>be me >sunday >first day of church, new acolyte, kind

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>be me
>sunday
>first day of church, new acolyte, kind of nervous
>4:30 am, pull up to church
>huge double doors leading into massive cathedral
>walk in
>spaghetti falls out of pockets
>people help me clean it up, they are really considerate and understanding
>one guy even gives me more spaghetti
>preacher asks if there are any new members here
>i throw a meatball at him
>he bows, and walks towards me
>pulls out prego
>spreads across my forehead
>recites the pasta prayer
o pasta o pasta, thank you for our new member, let him be showered in meat and noodle, let his soul be opened to the heavens of linguine,and shielded from the depths of the stove.
>so beautiful
>i begin to cry
>preacher whispers in my ear
>i have one more task to complete for full orientation
>go home
>cook pasta
>dont eat it
>whip out dick
>dont beat it
>spread prego across pasta
>im diamonds
>pray one last time to my pasta savior
>fuck the ever living sauce out of the bowl
>pasta sauce flys onto the walls
>onto my shirt
>cum buckets
>fall asleep in the kitchen, wake up a new man
>i am one with my lord

who /pastafarian/ here?