ITT i stream of consciousness I am beginning to enjoy the inherent

sometimes people are robots because they got a raw deal
but even good genetics, upbringing and situation can't help you if your brain is wired wrong.

here we go on a stream of consciousness writing adventure where do we start well im not sure lets end it here

A string of missed opportunities. I've been asked out by someone, asked for sex by someone, told after the fact that they wanted to have sex by someone's friend etc. I'm not dense like an anime character, but my instincts to be proactive and accept the offer just don't kick in until it's way too late. I tell myself that I don't even deserve to have these regrets. On the flip-side, whenever I decide to be the one chasing, it's always after someone who doesn't want me. So no success on either end of the spectrum.

Nobody thinks I'm a virgin, and I've never had to lie about it but easily could.

>>35797478
Im pretty glad you feel that way

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>>35797332
well you cant rightly have good genetics and have your brain wired wrong
I mean "brain wired" pretty directly means some innate mental conditioning from genetics, you aren't implying some environmental influences

>>35797478
I can't imagine turning down someone who actually WANTS me
But i guess its been so long since ive even considered a woman actually wanting anything to do with me

why dont you love me? didnt you love me? why couldnt you pretend a little longer if you were just lying to me anyway
i dont want to be alone
this is awful
im so scared and alone
i didnt feel this alone before i met you
i hate that you made me feel not alone
only to
disappear

i cant wait until you kill yourself
im glad no one else will ever love you
im glad your fucked up
im happy for that at least because misery loves company and if im useless then you can be dead

>>35797553
sorry I meant physically not mentally, my bad
I've met some sperglords who look like chads

>>35796726
None of us were able to control our existence. Why do things like racism exist? Why am I a racist?

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>>35796726
conversations are just societally-enforced voyeuristic helplessness, and then you have to open your mouth and make sounds sometimes

I love the illusory socialization, the illusion of people present, of movement and smiling and talking. Like lighted houses in the evening, unwatched teevees buzzing in the background, windows open so the sound and scent of the world can come in. Just yesterday, it was the stench of tepid spring days, the chittery shrieking of kids playing outside, echoes of cars in the distance but all you can see are empty roads.

I think I prefer it that way. Because people-watching hurts. It's why I hate airports, they're full of families and couples, handholding and passionate light kisses, prolonged goodbyes and tearful hellos, and you just can't run away from it all. It's why I hate driving through the city, looking into the windows of restaurants and apartments, all those people hunched over tables chatting wonderfully, interacting, lives intertwining, even for one night.

And I hate it. Nobody wants to look around and see other people living out your dream better than you could've ever done, enjoying every last syrupy ream of the experience and exhilaration of being alive, of doing things you never done before, doing things you've always done before.

>>35797621
You are racist because you are just a product of society, you have no control of your existience

>>35797565
I am glad I have never experienced this, because I know I am so fragile in this department of my life. I would cave so hard under any amount of pressure

>>35796726
I am the universe experiencing itself.

>>35797775
so close to heavenly quads

and yes, avoid it. This is a fresh hell. I should be pleased it went so quick. And he's a spaz loser who no one would look at twice. So there's the satisfaction of knowing I will be forever alone but so will he.

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>>35797736
I think fundamentally different
I enjoy talking to strangers, I think I can navigate it pretty well and give them exactly what they want.

I enjoy people watching probably for the same reason as everyone else, it makes me feel like I am a part of these other peoples lives. I enjoy the feeling of being part of a community where we all adhere to a set of unspoken rules. I think this is fundamentally the core of modern civilization.

I dont really ever feel jealous, but sometimes I do feel the unfairness of the world

gonna make it nowhere it's fine I don't need to as long as I have people with me I still don't feel though. even if I'm gonna make it I can't believe I can't think ouch

I dont understand why I have no drive to do anything productive.