How's depression, /r9k/? Do you think you have hope of leading

>>35771231
i think so

once i get some income, some autonomy, ill have more confidence

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>>35771231
i dunno
i ache dully 24/7

I was/am depressed during my formative years so I don't have a personality and will never be able to get a successful job

>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
I'm 24, so not anymore.

How long have you guys been depressed?
What was the height of your depression?

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I'm 30 so I think the hope/ of leading a normal life has long gone.

It's pretty weird really, I can be relatively normal in mood but the next minute I can fall down into a really depressive state where I want to kill myself which lasts anywhere from a couple hours to a couple weeks onwards.

It's seriously draining sometimes and I just want peace.

>>35771266

Same.

Managed to make it out of college without a friend or having sex once. Not gonna bother fighting it anymore.

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>>35771231
>How's depression, /r9k/?
Very bad, I'm suicidal.
>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
Doubt it but I'm going through therapy now and seeing a psychiatrist soon and if that doesn't work I'm done.
>>35771418
>How long have you guys been depressed?
5 or 6 years I guess but my whole life I've never felt "happy".
>What was the height of your depression?
The past 6 or 8 months have been more painful than I ever could have imagined.

>>35771231
Well it's left me numb more than anything. Fairly certain my prefrontal cortex as shrunken quite a lot. I can't form complete thoughts and verbally express them anymore. I perfer to just rot in this basement until I hang myself

This is the first time I legitimately have believed that I wouldn't want to go back to the mixed-state that I was in before the depression crash even if I could just snap my fingers. Life is a whole thing; can't be bothered.

I just want to wither. It's miserable, it's way better than anything I could possibly imagine. I can't even pretend to want anything else but some mild solitary hedonism, the illusion of immediate bodily security to sooth my paranoid nerves and ultimately a swift death. I am actively trying to cement my position in the gutter.

It's fine.

>>35771231
>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
Nope.

The best outcome I still dare dream is having a simple job with a simple routine that pays "enough" and then living in a simple tiny apt that's clean.

To be honest, I don't think I'm even actually able to feel happy at this point and I don't think I ever will. But so long as things aren't overly difficult, I tend not to feel to sad either. It's mostly when it's all gone in the shitter and I keep getting pressured on all sides.. if there were no pressures, I think I could handle things well. Not happy-well, but ok-well.

>>35772732
please stop believing 4chan memes. if you can think and write coherent thoughts then you're not becoming retarded. verbal communication problems are because of nervousness due to lack of experience.

I've had problems with mental illness me whole life so far. I have no hope of ever being happy.

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>>35771231
>How's depression, /r9k/?
It's depends on the day, some days I feel ok, others I feel suicidal.
>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
Considering that I'm 23, still a khv, not a single irl friend, zero work experience, and I have social anxiety, then I suppose the answer is no. In fact I'm probably more pathetic than anyone I've ever met.

Vidya and anime help me distract myself.

>>35771231
I have autism but not depression :)

>>35771418
Around 10 years now.
Around 5 years after noticing what was going on.
Around 1 year and a half after trying to end it and noticing I'm not even good enough to go through with it.

Now I work out a lot. It helps a lot. Started a new college that's a 5 minute walk from home (financing it in a way that I'll only need to pay for college around 2040 and if I'm still alive by then I'll have made enough to pay the tiny 6% tax on my cheap accounting major).

It's a lot easier to focus on the classes with these 5 minutes trips... 10 years ago i went to a different college and had two daily 1h30m trips, once to get there and again to get back. It was hell and eventually I just stopped going. It didn't help that a ot of the teachers had terrible working ethics and would just flat out not show up or cancel classes 5 minutes before it was time for them so I'd just waste the whole trip, etc...

I don't think I'll ever be happy, but I'm mostly okay with all this if it results in getting a job and being somewhat functional. I'm already sort of a cyborg in which I can interact well with people when I need to, so I don't see why I couldn't ever have a job.

Probably related to it all, but I am unable to sleep unmedicated.

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I lost weight, got /fit/, and started making friends again. But then I realized how little things had actually changed. In fact, I felt even worse than before. It didn't matter how much I tried to make myself look like a normie on the outside. I was still a robot on the inside.
Now I've lost most of what I've worked for in my attempt to break out of this depressing hell. There is no escape, I just keep tumbling back down.

>>35771231
>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
no, I've been trying for like 6 years now and keep failing and ending up back in my parents house.

>>35772898
It's kind of funny, that.

I'm so not used to talking that sometimes when I'm talking, it's like I'm talking too slow, so my brain has the bright idea of creating multiple versions of what I'm say... if it doesn't go and instead start working on what I'll say NEXT.

So sometimes I actually speak like a retard and mix up different sentences and end up with uninteligible gibberish. It'd probably be endearing if I was a cute girl, though, but I'm not.

It happens more often if I'm sleepy and it only happens if I'm talking to someone I feel safe talking to. So it doesn't ruin my life very much. Still weird and uncomfortable.

I've been on drugs for 17 years or so now. Countless Psychs and therapists. Not a single one has helped. Therapy hasn't helped. I don't know what to do anymore. I've gotten fit, I've gotten "friends", I even had a girlfriend for a period of time.

yet every single day I want to grab my 45 and blow my brains out. its the first and last thing I think of every day.


I am going to have electroshock therapy soon and hope to god it does something.

It hurts inside seeing people post success stories.

>>35772984
It's not about changing yourself. You'll always be you. But you can be the you that feels better about himself and therefore suffers less from the depression that will never leave.

Not only that, but losing weight and working out are two things that are GREAT stress relievers. And then if you keep working out and you see progress... we are programmed to feel happy when we get progress. It won't last long, but it's nice to get these little happy snacks.

Please don't stop. It's not about the others, it's just you. It's okay if you want to stop pretending, but don't stop these activities. They really help. You must still remember how you felt doing them.

>>35772898
It's not a meme. There's evidence. But you're just gonna dismiss it and tell me to 'be myself' more
Is there a site other than wizardchan that's not full of normies anymore?

>>35773068
where is the evidence? btw i was a neet for 8 years and started my career after, i wouldn't have been able to if that bullshit were true.

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>>35772470
At least we have anime :3

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>>35771231

Man, I am honestly trying but I can't even express what I'm really miserable about even in a place like this. It's like I can mask it good and pretend to be normal but you can only do so much until someone notices it. All the people around me are doing better than I am and saying "Oh well that's their life and you live on a different pacing." It's fucking hard man. It's really fucking hard, like I almost wish my body was controlled by someone else because I honestly think they'll do better at being me than me. Like if you're in control of yourself, everything fucks up. I'm babbling but I'm trying to understand this feeling. It feels like I'm walking slowly past mines and that I have to be careful not to make a bad impression on others.

I hate how I look, I hate how even though my last job was shitty I had pretty decent checks and I could have combined that with my 2nd job to invest in something, I hate how every little thing I did before could have been beneficial but I just ignored the signs. People tell me not to suppress your emotions but I cannot trust anyone enough fully not because they might be an asshole but because they won't understand it "deeply" unless they were me. They will only spout the same aforementioned signs. What the fuck is the point in being alive? Everyone is doing better anyways. Like, enough is enough already, let me have a sense of peace. I'm tired of my mind feeling like it has a doomsday clock that'll finish and something severely terrible will happen to me. I don't have a proper sense of enjoyment anymore, hell I forgot what that feels like. I miss that. what the fuck does God or whatever is up there want with me? I'm just a tall, lankly, fugly spic who likes anime and costumed fighters that makes things blow up.

I really have nothing else unique to me.

>>35773143
www ncbi.nlm.nih gov/pmc/articles/PMC60045/

news.yale.edu/2012/08/12/yale-team-discovers-how-stress-and-depression-can-shrink-brain

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC39458/pdf/pnas01516-0203.pdf

>>35771418
>How long have you guys been depressed?

About 15 years now.

>What was the height of your depression?

Maybe about 6 months ago, that was the closest I've gotten to killing myself.

I wish I could die in my sleep.

But part of me wants to keep on living solely to continue watching new Anime shows.

>>35771418
>How long have you guys been depressed?
About a decade, maybe a little more. I just thought I was being a moody little shit growing up. Then one day I was talking with some friends and I realized something that blew me away. See, all this time I figured everyone was like me, really sad but just hiding it. Then I realized that feeling like that is abnormal and people actually feel alright most of the time.

>What was the height of your depression?
I reach new heights everyday anon! Being jobless and out of college means I have nothing to distract from my inner thoughts, even if the distractions were causes themselves.

>want to put gun to my head
>dont want to hurt those near and dear to me
>cant put gun to my head

I hate this

>>35771231

I don't fucking know what a normal life would feel like. depression fucks you up mentally. Like the frontal lube of the brain to midbrain is clouded that I often forget things and I can only explain them in weird hand gestures. It's like something or someone is warning me about a really ridiculous scenario THAT COULD happen but won't and that feeling is just there to scare me. I keep forgetting things that are like 1 second in my mind and I've recovering from a 4-year depression after I flunked out of School. I can't explain anymore, it's just too much to even explain what it feels like.

>>35771231

>How's depression

Video related.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AaQqfEsVt4

>>35773437
Ay look it's me! I just have that one person that I know would actually care that I died and I could not put them through that no matter how worthless I feel I am. Kind of a weird paradox since their words of comfort feel empty, but the potential of hurting them messes with me. We're some fucked up people, eh? i remember seeing that webm of a little girl screaming on the phone with dispatcher explaining that her brother shot himself and that fucking hurt me, not that my sister would give a damn. She just randomly screams
>WHY DID YOU DO IT
and she couldn't have been older than like 5. Shit fucking sucks.

>>35771231
I lead a fairly normal life. Post doc in biotech lab. Work parts time (my depression wouldn't allow fulltime), but get paid decent enough. Cyborg, so not a wizard, but will be forever alone. Go to gym 4 days a week. Have acquaintances (that think we are friends). Get invited to parties/social stuff. Have zero social interaction problems, actually people really like having me around.

On mertazapine now. It doesn't do anything for depression or anxiety (the clonazers help with anxiety). I will prob add a tricyuclic in a few weeks (ssris and nsris always had awfule side effects, with not positive effects).

I need to bring up possibly getting electroshock therapy to my psych again.

I fantacize about having an insulin pump, but filled with some kind of opiate (the only time i feel human is when i take an opiate) that slowly but constantly delivers it to my system, but not enough to encounter the tolerance/chasing the dragon thing.

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>>35771231
I only feel happy during the stage 1 mania when I don't get sleep and that only happens rarely. I think I know when the stage 2 happens now so maybe i'll get sleep if I feel that. I don't know how normies can go for 3 plus days without sleep.
being a neet is alright. I envision the prison of my room not as a jail but as a panopticon. Novelty will always be novelty, which also keeps me in a state of arrested attention. Because of bad sleep cycles I always have low energy. Coffee can keep me awake but I don't feel how I felt when I was fit. To me depression is just feeling tiredness specifically in the muscles that control the smile and the shoulders, and whatever you feel in your forehead when you experience bad lighting for long. I just realized that I never looked at ways to create energy. I just learned that apparently you can't create energy. I should have have encouraged the word vitality instead of energy, I was conned into thinking it just had to do with chinese tiger dicks. All pictures illustrating vitality show being out in the sun. I struggle with the problem of going outside because I want to do things inside my room more than I want to be outside. I want to do things inside my room more than I want to be vital. Doing the things inside my room is my ambition. I never consider suicide because I ambitious and I want my ambition to be fulfilled.

I just jerked off all day but I was productive last week.

I am getting my dosis raised. 10->15mg now, I will end up at 20mg of that anti depressant.
However I think alot of it comes from other stuff.

Has anybody here tried therapy during medication for depression?
I had 3 settings prior, but it didn't really help me and got send to a psychatrist.

>>35771231
I really like this image. It makes me want a gf more than anything I've ever seen or read here.

>>35771231
Are you faggots are even sure if you have depression?

Two of the depressed people that i know told me that they only sleep and do useless shit that takes no energy.
Hard to explain what they feel like.

You sure you faggot aren't just sad?

>>35774965
>they only sleep and do useless shit that takes no energy
this has been my life since I was 14

>>35774965
>talking to humans irl
>depressed
No

>>35771261
This. I didn't even got help from the outside as a teenager, my parents (worker without any academic background) even screamed at me and call me lazy, even if I had obviously a psychological problem (I've even cut my arms). And now everyone is wondered why I am 23, virgin, have no friends and cry sometimes 2 hours straight a day.

p bad, I think im starting to not have fun with vidya anymore.
how do I have fun with video games again please someone help please.

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>>35771231
>How's depression, /r9k/?

Not good, I oversleep everyday and still feel so exhausted, I barely eat, sometimes I don't eat at all, I struggle to think clearly, I never do anything, my room is a mess, and I spend most of my time crying or staring at my ceiling. Sometimes I'll try to play some vidya or go for a walk to try to waste some time and keep myself occupied.

>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?

No, I expect to end up homeless but my hope is that I can rot here in my room until I finally decide that I've had enough of my mother's shit and redecorate the walls with my brain.

>>35775103
The ones that i met were on medication and were for a good amount of years in therapy

>>35771231
I'm pretty depressed but i'll be okay, i don't think i'll kill myself and as long as i'm alive there's always a chance for me to be happy.

>>35775163
take a break
i was bored of vidya but after my pc crashed
i had non voluntary 5 months break (i am poor)

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>How's depression, /r9k/?
Fuckin me up desu, I'm in the process of just dropping out of college because i cant take it anymore and dont see the point in it
Also fucked me up with pretty bad executive dysfunction and no appetite at all so i lost around 10 kgs in under 2 months

>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
I really dont think so i cant imagine myself getting some stupid job i hate just so i cant earn money to survive when i dont really wanna be alive in the first place most of the time

>How long have you guys been depressed?
For as long as i can remember i felt disconnected from everyone around me and just really numb in regards of emotions and relationships with other ppl. Hopelessness and a blatant regard of my own safety due to passive suicidality have also been long time companions since my childhood

>What was the height of your depression?
Last year when i was about to off myself and my family put me in a psych ward for about 3 months

But now just getting through the day is a huge fight for me and i really dont see any chance at this gettig better at all

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>>35771231
i dont want to be alive but im scared of death
games don't feel the same anymore, i feel like im losing my taste for some foods, even booze doesn't feel as good anymore
im seeing a psych and im currently cycling off my meds to try new ones but i don't think they're going to help.

i don't want anything in life, i'm so starved of genuine human contact that i don't even feel like i want it anymore. everything just feels dull, like a wash of grey over my brain. i can't imagine i'll ever lead a 'normal' life, honestly i hope that something kills me before i have to make that choice

Shrink told me I should probably be on antidepressants. That's probably my only shot.

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>was depressed through most of my life
>begin binging on adderall because of muh add
>end up more depressed due to hyperfocusing on negative thoughts
>a year later decide to fall for the antidepressant meme
>try wellbutrin but due to mania brought on by stim abuse decide to start using research chemicals I found online
>end up irrevocably fucking up my nuerochemistry
>become hollow husk of former self with no emotional attachment to previous memories
>can no longer form clear deep thoughts like before just spiraling through life in constant state of drug induced depersonilsation
>cant feel emotions as well as before everything feels fake
>sabotaged own intelligence, have to live rest of life like this
>mother diagnosed with cancer is making things a million times worse

if she passes away then I am gonna follow suit I have lived enough and have indulged in too many drugs too ever be able to feel anything authentic.

>>35771418
>How's depression, /r9k/?
Bad. This past year and a half and been total hell. Nothing I do seems to make it better. The thoughts never stop.
>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
Yeah, I have opportunities afforded to me. I just don't take them because I'm an unprofessional faggot who can't submit his pride long enough to wear a suit for some dude who doesn't care about me every day.
>How long have you guys been depressed?
It's been very bad for about 2 years now, I believe. Started with the breakup of my first and only real love and it's been spiraling ever since. Before that, it was manageable, and I didn't even think I had depression before that.
>What was the height of your depression?
When I wrote a list of all the reasons I hated myself and concluded that my life will most likely be taken by my own hand someday. The chances of me dying happy and with company I admire are pretty slim, I think.

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>>35771231
Hope? Why would there be anything like that.
No matter how much I change, no matter what I do, no matter what my life choices are, life will ALWAYS be the same. Life is extremely boring, absolutely nothing matters, and it's only getting worse as time goes on.

Pretty bad. Can't even afford a therapist. If trips, I'll kill myself.

>>35771231
I play osrs 18hours per day

>>35773030
Hate to tell you but drugs just make things worse, the occasional person can have some relatively short term results, but everyone gets fucked over in the long run. I have severe adhd and took ritalin for the first 4 or so years of highschool - it ruined my social life, made me underweight and short (under eating and diarrhea i got from it), basically I have few friends now and really struggle to even talk to people, apart from getting closes to an old highschool aquaintance because we share a class at uni, I haven't made new friends in years.

to anyone else reading this, please don't fall for the drug jew. Take as much therapy and feel good alcohol or skydiving or gaming as much as you want, but don't touch pills - they make everything worse. Discipline is always better than drugs and artificial mental hygiene, just learn from the mistakes of myself and >>35773030, don't touch drugs (weed might be ok depending on who you are) with a 10ft pole.

>>35771231
Not a single chance. I'm severely depressed and I have gender dysphoria so in order to feel a little better about my self I have to become a tranny freak.

>>35776805
>i have to become a tranny freak

Don't fall for this meme god, I wish psychiatrists weren't so fucking incompetent and would learn proper treatment instead of treating trannies the "easy way". Transitioning is literally giving into a delusion and feeding a mental illness.

Consider going about things another way, anon.

I may be able to lead a decently comfortable life in the future.

But that would just be me having a decent paying job and the such. Friends, romantic relationships, bullshit involving the community and all? I doubt I could ever manage that.

>>35776822
Been on antidepressants basically my whole life and I still feel this way. I don't know what else would help honestly.

>>35776883
Antidepressants are fucking shit, SSRI's at least.

I'm not even shitposting but lifestyle changes in general help with lots of mental health issues, anxiety, depression, even things like bi-polar / schizophrenia. Changing your diet / exercising will make a big impact over time, it'not easy and it won't be overnight but it does work.

As for the gender dysphoria, I can't really suggest what to do as much as I can what NOT to do, I honestly think "transitioning" is such a horrible treatment method.

Think about it in layman terms, gender dypshoria is recognized as a mental illness, the mental illness makes an individual believe they are the opposite gender / should be male when they are female etc. Doctors / Psych's "treat" this by suggesting they start HRT and "change" their gender.

This is literally feeding a delusion and giving in to a mental illness, it's almost comparable with a schizophrenic who is convinced he can fly so his Psychiatrist suggests he goes outside and flies.

There's a reason a massive percentage of people who transition commit suicide and that reason is because they're still mentally ill.

God I fucking hate so much and how being a tranny has been normalized and wanting to be the opposite gender is "cool and should be treated as something not to be ashamed of".

It's literally glorifying a mental health condition.

My gf must have it pretty rough right now

>Mom just went on hospice for end stage cancer
>Hates living in this state (Idaho)
>Pregnant
>Wants to abort
>Working night shift, not much social interaction outside of work
>Gaining weight because pregnant and bad diet, makes her feel worse because self image

Gotta suck being in her shoes right now. Doing what I can to be supportive but god damn it gets tough. She spent her last 8 days off from work literally in the bedroom watching TV and sleeping the entire time. I don't even know if she got out of the house at all the entire time. I'm genuinely worried desu

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>>35776528
What RC did you do?
I had a pretty similar life, overused speed and other shit and ended in a rehabilitation center for 9 months where they gave me tons of drugs that fucked me even more (was a literal zombie for 5 months), now i dont have any drive and i am convinced that i fucked up my brain for good.
Used to workout and do ton of stuff but now i dont have energy to look for a job, its not depression i broken my brain X(

>>35771231

Yeah. I am getting a grip on things again. I am working on getting my high school diploma so I can apply and do a physics program.

>inb4 underage b&

I am 22 and I dropped out because of the mental illness meme.

I have always done well and I am a few years behind but in the long run it doesn't mean much. I hope to get a masters in physics, maybe a PhD if I think I can do it and enjoy it.

In the end I would like to start a business of my own I think. I feel like I'd be good at it.

>>35771231
Term ended, so it's alright. Seems like my 'depression' only really flairs up much when I have to deal with real life stuff. If I can spend all day on the internet/playing vidya, then I do okay. I basically can't let myself think too much.

>Do you think you have hope of leading a normal life?
lolno. I'm 99% certain that I'm going to kill myself eventually and have 0 hope of living the life I would like to have lived.