>Girl ask if I had a quarter >Told her I didn't have

>cashier tells me to enjoy the rest of the day
>I don't
Showed that bitch

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>>35887685
>Person asks if I have time to fill something out
>Tell her I don't
>Actually have all the time in the world

>girl asks if I want to go out for coffee together
>tell her " no thanks I don't like coffee"
>I actually love coffee

DEVILISH
E
V
I
L
I
S
H

>>35887722
got a triple double too my dude

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>Dentist calls to confirm my appointment
>Tell them I don't have anything going on at that time
>Do have something going on at that time
>Don't go
>They call me
>Don't answer

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>Am expected to be a productive member of society
>Browse /r9k/ all day

> Buying a jacket at a mall
> Cashier asks if I want to donate to x charity for the z
> "No"
And not a single fuck was given

Devilish incident
> walking down the street with my dad
> bum asks him if he has a quarter
> dad says 'yes'
> we keep walking
true evil


>

>go to store
>cashier asks if I would like receipt
>say yes
>throw it away on the way out the door

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>speeding
>get pulled over
>cop asks if I know how fast I was going
>Yes sir
>my speedometer doesn't work so I had no idea

>walking in downtown
>black crackhead asks me if I have a dollar to spare
>"n-no I don't th-think so"
>pull out wallet
>only have $100 bill
>give it to her
heh take that stupid nigger

>>35887685
> Go to post in a devilish thread
> Robot requests that my post be original
> Purposely post unoriginal content

one-way ticket to hell

>>35887685
>chemistry class
>teacher has to go to the bathroom
>jokingly says "don't start any fires"
>spill some chemicals
>start a fire

>>35888711
Never donate to any companies charities. All it does it lower their taxes on your dime.

Le Taco Bell so nice they gave 10,000 to feed nigs in Africa. No, idiots donated their money and Taco Bell writes that shit off on their taxes

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>wake up
>get a mass text from someone telling me to have a good day
>sleep for the rest of the day

>>35889091
Sounds like an amazing day to me, Anon

>>35887685
>after workout
>buy two protein bars
>chill out in the lobby
>fat roastie comes up to me
> asks me if i have any food out of the blue
>surprised, i respond"what? no!"

didn't even try to hide them

gains before menstrual pains.

>>35887722
Are triple doubles better than quints?

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This thread is bad and everyone in it should feel bad

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>move to a new room
>previous person who lived there is a gorgeous brown qt
>she says she cleaned the room but didn't have time to wash the bedsheets
>say i'll do it
>don't
been sniffing these bad boys while fapping, came buckets

>>35889157
this

>>35888784
>>35889017
This is the high quality posts I like to see here

>>35890139
marquee is a faggot

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>send mummy to kfc for tendies
>pretend to be asleep and don't eat tendies
>wake up and demand new tendies
>don't eat those either
>make mummy microwave me the tyson tendies
S A T A N I C

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>>35887685
>take a really dirty plumper dumper in the faculty toilets
>dont flush
SOMEONE STOP ME

>>35890496
the absolute madman incarnated

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>go through ride program/DUI checkpoint in mommys car
>cop asks if ive had anything to drink
>"no"
>brushed my teeth before I left
>actually had 6 tall cans
watch out now

>>35887685
>man asks to buy a cigarette for a dollar
>say I have but I'll give him one for free
>Now he has a useless dollar

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>masturbate and cum into warm towelette
>hang towelette back onto sink for roommates
G L U E D

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>in elementary school
>teacher asks if anyone needs to go to the bathroom before the test
>"no"
>actually had to go
>pissed my pants in the middle of the test
Might aswell send me to hell right now

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>>35891187
I think you've won the thread, it doesn't get any more devilish than this!

>>35890139
>read animeposter'ss post suggesting I should feel bad for being /devilish/
>don't

fuck you hahahaha

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>>35889376
last week fuck around and got a triple double!
so deep, so deep put her ass to sleep!

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>pass by school security officer
> "staying out of trouble?"
> "yeah" I say to him
>actually was on my way to plant an anthrax bomb in the bathrooms.

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>my friends gf asks if she is cheating on him
>say no
>she is
fuckin normies

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>>35887685
>Volunteer girl gives me a pack with 5 condoms for free because a week of nationwide degeneracy is approaching
>She says "enjoy the festivities and don't forget these"
>I used all 5 condoms as balloons and I'm a virgin to this day

>>35891493
You did him a favour. Ignorance is bliss.

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>girl on tinder asks if ill give her good dick.
>i tell her ill make her cum
>its not even a possibility
>jokes on you bitch

>>35891445
What is he a fucking npc?
Oh, yeah they're all like that..

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>mom asks if ive cleaned my room
>jokes on her im 30 and I lock my room whenever I leave
good luck verifying that

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>Website asks me to disable adblock
>Don't.

>Promise to buy games that I pirate
>Don't

>Common decency tells me to piss in the toilet bowl and not all over the handle, the floor and the toilet paper.
>Don't

>Neighbor tells me to pick up after my dog.
>Don't.

>Someone bleeding out on an empty country road that I drive out to sometimes asks me to get help.
>Don't

>>35891308
literally the same fucking lyrics in my head holy shit

>mom asks me to wake her up at a certain time of the morning since I'm pulling an all-nighter
>don't wake her up on purpose and she misses her important appointment because of me

>>35889376
nah, quints are still rarer than triple dubs

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>>35887685
>Girl tells me I look happy
>I'm not
BTFO.

>>35891308


Big L for the win

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>Asked to get some flour from the store
>Get the flour
>AND A CAN OF PRINGLES
WHAT WILL I DO NEXT?!?! THERE'S NO TELLING!

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>>35892351
PUT HIM IN A HOLE AND THROW AWAY THE HOLE!

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>someone asks to text them when I get off work
>clock out
>drive to fast food
>order
>go to fast food bathroom
>text them from there

WHEN WILL THEY FIND ME AND STOP ME

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>buying ice cream
>cashier asks if I need a spoon
>say I dont
>actually needed a spoon
I AM A DANGER TO SOCIETY AND MYSELF

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>Housemate asks me to pay utilities on time because he's strapped for cash
>3 weeks later and I still haven't paid him

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>finally have 2 days of work off in a row
>only get enough alcohol to drink for one of the nights
>now upsettingly sober

I'M A LOOSE CANON, PUT A BULLET IN ME AS SOON AS YOU HAVE A CLEAR SHOT

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>>35887685
>Start nursing school
>All those stacies and chads getting along
>some stacy approaches me a tries to befriend me
>Stupid bitch is probably doing it for attention
>Every exam I ask her for help and purposely play dumb so that she wastes her precious time on me.
>she takes time to write summaries/study guides for me
>I throw them into the trash
>I lie about my exam scores and tell her I get 50s or 60s
>One month away from finals
>dumb bitch's grades keep dropping
>last week she dropped out of the program
>I'm getting As
Take that you stupid bitch! That's what you get for trying show off.

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>>35893400
Now this is absolutly D E V I L I S H way to go mighty robot

>young able bodied man
>don't participate in the economy
who else figured it how here?

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>Walking out of the grocery store at midnight
>elderly man drops his car keys
>Pick them up
>throw them out into the recycling bin
>a few seconds later he asks me if I saw his keys
>I tell him I saw them somewhere far from where he actually dropped them
Fuck, sometimes even I'm afraid of myself.

>>35891493
>Gf asked if she is cheating on him

Why would she need to ask you if she is cheating?

>>35894009
Jesus Christ, you're a monster

>>35894139
>Why would she need to ask you if she is cheating?
Because women are stupid.

>>35894210
I found the loser virgin

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>mom asks me to clean the cat's litter box
>just pour another layer of litter on top so it looks fresh
SOME PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY

I JUST PREFER THE TERM "DIFFERENTLY SANE"

>>35894229
Well, yeah, I actually am loser virgin.
Excellent deductive skills though,

>paying for something at petsmart on the little credit card panel
>will you donate 25 cents to help needy animals?
>press no

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>Boss tells me he's going to fire me unless I start being enthusiastic
>Hum the opening to "curb your enthusiasm" to the next customer
>boss fires me

>>35888784
>see bum loitering next to garbage can
>pull out some loose change from my pocket
>smile with my palm out so change is clearly visible
>walk towards him
>bum starts spewing shit about how thankful he is
>drop change into garbage
>walk away

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>sex with a girl
>she begs for my cum
>fake and orgasm
S M O O T H C R I M I N A L

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>at a normie party that my roommate begged me to go to
>tired and want to go home, but my roommate is my ride
>find roommate passed out in the guest bedroom
>whip out my dick and start peeing all over his thighs and the bed
>find the owner, tell him that my roommate pissed everywhere
>owner is pissed, wakes roommate up and kicks us both out
>roommate drunkenly drives us home, then hops in the shower and passes out
>he slowly drops contact with all of his Uni friends, and stops drinking entirely

Teach you to take me to a normie party

>>35896050
noones gonna read your made up story

find a neck

>>35896282
You read it :)

>>35889321
Proud of you anon
I really am

>high school teacher tells me I'll go far
>I become a shutin NEET loser with no friends or future

showed her

>>35896282
>see wall of text
>plan to ignore it
>redditor below says nobody is gonna read it
>decide to read it
WHO WILL STOP ME

>>35896296
this guy gets it
D E V I L I S H (thanks for the two yous)

>>35896050
ABSOLUTELY DEVILISH

original comment

>post on r9k and pretend to be a loser NEET virgin who hates Chads and Stacey's
>actually have gf and workout everyday and gainfully employed

2devilish4u

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>go to psychologist
>asks if i ever feel depressed
>say no
SOMEONE STOP ME

>>35894370
Sounds like your boss was really buttmad because of something in his home life. The fucking smartarsery was too much for his anus to cope with.

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>>35896669
>666 in post ID

Satan approves of your trips

>fucking girlfriend
>about to cum, pull out and slap fanny with dick
>ram it up her arse and cum with same thrust
>she starts crying he eyes out in pain