>be 22.5 years old >never had a gf >never got laid >kissed

>>35849025
>>kissed one girl and it was awkward and sucked
go away chad

I want to elaborate on what's exactly wrong with me.
It seems like there's this block between how I experience the world and how it is. This is usually because of some psychotic thought I have, like if I see a tab from a can I think about it in my brain. Consciously I know it's not there but I feel this creeping feeling under my skull like it is there, and if I try to focus on something else I just get that creeping feeling and I can't make it go away. I feel like on a subconsious level I think it's still there. So I imagine myself digging in my skull to remove it, and just like that it's gone. But that's not enough, because I have to imagine how i'd heal the wound. So I always imagine using some antibiotic cream to prevent infection, then I think in my head the parts of the body above the brain (meninges, skull, scalp, hair) and after I do all of that work, I am free to live life again. Except usually I ruin some opportunity while doing this. I know it's stupid but I swear to God it's like I have to. I've taken medication and seen therapists and it didn't help me. In order to cope, I try to figure out exactly how the mind works by thinking about how I have a true self and a false self (borrowed from buddhism but works practically) and all I have to do is follow my true self and ignore my false self. Yet this isn't perfect because it's genuinely hard to tell which is the true self and which is the false self. So I invent this thing called the good sense and the bad sense, and the good sense senses what is good and true and the bad sense tries to fill my head with lies while passing them off as truth. Yet, it's hard for me to tell which sense is which here too.
Fuck. Meanwhile my life goes to shit and I waste hella time.

>>35849259
PLANT FRUIT TREES

>>35849259
life is shit for most people, just deal with it

psychology isn't too bad, at least you didn't choose philosophy or english or some dumb shit

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57KB, 1131x849px

>>35849259
thanks for sharing your inner ocd monologue with us anon. Hey why dont we applaud you!
Youre great anon! Good job!