First thread on here
>24 years old
>No friends, never had a girl, never held hand, never kissed
>Always acted like a clown in school to feel accepted and a tons of lies
>Can't go out, scared. Living in a small town, even more scared of judgements
>Can't even bring the trash out or I start having tremendous anxiety
>Because of above, won't even start trying to find a job or do anything. Stay at home whole day doing nothing and feeling like shit
>Loneliness hurts
I tried psychologists, psychiatrists, medicines, therapies, etc. Nothing helped as much as I wanted to.
All I really wanted in life was to have a girl that loves me, a group of friends, and eventually children. Am I asking for too much? I feel like I'm going to kill myself at 30
>>35788675
Same boat as you except a few more mental illnesses. I figured I will kill myself at 27 though
>>35788730
This is what makes me even more angry. Everybody told me "no your brain is perfectly fine, you are just lazy! here take this pill / keep coming in therapy and it will fixes by itself!"
At this point I really wish I had some serious mental disturb, at least I'll get some easy money and I'd have an excuse to not do anything. I really miss someone hugging me
>>35788675
Get out there and do things, start small, grab a coffee or something and make it a routine to leave the house for whatever. The longer you stay inside doing nothing the worse those anxious feelings will get.
Change it up, start looking for a job, look into moving to another town if you're worried. People aren't keeping a shitlist of all your failures, only you are, get out of the mindset that everyone is judging you all the time. If they do? Fuck 'em. Why are you scared of it?
>>35788812
These are nice words, but that's just what they are: words. I know what you're talking about, people have been telling me this stuff for almost ten years now.
I know what I should do; I know how I should do it. I just can't. Getting up from bed is a torture, imagine leaving my house.
I'm always in a bad mood and my eyes start crying everytime I see something emotional: a young couple, a couple having a kid, someone hugging someone else.
I feel like shit and feel the world is a shithole, but at the same time I kinda know that life is beautiful and I'm wasting it.
>>35788983
Sleeping too much will fuck you up in a bad way, get up at a reasonable time and make an effort to try new things. That probably sounds like everything you've heard before, but it's true.
The world is a shithole, always has been. Try and make the most of what you can. You're holding who you want to be, back.
>>35789208
How can I do anything if I know I'll never be happy? I have 0 motivation. I go to sleep around 5 am usually
What should I do? Get drunk every night with alcohol until I die?