I need help fast. My parents are forcing me to go to my cousins

Speak only when spoken to, that will minimize the chances you'll embarrass yourself.

Smile for photos

It's a wedding so there will be lots of food, use this as an opportunity to avoid awkward conversation as no one will question you. It's a fairly normal thing to do at a wedding.

Stick to the older people, they'll most likely not have the mental energy to question your awkwardness and will be happy and friendly towards you.

Make sure to clean yourself nicely, brush your hair and teeth and clean your face. Keep your clothes clean in case of photos.

Convince yourself that you're not really going to stand out anyways because you most likely aren't.

If you have a really close friend that you can be completely comfortable with, imagine your conversating with that friend when talking to others. You'll naturally smile more, be relaxed more, and actually enjoy yourself. Harder to work on opposite sex, and if you don't have any friends to think off.....your fucked mate.

The previous posts were good, also drink alcohol in moderate doses to help with wordflow

>>36014676
Moderation is very key, don't get drunk and expect to fit in with normals.

>>36014772
What if all the normals are plastered?

just have them throw you out dude dont be the neurotypicals' house nigger

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>>36014794
Are you going to take him in if he gets thrown out?

>>36014793
Then it would be even better for you to be the more sober one. It would give you an advantageous position socially.

>>36014821
W-what if everyone is making out? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

>36014463
Get absolutely shitfaced. So drunk you spend hours vomitting and shit your pants. Then day 2 you can be hungover, use it to explain away autism.

Everyone will be like "Wow Anon got so wrecked" and you can be like "Best wedding ever" and your parents will finally accept you as their son.

>>36014859
It's a wedding so..

>>36014894
This is fucking terrible advice

>>36014894
Do NOT reply to me again. Filth.

>>36014918
Yeah..but like, what if the flower girl is making out with the groom mmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmm

>>36014938
Th-that would be inappropriate at best!

>>36014894
This. Get so shitfaced that you eventually snap and jump on the table to yell "FUCKING NORMIES REEEEEEEEE FUCK THIS SHITTY WEDDING AND YOUR WHORE BRIDE". You can use that as an excuse to avoid the following days.

Get drunk so you can blame all your behavior on alcohol

>>36015039
>>36015008

This, again, is terrible advice. He could easily ostracize himself in his already fragile relationship with his parents like this. That and all of the advances he might make being social in a natural and sober way would be totally lost. Not only that but even if alcohol helps him he might convince himself that it is the only solution for his problem and he might begin to commit to alcoholism.

>>36014920
Everyone gets drunk as hell at weddings, all the single Stacey's have a REEE they aren't married yet and practically rape anything with a dick. Except you. You wanna be sober and autistic in the corner?

Getting ridiculously drunk is your way out. This was actual legit advice dude. Take it or leave it. If you get so drunk you badly sing anything, you are free and fucking clear. Your parents will be off your back. And retarded displays of binge drinking are totally normie tier behavior, so you'll get a free pass. All you have to do to not fuck this up is drink a fuckton of booze.

>>36015088
Alcoholism is not a healthy solution to this problem.

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>>36014463
>come on anon, do this thing or we'll kick you out!
>yess now dance
>dance for us you little freak
>freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak
>you are under our control now you little freak :)

>>36015120
While it it clearly isn't the healthiest response by possibly unhealthy people with unhealthy attitudes it isn't necessarily unhealthy for our anon to be threatened into acting.

>>36015088
General advice when drinking is to have a little bit of everything. You might start with wine and shampagne for example, but the later the night goes you will eventually pick some beer and whisky, if you start doubting you're not drunk enough get quarter of vodka down your throat so people won't suspect that you are pussy. Nice finish is usually have some very strong and exotic liquor which tastes like dogshit, but at that point it shouldn't bother you so much.

>>36015098
Dude I'd be tempted to just sit in the car with my bowtie looking like a fucking autist. I despise weddings. I hate having to do this shit. Especially if you have to dance. I can't dance and nobody but kids or old cougars or my own drunk uncles ever dances with me. Like I'm just a joke. Probably because I am. It's not the best solution. But I have never figured out a better one. I'm not so autistic that I can think of a way for not going to a wedding, there's no excuse. You literally get ostracized for life. People hold huge grudges for that shit.

You show up to the wedding. Drink too much. Hey you were there. You can live any embarrassment down. At least you came and tried to have "fun".

OP you are pathetic. kill your parents or kill yourself

>>36015225
The assumption of embarrassment is simply a psychological hurdle. Making a sober effort would be the honest and healthy thing to do. Surviving a wedding sober would be inherently more healthy for you and the relationships of your family. Just because you can't dance doesn't mean your some kind of abhorrent abomination and jumping to alcoholism is only compounding your inherent issues.

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>>36015225
>Dude I'd be tempted to just sit in the car with my bowtie looking like a fucking autist. I despise weddings.

:)

>>36015292
Getting drunk that one time isn't gonna make him an alcoholic.

Not going to HIS COUSINS WEDDING and legit making an effort to blend in? Thats gonna screw him. He could already have multiple alcoholics in his family, a heap of people do. But as he's said. Shits on the line here. If you gotta go from full autist-normie in under 60 seconds, shitfaced is the way. Aslong as he's dressed nice and eats some cake nobody will care.

>>36015292
you sound like a wannabe psychologist

get the fuck out

>>36015411
Why do you need to push the alcoholism angle? Not everyone wants to be a miserable fuck up just because that's how you deal with your problems.

>>36014463
Do NOT question the bride's virginity. Even if she's wearing white despite being very clearly a slut. Mt cousin got really mad when I pointed that out in his wedding and he hasn't spoken to me since.

>>36016206
Kek

was acting like a total putz a part of your plan?

>>36016373
>was acting like a total putz a part of your plan?
A little bit, to be honest. I just made a comment about how it was sort of ironic that my cousin's wife wanted to have a perfect 'traditional' wedding but decided to forget about the tradition of non-virgin brides not wearing white. Honestly, I figured it would probably annoy him, but I didn't expect him to go apeshit crazy in the reception. Maybe I made him feel like a cuck?

Take some benzos and mimic the normies.