Psychological Issues #16

>>35882457
I am incapable of emotional intimacy and I'm worried I'm going insane.

>>35882521

What happens if you try to get emotional with someone?

>>35882580
Usually, if I manage to end up in a position where someone is confiding with me, I feel like I am leaving my body. My eyes glaze over, I cannot think, and I feel a "lifting" sensation, like my soul is up and leaving. Also, if I personally express serious emotion to people or even in private, I often feel depleted and low/disgusted with myself afterwards.

>>35882620

Sounds like dissociation, either derealisation or depersonalisation, whichever.

Friend, have you been abused in the past? This is some serious reaction you're having.

>>35882620
Holy fuck i feel this same way

>>35882649
>Friend, have you been abused in the past?
My mother was sexually and physically abused by her father, and would often get drunk and recant tales of the incidents to me when I was still a child, before I even had started puberty. Allegedly my autistic older brother was rather violent to me as a child, but I have almost no memory of this. I'm sure this is where my issues stem from, it's not exactly a revelation, but knowing that doesn't seem to change anything.
>>35882671
Guess that's why we both ended up here.

>>35882712
>My mother was sexually and physically abused by her father, and would often get drunk and recant tales of the incidents to me when I was still a child

That's abuse already. And way enough to mess you up.

Have you considered therapy?

>>35882671

Pay close attention and tell your own tale if you want.

>>35882751
I have my third psychotherapy appointment tomorrow. I don't really like it thus far if I'm honest, the power dynamic makes me uncomfortable. There's a very real sense of my therapist controlling the situation, and I don't like it at all. I feel manipulated, even if he's manipulating me for benevolent reasons, I don't like it. I was also diagnosed after only three sessions with a psychiatrist, and I'm not satisfied with the outcome of that at all. The diagnosis was based on a self assessment test, despite me saying I was having troubles with introspection at the time of the assessment.

>>35882883

Do you think it's the therapist or the therapy in general?

What was the outcome of the psychiatry bit?

How come you feel manipulated with your current psychologist?

>>35882929
>Do you think it's the therapist or the therapy in general?
Quite possibly therapy in general. The therapist seems empathetic and well intentioned.
>What was the outcome of the psychiatry bit?
I was diagnosed with "mixed personality disorder with primarily antisocial features", and on the inventory she said the schizoid and schizotypal were also very high, but not as high as antisocial.
>How come you feel manipulated with your current psychologist?
He presents things as though I am steering the conversation, but I am not. I often struggle to work in moments to relax as I can't make pleasantries with him, we remain very focused on my issues.

>>35882980
>Quite possibly therapy in general. The therapist seems empathetic and well intentioned.

Perhaps it's your paranoia? You should try telling what you feel, letting it out will surely help.

>I was diagnosed with "mixed personality disorder with primarily antisocial features", and on the inventory she said the schizoid and schizotypal were also very high, but not as high as antisocial.

They really used the term "mixed personality"? Because if so, I'd be concerned. Dissociative Idendity Disorder is the only serious thing relating to that. If you think that diagnosis fits, stick around for Facet to show up, he's a massive DID case and I don't think you're anywhere near him for now (though you may have a lot more to share, so we'll see).

>I often struggle to work in moments to relax as I can't make pleasantries with him,

Try working with someone who follows Carl Rogers, which basically mean they don't think therapy should be all serious shit all the time, but where the therapist should react normally and humanly, for better results. Mine is like that and it's always a nice moment to speak with her.

1. I know I have depression and ADD, but I can mostly function bretty gud. But recently axietey has been fucking me over. I moved out and live with my gf and her bratty younger sister. The sister is constantly rude and spreads lies about me, and I get nervous as fuck. Like, i have no appetite, I poop 3 times in 3 hours, and I can't eat anything and my stomach feels like shit. Never happened to me before, but her little sister stresses me the fuck out. I'm 23.

2. What the fuck is helpful for dealing with physical symptoms of anxietey, like what foods should I eat and stuff? even my favorite cure, smoking weed, just makes it worse on an empty stomach

5. My mom was really nice and helped me do stuff, probably too nice. My dad was a dick and never did anything besides yell at me or put pressure on me. I've had a bad relationship with my dad (hence moving out) but not even in my worst fights with him or anyone else have i felt as physically fucked over as i do now

>>35883114

Your current anxiety issue stems from your past; various foods won't do shit about it.

>ADD

I don't really believe in this. I've never seen a serious case of that, it's always something else.

Look up C-PTSD and report back.

>>35882620
>>35882671
Me three.
Everything with people is terrifying, exhausting, especially if it goes off a very limited script that doesn't require me to process what's going on.
It's almost a blessing, if this weird effect didn't happen, I would probably snap.

>>35882457
Been depressed for quite a while, trying to talk about it is hard as fuck, So i prefer not talking about that.
Lately Ive been sad a lot, after i broke with Gee eff (Not depressed because of that , but many other problems) The thing is that IM slowly becoming a fucking junkie and thats it i guess rn IM fuckimg drug ecks dee
What do?
Im in uni and have no motivation to study, but i love what i pick, but i lacl The motivation

>>35883208
>if this weird effect didn't happen, I would probably snap.

That's what it's for. It's literally a part of your brain that disconnects.

Complex PTSD, read about it.

>>35883108
What would you be concerned about? The legitimacy of the diagnosis? Word for word on my medical record it says "mixed personality disorder with primarily antisocial features"
>someone who follows Carl Rogers
how do I go about doing this? Just request it?

>>35883240

You'll have to talk about it. It may sound hard now, but when you start, you'll feel better.

Drugs won't help you in the long run.

Other symptoms?

>>35883192

i read alot about it. i sort of see what you're getting at. but i dunno what this has to do with my past (not disagreeing, but how could it?)

when i fought with my dad when i was 14-18 it was shitty but i never felt 1/3 as nervous as i do now. im not sure what it is but when the little sister is rude to me it really bothers me

>>35883247

"Mixed personality" sounds like bullshit, as if they were using some very out-dated DSM or something, though I don't even think there is any such disorder in it.

As to Rogers, you can ask the therapist what school of therapy they follow, just like you can choose a psychoanalyst or other.

With Rogers therapists, you're considered a client, not a patient, and they won't withold their normal reactions, which is extremely useful. Some therapists will stay poker-faced all the way, and that's shit. I especially needed to see a normal person's reaction to the stuff I was saying, to see how abnormal things were to an outside.

Ah fuck I missed the thread yesterday, please stay til like 6:30 eastern us if possible

>>35883278
>but i dunno what this has to do with my past

That's when your brain learns to defend you a certain way, that's when you learn what kind of world you're in. Hostile environment means you'll expect danger and pain, physical or mental. Problems usually arise in adulthood, sometimes only after you're "out of the woods", which means your brain can let its guard down, and at this point, something happens, but it doesn't have to be this way.

TL;DR: your brain learned how to live in childhood and you're still functionning on the same model.

>>35883320

I can stay for a bunch of hours from now. I might be able to stay that long.

Otherwise, you can always write me:

[email protected]

>>35883312
>"Mixed personality" sounds like bullshit
This is exactly what I thought, it seems like a complete meme. Do you have a formal background in psychology?
>ome therapists will stay poker-faced all the way, and that's shit.
My therapist does this. I was concerned about a period of time that I spent preoccupied with the idea of killing and eating people, and you could only see the tiniest micro-reaction towards it.

I feel no connection to anything. I constantly feel like some malevalent being is draining me of my life essence and i feel like im constantly on auto-pilot.

I was raised by a single mother, though i hesitate to call it raised. All she really did was buy food and cook meals, mostly quick frozen processed stuff. We've never really spoken beyond surface day to day things and i feel no real connection to her. I have two siblings to another father and i dont really feel connected to them at all but i act like i do out of obligation. I spent most of my youth alone in a room looking at a screen while she was out drinking and trying to recapture her youth. Every boyfriend she has had was physically violent towards her and the sounds of broken glass and screaming was the soundtrack of my formative years. I have never met my real father and neither he nor i have any real intention of meeting eachother.

The only times i speak to anyone are when i wake up to get food and we exchange our token greetings and i leave, or posting on websites like this. I feel like i live in a bubble that exists outside of time and space and that i do not exist from a human perspective. I feel like my existence was some kind of glitch and i wasnt meant to be.

So...I don't know where to start. My life is in shambles right now. I just had a chat with my ex, the only one I ever dated, we're just good friends now and he says he's dating. I don't know how to feel about that. There he is, studying in a premier institute, on his grind all the time and now having a love life too. And here I am, in a third tier women's college trying to clear backlogs, still living with my overcontroling, overprotective parents (who spend a lot on me but don't give me the required freedom and space-I'm 19). I don't know how to get my life back together. I'm thinking of moving out to live in a hostel near my college. But it'll take a lot of convincing my parents to do. And I don't know if I can afford wasting my time on all that convincing since this semester will be ending in two weeks and I could just study and bear it for few more weeks. But the problem is that it's never congenial or peaceful at home. Everybody's fighting with everybody. Everybody hates me. I'm that kid in the family who's let herself go, idk. I don't like it here :(

All I know is that I want to clear all subjects this semester. What do? :(

>>35883459
There's also a part of me that's scared of moving out to a hostel because that would mean sacrificing a lot of luxuries, like good home made food, clean laundry, huge bedroom and privacy etc. I know I'm being a spoilt princess, but I wanna change that.

>>35883433
>Do you have a formal background in psychology?

No. My background is in literature and linguistics. I may study for a degree, however. The information I give here are taken from good sources. If I don't know something, I'll say so.

I've been reading about DID for a while today, and it's one of the most controversial disorders, but I don't think "mixed personality" was ever part of the DSM.

The "personalities" are called "alters", and our friend Facet definitely has that.

Do you have other "personalities"?

>My therapist does this. I was concerned about a period of time that I spent preoccupied with the idea of killing and eating people, and you could only see the tiniest micro-reaction towards it.

Ditch him. If he isn't smart enough to understand that normal human interactions work better for therapy, you don't need him.

>>35883241
I went to a doctor about a year ago and got diagnosed with GAD and ADHD but I'm fairly sure it's all bullshit they're just writing me prescriptions to placate me so that I'm a worthless malcontent instead of a destructive one.
I feel significantly worse than I did before when I'm not surging with double-dosed happy pills... I think anyway, I can never really remember how I felt before right now. I can't describe it anyway.
I googled Complex PTSD and I don't imagine it really applies. My life has kind of sucked but not to a significantly worse degree than anyone else here, probably. I'm a fuck up. I just never figured it out, or pulled myself up, or serendipitously found "help" or whatever functioning people do if they had problems.
It only bothers me when I think.

>>35883495
>Do you have other "personalities"?
Nope, nothing like that. You can experience dissociation without having multiple personalities. I'd be weary of anyone claiming to have DID on the internet, statistically speaking, they're a roleplayer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjemK803l2M
>Ditch him. If he isn't smart enough to understand that normal human interactions work better for therapy, you don't need him.
This is pretty radical advice. If you're trying to advice people about their mental health but aren't a professional, I would be very careful about telling them to ditch their therapist like that.

>>35883444

Holy shit... There's so much in this post.

You were raised without love, so you will feel like something is missing as an adult.

Read the links I've provided, some things are bound to ring a few bells.

> I constantly feel like some malevalent being is draining me of my life essence and i feel like im constantly on auto-pilot.

Your mother. I grew up having this weird idea that God had made me to suffer because He used my pain for something. Once you know how narcissistic parents function, what you said takes a whole new meaning. She may be enjoying your suffering more than you realise, and the auto-pilot is a defense mechanism to give her and the world the least grip possible.

> i do not exist from a human perspective

You weren't taught to take your place in the world. You probably feel like you need to apologise for breathing.

>>35883523
A lot of the behavior actually does apply, but the causes don't really except for
>long-term taking care of mentally ill or chronically sick family members
and maybe the gaslighting one. My parents house was filled with Machiavellian bullshit.

Um, heloo? I thought you were going to help me out?

>>35883459
>still living with my overcontroling, overprotective parents

Read the link on narcissistic parents, see if anything matches.

I'd advise you to stick around if it's only a few more weeks, but to read loads about narcissistic parents, and borderline, in case any of your parents match these conditions. If so, you'll be able to do the necessary adjustments to defend yourself mentally.

Chances are you're the most functional member of your family, and because of this, the most reactive too.

Do read all three links I've provided and tell me what sounds familiar, about your parents, but also about you.

File: e6969b8feb7bc46cce152f05237932448f068f27f2eb1df123a4fc957e39f1c6.jpg (61KB, 722x349px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 722x349px

>>35882457
I feel like I may be suffering from a form of depression and/or anxiety related disorder(fit several symptoms, and have for several years). It's gotten to the point where it's notable and I've had family start inquiring about my mental health
Is it worth it to actually go see a medical professional about this? I'm terrified of validating/confirming my fears of this+"tough it out" mentality

I also have some issues with being emotionally lethargic+empathy, but that might tie into some kind of depression

>>35883489
>I know I'm being a spoilt princess

Stop thinking that. It's like hearing your parents. You're being neglected in everything that really matters, so don't think you're treated like a princess, you're not.

>>35883523
>GAD and ADHD but I'm fairly sure it's all bullshit they're just writing me prescriptions to placate me so that I'm a worthless malcontent instead of a destructive one.

In my humble opinion, anxiety never comes alone and for no other reason. It's one of those diagnoses that should never stand alone. And ADHD is BS in my opinion, again.

Medication is likely not the solution for you, either.

Look up symptoms of adults who have been abused as kids.

>>35883604

you came into a psych thread with life problems. not the same. "what classes do i take" and "what major should i choose" are things everyone deals with. oh and you're a 19 year old female, so everyone is just already annoyed by you in the first place

t; someone dating a 20 year old girl

>>35883551
>Nope, nothing like that. You can experience dissociation without having multiple personalities. I'd be weary of anyone claiming to have DID on the internet, statistically speaking, they're a roleplayer.

I know, but if you only dissociated, professionals would have considered BPD way, way before considering some crazy non-existent shit like "mixed personality". Symptom number 9 of BPD is about dissociation.

As to Facet, I'm not convinced he's RP-ing his way to my heart.

Not even going to watch that video as I am sure it'll piss me off. I'd love to know of Facet's opinion of it. I doubt there'd be much to see if he filmed himself at various moments.

>This is pretty radical advice. If you're trying to advice people about their mental health but aren't a professional, I would be very careful about telling them to ditch their therapist like that.

Why? If you don't get along with your therapist, and in particular because he doesn't show his own natural reactions, then you're definitely better off with another therapist. No reason to get stuck on the same person when others exist and are better.

Besides, therapists who diagnose "mixed personality" without any alters being present, and don't even consider BPD for dissociation, these are therapists you want to stay away from. Clearly.

>>35883590
>A lot of the behavior actually does apply,

All that matters for now.

Keep digging, things will become clearer.

>>35883604
>Um, heloo? I thought you were going to help me out?

Yes, I did respond and I am trying to help. Did you get upset because I wasn't fast enough for you?

>>35883669

See a professional, yes. You can't "toughen it out" or anything like that. Issues like these don't get solved by sheer will. You need to know what's going on and how to handle it.

Describe symptoms, maybe I can see what the general issue is.

>>35883870
I think you're confused about what mixed personality disorder is. It's not multiple personality/DID, it's when enough symptoms of more than one personality disorder are present, in my case; antisocial, schizoid and schizotypal. It's also important to note that the therapist didn't diagnose me, a psychiatrist did. I think I will raise some of the points we talked over with him though, so thank you.

>>35884008

Oh, I see.

>mixed
>personality disorder

Not:

>mixed personality
>disorder

My bad. Still a weird diagnosis.

What on earth made him think about antisocial? Or the other two?

>>35883944
>general apathy towards future/lack of motivation
>dropped a lot of hobbies that I used to like
>massive changes in body weight over a short period of time
>sleeping problems, roughly 4-5 hours a night
>physical health has gotten worse

If I try to tie it to a certain event, it's probably the fact that I keep trying to do things that I think my parents expect of me, even if I despise it/makes me miserable. For example, I'm in grad school because they wanted me to go and I'm likely going to drop it after spending a significant amount of time here

File: 005 - 5VugHgJ.png (36KB, 268x237px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 268x237px

I'm gonna kill myself and there's nothing you can do to stop me

>>35884109

Have you read the link on narc parents?

File: 15a089398b9c839566337bb12bdb5d1a.jpg (11KB, 500x438px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 500x438px

>>35884160

I will still try.

>>35884073
>made her think
This is my main issue with the diagnosis really, she seemed to determine it based off of a self assessment test, which seems a bit mental. Around age 19 I began suffering from blunted emotions and completely lost interest in interacting with other people, I think that's where the schizoid came from. As for antisocial, I have done some things that may be considered in line with that, but it seems pretty out there to me.

File: 004 - w0fvSwI.png (246KB, 283x390px) Image search: [Google]

246KB, 283x390px

>>35884184
1 black mark in your record then
nothin personnel

>>35884187
>As for antisocial, I have done some things that may be considered in line with that, but it seems pretty out there to me.

Mention them.

>>35884175
Yeah, they don't really fit that. I think part of the issue is rooted in what I think that they want me to do rather than what they actually think. I wouldn't really place blame on them
I also have several high achieving step siblings, while I've been fairly mediocre/normal

>>35882457

Sometimes I feel lonely and outcast but I never want to make an effort to talk to anyone. When I do talk to a group of people I feel like I'm being ignored by them unless it's a 1 on 1 conversation. Also I feel like I have a very serious personality and I struggle to act casual. I tried texting people but usually I get blanked by them and we have nothing interesting to talk about anyway.

Recently I've gotten a small group of friends and I am the quiet one in the group. We don't see eachother often but when we do I feel left out of the conversation but they say it's fine and they like me there and I can be funny. However sometimes I feel like they're lying to me and I struggle to trust them. I don't think they have any reason to lie to me though.

When I was younger I was told by a psychologist I had depression and selective mutism or extreme social anxiety, but I don't necessarily feel anxious except in very specific situations such as getting a haircut. They said I'm not autistic because I can keep eye contact and don't show any symptom other than being very quiet. I certainly had depression back then but now I'm older I don't feel sad, I'm just not very motivated to be more sociable.

>>35883799
>>35883884
At this point medication may not be the solution, but it is my raison de etre. I don't really get any joy from anything else, everything is just an imposition except for the pills.
> Eating disorders. Depression. Substance Abuse / Alcoholism. Truancy. Dropping out. Promiscuity. Co-dependence.
All of this applies to me at one point or another, often all at once. I dunno, a lot of this feels like a cold read to me. I check most of the boxes but those are just shitty personality traits.
I already know I'm a cunt.

>>35884368

Anything about your past and your parents?

>>35884400
>All of this applies to me at one point or another, often all at once. I dunno, a lot of this feels like a cold read to me. I check most of the boxes but those are just shitty personality traits.
>I already know I'm a cunt.

You aren't a cunt. There are reasons why people do certain things.

It's not a cold read, really. How many symptoms of BPD do you have?

>>35884400
*the things I quoted weren't the "shitty personality traits" I referred to but that could be ambiguous
>e.g.
>earned hyper vigilance. Clouded perception or blinders about others (especially romantic partners) Seeks positions of power and / or control: choosing occupations or recreational outlets which may put oneself in physical danger.
>An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.
>Learned Helplessness- Learned helplessness is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do.
>Low Self-Esteem - A common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality.
>Panic Attacks - Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.
I'm just a spazz, why is this like PTSD except that I'm dysfunctional?

>>35884445
Every single one as far as I can tell, but they're like the zodiac horoscopes with how broadly they're written.
It describes a majority of the people I've ever known, honestly. Now I don't know anyone, it's a slight step up.

>>35884250
When I was 14 I hit a kid on the head with a hammer after we had a falling out, and when I was around 19 I tortured a bird to death.

>>35884478
>they're like the zodiac horoscopes with how broadly they're written
This is my biggest issue with various mental disorders, they're so broadly written than nearly everyone has symptoms at some point or another

>>35884545
Yep.
I felt the same way about the C-PTSD link; sure it all hits, but again, I often find that the astrological charts that my mother's acid-washed hippy friends make hit my personality markers too. "Spooky"

>>35884450
>I'm just a spazz, why is this like PTSD except that I'm dysfunctional?

Complex PTSD. Generally due to abusive personalities in childhood and later. Not necessarily physical.

I'd be surprised if your parents were awesome people who made you feel good and whom you want to be with as often as possible because they radiate joy of life and love.

>>35884478
>Every single one as far as I can tell, but they're like the zodiac horoscopes with how broadly they're written.

Friend, no. 5 is enough to be considered BPD, most people don't score nearly that much. I have a few traits, but I'm fucked up. Most normal people don't score a single symptom in the list.

It's not astrology.

You may know a lot of people with similar traits, however, yes.

Mental disorders are way more spread out than commonly believed.

>>35884418
My parents are both very prude and have a similar personality. They don't do much other than work. I believe my mother has generalised anxiety disorder as she panics over the most pointless things, such as turning down the wrong road when driving. But she won't get diagnosed and gets very defensive about it. Other than that they were decent parents but very overprotective until I became an adult.

Up until I was 11 and moved to high school I was the smart, quiet kid and I had some friends and liked helping other kids out. In high school I stopped talking to everyone and got bullied and dropped out of school after 3 years. It was quite traumatic at the time but I got over it after another 3-4 years and graduated from school with decent grades.

>>35884498

OK, that is enough to consider antisocial.

How's your empathy?

>>35884545
>This is my biggest issue with various mental disorders, they're so broadly written than nearly everyone has symptoms at some point or another

They're not broadly written. It's a spectrum, and everyone is somewhere on that spectrum, sure, but not everyone will be diagnosed with BPD that easily.

>>35884594
>sure it all hits,

It hits for a reason. Not everyone will see themselves in CPTSD. But a lot more people have it than you'd think, and most don't know, and may never know.

>>35884698

Perhaps your parents had abusive parents; do you know your grandparents?

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through such hardship.

>>35884706
I don't understand how I can effectively gauge empathy. I go out of my way to talk to my internet friends about how they are feeling if they're people I like, but that level of caring doesn't usually translate well into real life for me. Online, I've been told by people that I'm a very caring individual. Offline, I can comfort people if I really need to, but I'd rather not for reasons previously discussed.
>OK, that is enough to consider antisocial.
Two incidents in my entire life, seems a bit extreme to be diagnosed from that

>>35884941

Sounds like your empathy is OK.

As to antisocial, I said it was enough to consider it, not that it was enough to be diagnosed with it.

Torturing an animal to death at age 19 is pretty severe on its own, even if it happened only once. But if that's all you had, and nothing else against humans, then yeah, that's extreme for a diagnosis.

I maintain that you need a new therapist.

>>35884654
They were the only people who were ever really decent to me. Everyone has problems with their parents, not everyone fails at life.
>>35884691
Five is definitely true for me, but I again would contend that's pretty universal. All people are fickle, it's the reason I think they're best avoided. It irritates me sometimes that everyone else is in perpetual denial of this and consider people like me anti-social or paranoid or whatever politically accusatory term is meant to marginalize discontent.
>Mental disorders are way more spread out than commonly believed.
Why can all of these mentally ill people function and I can't?
>>35884743
If most don't know, why is it important for me to know?

It's not that I don't find all of this interesting, I do. I find these lists a neat profiling trick, if nothing else because I was spooked reading them; they were accurate.

Why isn't as important a question as what, for me, at this point. If the pills the shrink was giving me worked better I would probably be doing something besides wallowing in my own unhappiness. I don't know why I'm posting here except that I don't know what to say to psychiatrists. It's like I always want to convince them that nothing is wrong, my life is great. If I only have to see them for an hour a month to get pills that's an easy conversation, but everything is wrong. I just don't have the words to tell them that none of this shit is actually helping it's just making me more neurotic (I don't know if that's the right word to describe the feeling.)

>>35884784
I know my grandparents had a traumatic childhood from WW2 and both my parents were raised by single mothers. I'm not too sure about my parents childhood but they seem to talk about it positively, apart from when my grandparents split up.

Anyway do you think there is anything other than behavioral therapy that could help me? I live in the UK and there are long waiting times so it can take 6+ months to start therapy. I've had behavioral therapy before and the sessions consisted of trying different scented oils and thinking about flowers. I'd want to do private therapy but it costs so much so I want to know it'd help me out.

>>35885078
>Everyone has problems with their parents, not everyone fails at life.

Yes, but few get to have other parents to compare with. Having problems with parents is one thing, having parents who have personality disorders is a completely different thing. People who fail at life, meaning people who suffer consequences, often have such parents.

>Five is definitely true for me, but I again would contend that's pretty universal.

Get that out of your mind, especially if it's to prevent believing in it. I myself have some BPD traits and I only fit like 2 or 3 symptoms on the list. Lots of people fit nothing at all.

>Why can all of these mentally ill people function and I can't?

How do you know they function? High functioning is a thing.

>If most don't know, why is it important for me to know?

You won't heal without knowing. Neither will they, and they'll suffer more for it.

>I find these lists a neat profiling trick, if nothing else because I was spooked reading them; they were accurate.

Someone I love dearly first looked away when she saw an article on BPD. Years later, I found out it described her behaviour very well, and we worked on it.

Trust me, it doesn't apply everyone, but even if the entire planet had BPD, it wouldn't change jackshit about whether or not it applies to you.

Don't be scared. What it means is that your bad behaviour isn't you, it's not who you are. Separate your personality from your personality disoder.

>>35885078
>Why isn't as important a question as what, for me, at this point. If the pills the shrink was giving me worked better I would probably be doing something besides wallowing in my own unhappiness

Wrong, medication doesn't work efficiently on people with BPD, because it's a PERSONALITY disorder, not a MOOD disorder. You don't need your chemicals balanced, you need to sort shit out in your brain and face the past to clear a future.

Look into DBT, it's a famous therapy for BPD.

>>35883264
Uhhh, im currently trying to hit girls, i have never tried doing this so i do not know what to do to achieve it, but i guess it will help with gaining self esteem?
Sadly, I'm becoming dependant to drugs to get a social actitude

>>35885166

Are you sure? My loved one lives in the UK now and she got an appointment way faster than 6 months and it'll be completely free.

Behavioral therapy may not be the best, but before you start a specific therapy, you need to find out what the issue really is.

>>35885263

Try just talking with girls, without aiming for anything. (Incidentally, that's also what works best, so you're good either way.)

>>35885218
>>35885254
I don't think talking to someone once in a while is all that likely to help. I've basically stopped talking to people at all. I'm capable of exchanging pleasantries but I prefer not to, I thought about printing up one of those "I'm mute" card but I think that would be more inconvenient than just keeping a distressed face on to ward people off. Feelings hurt, for lack of a better description.
The second that I start doing anything that requires introspection, I might lose it. I feel the anxiety and panic of impending doom constantly. I've thought about trying to find an inpatient program but I can't afford hundreds of dollars a day and I don't want to be treated by Nurse Ratched.
Don't know what I'm looking for. Pills won't work. Talking won't work. I'm right fucked.

>>35885298
It depends on where you live. In some places there are no waiting lists but it took me 9 weeks to get an appointment then I had to have another 4 appointments before I got offered therapy. They only speed it up if they think you're suicidal. It's just one of the problems with nationalised healthcare I guess. I'll contact them again tomorrow for an appointment to see if they can diagnose the problem. Thanks for your help.

>>35885517
>I don't think talking to someone once in a while is all that likely to help.

Aim for 2 or 3 sessions a week. I go twice a week, and I do 1:30 whenever I can. I'd go every fucking day if I could afford it.

>The second that I start doing anything that requires introspection, I might lose it.

You really need a name now, because there are many of you, and you're all one to me.

> I feel the anxiety and panic of impending doom constantly.

It really sounds like CPTSD. I personally feel the way I would feel if I were to die within 60 minutes. It makes life impossible to enjoy on any level.

>>35885525

I hope this works out somehow.

Meanwhile, I'm here.

I can't find a reason to work towards the future. I'm a psedoneet taking a few online classes and that's it. I'm a sophomore in college, I tried going to uni last semester but bailed after two weeks. I didn't feel good enough. I was afraid. The large classes gave me anxiety, the forced group work gave me anxiety. I don't know what to study, I was gonna do comp sci but I'm afraid I'm too stupid to do that.
I spend my days in a house with my manipulative mother. I have dinner with my dad weekly, so I've not lost touch with him, but she drove him away. I live in a very small town with limited job options.
I'm even talking to a girl who's incredibly into me, she's concerned about me, she's a great person. But I'm still sad. I don't know what to study. I still can't find a reason to live. I feel like there's no hope.

>>35885612

Check all the links plus CPTSD.

Why not get in a relationship with this girl? That would be great for you, no?

>>35885612
Oh yeah, I feel the need to add sometimes I have to remind myself that days are passing. Weeks go by in an instant and I feel as if I'm forgetting that I'm real. I wouldn't say I disassociate, it's just that I'm often hit with the realization of "Fuck, I can't believe my life is happening."
>>35885647
>Why not get in a relationship with this girl? That would be great for you, no?
She basically is my girlfriend at this point. She's two hours away and I'm going to visit her on Sunday. Even then, I still feel the same. I thought that, >tfw qt3.14 gf, would make me feel better but it doesn't.

>>35885699
>Oh yeah, I feel the need to add sometimes I have to remind myself that days are passing. Weeks go by in an instant and I feel as if I'm forgetting that I'm real. I wouldn't say I disassociate, it's just that I'm often hit with the realization of "Fuck, I can't believe my life is happening."

I relate to that. I think it is related to dissociation. I haven't seen the past few months go by. My life stopped in autumn and I can't believe it's spring. Is it, though? I never know when spring starts.

>>35885699

Read about narcissistic parents. That's a start.

>>35885578
Named.
How much do you get out of your sessions?
I understand the value of having someone, even tripfags, to talk to; but I arrogantly view it in the same way that even pro golfers have coaches. That is to say, I knew people in school who are now the kinds of therapists I could afford, and those people are morons.
I'm certainly defective, but I can't see what some (probable) female with a degree in psychology and a masters in simpering for checks, getting a filtered view of my pathetic existence, is going to be able to tell me that hasn't occurred to me in the endless nights I've spent berating myself for every choice I've ever had to make, good bad or indifferent.
You say that you relate to this personally, what can I hope to expect?
>I personally feel the way I would feel if I were to die within 60 minutes.
I always feel like nothing matters because I'm going to die soon anyway. Sometimes I have this tic(? I don't know) where I feel compelled to blurt out "I'm dying I'm dying" usually surrounded by profanity or just flailing. It passes but I kind of feel it all the time. I don't even know what that is.
If my mom is doing something on a ladder or something I feel compelled to watch and make sure she doesn't fall off and break her spine. I compulsively check all of my gates and never let my dog out of my sight because I'm certain he would run away or be hit by a car even though I don't have a lot of reason to suspect this.
Are these things?

File: ara_ara.png (374KB, 536x415px) Image search: [Google]

374KB, 536x415px

is it normal to have a large desire to be physically embraced by someone, akin to how a child would be? recently I started cuddling with a set of covers because the thought and feelings I get make me feel emotionally warm adn cuddly and i just cant help but think about how it would feel to be embraced by a woman whos taller and bigger than me
pic related: how i found out about this

>>35885750
>I haven't seen the past few months go by.
Yeah, when I got scared off of university my life stopped. How the fuck is it already basically April? It was September when I left.
>>35885768
Yeah will do. With the help of my father I've realized how emotionally manipulative my mother is.
I just want it to end.

>>35885806
>is it normal to have a large desire to be physically embraced by someone, akin to how a child would be?
I have the opposite, I can't stand being touched

>>35885778
>How much do you get out of your sessions?

In the beginning, a lot of relief. I was derealising very hard originally, for weeks and weeks, and every session helped with that. Nowadays, I don't derealise so hard, so it doesn't feel too different, but I still enjoy it a lot. It feels like I'm working towards something, and nothing else in my life gives me that feeling.

>is going to be able to tell me that hasn't occurred to me in the endless nights I've spent berating myself for every choice I've ever had to make, good bad or indifferent.

He or she will know how your mind works and available therapies for it. This isn't something you can come up with on your own.

>I've spent berating myself for every choice I've ever had to make, good bad or indifferent.

A therapist would tell you that's not a good idea. You probably feel way more responsible than you actually are.

>Are these things?

Yes. Anxiety, if intense enough, can make you feel like death is nearby.

Also some OCD traits.

>>35885806

That sounds comfy.

How was your mother with you?

>>35885902
I actually share the same, for most people I dont really like physical contact, but the idea of a motherly figure holding me and maybe being slight dominatnt is an extraordanary feeling
>>35885944
I distanced myself from my parents a bit, they werent bad so idk why I did but i've been far away from them. it is also extramly comfy, just thinking about it makes me very happy and its the only reason I havent jsut offed myself yet, because i may actually be able to get a gf like that (im 5'11 and im sure a 6ft girl would love to a BIT ofa dom)

>>35885925
One of my hangups, at this point is that I'm somewhat afraid of not being in what I understand a derealized state to be. How do you continue meeting with someone who knows personal things about you?
Whatever is causing the "everything is a fake version of real you're fine and numb" when it's happening is much preferable to the agitated feeling that seems to lay under the haze.
Yes, it's yet another excuse, but I don't like the risks I'd have to take. I don't know why it's so very hard for me to accept the answer is downers until I die.
If you could potentially hover above rock bottom forever, how does one force action?

>>35886032
>I distanced myself from my parents a bit

No accident. Something's up with this.

>>35886087

Don't wait until things get much, much worse. Act no. Your mental ass is on the line.

I've waited about a decade too long, though I couldn't do much before.

>>35886101
my memory is a bit garbage so any reason for doing so is a mystery to me

>>35886225
>my memory is a bit garbage

Red flag. There may be a reason why it's "garbage".

>>35886247
any suggestions as to why it may be?

>>35886271

Traumatic amnesia, possibly. If you can't recall much of your childhood, and most of what you remember is negative, red flag.

My brother told me we both saw pictures of our parents having sex with a friend of theirs, covered in vaseline and doing weird shit. I have zero memories of this. My brother thought, for decades, that I knew what he knew. I don't know what happened. It's the weirdest thing.

File: goodbye-i-will-always-love-you.png (495KB, 600x700px) Image search: [Google]

495KB, 600x700px

I must go now.

[email protected]

If you need to write.

Take care everyone.

just feeling overwhelmed and confused about everything. no will and no confidence. I don't what to do, where to go, I overanalyze and overthink, overworry. Can't talk to anybody, I feel like a dumbass, I don't know...

File: 1473724643073.gif (424KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

424KB, 512x512px

>>35882457
fuck it i'll bite, i'll use the name dredd ;)

diagnosed with severe depression at 14, tried to OD at 18 then told i was borderline suicidal by doctor because no shit (was a morphine junkie around this time) got out of a 5 year relationship this january was with this person as i thought i genreally loved them but after 2 years began to feel the love fade away, my partner still loved me (she had no one else really).

now i've been haning out with his girl from work for about 7 months, weve become best friends, think i've fallen for her (much diffrent to how i felt with my partner) yet she has a boyfriend she lives with, we talk about shit a lot of things personnally she cant with her parnter, we hang out most days (work yo).

depression getting much worse getting really hard to work, cant customers or other staff, getting nasty to people and old friends.

>>35886125
I'm not sure that there's anything I can tangibly do now, but thanks for the advice. It's being taken under consideration.

My concern remains, what if I get help and the answer is that there is no other side?
Is there merit to the thought that sometimes scar tissue is better than ripping off your own flesh?
I'm not sure that there is much "good" left in me, deep down under all this shit might just be more shit.

Do you think some people are just lemons?

Anyone here looked into Maladaptive Daydreaming?

It was discovered only recently and still not officially recognized.

But many ppl on the internet say they have it and I know for sure I have it.

I'm sorry I missed the anon enquiring about DID this evening. However, I will be around tomorrow when I'd be happy to discuss it. As Nick alluded to I had a fairly extreme episode a couple of days ago which I still haven't quite recovered from (though I'm feeling much better). In any case I should be back to 'normal' tomorrow. Return to the thread then, and we can talk if you like.

I'd be interested to hear what your reading around the subject turned up Nick, and I'll definitely be discussing recent events with my therapist on Friday.