What's the most autistic thing you have ever done in

>girls talking
>i hear something about not wearing a ba look back at her chest
>they start laughing
>do it again in a few minutes
>girl starts flipping out and syaing she'll slap me and stuff
>i think oh shit
>calmly say "relax, im actually asexual"

>>35870361
that's actually great.
anon 1
grill 0

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>be me
>be this guy

>>35870322
> be me
> mom takes me shopping
> unironically promises donuts if I'm a good boy
> tfw I'm a freshman in HS
> anyways, shopping cart is getting full
> i'm getting bored
> start pulling it backwards like a donkey with a wagon
> make loud "heee hawww" noises
> take a sharp turn
> cart spills
> mom stares me down
> tells me we need to leave
> never got my donuts
> never go to Albertson's Grocery store ever again

>becomes one of the 18 roses for this gril's 18th birthday
>goes to gril's place
>see my bestfriend whom ive been ghosting
>bail out

i still feel bad for the birthday gril.

>at skool
>steal water bottle from friend
>gill I know pretty well leaning on cooler
>put under arm
>wasn't her arm
I just wacked this grills giant boobs with a water bottle

I told a guy a girl friend of mine liked him

>art class, sometime in elementary school
>teacher shows us the portrait of the old guy with the pitchfork and his wife
>goes on to say how innovative it was and how people made many variations to it
>shows us one that had Mario and Peach
>absolute Luigi fanbabby
>tard rage activates
>scream "WHY IS IT ALWAYS MARIO" at the top of my lungs
>everyone looks at me
>have to walk up to the board and write my name down alongside the other detention bound students
>no body dares to bring it up

>>35870549
Wait did your parents write into an advice column about you? Story please.

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>>35871132
correct me if I'm wrong, but I bet everyone had a look similar to this (pic related)

>>35871217
I'm not LITERALLY that guy, but I was kind of autistic like that until I was reprimanded for it in high school

>be me, 7th grade
>last name starts with Z
>first day of school
>in art class
>teacher calling roll
>calls me name
>here
>calls another kid's name
>scream "I'M NOT LAST" at the top of my lungs
>everybody stares at me

>>35871242
Once again, story please.

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Wait...Are some of you guys legitimately autistic? This thread kind of makes it sound like it.

I was always a loser but I'm not autistic. Kind of makes me feel out of place here sometimes. I always stayed quiet as a mouse in school just so I wouldn't say anything retarded, some people thought I was a mute or deaf because of it.

>>35871299
No, because it brings back memories I don't want to relive.

>>35871316
My psych once theorized that I was a sperg, then backpedaled on it

>be teen me
>song Pumped Up Kicks just came out
>think it would be hilarious to go to lunch one day and pretend to shoot the place up
>go into lunch, and blast the song on my speaker
>start unzipping my bag in the middle of the lunchroom
>girls scream
>chads run
>haha guys it's just a joke, a j-joke
>get suspended and parents are brought in for meeting on my "psychological health"

>>35871364
>Chillin out, maxin, relaxin, all cool
>Shootin some people outside of the school

>watching cutie girl in class
>her and her friends start talking about me
>"what a loser"
>"freak"
>"weirdo"
>they don't know I'm listening
>blood starts boiling
>yell out loud "WHAT MAKES YOU SO GREAT, HUH? GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT"
>everyone looks at me
>face gets flushed
>legs get weak
>start visibly shaking in front of everyone
>no one wants to say anything
>vision gets blurry
>chad speaks up
>can't even focus on what he's saying
>just sit myself back down and put my head down
>pale as a ghost
>everyone starts laughing and calling me "the next school shooter"

When I was 6 I bit a kid's ear because he kept talking when I was trying to give a book report

When I was 10 I punched a retarded kid because he threw a basketball at ,e

When I was 12 I took a shit on my neighbor's lawn

When I was 14 pretended to love olympic rowing because I was afraid that a girl was trying to talk to me

When I was 16, this girl I liked invited me to lunch with her in her car, I put my hand on her pussy and just sort of rubbed/poked for like 10 minutes She never said a word, I never faced any legal penalties. To this day I do not understand why, that was basically rape.

When I was 17 I threw my lacrosse stick into the stands (I lost my captaincy as a result, bummer)

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>>35871534
>When I was 14 pretended to love olympic rowing because I was afraid that a girl was trying to talk to me

Is that some kind of Euphemism, or did she hate Rowing?

>>35871461
cant wait to see ya on the news faggot

>>35870322
chinese ppl think its gross when i wipe my nose on myhand, but no one says anything when they clip their nails on the train

>>35871534
*Oh, and one more:

Today, at the age of 21, I tried going to class for the first time in two weeks, started shaking less than ten steps away from my dorm door, then walked back to my room and curled up in a ball

College: The best years of your life.


>>35871557
It was literally rowing. The Olympics were on tv, and she was trying to talk to me, so I acted as though I was autistically focused on rowing. On second though, that might have actually happened at the age of 12, because I think it was the '08 Olympics. Or maybe it was 2012 and I was 16. I don't remember. What I do remember is that it was Austin's house in Key Biscayne.

Oh, there's also this story

>meet chick in early high school
>at this point I'm young, sheltered, and naive, so i try to impress her
>find out after a couple weeks she's the quintessential roastie, right out of middle school

>fast forward to next semester

>we get put into the same class at one point
>still hate each other
>class gets off topic really quickly and stays off topic a long time
>she starts complaining about one of her middle school teachers
>says how that teacher would say things, like, "she called me a hooker!"
>respond "cause you are"
>roastiegetsroasted.jpg
>I don't think the teacher actually wanted to do anything but demanded I compliment her to make up for the insult, probably to keep his job
>run out the clock
>get high fives from dudes for the next three days
>never spoke to a chick for the rest of high school

>>35871132
lol
fucking sperglord

>>35871599
I dunno you seem to understand social cues but dubs can't be wrong

>>35871642
That incident took place in the death throes of my time as a Chad

>>35871534
>When I was 17 I threw my lacrosse stick into the stands (I lost my captaincy as a result, bummer)


*Wait a second, I was lacrosse captain? That doesn't sound right. Maybe I was co-captain.

I definitely through my stick at Tito's head for like no reason though, it bounced off his helmet and he was about to beat the shit out of me when he said something like "you're lucky because something soemthin something Gomez", and that was the end of it. Can't remember why, by all rights I should have been knocked unconscious, that dude was big.

<aybe he thought i was retarded

>>35871322
do it, no balls
original

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Just earlier today I was walking to a bus stop and noticed I was about to overtake a girl I think I had just been sitting next to on the bus.
I ended up doubling back a block to avoid having to awkwardly pick up my pace to run past her, she got picked up by a car about a block afterwards.
I then crafted an elaborate paranoid fantasy in my head where she noticed what I did, thought I was following her and called for help and that's why the car picked her up. I worried about it the whole way home.
This is what it's like having actual social anxiety.

I laid down upside-down whilst eating cucumbers during math and geography class.

For an entire year.

I dont really regret it.

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>walking through a dead ass mall with gf
>It's April so the Easter bunny is walking towards me
>like any fat guy in a suit he can't talk out loud
>he starts making gestures with his hands
>I panic not knowing what to do so I tip my fedora like an autist
>I've never had a fedora in my life, I tipped my beanie

>mfw I tipped my fucking beanie...

>>35870664
This wouldn't happen to be for Jackie's birthday, would it?

>trying to get into subway station
>want to pay with change because i don't have a metro card
>can't figure out how to get in
>walk 25 minutes to next station instead of asking someone for help

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>>35870322
>go to pay at a self-service checkout
>rather than a proper line there is just a disorganized huddle of people within the general vicinity of the checkout
>not even clear if these people are there to use the checkouts
>rather than navigate this situation I just put my stuff on the shelf and left
>women said "you can't" but I autismowalked out before she could finish her sentence

>>35870549
i don't believe that foot fetish has anything to do with assburgers

>>35871316
i suffer from dissociative disorder and SPD but i'm not autistic desu

>>35872708
It does when you ask women about their feet in public

>be me
>be in highschool
>i was basically by myself alot of the times and just tend to stay out of trouble (mostly) due to my severe anger issues and as well stress from the constant schoolwork
>used to go up to this one large fireant hill that is by the sidewalks to the school and just sat there and watched the ants do their thing
>a month go by and one student notices this and starts telling others about it and suddenly I'm the laughing stock of the school
>there was this one guy that was known by other students as the high grade guy
>one day the bullying gets to me too much that i just end up pokig the anthill and juet watch them spew out
>the high grade guy comes by and basically verbally abuses me and shoves me around
>i end up just sticking both my hands into the anthill and let the fireants crawl and sting my hands as they swarm my hands
>the guy gets weirded out by this but makes fun of me
>i suddenly jump up with hands full of fireants and grap his head
>would not let go as i let the ants go from my hands onto his head as I start to scream into his ears and kick him in the gut then slam his head on the ground really hard
>shove his head into the fireant hill and let the ants swarm over his head and my hands
>got on top of him and tried to suffocate him with fireants and this lasted for fifteen minutes with students watching in shock before one of the coaches knocks me off
>long story short I was expelled for a while before let back in and the guy was sent to the hospital for a while my hands and arms was covered with marks from the ants and no one bullied me again
>went back to watch the ants until I graduated from highschool

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>>35872673
Ooh, this reminds me.

>standing at bus stop.
>wearing earbuds and sunglasses
>woman asks me a question
>i take out my earbuds and lift my sunglasses up to make eye contact, making a little rotating gesture with my hand in the universal signal for "repeat that again, please?"
>she immediately turns away and sits back down on the bus bench
>i approach her. "you wanted to ask me something?"
>she replies, "nevermind, there's something wrong with your eye."
>calmly state, "i was born that way. doesn't mean i don't know what i'm talking about."
>she stoically stares forward, ignoring me.
>i flip the FUCK out and mock her
>"oh i'm sorry, there's something wrong with your FACE, you smelly fucking CUNT."
>storm off.
>never ride that bus line again
>found an alternate metro line that picked up/dropped off a few blocks away

>>35872828
Holy shit it's antman!

>>35870361

>slap you for looking at her

WOMEN ARE LITERALLY THIS ENTITLED HOLY FUCK.

Also an acceptable answer would have been

>wasting a bra
>on something that small

But you did good anon. You did good.

>>35871461
they're bitches, try focusing on school and yourself physically and mentally

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>be in high school and the SAT is not too far away
>parents send me to a after school class for it
>teacher hands out a massive paperback work book for us to fill out during lectures
>boredoutofmymind.jpg
>teacher tells us to follow along and highlight passages as lecture drones on
>deathbypowerpoint.exe
>get idea to numb the pain
>highlight every word in book during lectures
>after a week of lecturers and a box of highlighters finished book
>still another week
>nothing to do in class now
>want to kill myself

>>35872899
do a flip(book), faggot

>>35870549

Why is your mom bringing you around everywhere with her.

Get the poor tard a shock collar or get him the fucking internet or something so he can look at women's feet and help them pick shoes. Bam, you satisfy his lust for feet and earn some money on your depreciating return.

>>35872828
Sonofabitch thats hardcore

>>35872914
I suck at drawing and all forms of "art", except maybe writing.

Some times I make noises but I don't know if thats really autism at play. They're more like tics.

>>35871534
I feel like if she let you and didn't make any negative comment for TEN MINUTES, she was probably enjoying it, or at least okay with it.

>>35873083
I'm autistic though. I need a clearer message than just "no response". I mean come on, my hand is in your pants, the least you can do is a simple "want to go to dinner" or a kiss or something. The fuck do you want with me, Sarah?

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>>35872828
>fifteen minutes
holy shit anon

>>35873014
I've got them, too. It's OCD.

>>35873083

>implying girls just invite random guys to their car in the parking lot for lunch

She probably enjoyed it, anon gave her a pleasant surprise. But then again a lot of advice for girls revolves around 'don't fight your attacker it just makes their penis stronger' but no really, don't fight your attacker it only makes it worse is legit advice they get. As if kicking some guy in the dick and balls isn't effective 99% of the time, especially when he's expecting some girl to lay back and take it and you completely blind side him, buying you at least a couple seconds to RUN BITCH RUN.

>>35870322
>at work
>on break outside
>see lizard in road
>bolt it to save lizard from cars
>on all fours trying to catch this lizard
>coworkers see this and start laughing their asses off
>one calls me smeagol
>"STUPID FAT HOBBITSES WONT GET LIZARD, SO JUICY SWEET! ITS OURS!!"
>new nickname is smeagol

>Hanging out with friends on the roadside in front of school
>see couples walking
>whisper to my friend next to me "I bet she's a gold digger"
>they turn around and stare at me
>"Y-YEAH OUR FRIEND STACY IS ABSOLUTELY A GOLD DIGGER RITE"

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>>35872828
fucking KEK you BTFO that chad

>>35872828
Someone screencap pls

Bumping for this thread because fuck me in the ass johnny!

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>>35870626
Beautiful post, you beautiful ass.

>>35871461
>laughing at the next school shooter
They're asking for it, anon.
Don't let your dreams be dreams

>>35871534
>plays a team sport
>is captain of a team

Get the fuck out of here you NT normalfaggot scum

>>35870322

Posted this greentext a few days earlier in a similar thread

>buy a long sandwich at uni
>they always cut it in half here
>decide to eat it while walking through the hallway
>open the plastic packaging
>mess it up, one half falls on the floor
>check the hall to see if anyone noticed
>hear 2 dudes from my class come around the corner
>panic.jpg
>don't want to look like a retard who cant even properly open a plastic packaging
>decide to throw the other half of my sandwich away in the garbage bin next to me
>now it doesn't look like I dropped my sandwich
>have no sandwich

>>35873981
>wasting a perfectly good first half of sandwich

>>35873341
do you know how to use the print screen key you sperg? Or are you a fucking phonefag?

>>35873981
read this twice now, still hurts to read. rip sammich :(

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>>35872627
lmao maybe.

>>35872841
Nothing autistic about that, anon.
Just based as fuck.

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>in college
>at vending machine trying to get my dollar bill to go in
>girl taps me from behind
>"hi this is for you haha" gives me a $5 bill
>uhh th-thanks
>use it and get my soda
>keep the change and just walk away

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>>35870322
I took a picture of a guy with fedora and a big bottle of mountain dew in the middle of a store.
Pic related

>>35874280
You can take pictures inside of mosques?

>>35870322
I used to stalk my oneitis and whenever she noticed me I played alert sound from MGS on my phone

>>35874280
Where are your doritos bro?

>>35874318
That's Finland dumbass

>>35870322
Not most but the one that comes to me off the top of my head.

>be me about 4-5 months ago
>have legit autism and really bad social anxiety
>my parents are encouraging me to do more adult stuff
>go to walmart to grocery shop for myself for the very first time
>I just go by the list and get everything fast, I have ads as well for price matching
>now the hard part comes, going to the register, I always have issues talking to people especially when they're a worker or have authority over me
>old lady starts ringing up my shit
>I tell her what I have ads for and I go grab the ads I have
>I'm literally shaking very visibly at this point from nervous overload and am stuttering
>I am able to match 1 or 2 things but start having a hard time searching for shit
>shaking even more since I noticed how nervous I was being
>start panicking in my head that people are staring at me and probably making fun of me shaking or they think I'm on drugs
>I just stop trying to price match shit and I just leave everything there and go

>>35874614
just remember that nobody cares when they're at the register. cashier just sees a blur of faces and everyone else just wants to pay and leave.

>>35874659
Easier said than done. There's also this really fucking cute girl at a pizza place I like and I think I'm getting the wrong signs from her.

>>35872482
are you me

I guess I actually have social anxiety, should I tell someone?

>>35872828

He deserved it, should have stuck to his books, fucking nerd.

>>35872482
It reminds me if that one time when I saw someone looking barely like my crush and concluded that she changed her clothes, hairstyle and picture so I wouldn't notice her.

>>35872828
solid 9/10 story, good job anon, I just feel a bit sorry for the ants that died...

>>35874685
dont fall for the friendly cashier meme

shes just being nice

>>35874137
Oh my degenrate..

>>35874137
i dont understand what you did wrong

>>35872828
for the swarm brother

I once beat up a british kid at an international sleepaway camp with the cast on my broken arm to assert dominance in the bunking situation, then ignored everyone and played gba for the entire 2 weeks

>>35870322
>>35873981

I got another story:
>at the cash dispenser, was waiting for 15 minutes, very crowded
>also long line behind me
>finally my turn
>insert card, get cash
>I take the cash, but I forgot to take my card out
>cash dispenser swallows my card
>cash dispenser shuts down completely because of that (I don't know why it does that, but it did)
>panic
>long line of people behind me can't get cash now, they all gave me the stare
>mfw they all have to go to the cash dispenser at the other side of the city
>slowly walked away and avoided their stares

Not only did I lose my bank card, but also felt like a retard the rest of the day

>>35870776
how the fuck do you even make that mistake?

I was /thatkid/ that would compulsively yell stuff out in class. I learned to control it but fuck

>religious middle school
>watching a Veggie Tales thing about the Bad Bunny or whatever, where they make the chocolate bunnies
>chocolate bunny logo on box looks like the playboy logo
>yell "ITS THE PLAYBOY BUNNY"
>everyone looks really quickly at me out of shock, goes back to watching and tries to act like nothing happened
>want to die

My fucking English teacher
>getting my stuff out of locker was tough
>locker would get jam packed with retards during passing period
>would try super hard to get on time to English
>type of teacher that if bell was still ringing while you were in the door, was a tardy
>too many tardives turned into detentions and suspensions, permanent record shit, and parents would kill me
>got all tardives from this class, one away from suspension
>even tried not bringing books to class, she would say
>"Don't come to class unprepared, Anon, go get your books, and that's a tardy"
>late for last tardy
>literally an inch from seat when it rang
>"you're not in your seat, that's a tardy"
>I snap
>"you fucking stupid bitch, you're such a fucking stupid bitch"
>class acts like I killed the pope
>don't get suspended or anything when I talked to the surprisingly chill principle about it

Also: the autistic "I'm the class clown and have le superior humor" phase coupled with my compulsive yelling led and unpopularity led to some supreme cringe moments. Many of them. Can't remember specifics tho

>>35870626
if i were there and saw i would help you.

>>35870322
>be me
>17, senior in hs
>be in english class
>sitting next to 15/10 qt3.141592653589793238482643383279
>allergic to literally everything so my nose is running like crazy
>class is reading a shakespeare play
>don't wanna get up and get tissues or I'll disturb the reading
>wipe my nose with my hand then wipe it on my jeans
>do this like 20 times cuz allergies are a bitch
>next class someone else is sitting in my spot
>never get to sit next to qt3.1415926535897932384626 again
>tfw I find out later we have a lot of similar interests and she's super awesome
>tfw she switches out of my class next semester so I never have a chance to talk to her again

FUCK

>>35875262
>class is reading a shakespeare play
Do you people even read something other than that?

>>35872828
Respect, you treated them right.

o7

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>fell for qt boy freshman year of hs
>he was bi and with a girl at the time
>i come out as bi, a month later gay
>hear that his relationship is basically non existent and is more of a "yeah we're dating" thing, while they never do anything together
>i start hanging out with the guy more
>i was an awkward, socially inept idiot then
>didn't realize i should've asked him over to my house
>instead hung out with him during lunch
>got caught up on small stuff constantly
>end of school year
>my stupid self, after missing all my chances, I ask him out
>not even in person, but online
>he says that he would if he weren't dating someone
>spend all summer being a depressed sack of shit, don't see him much for a couple years because of classes and my focus on other people I never end up with
>looking back I realized I had real chances and had I not been a fucking retard I would have got him
They broke up and he came out as gay my senior year. I reconnected with him around then
There's no happy ending though of course, even though I've overcame most of my social issues now and am nearly a robot-chad.
He's now taken again, and for good this time it seems.

>>35872828
you are my brother. he deserved what he got.
perfect.

true human potentionelle. thats how you treat subhumans (the kids) around you.
they sure how real human like you have ability to care and admire, trully you have the moral superiority to kill them if you wanted, they are waste animals to hunt and dominate. THE WEAK SHALL FEAR THE STRONG.
respect o7 i d fight with you.

>>35872841
real men doesnt exis-

you did the right thing.

>>35875262
What the fuck, dude
At lease write down pi correctly if you make the effort to write down the first 31 figures.
It is >(...)323846264(...)
not >(...)323848264(...)

>>35875417
FUCK
I knew I messed up somewhere but was too lazy to check
fuck your supreme autism for checking my numbers

>>35872515
i love me some cucumbers

Going out in public...
oreogonal

>>35873760

Shoot them in the head anon, but please leave the people who were nice to you alone.

>>35870322
Pretty sure for the entirety of 2nd and the first half of third grade I just didn't have friends. All my friends had moved and I was extremely socially retarded and shy. During recess I just used to sit on a giant metal spider thing we had on the playground and pretend it was a time machine or some shit. I had to have looked absolutely ridiculous doing it. Every now and then some other kids would come climb on it and I would just ignore them until they went away.

>>35875543
It is a pity we don't have this spider thing here at college, I would speng humongous amount of time there.

>>35875441
Stfu stupid norman,
trying to boast with a skill to impress people is a one of the most normie things to do, especially on an anonymous board. It is not my fault you failed miserably.
And stop wallowing in self-pity because you had a bunch of things in common with a roastie cunt.

>>35873230
That sounds funny. Doesn't seem it ended up that bad. You even sounded kind of charismatic.

>>35870626
What is bad is when people do things like this, i get it. People are stupid, they are even more stupid when they are bored. I've done it, we all have, everyone is still a child in an adult body when it comes down to it, we still think dumb shit is funny. If we had the energy we'd probably do dumb shit all our life because life is 80% boring.

I probably would chuckled but I would have helped you get your shit off the floor and I wouldn't hold it against you, people that would are stupid.

>>35870322
Randomly walked up to a girl I liked and asked her what her religion was.

>>35870322
>be 12/13
>major part of my friends were a girl's group who we used to be goofy and funny
>be jokingly stupid and even laugh at myself (kind of a clown that everyone likes)
>one day at study hours i want to go to the bathroom, fart is holding in
>try to hold it and go to the bathroom
>fart in the process
>get scared and run agaisnt the door wall
>twist my eyes in panic, public shame
>run to the bathroom
>don't even turn the light on
>get my fingers stuck in the door while trying to close the door, scream
>one of them go asks if i am alright
>shameintensifies.jpg "i am alright" (weird tone)
>keep the light off and stay in the bathrom for an hour or so, in shame panic
>we go to somewhere (don't remember) and enter the nursery van (kind of college where kids spend time until 15/16 and have activities and shit) i awkwarly sit in silence staring at the floor while the group i was friends with is worried
>from that day i became shy with the group instead of playful
>being this affected by an episode, i think when i hit the wall something changed in my brain and couldn't be the same with taht group

also
>be 15
>wanted to sing
>didn't know how to so i would put music loudly and scream my lungs out
>one day i noticed 2 of my neighbours where at my door listening and laughing/commenting

>>35874614
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8GSf5cYCvE

this might help a little bit, helps me atleast.

>>35875636
>tfw knowing some digits of pi is a "skill"
>tfw getting one digit wrong is "failing miserably"
>tfw you share an autistic story and get called a "norman."

The fuck kinda drugs are you on man. You should see a psych about your anger issues.

>autistic teen in his 16 who barely understand body language
>shy at classes
>my desk mate was a 5/10 girl (if i would rate now i would say she was nerdy but an 8/10, very pretty and young)
>talk with her despiste she had no interest in my conversations (wasn't trying to hit her, just talk)
>get caught several times by the teachers, sometimes blush a little because it's always diffucult being the center of attention
>one day i bring something i thought it was cool , a cross from my mother
>show to her like it's some hidden object
>get caught by teacher, not paying attention
>she says "I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT HE IS ALWAYS TALKING TO HIMSELF. I DON'T EVEN LISTEN WHAT HE SAYS"
>*awkward silence*
>i gagged saying like "i..t's not true"
>i blush a bit and too quickly hide my head in my right arm like when you sleep at a desk

>>35875417
Atleast now we know what the most autistic thing you ever did is.

>>35876336
you probably saved my life anon.
i am good talking one on one and get confused and scared while several people where in the room.
i was already gradually understanding that if i talked one on one while in a group of 2/3 it was much easier.
now i am sure of it and understand more.

>>35876336
Thanks anon I'll try this next time. Peterson truly is a gift.

>>35876427
Highschool kids are absolute egocentric scum, you did nothing wrong anon

>>35870626
>the mother didn't buy you carrots intstead

>>35871534
>molestation is rape
Yeah, you are a normie like the other guy said.

>>35876336
Did that guy imply that you should trust your enemies? I don't get it

>>35872828
Not robotic for me to say, but you should get locked away.

>>35871132
>Absolutely luigi fanboy

.... why?

>>35872828
>>35872828

Tempered by hardship and strife, the resourceful terrans have proven a formidable match even for the technologically advanced protoss or the ravenous zerg.

>go to McDonalds with my dad
>getting ketchup into cup to I can dunk my mcnuggies
>drop ketchup cups on my dress shirt
>woman comes over to help clean it up
>try to help, get even messier
>she tells me shes got it, and to 'sit down honey'
>scamper away without a word

>>35876379
Fuck off normal fag. Kill yourself. Origami

>>35877009
Get the fuck out of here you stupid little faggot.

>>35871364
>amerifats see someone unzipping a bag and immediatly presume its a shooting
i'm so fucking glad i dont live there

>>35871461
Do what must be done
Do not hesitate
Show no mercy

>>35871132
"Why is it always mario?"
Good one man xd

>middle school
>going through puberty
>In science class
>I sit way in the back and our desk is in rows of 2
>right beside sits a girl about 8/10
>we're always talking about sex and stuff
>one day I get a random boner and she notices
>she asks to see and obviously i say
>she then tells me she'll let me see her boobs so I agree
>I take out and this bitch yells at the top of her lungs "EW ANON IS JERKING OFF"
>everyone is looking at me at this point and I'm in full panic mode.
>Fucking
>Piss
>Myself
>Kicked out of school and I still can't trust women to this day.

If a girl talks to me, I usually ignore them or look away. My life feels empty, not in a depressing way, just dull.

>>35875417
yes thats r9k quality post

>>35874280
Mida vittu mees :D

>>35871364
>implying normies listen to the lyrics of pumped up kicks

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>clock out from shift
>be tired and strung out
>head over to nearby 7/11
>feel like telling person next to me in line how badly i wanna fuck my mom
>person and his friend look at me
in disbelief and asked how fucked up i am right now
>tfw you cognitevely portray yourself as crazed incestual autist for the sake of a perplexed normie reaction while being completely aware of how socially akward that entire situation was to begin with

>>35874613
I think it's Estonia actually

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>do that thing where you almost trip over the sidewalk but just about don't and everyone sees

>>35872841
I hate people who criticize someone based on mere physical aspects. You have my sympathy dude its a world of dunbasses here, you acted in an understandable way

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>13 years old
>getting family computer fixed because I rid it with viruses
>tech guy is running through all our files
>I was really into futanari, furry, and inflation
>hence my user was filled with cache from furrafinity, rule34, newgrounds, e-hentai, and hundreds of pictures of drawings of women with dicks and humanoid animals fucking
>I was sweating like a whore in church
>Getting nervous so decide to confess to my mother
>Crying
>Blurr out "mom i'm sorry, it was me, my user is full of animal porn"
>Father walks in after hearing what I just said
>Tech guy doesn't give a fuck
>A few secs of silence go by
>'Well miss everyting is fixed now'
>mfw I could have gotten away with it
>mfw they forced me to do therapy for a year
>mfw they still are afraid to bring it up at family dinners

>>35880874
I just realised it's not in a public place so it doesn't belong in the thread
Fuck.

>>35872828
>be fireant af
>finding food, following the trails, doing ant shit
>some faggot starts shoving his hands in my house and killed my bretheren
>mfw

>>35873230
This made me laugh my lungs out so hard, I'm at uni so classmates freaked out.

Still laughing

>>35872861
You can't greentext in real life, you faggot

>>35878066
I mean, he was blasting a song about shooting up a school

>>35878812
Really? In my english class in highschool we had to write a paper about the lyrics of pumped up kicks. It's normie trivia tier.

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>>35871364
>chads run

>>35870361
>calmly say "relax, im actually asexual"
Nice. Are you indeed asexual anon?

when i'm home alone with no one around i close the main door and i run around my house making noise with my mouth pretending to be a knight fighting for some beautiful princess or a space cowboy in an incredible adventure.
I've been doing this since i was 3 yo and 17 years passed what's my problem lol?

>>35874008
No, he's just a fucking idiot. You can take screenshots on a phone too, so that's no excuse.

>>35877511
This is more or less autistic depending on how old you were

>>35878445
WOW what a cuntbag

>>35880923
>>mfw
>Doesn't post a reaction image
Go back to your normie circle jerk website known as Reddit.

>>35871316
Not legitimately autistic, but I act it.

>junior year of high school
>eating lunch with the other spergs
>new kid Chad is sitting with some kids at the table next to us being loud and obnoxious
>the Chad starts pestering my friend to give him his pizza
>suddenly triggered by Chad being a dickhead to my friend who is a complete mouse and would never stand up for himself
>something snaps inside me
>"HEY FUCK OFF!"
>everyone at the tables around us stares at me for a second
>Chad's friends start laughing
>Chad pulls up his chair next to me
>"Why'd you tell me to fuck off? Those are fighting words where I'm from."
>alpha mode engaged
>"You're being a dick to my friend and I don't like that."
>"I just asked if I could have his pizza."
>"You know what you were doing."
>"...Whatever, man. You're an asshole."
>Chad goes back to his table
>come back and realize I probably just did something super embarrassing yelling at him like that

>>35872515
It's ok I think a fair amount of people go through an xD random phase. I repressed those memories.

>>35880874
>being so underageb& that you had FA at 13

>>35882635
you are a very good guy and acted in the right way

>>35882635
Inb4 "FRIENDS REEEEEEE NORMIE"
That'd be me if you weren't such a great dude sticking up for your mate

>>35872828
Hi antman

>>35872828
>a Metal Gear villain is born

>>35872841
so what exactly is wrong with your eye?

your not blind are you?

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>want to go see Disney's Chimpazee in theaters
>no friends to see it
>decide I'll show up to the theater in a gorilla costume so people will think I'm funny and not a weirdo or something
>go to my attic to get my old gorilla costume
>a beam of light shines upon it as if it were meant to be
>brush off the cob webs and decrepit cat turds
>go to put it on
>it's a little small only reaching to about my elbows and knees but I'm already too committed to quit now
>mom drives me to the theater
>no words are spoken just the occasion giggle from me in the passenger seat
>walk into the lobby of the theater on knuckles like a gorilla walks
>my entrance noticeably startles the qt cashier but then just turns into a blank gaze
>"one ticket for chimpanzee"
>"yeah alright anything else, sir?"
>"do you think I'll see my cousin bobo the chimp in this?"
>"Uh I don't know maybe?"
>"he he...do gorillas get in free?"
>"..."
>"Do...do you get if? Cause I'm seeing Chimpanzee."
>"But your a gorilla."
>"...that's right."
>pause
>"would you like anything else, sir?"
>"uh...do you have bananas?"
>she gives me a blank stare
>long silence
>when I get nervous I get gassy so a fart breaks the silence. I don't know if she heard it or not.
>"Enjoy your film, sir."
>didn't get one laugh must be a tough crowd
>walk into the theater in bewilderment
>sit down too embarassed to even pay attention to the film
>fat kid behind me keeps throwing swedish fish in my fur
>40 minutes in get up and throw his box of swedish fish across the theater
>run to the lobby and wait for my mom to pick me up

>first day in school
>coolest kid there tries to make friends with me
>asks me what i like to do
>too autistic to answer
>sister tells him i play video games all day
>he never talks to me again

>>35882635
You did the right thing anon I wish I had friends like you

>>35870322
>be me
>8th grade
>bored in class
>start drawing with pen on hand lines
>started on the inside, but I got carried away and pretty much covered my entire hand and lower arm with weird little lines and tech style doodles (like you see on computer chips)
>bulli yells "hey look everyone anon thinks he's a robot lmao"
>feelsbadman.jpg
>try to wash it off, but it won't come off
>try to hide hand for rest of day, but have to eat lunch and write with hand
When did you realize you were a robot?

I'M A FAGGOT AND I LIKE HUGE DICKS IN MY ASS GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE

>>35870322
kek
i laughed
idk why but i laughed
reminds me of something i would do

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>always look at greentext dumps on imgur when bored
>one day decide to actually check out 4chan
>lurk or months, inally find something I want to comment on
>realize i have no idea how the interace works for replies
>don't know what the options thing is for
>don't know if adding the arrow things actually does anything automatically
>lol im anonymous might as well try
>probably wont work whatever
>realize this comment no longer belongs in this thread
>shit

so this should be red text right

>>35872828
Villains who did literally nothing wrong

>>35885803
you need to go back
probably not original

>>35871316

Autism and OCD. I have loads of stories but I'm mobile posting at the moment and post them in more specific threads.

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>>35870322
not really public, but when I was like 10 I locked myself out of the house and had to take a dump under the tree in my yard that was right next to a public walk way.

>mfw I think my dad found the turd and I blamed it on a dog or a cat or something

>be me in freshmen year
>be just discovering myself as bi
>also start doing pills and shit because also depressed fag with social anxiety like a mother fucker and I just want to feel good
>after doing methadone and morphine and selling my adderall my mom flips her shit and homeschools me
>i still have to go to the school district office each week to turn in work and shit
>mostly a bunch of ghetto kids there who got kicked out for fights and shit
>i just usually mind my own business
>last day of homeschooling comes and I want everyone to know I'm a huge fag
>i gel my hair up into a point, wear a plaid polo short tucked into my dark blue jeans with a rainbow belt and like 3 rainbow bracelets
>i basically looked like Kurt from that show Glee
>get stares all day when I go to do my shit at the office
>im surprised no one beat my ass
>i still want to die

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>>35875262
>>class is reading a shakespeare play
>>don't wanna get up and get tissues or I'll disturb the reading
>>wipe my nose with my hand then wipe it on my jeans
>tfw I was one of the only guys in a class full of hot chicks for Shakespeare

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>waiting for my train
>homeless man sitting on the ground
>ask him what's his favorite food
>Idk why i did itas I never ever talk to people I don't know
>he tells me he likes snails
>when I get back home in the evening I go hunting for snails at the pond near my house
>cook them
>put them in a plastic container
>next day I brought them to the homeless man who was thankfulo

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>>35886960
Kek, that's nice of you, does he usually eat them raw?

>>35886793
Stop being a fag

>>35883112
Probably fake but I wish it were true cause it warms my heart to know that such intense functional autism exists.
People like you deserve the world and much more <3

>>35875262
>tfw runny nose in college class
>no tissues, too nervous to get up
>wait like 1hour 30 minutes before he gives us a break
>go to bathroom
>get paper tower
>blow nose
>like 2 cubic inches of snot come out

it felt so good though

>>35886991
Idk, I see him almost everyday and he has a pot but I doubt it's for culinary use.

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>>35887050
>yfw you're trying to sniff it up into the back of your throat so you can swallow it but quietly enough so that no one hears

>>35887108
Interesting.

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>be me, 21
>last month
>car broke down
>have to take subway to work
>oh well it's 1.30 pm
>subway is full of high school kids
>not really anxious, I look younger and I'm carrying my backpack so I don't really feel out of place, plus I have some friends who are still in high school
>not to mention my gf is still in high school
>reach my station
>climb the stairs to get out of the station
>thinking to myself "everything's been alright, i didn't get sweaty/ticklish/anxious"
>trip over the last step
>REEEEEEE
>16 year old girls sitting right next to where I fall
>school kids all around me

At least I was quick to put my hands forward and got up as quick as I could.

>>35875941
It shows that, as a parent, you have no control over your child.

>>35887223
>not to mention my gf is still in high school
dan pls go

>Call my local cuddler for a cuddle date
>Set for 3pm tomorrow, she agrees to be the big spoon, and likes to hug low.
>Drive to the local burrito joint
>"Senor, mucho frijoles negros, por favor"
>Load up on burritos packed with spicy beans and trundle home
>From the moment my head hits the pillow to the time I drift off to dreamland, I can feel my bowels churning, desperately trying to contend with the monstrous meal I managed to mash down my maw.
>Wake up, ass feels as though a Mongolian invasion is trying to bash it's way through, but through sheer force of will I hold the legions of doom back.
>1pm...2pm...finally my time has come.
>She's a cute girl, about 20, short hair, an endearing streak of blue catches my eye. She giggles, "Are you ready for your cuddle sir?"
>I smile, stomach lowly protesting, but she fails to catch the warning sign.
>"Of course, please, this way"
>I lead her to the other room, couch all prepped, and lie down. She follows my lead, wrapping her petite frame around me.
>I finally lose the power to hold back the cloud of death trying to force it's way through me.
>I then stand up and with my ass directly at her and yell "FUCKING ROASTIES! REEEEEEEE!"
>More than gas escapes my puckered starfish
>A torrent of brown liquid blasts onto her once appealing face
>I continue screeching, the neighbors already pounding on the door, desperately trying to stop whatever crime against humanity they can imagine to be happening inside my apartment
>By the time the door was smashed down, everything was silent
>The entire wall were my cuddler was is completely redecorated in the finest brown stain you could ever imagine.and the smell was stronger than industrial chemical fumes.
>My bowls keeps rumbling so I turn my now spread out asshole towards the neighbors that stood in the door way and shouted "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
>I blast my remaining last loads directly at them coating them in delicate brown slushy shit.
>They'll never forget.

>>35887494
Hiya reddit making more le epic XD posts for your screencaps

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i never thought i'd ever reveal this story

>be me
>be in the fourth grade
>chubby kid, total fucking weeb to add on top of that
>i went through a phase where i would print off pictures from cartoons and anime I liked
>and keep them in my pockets, show them to people
>watched b gata h kei, loved how yamada looked
>at the time i didn't know it was an ecchi anime
>printed out pic related,bring it to school
>show it to another kid
>he almost tells a teacher but I rip it up and throw it in the garbage before he can

and that is how i learned i should stop watching anime.

My life is chocked with terrible things.
Hardpressed to remember most.
One sticks out.

>7th grade
>publuc school
>new territory, must pay for lunch like on shows
>oh shit "gimme yor lunch money meem real?"
>this isnt elementary anymore must form tough
>im poor so at the time I didnt know a program in place didnt make me pay
>in the lunchroom
>2 or 3 months in
>kids I know already started smoking and cussing and growing into being perverts in 6th grade
>im off kilter to all these things still, I am behind.

>make the mistake at sitting at the table talkative ones come to
>they start bussin, shit uh "making fun of eachother" (your translation)
>buss on me
>wearing glasses at the time, got the body shape of franklin the turtle
>They make short work of me
>awkwardly stutter out in a dry tone something along the lines of
>"well you the one always bussin. [2.1 second pause] yeah, that be you"

at the time I wasn't well versed in my people's native slang i.e grew up watching neds declassified and idk zoey101. Parents weren't hooded out. Talked properly then.

I'm a mimic. I copy and mirror people with disturbing accuracy.
But I didn't have enough to work with at the time to form a workable composite mask to hide behind.

I was exposed like a nerve.
Knowing is half the battle, and I realized I ain't know shit.

Not me, but still
>younger brother has a girl over that's super into him despite his complete lack of social aptitude
>pretty sure he likes her quite a bit, too
>has basically spent the whole day sperging out and being generally awkward and antisocial towards her
>I've had to hang out with them most of the time she's been here to keep the conversation going
>left at one point to go get him fries because I lost a bet
>when I come back they're just sitting next to each other not talking, messing with their phones
>he doesn't share any of his fries, refuses to in fact
>left them alone a little while ago
>he is now playing GTA online on his computer with one of his other friends while she's sitting next to him on her phone
>he is literally on a skype call with one of his other friends and ignoring her
I'm no chad but at least I try to keep people engaged and feeling welcome. He's not even making an effort

Oh shit.
I now remember repressed memories from HS pool class.
I have memories so repressed I forgot I had them.

They feel artificial and accessed by chance.

Disgusting disturbing mental time capsules.

Who wants to have sex with me?

Please anyone?

>>35889156
Update:
>she called her mom to come pick her up without saying a word to him
>he doesn't notice or care
>walks back into his room and says "bye" over his shoulder
>doesn't even hear her (headphones on), just keeps playing
>yell at him to get off his fucking computer for five seconds
>"I didn't hear you gosh"
>exchange a short goodbye, she hugs him
>he kinda just stands there
>closes the door behind her, goes back to his computer

>>35887494
You, sir, are the very definition of a fedora-tipping euphoric

>>35890141
Ask him if he is legit gay or something

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>>35871592
Enjoy your crippling dept and worthless degree you spaz

>>35870626
I live in Dallas too, anon. I'm coming for you and your GBP.

>>35872828
I'll take, things that never happened for 500, Alex.

>original comment

>>35871364
Next time, bring a gun.

>>35874757
They died in the service of their Sentinel.

>waiting in lunch queue
>girl cuts in front of me
>this pisses me off
>start attacking her by aggressively gnawing on her arm
>headteacher sees me and tries pulling me off
Yeah.

>school talent show coming up
>deadline in 3 days
>sign up to sing 'banana phone' on stage
>do exactly that
I still don't understand. At least I got complimented on my singing.

>>35877004
Why, because he defended himself? What about the guy who tried to fuck with a guy who was minding his own business watching ants?

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>>35870322
>2 months ago
>just finished taking my asvab at meps
the asvab is a exam you take to enter the armed forces, meps is where the test is taken, its pretty much a military base, for those who don't know
>we're instructed to sit in this room with several rows of chairs and wait for our scores
>couple kids sitting next to our people
>take a seat by myself as I like my own space
>some asian girl that kinda looked like a boy decides to sit right next to me
>fuck.png
>try not to acknowledge him as I don't want to start a convo
>"what did you get on your test?"
>couldn't hear him because for some reason he was whispering really low
>"uhhh a-an 86..."
>"nice..."
>he says something else but the dumbass is still whispering so I couldn't hear him
>"huh?"
>he repeats himself again
>still can't hear him
>decide to just smile and laugh hoping he'll leave me alone
>he legit stares at me for 15 seconds like i did something wrong

I am convinced this guy was fucking autistic, everyone else was talking outloud, there was no reason to be whispering. And he has the nerve to look at me like I'M the freak.

>Female boss asks me what I do for fun
>Blurt out the first thing that pops into my head
>"I go home and jerk off"
Never went back after that

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II should probably mention before this that i was the gay friend who wasn't really gay. Girls thought my shitty self deprecating humor was hilarious.

>be me, 9th grade Social Studies
>there's 16 kids in this class, 12 are grils, 10 of them are extremely attractive
>teacher wont shut up about how she's my favorite teacher
>get up
>go to whiteboard
>start writing list on board of my favorite teachers and giving reasoning
>get to 2nd teacher
>and my second favorite is Mrs. B because she was hot
>class erupts
>all the grils are laughing nervously
>girl I especially wanted 2 fuk says "What the fuck."
>knew right then and there I had fucked up
>have to think of something quick
>i'm just being honest
>class erupts even further
>don't know what to do at this point
>i'm the closest thing to a chad in this class (not saying much)
>continue with list

My god I fucking hated my freshman year. I ended up becoming pretty reclusive through 10-12th grade and didn't have any friends throughout most of that time.

>>35870322
>be me
>7 years old chubby little queer
>at my aunt's wedding
>dance like a fag
>everyone looks at me
>everyone laughs histerically at me
>emotional shock
>traumatized for life
>never tried to dance since
>never got over it

>>35890719
this is probably in your head. no sensible adult laughs at a 7 year old kid having fun.

>>35876336
Very very interesting, does this guy only make videos on social anxiety? I'd love to watch some more of his content because I really...really need some serious fucking help.

>>35876427
The girl is a vapid cunt, but more importantly anon, why would you want to talk to someone who clearly has no interest in what you have to say? I just don't get it.

>>35890799
I swear they did, it was because i was dancing like a girl flailing my arms around in the gayest way and i was a boy so they though it was so funny it made their day/night, this is also the early 2000s in a traditional and conservative country.

>>35878812
this
in my french class the chads were singing it and when the teacher said something about it they were all surprised that it was about a school shooting

>>35890599
>gay friend who wasn't really gay
You've pushed me into the depths of my repressed memories.

>>35874614
I price match prior to putting my items on the belt and I decide the order that they go up first as well. Hope that helps.

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>>35870626
original pasta saucepan

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Does reading this book in public count?

>>35889450
Well, share some dude

>>35891268
depends how old you were
and yes i know you were probably like 20 or something, so yes

>>35891434
30. I just did that tonight and earlier this month.

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>be me
>work up courage to go to the mall
>in mall
>see store with nice clothes at first glance
>go in
>it's trendy hot topic-esque bullshit and 100% directed towards teenage girls
>see a stacy looking at clothes
>she glances over at me
>AUTISTIC THINKING-IN-THE-MOMENT MODE ACTIVATED
>"just looking at these clothes haha"
>look at the clothing closest to me
>it's teen girl's dresses with a floral pattern
>she gives me a weird look before shuffling away
>mfw

>3rd grade
>caught two frogs
>put them belly to belly and rub them against each other
>march around the school yelling "THE FROGS ARE HAVING SEX"

>>35870361
am asexual and it doesnt stop me from looking at a nice chest or butt (mostly butt)

asexual just means you aren't interested in sex. doesn't mean you can't appreciate a cute grill.

it's like enjoying pictures of beautiful landscapes but not actually wanting to go outside.

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>in biology class
>teacher shows us a video of starving African kids or something
>some kid with a weird head shape appears on screen
>yell out ''HAHA WHAT AN EGGHEAD''
>get kicked out of class

>>35874763
not him, but i have a pizza qt I like. I have a domino's I go to once a week.

I think this girl works there full time since she's always there when I go (i go at different times and days). She is always making pizzas or cleaning.

She is never in a social position. but any time I go in, and she hears me order, she pops her head out of wherever she is and smiles.

i thought she did this for everyone, but i have watched once or twice and she doesn't.

I think she might like me but i dont want to get my hopes up.

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>was 15
>9/10 locker mate leaves her locker unlocked
>occasionally take her shoes to the bathroom and jerk off
>horny as fuck one saturday, squeeze through unlocked windows to get inside the school
>her locker is locked so no luck
>wander through school, see like 4 cops jogging outside
>huh, strange
>go out the main entrance
>get arrested

>>35892199
>In biology class, hate the teacher
>She shows us a picture of her kid
>Loudly say "What's wrong with her face?"

>>35872828
They call him.
The ant-agonizer

>>35883112
>40 minutes in get up and throw his box of swedish fish across the theater
Kek. This can't be real

>>35871364
this is great anon. This brightened my day.

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>>35892974
You did good, kid. Marzipan.

>>35887494
Reddit humor: the post

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>>35891268
>>35891710
Top tier taste, m80

>>35893303
that filename got me

>>35892199
>in science class
>global warming tv on wheels movie
>cgi projected animation of water levels rising worldwide
>hong kong coasts are btfo
>mutter while laughung in an accent "leng ling get da boat!"
>quadroon stacy sneers "yo wtf is wrong with you yo."

>>35872841
ah that stinks and you had every right to go off on that lady how rude of her if i saw your eye i would have thought it was really cool

>>35891282
I cant
because I drowned... im black

>be me in middle school
>never been in a fight in my life
>eating lunch in quad nfg
>kid nearby starts screeching high pitched nonstop
>gets laughs from peers he probably never was noticed by
>continues shrieking well after humor dies
>feel the fire rising as I politely tell him to knock that shit off
>grew up with the kid so he thinks nothin of it
>continues shrieking
>gets a few more laughs after I tell him to stop
>continues shrieking
>I warn him again
>continues shrieking
>peers laugh harder
>give him final warning cus y'know... baseball rules
>he shrieks harder and louder now clearly living in his own wet dream of acceptance and comedic stardom
>casually stand up
>casually saunter up behind him
>casually grab the back of his head and slam it into the lunch table
>shrieking replaced with crying
>receive looks of horror from classmates
>casually walk back to table and continue eating fruit I'll up

>be me
>walking home from school
>at intersection
>decide to cross a different way this time
>see all the people in their cars and at the light
>oh shit
>my autistic ass walks RIGHT by them and continues walking
>oh well cant stop now
>I walked around the block simply because i was too scared to turn around in front of all the cars

>>35893823
holy shit that's fucking alpha

>>35874726
If you feel it is impeding your life which it probably is then yes

>>35883112
>"do you think I'll see my cousin bobo the chimp in this?"
I'm stunned that a person can be this autistic and be allowed to move freely in public

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>be 14 years old
>high school freshman
>in love with a junior girl who sits adventures my table in home economics
>She was a "cool girl" but also very studious
>One day am walking home and see her drive her car passed me and pull into on of the homes on the street.
>She lives near me, cool.
>Next day in home ec, baking cookies.
>put cookies in oven. Waiting for 15 mins in complete silence.
>I decide to break the silence by mentioning that I saw her on my walk home.
>Instead I say "I know where you live."
>"What the fuck, you creep."
>Goes to teacher to report me. I follow to plead my case.
>Screaming "I'm not a stalker, I didn't follow you home."
>People calling me a creep.
>As I'm pleading my case to teacher, cookies catch fire.
>We fail assignment.
>TFW bad grades, bad cookies, bad feels.
>TFW I lost the girl

>>35894234
You actuakly made me close thos thread before coming to my senses about stories after yours that arent quite...

Terrible.

>>35871534
I also bit someone
>tfw watched many toons on my tv growing up
>was obsessed with batman and beating up things like batman
>halloween comes around and i'm 4
>dress up like bamham
>some lil faggot talks shit about my costume
>chase him pin him down against the floor
>bite his ass so hard he bleeds
Ain't nobody got time to fuck the bamham

>>35894335
I have no clue what you're attempting to say

>>35874008
>>35882257
Younger people have no idea how to do anything outside a web browser. Most of /b/ can't even torrent anymore.

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>at the grocery store to pick up a few things
>lines are packed
>my turn to pay
>swipe card
>doesn't work
>swipe again
>doesn't work
>woman behind me getting visibly and audibly annoyed
>start getting frustrated because I hate holding people up
>swipe again
>doesn't fucking work
>person behind the register asked if I need help, I say no
>woman behind me says "Let someone else do it already!"
>I get really fucking mad and tell her "Shut your fucking mouth, you dumb cunt. Mind your own goddamn business."
>she looks at me in stunned silence
>swipe card again
>finally works
>take my shit and say to the woman "There! I'm fucking finished."
>leave

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>>35894424
BASED AS FUCK

orggg

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>go to FUCKING gamestop several years ago to buy Uncharted
>grill working the counter
>she says "Oh, hey, I love this game. I hope you enjoy it, too!" or something like that
>take this as a cue to start a conversation
>100% socially inept
>can't actually think of something to say
>end up just staring at her while mumbling and stuttering out a few "ums"
>realize I'm getting nowhere and bolt out of the store before things get worse
>don't go back for another year out of fear she'd still be working there

>>35871534
Yes that is very much sexual assault. She was probably too intimidated to report it. I don't think that's so much autism but more of being a bad person overall

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>>35894424
You have gained my respect, anon.

>just off work
>small burger truck picnic tables and such
>gf and her sister sitting at one table we were gonna go out and do stuff after I got off
>sit down next to them looks like I don't know them from the way I casually did it
>some guy staring at me like I'm an autistic sperglord neet
>tell them we have to leave right now
>self conscious cause some old guy looked at me

>>35872673
this nearly happened to me in noho, luckly i had a friend who relies on metro so much. sorry to hear this anon

>>35871132
So you're a big Luigi fan?

I have diagnosed autism, here's a list.

> Naruto ran up my street.
> Neighbors gate is open.
> Hit it.
> Fly at least five feet off the ground (I run really fast)
> Break nose, might have got a concussion, but poor fag so not hospital.
> Permentally damage sense of smell.
> But hypersensitivity keeps my taste intact lel.

> Be me.
> In kindergarten.
> Do nothing but runaway.
> Get held back.

> In kindergarten.
> Don't want to leave sandbox.
> Janitor comes to get me out because I can force my weight down.
> Give him a hernia trying to pick me up.
> He was a cool guy.

> 3rd grade.
> Bee nest in one of those green, plastic covers to the plumbing.
> Crowd around it.
> I ask who dares me to step on it.
> "No one is going to dare you to do that anon"
> Pussies.
> Do it.
> Only get stung once (I run fast).

> On a walk on the beach with my mom.
> Cross under a pier with muscles on the beams.
> I want one.
> Try to take them.
> There's motherfucking quicksand in front of them.
> Stay anyway.
> Fail to get one, sink up to my chest.
> Fireman loses his brand new boot digging me out.
> He's pissed.
> I got a hook in my finger and became friends with a blue crayfish.

> Can't swim.
> Need life jacket to use pool.
> It's chaffing.
> Take it off.
> Ride on top of it.
> Go to deep end.
> Sink.
> Punch brother in the face when he tries to save me.
> Walk across bottom, and live.

> Make random scribbles, hoping one is a spell.
> Doesn't happen.

> Be me.
> 3-4
> Boner.
> Hump random things in the house.

> 13-14 Fap time.
> Sneak out of bed.
> Grab tub of margarine form fridge.
> As I stick my finger in the sweet sweet fap jelly hear, "What are you doing anon?"
> Oh fuck it's my younger sister.
> "Uh. I like to eat straight butter, but I'm too self-conscious to do it when everyone's awake."
> She gives a face of doubt.
> I have to eat it.
> Do it with great regret, "Mm, good."
> She gives me a face like I'm garbage that I've never seen her make since.
> Shame.

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>>35894424
This isn't autism. You're a god among men. I hope to be like you, one day.

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>at summer camp
>right before lights out a bugle playing taps is broadcasted through the camp
>it's seen as a big deal and it's supposed to be very solemn
>song ends
>I break the silence by loudly cheering and clapping
>mfw all the dirty looks

>>35871461
Your outburst wasn't autistic. The way you stood down was. You should have focused and responded to Chad too. Next time follow through.

>>35894855

Here's more.

> Be me.
> 2nd grade.
> At lunch.
> "Hey anon, can I have your Cheetos?"
> Fuck no.
> Say, "Only if you give me 20 dollars."
> Next day.
> He has the 20.
> Accidentally rip it later that day.
> Yard duty takes it when I ask if it's still good.
> Get in trouble.
> Never get my 20 back.

> Don't understand imagination.
> Walk up to every girl in my 2nd grade class saying I can see through clothes.
> They are avoid me.

> Kindergarten.
> I like soft things.
> Pet girl's hair when I sit behind them.
> Some get pissed.
> Some are okay with it.
> I don't give a fuck, I pet their hair either way.

> Watch cop show.
> See off screen blowjob.
> That's where babies come from, it has to be.
> Convince friends.
> They tell yard duty.
> Have to explain that I think sucking dick gets you pregnant....

> Years later I still think that's how it's done.
> Never took sex ed.
> Ask mom in car.
> Siblings cringe.
> "How do you think they're made anon?"
> Can't say it again.
> Say what Cartmen said in south park, "You put your penis in and pee."
> Shame.

>>35890981
If you don't get it then why are you talking to that poster? How do you know he doesn't have any interest in what you have to say?

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>be 13 or 14
>only one computer in the house
>use it to look at porn
>don't even masturbate, I'm just watching it
>forget to clear history one time
>mom saw that I was watching lesbian porn and rule 34 of Family Guy and Futurama (only because I thought it was funny looking)
>can hear her in the other room talking about it
>oh fuck she's coming over to confront me about it
>jump into bed and pretend to be sleeping
>she calls me like 10 times, I'm just laying there praying she goes away
>I ended up forcing myself to actually go to sleep so I don't know how long I was just laying there for, but it felt like an hour
>she never talked to me about it probably because she knew how embarrassed I was

>>35870626
All of my keks

Gdlysh

>>35893823
That reminds me of a kid I knew in middle school

>kid's name was Evan
>looked razor intelligent with glasses, had this killing stare
>silent as a statue, didn't look like he had any friends
>he never smiled and always had a slight scowl on his face
>eating lunch with my mates when I see this kid sitting a table away from us
>annoying kid starts making fun of him because he always sat alone during lunch
>after a few minutes of teasing Evan gets visibly irritated
>in a single swift motion he grabs this kid's arm, twists it like a preztel and forces the kid on his knees
>kid start shrieking like a banshee, Evan releases him and kicks him in the chest pushing him onto the floor
>the crowd of kids parts like the fucking red sea as he walks away

>>35895329
I'm 21 years old and always get caught masturbating, like everyday.

>>35882714
>Fur Affinity was launched on January 16, 2005

I don't know if this autistic or not, but looking back it always makes me kek.

>be little kid, too young to stay home alone so have to go with parent whenever they run an errand
>go with my dad to the hardware store all the time
>every time I see the toilets on display I walk over to them and yell out "LOOK I'M PEEING" and pretend to pee, making "psssssssssss" noises
>sometimes I pretend to be taking a dump, yelling out "LOOK I'M POOPING" while doing so
>everyone in the store looks at me

>>35894389
You sumbamabich shit the fuck up u know what I said

>>35885537
So what you're saying is you were faking being a robot? REEEEEEEEEEE NORMIE GTFO

>be running on 4 hours sleep
>on a bus ride home form college
>zone out and have a microsleep
>mutter "back the ass up" while nodding my head
>hear female sounds of shock and laughter
>suddenly awake and see 3 high school girls int he seats in front of me staring at me
>keep doing the autism nod and blinking and reciting the lyrics in my head
> wasn't even listening to music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL2txMU50CI

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>>35895381
atta boi evan

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>>35895329
>be like 15
>computer screen faces the door so I could have porn up and nobody knew
>one day mom comes in and drops something on my desk and starts talking to me
>as I'm looking at what she gave me I see her trying to lean over the screen to see what's on it
>overreact in trying to alt-tab and it clearly looks like I'm trying to hide something
>what was that anon
>I say it was n-nothing
>It looked like naked girls to me anon
>confess
>every guy my age does it mom, it would be weird if I didn't
>she sighs heavily with relief
>thank goodness anon I thought you were gay
>she leaves the room telling me not to overdo it
>to this day I am grateful I was looking at vanilla porn and I didn't have my dick out otherwise that could have gone a lot worse

>>35875262
Holy shit this is literally me.

orikitikitavi

>shopping at thrift store
>qt 3.14 is checking out in line next to me
>stare at her like autist
>she says "hey"
>freak out and lift up my shirt to show my belly button
>she says "nice belly button"
>respond "thanks I'm thinking about getting it removed"
>awkward silence
>leave store never return

>in middle of class shit myself due to ibs
>say "oopsie i made poopy'
>girls laugh and teacher asks if i need help cleaning up and treats me like a retard
>only time i ever talked in class

>>35872841
thats alpha as fuck, oh wizard with the eye that sees it all

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>>35875262
>next class someone else is sitting in my spot

This shit angers me unlike anything else

>Was at hospital
>Was feeling super anxious
>QT hands me gown
>Cant fit my head in it
>She then lifts it up and helps dress me
>She talks to me like a autist and giggles

>>35875716
People at work love me because my autism gives them a break from the boredom of wagecuckery, Nothing gives you an excuse to slack off like watching the class clown stick pencils in their upper lip and make walrus noises.

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>>35872841
based as fuck

Don't take shit from anybody, anon

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>kindergarten
>picture day where we had to hold a sign infront of the class
>have a phobia of pictures and being infront of people
>my turn
>drop the sign then start running around the class crying and screaming while the teacher chases me trying to take a picture
>hide in a corner and the teacher starts taking pictures of me in my knees staring at the corner.

>>35894424
this is supposed to be a thread about acting autistic, but what you've shown here is just incompetence because you can't stick with a basic prompt.