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>Be NEET
>Parents are wagecucks, tell them how pathetic they are at dinner every night
>One day wake up, 7:30pm
>Nobody woke me up for dinner at 7:00
>Run down the steps, screeching at my parents for trying to let me starve
>No answer
>Hmmm
>Go into parents room
>See them both dead, holding hands, a gun in each of their off hands and a bullet wound through both of their heads
>Note between them
>"Dear anon, we are sorry, but we cannot stand this type of existence anymore. We both love you very much, but our lives simply aren't worth living if they're going to be like this. We left you chicken tenders and bagel bites in the freezer, and instructions on how to reheat them. We're so sorry honey bunches. Please, please forgive us, and be okay. Love, mom and pop."
>mfw my parents became an hero because they couldn't stand being wagecuck's anymore
>Start to panic, know that Jewman will make me leave the house if they find out my parents are dead
>Hide their bodies under the mattress, eat the tendies that they left me (ignore shitty bagel bites)
>they left me enough power and internet to last a while, play Smite & Runescape for a few weeks
>Eventually run out of tendies
>Go to the bites
>Almost out of those when I hear a knock at the door
>It's Mr. Shekelsteens wagecuck HR Person
>Parents are both high up in their company, when they wouldn't answer their phone for such a long time, Mr. Shekelsteen sent this asshole to check on them
>Tell him they went on vacation to Wagekektopia
>He doesn't believe me, starts to get panicked because he smells "carrion"
>Runs up to my parents bed and finds them
>I get charged for murder even though I didn't do it
>Court case lasts 17 months, spend most of my time in lock up because I can't afford bail, not after they stopped giving me my NEETbux
>I am found not guilty, but they also find that I am "Mentally unfit"
>They give me triple the NEETbux parents used to give me
>mfw I keep their house and eat tendies like a king the rest of my life
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>>35826619
>triple the NEETbux parents used to give me
...how much is that, exactly?
>>
You are truly a legend.
Those fucking wagecucks should've left you life insurance money, those greedy bastards
>>
>>35826843
>life insurance
Eh, probably didn't cover suicide.
>>
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You absolute legend, you truly Are the king of All NEETs.
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>>35827001
Some do. It's worth looking into.
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>>35826811
Like $2500-3000 american bucks
>>
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>be me
>be beautiful 356 pound good boy
>watching mlp in my mancave
>tummy growls for tendies
>"MUMMY I WANT TENDIES"
>bitch doesn't fucking come
>eternal greed grows inside me
>use my new installed house speaker
>"MUMMY MUMMY I WANT TENDIES" I scream into the microphone
>finally see her come to my room from the surveillance cameras
>"anon what do you want is 3am in the morning, I have to go to work in the morning "
>bitch asks me what I want when I told her 2 times already
>scream "MUMMY MUMMY THOU WANT TENDIES"
>"anon its 3am in the fucking morning its past your bedtime I'll give you tendies tomorrow"
>is this bitch fucking serious
>throw my cum jar at her out of anger
>mummy collapsed
>she'll give me tendies when she wakes up
>drag her body to the kitchen so she'll make tendies faster
>return to my cave to continue watching mlp
>come downstairs 7 hours later
>mummy is still asleep
>still no tendies
>pee on her so she'll wake up
>she still didn't wake up
>decide to make tendies myself
>remember that I don't know how to use the microwave
>eat frozen tendies
She still didn't wake up. What the fuck do I do?
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>>35826843
maybe that's the "triple the NEETBux" OP was referring to.
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>>35827080
Enjoy death anon
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>>35827080
>She still didn't wake up. What the fuck do I do?
Um, call a medic.
Or the popo.
>>
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>be me
>be fatass NEET
>10pm
>watching a Tyson Tendie Commercial on repeat
>rumbly tummy says it's time for another batch
>waddle through my room
>trip on a poop jug from last night
>spend 10 minutes farting and struggling getting to my feet
>thought for sure I told mummy to clean my room today
>make it out of the room and down the stairs
>mummy's cleaning the kitchen
>"mummy mummy your boy is hungry! Where are my tendies?"
>"Anon, you ate the last box. And no, it's too late to go out now. I have work very early."
>A flicker of rage sparks up inside me
>"then how will your good boy eat tendies tonight?"
>"I don't know. It's not my problem. You're 31 for Christ's sake"
>what's that? not her problem. Fucking kek
>"you brought me into this world you stupid bitch. Now TAKE CARE OF ME! Before I shove a poop jug up your cunt you fucking whore."
>she raises her arms in surrender.
>"fine" she sighs.
>watch her leave
>40 minutes later she's finally back
>she brings in great value brand tendies
>great value
>FUCKING GREAT VALUE
>don't even say anything
>hobble to my room farting frantically
>grab oldest, nastiest poop jug I can find
>back in the kitchen she has her back to me finishing up dishes
>kick her as hard as I can knocking her off her feet
>plop down all 400 pounds on her chest
>feel her ribs crack as I unscrew my shit jug
>"ANON! ANON NO!!! PLEASE!!!" She gasps out, her eyes full of terror. She knows what's coming
>arms and legs flailing all around but I'm too heavy
>slowly pour god knows how old tendie diarrhea on her face
>overflows over her mouth
>watch her cough and gargle on my own shit
>see the life begin to drain from her eyes
>use all my might and stand up
>she rolls over gasping and grabbing her chest
>Take out peepee
>piss in her hair
>"Tyson now bitch"
>mfw that cunt drove back to wal-mart with shit on her face and broken ribs to get me the brand of tendies I deserve
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>>35826619
ayy lmao...
I can tell you did that "31 yr old NEET" thread by the writing style and absurdity.
N O I C E
O
I
C
E
777 keks
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>>35827052
>Like $2500-3000 american bucks
Not so sure OP is set for life like he thinks he is...
>>
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>>35826619
Thisis an amazing story.
>>
An excellent NEET, slayer of the wagecucks.
>>
how hard do any of you wish this was your own reality?
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>>35827528
Kys my mayn
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>>35827771
Them numbers and that post
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>>35826619
best thread in five months. much to learn from this meganon!
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>>35827080
Why do you keep a cum jar? Do you intend to donate to a sperm bank and plan on giving several loads-worth in one trip?
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>>35826619
>>35827080
>>35827528
i don't know why some anons seem genuinely upset by these but /I/ appreciated the stories
thanks for taking the time to make them
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>>35826619
>case lasts 17 months, spend most of my time in lock up
Bet there are some interesting stories here...
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>>35827528
Great Values is waaaaaaaay better than Tyson, which are shit-tier tenders.
>>
Autism thread?
>jerk off
>toss it at the trashbin
>it misses because I have to make an angled calculated shot and I wasn't feeling it
>just leave it on the floor because why not, I'll pick it up later
>wake up
>go to pick up my cumtissue
>its being swarmed by ants, hungrily feeding off of my nourishing semen
Who /devilish/ here
Gonna start my own ant farm.
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>>35832874
Ants don't eat cum you liar.
>>
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I very much enjoy these threads
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>>35827013
I no of none, it makes no sense. POIDH
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>>35827001
>>35833504
>Special exclusions may apply, such as suicide clauses, whereby the policy becomes null and void if the insured commits suicide within a specified time (usually two years after the purchase date; some states provide a statutory one-year suicide clause). Any misrepresentations by the insured on the application may also be grounds for nullification. Most US states specify a maximum contestability period, often no more than two years.
Thread posts: 29
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Thread images: 7