Who here been fucked since the begining? >>born lower-middle

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>>Move to southwest
>>Go to university directly like an idiot cause I have no idea what im doing
>>really REALLY should have gone to community college instead

>>struggle through school, due in no small part to depression and undiagnosed (at this point) dyslexia
>>at least no one makes fun of me!
>>too self-concious to bother with girls
>>still fat from when I first started gaining a lot of weight in middle school
>>keepontruckin.jpg

>>2008 happens, lose two jobs I had that were paying for school related necessities and food
>>uncle loses his job, but is able to find another (with less pay)
>>he's getting too old for this shit

>> Im involved in a car accident on the highway one day on the way to school
>>got super lucky and made it out alive without serious damage
>>car is totaled; get new car, or apartment and bike?
>>get apartment and bike to alleviate money stress on uncle
>>get decent job, but have to bike, then ride bus 40 miles to get there

>>work is awesome as it turns out
>>cool boss, cool coworkers, chill place
>>lose weight playing basketball and riding bike
>>have first date, kiss, and sex at 28

>>work decides to cut back on location, lays tons of people off
>>upward mobility job opening in illinois
>>time to move to Illinois in order to avoid layoff
>>second worst decision I ever made..

Stop making excuses retard. Give your life value.

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>>Chicago turns out to be shit
>>Horrible traffic and expensive as fuck
>>Get small place off roosevelt
>>Charmingly old and affordable
>>Whoops, its infested with mice
>>PetRent.scam so no cat

>>job starts out OK, learn a lot
>>corperate desk shill
>>I have five bosess, Bob
>>Job turns out to have no upward mobility
>>contractors have no problem lying
>>should have known
>>3 bosses are fucking annoying, 2 are cool

>>struggle with depression as job gets worse and worse
>>doing more and more work for less money, and benefits which get cut year after year
>>1 of 2 cool bosses leaves, the other transfers departments
>>I have 5 bosses, Bob. 3 assholes, and 2 pajeets whom dont give a fuck about me or know anything about anything

>>cant take workbased depression
>>start hunting for new job
>>a month later I get a new job 40 minutes away
>>fuckyoufuckyoufuckyouyourecoolimout.mov

>>new job is contract position of course
>>whoops corperate merger
>>whoops layoffs
>>whoops sorry your contract is over after 3 months even though you signed for six
>>Relationship Status: NEET

>>Depressed and running out of options and money
>>Job prospects are all too far from where I am, not including traffic hell

>>decide to "fuck it" and leave
>>tell renters I am cutting my lease off a month (1 month) early
>>early termination fee: $2000
>>NoMoney.emoticon
>>Brother says he'll house me back till I get back on my feet
>>have to move back east or die in streets
>>turns out that 14 hour drive isnts that bad..

>>35786967
>mom kills dad

Thanks for reminding me to stay away from schizo bitches, Jesus Christ.

How did she kill him?

I'm enjoying reading this. Honestly OP, I think you did well so far.

I have a similar life story but I'm only 24, still KHHV and probably not going to amount to much

>>35787572

It's sad that OP's dad was very likely a robot and she was his only option.

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>>back in the cold
>>least there's no traffic
>>havent seen brother in 9 years
>>he's cordial and looks the same
>>notices I have a smashed in headlight from when someone backed into me at a supermarket once
>>transfer the small amount of crap I have left that didnt get tossed into a dumpster into some closets in my new room.
>>rooms are tiny, and walls are paper thin

>>fall asleep, wake up 5 hours later
>>GoodGuyBrother_FixesYourCarWhileYouSleep
>>new headlight, and somehow managed to repair bumper damage
>>I can pass inspection and register my car now

>>after 3 weeks, I find a job
>>Job1:JesusFuckingChristTheseGuysAreAssholes!
>>two weeks later, new job
>>Job 2: Help Desk. Guy who likes me and hires me gets fired a day before I officially sign on
>>Older guy who was gonna retire does not
>>EhSeemsCool_AndDoesntAfraidOfAnything
>>Whoops I'm Dyslexic
>>Whoops Im a FuckUp
>>Damn he yells loud when he's pissed
>>Oh yeah, nervous disorder thanks to psycho mom who constantly yelled at me

>>Last 6 months, cause guy is as patient as he is crazy
>>He tells me I either quit, or I get fired
>>Choose to quit obviously
>>Cant tell if I like boss from good times, or hate him from bad times
>>Owners a fox news watching fuckup anyway
>>Why do all these sociopathic, spineless, backstabbing, related-to-owners-family,execs all somehow have hot and sweet wives?
>>Look at bank account and remember that money is a thing I dont have much of.

>>35787658
Absolutely frightening.

Why can't schizos chill the fuck out, why do they always have to spazz out, stab people and shit. Even with voices in my head I'd be able to chill

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>>Home life slowly deteriorates like always
>>Bro-chan's GF is emoitionally volatile korean girl
>>She studies my every move whenever im in her line of sight
>>Reminds me of my mom, execute shiver.bat
>>Brother loves picking on her and pissing her off, but also complains about her anger
>>Seems to hate her, but also doesnt want to leave cause he's a fuckup now at age 40
>>They Deserve Eachother: The Meme!

>>Eventually told to find a new place, as lease is coming up and Korean Barbecue doesnt want me within a 30 mile radius of them
>>3 weeks later make biggest decision of my life

>>Ohey founda coworker roomate! Cheap Rent! Bye!
>>Total lie. Decided to live out of my car so I could get the fuck away from them.

>>Always was scared of being homeless
>>Turns out I'm bizarlly happy as fuck, and cant remember being this happy in a long time
>>Probably cause of the cocktail of cheap mind meds I started taking a couple months prior
>>Find a fucking decent job without even putting in effort somehow
>>Yo!Merger.webm
>>HereWeGoAgainAmigoes!
>>Actually good this time. Stay hired and become fulltime employee

>>REEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeooh hey I have benefits now!
>>Really!? Paid time off? What the fuck do I even do with that?

>>Job ramps up, but am making good money.
>>Can use unisex bathroom at work as person bathroom thanks to office access keys
>>Have to eat fast food till the spring, when I can start firewood cooking meat again
>>Saved up money for the first time in my life cause like no bills
>>Even with car falling apart cause it is also my house
>>But hey, now I know how to fix cars, and know how much the dealergogue rips people off

>>35788022
>Why can't schizos chill the fuck out
>Even with voices in my head I'd be able to chill
What you think schizophrenia is, the voices you're picturing, are not the catalyst to action.
There but for the Grace of God, Anon...

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>>35786967
>>35787204
>>35787521
>>35787978
>>35788359

And that's my blong entre, famalama-dindongs.

Im still fat, and have been gaining weight since Illinois fucked my shit up. Ive proven to myself I can lose weight again though, so maybe Ill be less of a calorie fiend come warm weather.

Yeah, my mom was psycho enough to kill my poor sweet robot dad. She literrally stabbed him in the back one night while they were in bed. Had to call the cops and everything.

0/10. Watching one of your loving parents die sucks ass. Would not recommend.

But otherwise Life's honestly better than I think it's been in over 25 years! I'm going to upgrade to a camper in a couple months, then work on paying off debts and restoring my credit rating. Ill also be saving up for land so I can build and own a cheap comfy cabin and be a comfyboy.

I think ive done well for once, considering I very nearly made the serious decision to kill myself last december. At this point Ive got enough reasons to live, and enough plans and goals I want to execute.

So yes, ive been fucked since the start, but now im becoming less and less fucked...I guess (or hope). Ill post the cabin if I live long enough to finish it. Hopefully at somepoint in the next 6 or 7 years.

>>35788536

Well, I dont know how you managed to English in that matter, but whatevs youre pretty much right (I think).

Schizophrenia isnt just the crazy voices, it's the entire personality and the way the person thinks. I had a sister who was convinced our mom was following her and taking pictures of her...for reasons. Why? Because there was a small plastic cylinder of kodak film sitting on a dish thing in our kitchen that day.

>>35788611
good luck with the camper and cabin

that's about as good as it gets, seems to me

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>>35788697
My English isn't that great, although I was apparently a pretty good writer in school, and it has horrible eccentricities. I'm a schizophrenic (paranoid) which I'm told is often responsible for the degradation of language skills.

I used to try harder to format it in more readable ways; and it can get a little better just because I'm thinking about it, but the amount of focus that it takes is exhausting.

I've always taken a little bit of exception to the notion that "delusions" are all encompassing and bullshit pop-psych stuff like that; I understand that most of my crazy "delusions" aren't probably occurring but that doesn't make them any less real to me.

I know I'm not at great physical threat but I sleep with two loaded handguns on either side of me and barricade the inner doors to my house. I won't consume beverages that don't come out of sealed aluminum cans either. I know that there are a ton of problems with both of those solutions to probably imaginary problems but they don't feel any less real.

I don't know, I was a weird kid but I was never this crazy. I guess what I was trying to say before is as I've slipped into insanity it becomes easier to see how every person crazier than me on the normative scale got there, and I get the states that I've slipped through and into more now.

I don't know what I was trying to say. I honestly believe I would never do anything to harm anyone, so not all schizos are like that, but we're all nuts? Being crazy sucks? I forgot the moral. Maybe you can figure it out.

/blog

>>35788880

>>I've always taken a little bit of exception to the notion that "delusions" are all encompassing and bullshit pop-psych stuff like that; I understand that most of my crazy "delusions" aren't probably occurring but that doesn't make them any less real to me.

This is the worst part of it, cause people who love and care about you have no idea what the fuck to do, what youre going to believe, or how youre going to act.

I wish I could have done something for my mom, even if I had just kept on her to take her meds, which she stopped taking a couple months after we had her evaluated. I was 9 years old though, so I know I was too much of a child to understand or help.

If nothing else, Id just want you to be as happy as you can be with such a condition.

If that means being alone, being on meds or whatever, as long as its not hurting nobody including you, then I would say that would be the best.

I hope you find something comfy and happy if you havent already.