>Tell mommy to make me triple-tendie din dins since I hav

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>>35890192
Anyone else get really sad from reading tendies stories?

>>35890263
Having known a number of really lovely families who were unlucky enough to have severely autistic children, definitely.

We joke, but there are actually people who live like this. I would much rather be an autistic KV NEET than the person who's had responsibility for him thrust upon them.

>>35890192
Calculated your order in my head and it would have been damn near $40, you gluttonous fucking pig.

>>35890192
>out of Tyson brand tendies
No loss there. Tyson brand is shit, Great Value is the only tendie good enough for a Good Boy.

>>35891439
Great Value will fucking kill you:
http://www.today.com/health/nearly-1-million-pounds-breaded-chicken-products-recalled-after-metal-t109703

>>35890263
No, I think they're hilarious

>>35890322
That's the part that makes it even more funny, that shit like this is imaginable because something similar probably already happened at one point IRL

>>35890192
>>Wagie says "We stopped selling super size freedom fries after 9/11"
Nah, that was McD's bowing to public pressure after Morgan Spurlock's shit-doc of lies smeared the company.

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god i hate moms.

> playing the fuck Katia managan simulator 1964 Rhodesian bush war edition
>pic related, its katia
> meganut.txt
>crave tendie treats and a big boy sized mountain-shake (5.9 liters of mountain dew mixed in with 10 pints of ice cream, served in a jerrycan)
> "MUMMIE TENDIES AND SPECAIL DRINKY NOW" i scream down the stairs
>" No anon. you're severely overweight and your fried chicken isn't helping" the bitch yells as she enters my room AND DOESN'T EVEN BOW like they do in the animu
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>start screaming and punching my head, all while flinging my poopie/tinkie jugs and farting.
> take out my katana and unleash my big boy poo-poo on it
>slash mom with it
>"ANON WHY"
> "GIVE ME TENDIES YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH NIGGER"
>tie my XXXXXXXXXLL soiled undies around her head
> jump out window with backpack full of poopie/tinkie jugs
>Have type superior 14 nambu pistol in trencoat pocket
>IJA field cap on head
>lumber down road to Boston market
>enter the building and scream "TEEEENDIESS AND A BIG BOY MOUNTAIN-SHAKE NOW!!!"
> "sir, you need to leave" says some stupid normie
> "NOT UNTIL I GET MY TENDIES"
> start throwing tinkie jugs
> they explode in mid air over the dining area, showering everyone in fermented piss and plastic shards
>normie from before pulls out taser
>shoot him 47 times in the chest
> start screaming and shitting myself
>people are running in fear
>Police arrive
> "DROP THE GUN AND GET ON THE GROUND"
> Start throwing poopie jugs at the police cars
>passing police traffic helicopter stops and uses spotlight to illuminate me, flying low.
> "DIE STUPID NORMIES REEEEEE"
>Fire my nambu at the pilot
>He's killed and crashes his heli, causing a 14-car pileup that kills 20 drivers and pedestrians
> "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES" i chant as i throw poopie and tinkie bottles at police
> Suddenly I'm tazed
>start crying and farting
>get put in paddy wagon

Pt.2 coming soon

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>in paddy wagon
> start shaking the van and screaming "GIMME GIMME GIMME CHICKIE CHICKIE CHICKIE"
>We pass over a bridge and the driver looses control
>go careening off the side
>blackout
>wake up to MY VERY OWN WAIFU KATIA
> she reaches into her pants pocket, probably for a condom
>fuckyes.tga
> it's actually an M1911
> "we don't allow jap scum in here"
>shoots me in head and sends me to a place with a lot of fire and veggies

fuck you mom, its all your fault

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>>35892745
>>35892745
>fuck Katia managan simulator 1964 Rhodesian bush war edition

i-is that a thing?

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>>35892994

yeah, what are you some kind of normalfaggot?

>>35892745
>big boy sized mountain-shake (5.9 liters of mountain dew mixed in with 10 pints of ice cream, served in a jerrycan)
What flavor of ice cream anon?

>>35893040

super choc-a-yumm-alicous-sourheads-candy flavour

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>>35893017
just not a furry

>>35893102
at least enjoy my fap material to be full grown women and not little girls

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>>35893145
>women
cats are not women
most dont even live to 18

>>35893179


most pedophiles are stuck rotting in jail, or with a permanently damaged record.

>>35893179
Who is that 2d Chinese girl

>>35893209
thankfully drawings are not people and Johny law couldn't care less about what drawings I whack off to

>>35893244
karen arararagi

>>35893244
Shiro Ishii

>>35893266

are you admitting you jerk off to loli?

>>35890192
wtf did I just read I respect your tendies game but who's going to make tendies for you when mummy dies

>>35892745
>>35892857
Hmmm...

I find myself doubting the authenticity of your story.

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>>35893266

what's this? pedophilia?

>>35893340
He'll an hero after that, don't worry

>>35893354
how dare you. i actually shot down a helicopter with a small pistol.

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>>35893296
what in heavens would be the point of such an admission?
your not one of those CIAniggers, are you?

>>35893370
>what's this? pedophilia?
no?

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>be me
>600lb tendie slayer
>being pushed around by mommy in my steel reinforced baby buggy
>suddenly get a craving for my favourite snack
>start rocking the buggy back and forth chanting
"CHICKY CHICK ! CHICKY CHICK! CHICKY CHICK!"
>hear mommy let out a resigned sigh
>she pushes me into the road into on coming traffic
>a puny car is no match for the weight of my 600lb frame
>it smashes into me, causing the car to become a mangled mess, leaving me unscathed
>mommy gets arrested for attempted murder
>they give me tendies at the police station
>NO HONEY MUSTY
"REEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>i grab a police office and force feed him dry tendies
"NO DIPPY SAUCE! I WON'T OBEY THE LAWS!"
>he chokes to death
>i get arrested too
>tfw me and mommy share a cell

Bitch should've known she'll never get rid of me.

>>35892745
would make for a great movie script with what's written here

>>35893406

I dont actually jerk off to characters from MS paint elder scrolls comics, contrary to what my completly true and un ironic story about my life.
you, on the other hand, actually matrabate to 14 y/o anime girls. now get your jap shit out of this tendies thread

>>35893436
i feel your pain anon. lets overthrow the us government.

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>get out of bed at 6 pm
>have to take a massive shit
>drop a giant smelly log in the toilet
>mom knocks on bathroom door
>''WHAT MOM? I'M TAKING A FUCKING SHIT''
>says she wants to take a shower because she just got off work
>give that bitch the bathroom out of the good of my heart
>didn't flush tho
>go to the attic so I can work on my yoga routine
>faggot doctor advised me to do this gay shit because my joints are all fucked
>blamed my mother for giving me her shit-tier genetics because I'm only 25 years old at a healthy 260 pound weight
>in the middle of a rather difficult yoga pose
>mother dares to interrupt me
>asks me what pizza she needs to put in the oven
>tell her to figure it out her fucking self
>she says I went on a tantrum last time because she put in the bacon pizza when I was in the mood for a tuna pizza
>tell her to just put in both pizzas then
>the dumb cunt actually does it
>go downstairs
>ask her how she's expecting me to eat two pizzas in one sitting when I'm trying to lose weight so I can fit in my onesie again
>cut both of them in half and throw two halves of each pizza away in the trashcan
>she says my brother could've eaten that
>tell her my brother is probably too busy getting STDs from random sluts
>watch Naruto on Netflix and eat two different kinds of pizza as my mother is sobbing in the kitchen
Best Pizza Day ever

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>>35893461
LOL.
truth is I cant get off to characters from a series I've watched/read
so not only am I a pervert but an impotent one at that
yet I remain in your tendy thread
:^)

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>be me
>mummy's chunky 550lb miracle
>wakeup at 5pm
>roll over in my playpen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall and spill in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to the washateria it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in weeks
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the washateria
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>laundry lady looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs anon's ch-child... your mother's laundry is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
>never see her again

>in my room playing minecraft furry school shooting buttsex orgy roleplay
>its been 35 WHOLE MINUTES
>start collecting shit and piss jugs, i connect several tubes from the jugs to a massive air tank
>want to put it in a boy scout camp, so i have to join scouts
"oh silly billy boy, your 28 years old"
>start punching myself in the head
>mommy takes me to the next meeting
>they're organizing a "summer camp"
>like my loli hentai animes, Bakemonogatari in particular
>2 days pass, i eat mass amounts of tendies to prepare
>pack shit bomb in bag, along with 78 literes of Mtn dew and 12 lbs of tendies, I have to pack light
>get on bus with other scouts
>get nervous and make a huge poopy
>entire bus stinks
>nobody will sit near me,and the bus smells like post-digest tendies
>some kids look sick
>we arrive at camp 10 hours late due to my heft
>place my bomb in a tent
>start tenting with some normie with glasses
>place my light provisions on bed
>start eating
>2 mins in and i'm out of food
>tummie rumbles
>bed over and unload my tendie bowel suprise all across the tent, it blows a small hole in the tent.
>he starts screaming, but my flatulence is louder
>scouts start rushing towards tent
>set off bomb
> tent is ripped to shreds and kid is filled with plastic shards
>removed from camp


I can't believe they discriminated against me.

>>35893926
I didn't understand any of that.

>Be head engineer at an international software company
>During that day I single-handedly migrated our entire release cycle to docker, increasing our efficiency by 30%
>Decide to stop for tendies after work to celebrate
>Arrive at McDonald's restaurant to aquire aforementioned chicken tendies
>As I waddle my way through the food line perspiration starts to trickle down my face
>Hear an exhausted sigh as I arrive at the front counter to place my order
"G-Good evening McDonald's Restaurant cashier, I would like to order some food from your establishment" I mutter under my breath
>"May I take your order, sir?" the McDonald's cashier inquires
"Y-Yes, I would like to order some --" I begin unassertively
"CHICKEEEN TEEENDIEEES!" I screech, startling the cashier
>the restaurant patrons start to stare now, causing even more perspiration to drip from my forehead
>"O-okay sir, will that be --" the cashier begins
"DO YOU TAKE GOOD BOY POINTS!?" I inquire in an angry yell
>"S-Sir?" the cashier asks while giving me a confused glance
>a rumble begins deep in my gut
"Mumsy gave me good-boy points to spend on tendies." I state blankly
>"I'm sorry sir, we take cash or--"
>His last sentence is cut off by a loud groan as I release my bowels of poo poo
"UUUUGGGGGGGGH." I moan
>The cashier takes a few steps backwards, giving me a frightened look
>a warm torrent of semi-liquefied post-digested tendies begins to trickle down my legs
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I begin to screech as I run out of the restaurant at a frantic pace
"Normies, GET THE FUCK OUT!", I yell, as I charge the way back to my vehicle
>arrive home and mumsy has already baked me tendies to celebrate my job promotion

So that's why I stopped eating fast food.

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I always feel sad everytime I read tendies stories

>Be 10 years ago
>Be me in teenage years. Cringey autist edgelord that angsts every now and then
>Bad with people in general
>Made fun even by class loser
>Mum institutes system similiar to Good Boy Points. When I do good(not making trouble, clean my room, not shouting when playing vidya, etc) I will get some points that I can trade with stuffs
>She will make homemade tendies for me. Mum's tendies are the best
>Friday
>Finally get decent performance in class
>Acquire enough GBP to get tendies dindins
>Mum said she can't make homemade tendies, told me she will buy the stuff from mickeydees
>Fuck, but tendies is tendies, and good boy gotta eat.
>She promise to eat dindins with me since I'm so lonely and she wants to congratulate her special boy for performing decently in school
>She told me to prepare the table
>Grudgingly prepare the table while mummy leaves
>1 Hour later, still no tendies
>2 Hour later, my patience runs out
>Trashing the table, throwing the dishes, crying
>Suddenly, someone knocks the door
>It's not mum. but a policeman
>Tell me mum involved in hit and run accident, a dumb negro thief run over her.

Until this day, I always eat tendies on friday, mourning my mum and the tendies that she fail to deliver

>>35890263
They make me uncomfortable, like no matter how much I'm annoyed by my mother I have a basic modicum of respect for her and treat her with dignity when I can.

And I actually am autistic/eat almost nothing but chicken, so it hits harder for me.

>be me
>mommie's growing beautiful 35 year old 367 lb little boy
>fucking my anime body pillow
> mom walks in with a plate of 32 steaming tendies from kfc
>she DOESN'T EVEN TAKE OFF HER SLIPPERS
"hey annon i baked you some"
>grab my giant samurai wooden stick and beat her face in until she stops screaming.
"that's for breaking the rules in my VERY OWN sanctum you swine."
>make a big poopoo on her dumb face
>start playing some hunniepop, eating my tendies with dip-dips.

>>35892225
Even better my man.

>be me
>living in skyrim
>mummies big 298 pound glorious nord
>i get GNP (good nord points) when i don't harass the local minorities
>have a huge fetish for gray male kahjiit, ones with black stripes in particular
>get tons of porn made by local artist, but i spend my mummies gold on this.
>i spend my GNPs on Boiled Cream Treats (Or Yummy-tummy-creamy-buns)
>mummy is out working in the brothel
>jump out of window, cracking the stone street.
>walk into tavern with GNPs shoved up my balloon knot
"GIMME GIMME SOME YUMMY BUNNIES"
> I yell as i burst into the tavern
"w...what?"
>says the bartender
>i rip my GNNs put of my bungahole
>big giant poo-poo load flows out of my supple cheeks
"GGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHN"!
"heh. you too."
>start slamming hands on table
"w...we have sweetrolls...."
>says the bartender
>sweetrolls......
>SWEETROLLS....
"NO I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING
SWEETROLLS."
>i see somebody getting up from the fire
>IT'S A KAHJIIT
>HE MATCHES ALL MY DESIRES, AND HE'S IN NICE CLOTHES
>grab him
"hey sexy, wanna come to my place"
>He tries to back away
"Nononono, you're coming with me big boy"
>wink at him and bearhug him
>drag him oustide into the street
"LET GO OF ME YOU DAMMED AUTIST, KAHJIIT WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH"
>he screams as he attempts to free himself from my autistic grasp
>he frees himself and stabs me 34 times in the chest, and tries to dust the dry shit off of his clothing
>Gaurds beat me into a pulp and drag me back to my room
>cryfap to the thought of the kahjiit i met
>mommy deducts 560 GNPs, I'm now in debt.

fucking imperials

>>35893877
>>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
d-did mummy snitch on you?

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>in room browsing pixiv
>sexay proorn of ness from orthbund
>hte mom come hom & make hte spagti
>aliendance.gif
>"4lbs of cheese like you like it anon"
>look down at disgusting greasy gut
>look down at plate of melted cheese seasoned gently from underneath with spaghetti
>(tendies = meatballs)
>mom weighs like 102lbs because we spend all our grocery money on feeding me
>suddenly realize i'm a fat disgusting slob and ruining my whole family's life
>collapse sagging face into pasta
>cry profusely while greedily vacuuming it up
>she come back in
>am burping face down into empty plate of tears
>"what's wrong sweetie"
>hold up massive pudgy slob hand in sign that i'm ok "autistic existential crisis"
>"that's the third this week"
>"i know"
>"well can you try to have your crisis quietly, your grandma's nurse is here"
>grandma caught pneumonia and declined into delirium when the door to my room was left open for too long
>"sorry mom"
>"i know"
>"not just for the noise"
>"i know, anon"
>she take plate
>"quit beating yourself up about it anyway, it's not like you can do any better than this"
>she lock the door
>wait until footsteps sound far enough
>put bottle of fake tears back in desk
>teehee
>calmly continue fappin
>fart from extra cheese
>let it follow through into a thick ripe tendies-into-diapies shit
>imagine the foul smell cometh from ness's behind
>i cometh as well
>seed soaks keyboard
>lol who gives a shit about them, stupid bitch can starve to death for all you care as long as she keeps you overfed and your diaper clean and keeps believing you feel bad about it
>full tummy and happy peepee ^u^
>fall asleep in gaming chair
>.......
>wake up
>open notepad file, begin typing
>"it's okay, tell them not to try to save me. tell them to do whatever with the body, i don't care"
>take snagged pasta fork from pocket
>fucking stab it into each eye and pull them out one at a time
>jam fork into throat
>pull out, into chest
>"MOOOOOM"
Mom filed for bankruptcy after the ER bill

>>35894634
She deserved it, she promised homemade and didn't come through

>be 35 , still live at home with mom
>go to grocery store with mom to pick out my tendies and frozen pizzas
>in line at check out
>cashier says "hello maam, would you and your husband like paper or plastic today?"

reeeee!

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>5AM
>bitch of a mother is being loud as hell
>why can't she leave me in peace doesn't she know 3-6AM are fappy and nappy time
>I hear a loud thump
>reeeeeeee this bitch she can't do anything right
>I reeee at her until she just says 'sorry hun-huns'
>that's it, I can't stand this bitch anymore
>I yell back at her
>'I don't want a sorry i demand 50 good boy points and i will kill the hamster if you don't do it'
>fag op mom better deliver
>All this yelling has really been strengthing my peepee
>I decide I will man up i am a man now and I will follow through
>I grab the hamster which mommy gave to me something about turning 30 and being a big boy and learning responsibility
>she doesn't understand i am still a growing boy
>look at hamster
>the hamster has a large poopyhole
>le big idea.jpeg
>I say to hamster odds fap evens sleep
>I slide my hard peepee all the way into the hamsters asshole, casuing it to instantly spray blood averywhere from being torn open
>I guess three and 5/8 inches is too much for anyone to handle
>Oh man this is almost as good as tendies
>start to edge so I pull out
>hard peepee drenched in blood and tiny entrails
>Suddenly my door opens
>I forget to reee and instead my peepee shoots all over mommy's nice work clothing
>'mommy you bitch get back in the kitchen i need tendies'
>I see her just fall on her knees and start crying
>I reeeee as loud as I can until she gets back up and runs away from my room
>Great now I have to scoop the peepee googoo'd into my peepee poopoo googoo jar
>why do i still let her live in this house

These stories just keep making less and less sense. I am so lost...

>>35894634
I'm sorry anon if this is true

it's almost like the chocolate scene in 1984, gets me sobbing hysterically everytime, in the book or in the movie with john hurt doesn't matter

I wish this book hadn't screwed me up as much as it has

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>>35896426
>>I slide my hard peepee all the way into the hamsters asshole, casuing it to instantly spray blood averywhere from being torn open
>hard peepee drenched in blood and tiny entrails
Aaaaand that's where I get off.

>>35893531
I really hope this isn't true.

>>35897268
>that's where I get off
so do all of us ;)

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>>35893926
I cant stop laughing thank you

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>be me
>23 yo
>watching gay porn on my computer
>furiously stroking my 4 inches dick
>mom comes in
>"anon, is that gay porn?"
>"n-no"
>she takes a rolled up newspaper and starts to hit me with hit
>"you know the lord doesn't like when you watch that kind of thing!"
>"please mommy stop" i'm crying
>"on your back, now!" i can't but obey
>she slaps my penis
>i'm begging her
>"now if I see you watching gay porn again, it's another 2 months in chastity cage!"
>ohno.jpg, the chastity cage is always painfull
>she removes all my current GBP, and I can't have tendies for all week.
>also she won't change my diaper

mfw lying in bed in a soiled diaper without tendies.

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Was quickscoping fgts online and munching on tendies when shitfuck lil sister came into room and told me Mummy's boyfriend Chad was coming over to watch a movie with us.

I tried to get out of it by putting on my Stench-Socks (I wore a pair of hiking boots without socks for 1 whole year to get them foul, then put on thick woolen socks to marinate in the juices every night for 3 whole months. Now when I put them on, the whole house stinks and Mummy gives me 10 GBP just for taking them off) but Chad is a stupid-face dumbfuck and wears so much cologne that the stench did not even stop him!

I sat on the couch with my waifu pillow (Katsune, OC do not steal) and he put on "Paranormal Activity 3." The wool on the couch was making me itchy and ChadDad told me to "stop breathing through your mouth, it's loud as shit"

I softly REEEEEEE'D at him (I lose 2 GBPs whenever I REEEE too loudly) and watched the movie. It was a real Spookfest! I got way too spookied and I'm not allowed to bring my pissjugs into the living room anymore so a little bit of my lemonade trickled down my pants and onto the couch.

ChadDad and bitch Mummy both were very upset with me, they told me Isabella (bitchwhore cleaning slave) had to shampoo the carpet and couch to get my lemonade out. I have lost almost 500 GBPs on this. If anyone can donate GBPs or mail me tendies I will make you a thank you video of me playing Smash Bros Melee.

Thank you and fuck ChadDads

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>>35898833
>I softly REEEEEEE'D at him (I lose 2 GBPs whenever I REEEE too loudly)

gold

>>35893531
>260 pound weight
>>in the middle of a rather difficult yoga pose
Trying to picture what this looks like.

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>Wake up
>Look about my domain
>holy-fugg.jpg
>Hot plate of tendies on my desk right next to my Twilley plush.
>Mummy comes in
>ask about how many GBP it will cost me for this.
>None, Anonny~
>And don't you mean GGP
>wat.mp4
>look down
>I am a m'lady
>Mummy comes closer to my bed
>Removes her silk bath robe
>sweating-intensifies.png
>She slowly pulls off my mario bed sheets
>Remember I'm not wearing pants
>strangely the sheets don't feel scratchy and hurt my tushie
>Mummy takes off bedsheet
>I have a negative pee pee
>mummy starting touching my nakey pee pee
>feels-good-man.png
>suddenly a panic fills me
>my pee pee jugs are gone
>start tearing up.
>mummy doesn't stop and now my wee wee hurts
>Quickly pull my endtable aside and my backup poo poo jugs are gone too.
>heavy-wailing.avi
>suddenly I wake up again.
>I am me with a positive pee pee and in my crust-crust beddy
>cheer
>call out for tendies
>mummy tells me to fuck off and that she doesn't love me.
>That bitch
>oh well
>Don't wanna leave my sleepy corner incase there are normies outside
>cry and jack-off to starbound porn

Atleast I'm only 20 GBP away from getting more keys in counter strike: global offensive

>>35892225
So? What's bad about it? This is /r9k/ mate.