What is the dumbest statement you've heard come from

>>35744482

"Girls like it if you cut your dick in half (he meant down the middle) since it feels like 2 dicks at once"

"Math is needed sometimes in life but not things like algebra and geometry."

>>35744482
All my problems come from women.

"Don't bring your problems to work".

>>35744482
"Single payer health care won't work for this country"

"You'll make some woman really happy one day"

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>It gets better

That comment was original.

>>35745036
"I'll post something politically left-leaning in r9k." -You, 2017

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>>35744482
>I got over my depression by just working out and staying positive
>you just gotta get over it
Mfw

>>35744543
Some girls like it though

>>35744482
If it comes from the earth it can't hurt you because it's not made of chemicals.

Black lives matter
>>35745166
Also, nice digits

>>35744543
what is this?
? orginall

>>35745258
but they are right tho... you just don't want to make the effort

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>Man this water really wet
>mfw.jpg

>Trump is a great president

>>35745962
Bitch I ain't sad because I just remembered my favorite cartoons. I have no motivation and no desire to do anything even though the cure for depression is those two things. Those two are core to being human and I lack them. Depressed people aren't even human, just gas us already.

>>35744570
This is literally true unless you're going into a specialized field that relies on stuff like that

>the only thing you own is your body

>>35746003
>le edgy redditor
please leave

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>>35744482
>freedom of speech is allowed as Long as you dont offend anybody

>>35746063
this is also true because your body is the only thing that can not be taken from you

>>35746073
>everyone who hates trump is a redditer/sjw/whatever
This is the second dumbest thing I've heard, coincidentally.

>>35744482
>Women will only like bigger dicks
>ALL women prefer men of taller heights

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>>35746092
> your body is the only thing that can not be taken from you

>implying

>>35746135
>women don't necessarily like bigger dicks
>not all women prefer men of taller heights

>>35746036
Even my construction worker dad uses Trig...

>>35744482
"Wheres the trunk in the back of the car?"

"Are concussions contagious" - some girl in my high school class

>>35746148
>March 16 date rape drugs optimized.jpg
It's the optimized part that scares me the most

>>35744482
What language do you guys speak in England?

>>35745036
I never did get this. I stayed at a hostel and befriended some Italians. They're surprised that US doesn't have universal health care or what ever its called. He broke it down in simple terms for me since I am not that smart.
>"do you pay taxes?"
>"yeah"
>"those taxes are going to roads you'll never drive, buildings you'll never use, used to pay people you'll never meet, and resources you'll probably never use. What's the difference if you pay just another tax you may need some day?"
>"ohhh"

To contribute: "If you keep on doing it you'll get better xD!" I think that's bullshit. I suck at academics and I hate being in college. Good thing I found my place in welding.>>35745055

>>35744482
A billionaire from Manhattan is anti-establishment

>>35744482
i once heard a girl say that a movie was one of her favourites of all time even though she hadnt finished watching
women constantly defending themselves saying men are worse blah blah but i have never heard something THIS fucking stupid come from the mouth of a man

>>35746015
i know, but your buddy is saying that suffering through doing things even without motivation makes you improve. its not a paradox, you still get up from your bed, eat etc without motivation because you make an effort. not saying you should either i dont give two fucks, just explaining why he's right

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>>35744482
I can become a real girl if I just take these pills and cut my penis off

>>35746174
Dude, just google it a bit
You still have a chance even if you are short abd have an average sized penis
Just exaggerate slightly

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>being the CEO of Microsoft doesn't require any skill
>mfw

All women are whores and only want Chad

Not original

>what about the other 15 percent?

Context:"I'm 75 percent sure I'm going."

>>35746660
Clearly they already know where 10% of it's going but their telepathy couldn't detect your plans for the other 15%.

>>35746073
>le edgy poltard

Please die

>>35744482
"You're gay for sucking off that trap"

Trump is a shitty president because he spends his hard earned money on golf instead of using it to give food for the poor.

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>>35744482
Can't decide between these two

>girls like a nice guy who treats her like a princess, they don't care about looks because I know someone that is ugly and has a girlfriend

>if you study hard enough and ignore the bullies, you'll be successful and these bullies will have to work for you

>>35746073
Why are you announcing to everyone that you're an edgy Redditor?

>>35746092
What is slavery or prison or forced labour. I mean come on how did the person who said that not think of any of the above hoooooooly

the terrorist did 911

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"how many genders are there"

"28"

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>>35747052

A beta AND an intellectual infant.

lol that sucks brah

>>35744482
I could fill a book with the dumbest shit I hear daily working retail

>"put that pepsi back that's WAY too much sugar"
>"get you and your brother a sprite instead"

>"fig newtons are good for you because it's basically just fruit"

>"pool chlorine is more expensive than bleach because it's stronger and works better"

>"you're sold out of wild bird food!? my backyard birds will starve"

"Being gay/trans isn't a mental issue."

>"fighting games are just button mashing, and take no skill"
>"I didn't know hot grease would burn me"
>"Asia is in Africa"

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>>35749289
Same

As for me it's the things I have been told repeatedly to " 'deal with' depression"

>"quit acting stupid"
>"grow up"
>"be a man"
>"get help"
--as a final/finite statement as in 'I don't want to swear and end in the moral high ground and no longer want to be, in anyway to be part of this conversation with you ever again, I won't say go fuck yourself, but do not come back' like why even keep it quiet. If you are enraged and know you're going to swear and be toxic. BE TOXIC
--also whenever you seek someone you like and despite having bagage you go out of your way to help them and all they end up saying is
>"you gotta love yourself first"

And this..
>>35746425
>do things without needing a motive
>eat healthy and exercise
>get some sun

THIS IS NOT A universal solution.
And this is BULLSHIT!
Being happy takes more than that. It and it takes even more to remain happy.

Exercise and eating healthier just evolves to finding people doing the same thing, hiding their own selfishness as maintaining the regime will become busy work. The routine then will be diluded fast, even faster when you realize that people who are "fit" are looking for even more! Becoming even more selfish and excuse it as a trophy "I earned this".

THIS IS NOT THE ONLY WAY TO BE HAPPY.

So unless you are a certifiable sociopath, you are part of us, as a human collective, you are part of it, don't be dick and find people who align with your mentality on things, however, DO NOT rely on 2nd hand, less 3rd hand resources to base your beliefs as strong as those you obtain by primaries, this will protect you from making mistakes due to Confirmation Bias.
And you can call me a lethargic fatass or fatty McFattfat (though I am not overweight, I am just not "built"-skinnyfat as you would call it), but I assure you, just because you are a jock, it does not guarantee you happiness, just like getting with somebody, otherwise you will be blinded by your narrow perception of who you believe they are.

>>35744482
It came out of my own mouth.

>"Does the 20 mm final length lens have a focal length of 20 mm?"

Felt like such a retard as soon as I said it. I was trying to ask if there was a mistake in its description, since lenses are usually labeled by their diameter, not the focal length.

>"Oh your wife's from Denmark? What part of Germany is that in?"
>"Oh so she's Denmarkian?"

>>35750143
Woops, I meant "20 mm focal length lens", not "20 mm final length lens". Guess that's the second dumbest thing to ever come out of my mouth.

I really really like this picture
Thanks Lori

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>>35750137
Mfw this post hit the character limit .(_.)

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>"Lel why would you grow pumpkins they are only good for Halloween"

>>35744482
>Be Me
>Be in group work to come up with literary analysis questions on the short story: The Lottery
>Story is about a small town the has a lottery, whom ever wins gets stoned to death.
>I suggest that we should come up the question: "What makes the town's people the antagonist in the story"
>Girl in my group says: "How can they be the antagonist when they don't know any better, it's there culture, they are not at fault".

>They don't know any better
>Their culture
>Not at fault

I bet she has taken too many blue pills.

>>35746036
You almost topped what that girl said in my English class.

>"Did you know Great Gatsby actually lived"

>>35744482
"Why do you drink water?"

Sitting in physics class. Overhear this the first day during meet-n-greet time..
>"What if the sun came out during the night"

"Dude I'm cool, right. I smoke weed but I drink at the same time. Weeds an upper and booze is a downer. They still give me twice the buzz but they cancel out the negatives"

Said to me by some white trash kid who showed up to school high and/or drunk every day. He was 16. Wonder what happened to him? Probably dead tbqh

>>35750137
Most of those statements actually are good ideas. But the problem is that you are lazy piece of shit who does not want to grow up and be a man. And you are too incompetent to actually get some exercise in the sun.

Its not a universal solution, but it is good cure for most people (who are not degnerates). And there is nothing wrong with liking your body improvements.

Kill your self, this is actually the first time I have ever been serious about this. Please do your self a favor and kill your self. If you are going to keep loathing about "muh depression" your just going to keep being a pest. So go away and kill your self.

>>35744482
I hung out with my old neighbour for free weed a lot a couple years ago. He was the single dumbest person I've ever met. Not exaggerating, I'm still often and genuinely surprised he's still alive.

A few of his statements come to mind, but I'll leave you with this one:
>Dawg, it aint be what do it does, but don't do what it be for doing, yo.

Ive found that there is much to learn about people from observing someone lacking not only in education, but an adamant willingness to remain ignorant.

>>35750358
Yes. I am a pest for seeking my own method of happiness. And please do elaborate more on how much you want me dead anon.

Because you're autistic rage fuels me.
If you really wanted me dead then come find me.

>>35750522
Wtf your neighbor was Boomhauer? Lucky ass sumbitch

>>35744482
Was zum Fick hast du gerade uber mich gesagt, du kleine Bitch? Du musst wissen, ich habe die Ausbildung in den Navigierenden Seelowen als bester meiner Klasse abgeschlossen, und ich war involviert in sehr vielen geheimen Missionen mit Al-Kaida, und ich habe uber 300 bestatigte Totungen. Ich bin ausgebildet im Gorilla Kampf, und bin der beste Scharfschutze der gesamten US Streitmacht. Du bist nichts fur mich, nur ein weiteres Ziel. Ich werde dich zum Fick ausloschen mit einer Prazision die du noch nie gesehen hast auf dieser Erde, erinnere dich an meine Worte! Du denkst du kommst davon wenn du uber das Internet Scheisse laberst? Denk nochmals, Ficker. Jetzt gerade kontaktiere ich mein geheimes Netzwerk von Spionen uber die ganze USA verteilt, und deine IP wird gerade zuruckverfolgt also bereitest du dich besser fur den Sturm vor, Made. Der Sturm der das traurige kleine Ding, dass du Leben nennst ausloschen wird. Du bist ficken tot, Kind. Ich kann uberall sein, zu jeder Zeit, und kann dich in uber siebenhundert verschiedenen Wegen umbringen, und das nur mit meinen blossen Handen. Nicht nur bin ich sehr gut trainiert in unbewaffnetem Kampf, ich habe auch Zugang zum gesamten Arsenal der Vereinigten Staaten Marine Korperationen und ich werde es zu dessen vollen Ausmass nutzen um dein jammerliches Arsch vom Gesicht dieses Kontinentes zu entfernen, du kleine Scheisse. Wenn du doch nur gewusst hattest was fur eine unheilige Vergeltung dein kleiner "kleverer" Kommentar dir bringen wird, vielleicht hattest du deine scheiss Zunge gehalten. Aber du konntest es nicht lassen, du hast es nicht gelassen, und jetzt wirst du den Preis bezahlen, du gottverdammter Idiot. Ich werde Wut uber dich scheissen und du wirst darin ertrinken. Du bist scheisse tot, Kindo

>>35750602
>Yes. I am a pest for seeking my own method of happiness.

No your a pest for being one of the hundreds of people who flood /r9k/ with muh depression threads.

>And please do elaborate more on how much you want me dead anon

It was really a recommendation, I personally am not responsible for you and I have no reason to murder you or force to suicide. But if you hate life so much, just fucking end it or grow up and go do something about your pathetic life.

>>35750602
To happiness*

You're also implying that
>I have no job
>No debt
>No cause

And now I think I've found it. I will prove to everyone that there is a correct form of isolation. One in which includes selflessness and life-lasting bonds. Unlike most who marry, have kids and divorce a few years later.

>>35744482
>Just be yourself. Looks and height don't matter. All that matters is confidence :)

>>35750226
tfw no farm qt gf

>>35746313
should had said Muslim

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>"you'll need a good paying job when you decided to acquire a family"
>"when you decide"
>"when"

>>35750603
Nope, Boomhauer was just incomprehensible, this guy was just remarkably dim.

He was a white man who had adopted numerous mannerisms from degenerate black cultures. Besides being the first real life "wigger" I'd ever encountered, he also did a bunch of other really cringy and childish shit.

however, he is currently still with his gf, of at least 3 years now (who is also a complete imbecile, but not ugly in the physical sense), and seems content with his shitty wagecuck job and circle of degenerate friends.

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>>35744482
>if we're in a deficit why dont we just print more money?
t. Stacy from Spanish II

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>>35750710
Tfw no pet jersey cattle

>>35750677
>implaying you're life is any better than mine
I am predespositioned to thinking negatively.
That is pessimism on the basis of being depressed, meanwhile I do not show it.

I may show I am insecure, sure, but that doesn't mean I make others feel like shit because they won't pull me out.

If anything I made my closest friends ditch me because I knew this is something that would intoxicate them.

I'va come to realize that after 6 months of using this site, that you and the millions of visitors love to use 2ndary sources to have an upperhand on others with a biases so strong that they cannot accept anything different.

>>35744482
"Islam is a religion of peace" is probably the dumbest thing i've heard someone say

>>35750602
>you will never be this cringy
it's a good feel

>>35750862
I sometimes have to remind myself that people unironically say this about the most violent mainstream religion and it's not just a meme.

>>35744482
"I don't know where white people come from."
Said by white person

>>35750799
It has nothing with having a bias about what can make a person happy. It has everything to do with flooding /r9k/ with personal woes unless they are bizarre. Nobody gives a shit after a while and it just becomes a collection wasted thread slots.

And honestly, from personal experience actually exercising in sunlight does help, it is not the dumbest advice anyone can give.

>>35750886
>tfw you are part of it

>>35750926
>tfw admitting to browsing /r9k/ often
>talking about how being a chad will make you happy

WEW LAD

>>35750918
The level of stupidity behind that depends on the context.

Not knowing how the white race came to be at all when we all descend from Africa isn't too dumb.

Not knowing what Europe is however is different.

>>35750974
>being mentioned by uneducated white
>statement is not dumb due to lack of context
>thread didn't ask for context
Uwot.

>>35750966
Hey having the body of a chad is not a bad thing. I started working out about three weeks ago and I feel great.

And I actually come to /r9k/ for there "Original" Content and Porn, since this is as close as it gets to old /b/. Hell im not even a degenerate robot.

>>35750763
wtf im vegetarian now

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>>35751041
>having the body of a chad
>old /b/
>not a degenerate robot

You expect me to believe you. Harty kek anon. You really need to rework your argumentative skills before ever thinking of posting here again.

>>35746321
>: "If you keep on doing it you'll get better xD!"
People who try to shift blame onto lack of effort rather than unsolvable biological issues in an attempt to make you feel better are retarded.

>>35750710
Every hole is a gf if you believe.

>Professor, if that's the case with the debt, why don't we just print more money?

>>35751123
.(_.) Mfw that was legit originallu
>am newfag bls no bully

>>35751103
I just like to have a good time, without it being washed into the archives by depressed losers.

But why are you picking on me for not being depressed. Is that how far you have fallen? Well I am not going to rock bottom with you you faggot.

>>35748957
The fact that they SET an abritary number despite being a retardedly large amount is the funniest part.

im working class and a republican

>>35746321

Roads and government workers aren't existing products of a free market

BITCH!!!!

>>35751150
You already have.

At any rate. You will never know how low your "rock bottom" will be with that mentallity.

You think you can't fall and oh you will, and it will hit you, hit you way harder, harder than the 10 inches Tyrone is giving you.

Gotta descend to rise above.

>>35751124
what's funny is that that's exactly what we ARE doing. USD is backed by nothing but faith in the value of the dollar itself.

>>35744482
>the main thing is, it tastes good!

I used to be friends with someone who thought that police taught black people to hold their guns sideways as a form of population control, because the recoil would cause their gun to hit their heads.

>>35744482
>A fight needs two people!

>>35744482
"You are one of the brightest kids I've ever met. You're going to go places."

>>35746370
You've never talked to an anime fan

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>>35746623
you will defend this

A collection of all of the dumbest statements I've ever heard in my entire life have all been uttered in the same place: University.

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>>35747052
>>girls like a nice guy who treats her like a princess, they don't care about looks because I know someone that is ugly and has a girlfriend
I'd go with this one.

>>35744482
"Anime is for faggots"

...unoriginal as expected....

>>35744482
Islam is the religion of peace. No seriously

>>35750137
Depression is fake faggot, stop being such a pussy.

>>35746768
Underfucking rated
Here, take these dubs

>>35744482
"Traps aren't Gay"
https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=JcehDnEWrpY

>>35744482
>I am not religious, but I am spiritual!

>>35746092
>what is beheading

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>>35746599
>women don't mind your physical inadequacy as long as you lie about it

Good argument, anon.

>how do you spell orange?
>proceeds to type "oarnge"

this was one of my best friends btw and he was adult aged when he said that.

>>35750156
I can kind of imagine this.

>"What part of Germany is that in?"
>"Scandinavia"
>"Oh is that where Berlin is"

>>35755340
Thats not dumb though, religious means you follow religion, spiritual means you believe in spiritual mambojambo or you can be agnostic.

"Communism is evil."
"Better dead than red."
"Under communism, you starve to death."
"Stalin was corrupt."

"I won't use the self serve check out at the grocery store because its communist"

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>>35744482
"I take r9k very seriously"

"bernie sanders payed less in taxes than donald trump!!!!"

>>35755523
it's a meme now at this point though. people who say they're spiritual don't practice anything. they literally just say that to save face around religious people.

>i read a page on Buddhism on wiki
>yup, i'm spiritual
>i light candles, i'm spiritual bro

I've watched porn since I was 5, my friend tells me that Asian girls have sideways vaginas and I thought it'd funny to put on my most deadpan voice and say "Whoa you just blew my mind." To this day he thinks I believed him, he laughed so hard I never had the heart to correct him.

Smoking helps with your asthma.

>>35755603
Was that an argument? Like god damn that's stupid.

>>35755460
Yeah but how do you pronounce orange?

I say it like "orange"

>>35755685

yes its literally what people have been using as an argument since donalds 2005 taxes were leaked. I really shouldn't be suprised the people saying "we can't be paying more in taxes" are too stupid to understand how they work

>>35752529
wages measure how easily replaceable you are(Think supply and demand). Your CEO is 300 times harder to replace then you.

>>35755626
It's also something you see on just about every other girl's dating profile along with their horoscope.

>>35744482
>watching judge Judy
>woman accuses man of stealing her purse
>she says there was a phone and $100 in there
>the man says there wasn't any money in the purse
>case is over
>I kek so hard
What a fucking moron.

>>35744482
"Berlin is in China."

"Yeah man during world war 2 hares migrated from Europe and thats why we have bunnys in the states. Evolution man."

>>35755793
Do you truly think so?

Literally anybody can be a CEO. All humans generally have the same brain, it may take longer to change \ adapt neuron links to fire correctly for someone who literally hates running businesses to a CEO but it's all the same.

>>35746321
>>35746321
"Do you pay taxes?"
Yeah.
"Does the government waste the majority of that money on supporting jamal and his 18 kids, or bombing brown people that have nothing to do with you?"
Yeah...
"Do they waste a ton of money on bureaucracy and not actually providing useful services?"
yeah...
"Are politicians corrupt, greedy, and in the pockets of corporations like pharmaceutical companies?"
yeah...
"Do you want your healthcare to be in the hands of these people?"
Uh...

"I believe in god."

poon

>>35756162
> Assuming the person you're talking to trusts the government less than corporations
Not a safe assumption, especially outside the US

>>35744482
Evolution was invented by pokomon

>>35745036
"A single payer system won't drive up prices due to government lobbyist."

>>35756251
Yeah I guess I should have clarified that it was from a strictly american point of view. That anon said he was talking to an italian, and I'm not very well versed on Italian politics, but I just wanted to explain the american logic behind not having a government run health system.

I'm not endorsing either/or, i just thought their logic was kind of stupid.

A girl in sixth grade:

"Why did they count the time backwards before christ?"

>>35744482
>I want to have kids so I can play video games and eat junk food

>>35751257
What happened to you to make you so depressed and retarded?

>>35756086
you win the thread familiano

>>35744482

Me
>I like my flip phone. It fulfills my needs for calling and texting, and it's cheap as fuck. I don't need the extra shit iPhones offer.

Girl
>But Apple created all these new needs for you. Why don't you go ahead and fulfill them?

>>35758243
Did she really say it like that?

If she wasn't being ironic that's some next level lack of self-awareness.

>>35756494
>6th grade
Are you seriously counting something a 12 year old said?

I laughed it off like a normal person instead of memorizing it for some massive shitlist I could post online for no reason.
Sorry, I guess?

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>watching My 600 Pound Life
>fat person: I WANT FRIED RICE
>enabler gf: No, rice is on the list of food you aren't supposed to eat
>fat person: BUT IT'S FRIED
>enabler gf proceeds to order Chinese delivery

I'd love to hear the logic that makes fried rice acceptable for someone who weighs 700 pounds

>>35758243
desu, a smartphone is pretty useful. With mine (paid for by actual Daddy), supplemented with a 300ppi e-ink reader, I don't need to bother with a laptop when abroad for weeks.

>>35758442
Anything that shortens the amount of time they can burden the lives of others is a very good thing.

>what's a meadow?

>>35758388

She really said it like that. The same girl has also said that CEOs who are paid 50 times the salary of a regular worker are many times more knowledgeable and harder workers and thus deserve that pay.

She was just weirdly naive.

>>35756086
yeah but whilst most people could perform to the same standard, it won't be a guarantee that they can produce the same or greater amount of value in a reasonable timeframe

>>35756086
so why are you on r9k
originalli