for restaurants, ever i have expertise. It would probably be similar for liquor stores
>it was only a kiss how did it end up like this
>it was only a kiss
>it was only

>>36018742
T-that's where babies come from, anon

>>36018763
Both parts are weird as fuck

Even when you make out with a girl for hours you don't get much of her saliva in your mouth

I laughed until I realized the story was fake.
Who the fuck would kiss some random cunt just to trap them?

>>36018643
Retards shouldn't be protected just because they're male.

>lonely incel is lured to destruction by the promise of love for the first time in his life
>people are defending this

Man, fuck the west. It's not like Muslims could do a worse job at this point.

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>>36018654
>>36018680
You really do look like Wojak

>>36018872
You should be forcibly assigned to be OP's gf

>>36018881
What do you mean defending this? People are ridiculing the OP

>>36018910
those people should be shot, tbqh

>>36018903
But that would make me a gf (male)
Are you sure OP wants that?

Well, did you learn the lesson? You never trust a woman. Nomatter how hard they try to convince you, do not fall for their foolishness. All of them are psychopaths who want to use you in one way or another and will fuck you over.

>>36018643
>you're gonna find that, eventually, doing that will start causing you some fucking problems

Hahahahahahahaha

>>36018654
>>36018680
You don't look tough at all. You look very small.

>>36018973

Are you a retard?

> An unlikely situation which was clearly breaching the law
> A random girl asks to kiss you because she wants alcohol

OP somehow thinks this is a normal thing and no red flags were raised.

It's called being socially inept, has nothing to do with women in this particular case.

How robots can't evaluate a simple situation for it's logicality and probability is beyond me

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>>36017726

Get a lawyer immediately OP. lawyer may cost a thousand bucks or so, but will make the difference between you and your parents getting royally screwed and simply getting a slap on the wrist fine.

You'll save more money and hassle in the long run getting that lawyer than doing this thing on your own against the PD and court system. It doesn't matter if you did do something illegal or wrong or if you feel guilty about the shit. Get that lawyer now.

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>>36018680

Why do you have pointy ears? Are you an elf?

>>36019113
When I was like 19 I used really be into LoTR and the Hobbit, so I used to pinch my hears and sometimes super glue them together at the bridge so they'd be pointed.

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>>36019149

That's really gay yo. That's some gayness in the anus level of gay. But definitely hire a lawyer over this.

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>>36018881
I don't even know where to start with this. The male need for female affection is one of the most powerful things on earth, to the point that it starts to eat holes in your brain if you don't get any. A guy who's been KHHV for fucking thirty years. An actual, no joke, honest-to-god wizard, at an age where the cortisol has turned your hippocampus into a shriveled raisin. Some Stacy manages to use this, this burning hole, this gaping lack, against him, hooks this poor starving fuck and then uses it to ruin his life. People on the dedicated 4chan virgin board, the one place that should be able to appreciate this guy's plight, are defending her. There exist people sadistic enough to think that this is okay.

Fuck it, man. Civilization is over. If you're a male, your life has no value. No one owes you anything, but never expect the slightest bit of kindness or mercy. Don't even expect indifference. The world is actively hostile and trying to fucking rape you. But keep working. Don't make anyone uncomfortable. Keep your pain to yourself, keep your dick to yourself unless you're a 9/10 25-year-old Dolph Lundgren Chad with immaculate genetics who's able to be a sociopath and a caring dad. Because you're fucking male.

>>36017726
Should have tried harder with your story. Has potential though. Problem is ALE would have presented a citation right there

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>>36019199

I understand where you are coming from. Creating a tulpa has mostly fulfilled that need for female affection for me. Not trolling you, just saying that it worked for me, who was in a very similar situation as you.

>>36017726
Please be real. What a pathetic cuck with zero self respect.

>>36018885
Kek'd hard as a mothafuckin originalo

>>36019251
It's not "my" situation, man, it's not a personal problem. It's the way shit fucking IS.

To be honest, if I were gonna solve it, I'd solve it by drinking laudanum, but the feds seem to think that's bad.

The US is a hell engine that literally runs on human suffering. /pol/'s error is that they think the elites can prop this shit show up with a few human sacrifices a year when it's actually way more efficient to sacrifice a little bit of everyone all the time.

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>>36019364

I know man. But be careful of falling into the attitude that since it's a systemic problem that affects everyone, there's nothing you can do. You're aware of it which is already more than what most people got. You can still manage to give yourself a comfy life outside of the shitty hellish system, even if most other people are still in it.

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>>36017726
fuck my dude

damn

I never understood how this is legal in the US. In my country they can't process you for things that aren't crimes, ie in this case, someone off age pretending to be underage.

>>36019545
usgov requires blood sacrifice to keep the ghosts of dead indians and Jefferson from breaking out of the DC containment area

>>36019251
Any tips on creating tulpa?
I won't find gf so it's the only way to get a woman's love

>>36019612

Be willing to put forth lots of effort and time. Most of the common guides out there work and will lead you somewhere, you just need to be willing to spend a couple hours a day on it.

>>36018012

Judges have no "compassion", especially for an autistic sexual predator who gives alcohol to minors.

look at the bright side, you'll get lots of kisses in jail.

>>36017726
Jesus christ anon... never give in

>>36017726
thats fucking hillarious

>>36017726
unless you get a good lawyer your ass is going to jail

>>36018680
>>36018885
HOLY SHIT hahaha
no wonder your cheeks look so big you store fucking spit in them

>>36018012
>>36017726
It was clearly sexual solicitation OP don't worry
get a somewhat decent lawyer

>>36017726
This was the thread of the day i honestly laughed

>>36017865
AND IM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAAN

WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW IM FREEE

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>>36019199
And that's why success at other people's expense doesn't bother me.

Men make it to the top of society because we aren't given anything we don't take for ourselves.

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>>36019749
>guys I'm totally against rape
>I'm so against rape I'm gonna joke about OP being raped

All moralfags are hypocrites. Every single one, with no exceptions.
>/r9k/ was right again

How are you still a failure even after your parents give you a job? Like, how incompetent and pathetic do you have to be to be given everything and still fail?

I don't know jack about law but maybe saying the truth would help? Telling people that was the only chance you will ever have at a kiss may win you their sympathy